This is a continuation of the Never Look Back series. I should've come up with a new title, but I kind of like the continuity. Most of Danny's back-story fits in this series. The only thing I'm changing in this new story is that Danny went to law school. I didn't include that before because I didn't know about it yet. This story takes place late in season 2 and progresses very quickly to the events that happened late in Season 3 (Off the Tracks, Endgame).
Obviously, it helps to read the first 3 parts of this story, but to catch you up: Danny has re-connected with his high school love, Katie Mason. She's from a rich, powerful family who has just been brought down in a high-profile missing person's case. Katie's been severely traumatized by the actions of her parents and by her mean, soon-to-be ex-husband. This story will start just weeks after Never Look Back Pt. 3.
Her hands resting on the keys of her laptop, Katie sat at the kitchen table and quietly watched Danny rushing around his apartment in a frenzy. He was looking under seat cushions, checking coat pockets, and sifting through stacks of mail and newspapers that he'd never had time to read.
Catching her staring at him, Danny tossed her an exasperated smirk. "You could help me, you know. I think finishing your resume can wait a few minutes, especially since you can't figure out where to begin anyway," he said in a slightly annoyed, but joking tone.
Katie smiled sweetly at him. "What exactly are we looking for this morning?"
"Handcuffs," he said in a distracted tone. "I usually leave them right next to my gun, and they aren't there."
"Hmmm. Maybe you left them at what's-her-name's." She paused and made an exaggerated gesture of putting her chin into her hand to think. "What was her name, again?" She paused again, her face scrunched thoughtfully. As Danny rolled his eyes, she straightened and exclaimed, "Heather! That's it. Heather!"
Shaking his head, Danny answered. "I didn't leave them anywhere. And I haven't seen Heather in over two weeks. You should know that, since you've been here for two weeks."
Sighing, Katie stood up to help with the search. Danny was right. She didn't know where to begin on her resume. She had a BA in English from Columbia, but no real job skills to go with it. She'd always planned on going to Oxford for graduate work, but her marriage with Eric had gotten in the way of that. Now, faced with trying to live without the support of her wealthy family, Katie was having a hard time deciding what kind of job to pursue.
"Let's see," she said as she started checking in the kitchen. "If I remember correctly, last night you came to the kitchen right after you walked in the door saying you were starving because you'd been working hard all day."
"I did work hard all day. And I thought there was leftover Chinese in the fridge—because that's where I left it the night before—but it was gone," he responded in an overly dramatic tone.
"Sue me. I was hungry and you were late, so I ate the rest of your sesame noodles," she said defensively. "As I was saying, you came straight to the kitchen, and you usually take your gun and put it away as soon as you walk in the door. So, I'm thinking you did that just like usual, but you neglected to put the cuffs in the same place because you were so anxious to eat said sesame noodles. Therefore, Agent Taylor, I deduce that your handcuffs are…" pausing Katie opened the refrigerator door and pointed to the small leather pouch containing the handcuffs. "Case closed, Agent. And here I thought you were this expert at finding the missing." Katie couldn't help but laugh as Danny walked toward her looking more and more annoyed with her teasing.
"Good work," he said grudgingly as he took the cuffs from her. "Let's not forget that you have the benefit of getting a full night's sleep. I, on the other hand, stumbled in here last night after working twenty-four hours straight."
"Excuses, excuses," she said still smiling as they stared at each other for a moment. "Can't you take the morning off or something? I mean, they haven't called with a new case. You could use the rest," she said as her playful tone turned concerned.
"That's not how it works. We work hot cases until they're solved or they turn cold, and then we go in at 8 am the next day no matter what. There's this thing—in the real world—called paperwork and it doesn't get done by itself," he said in a slightly sarcastic tone.
This time she rolled her eyes at his dig about her former well-to-do life. "I'm trying to live in the real world now, Danny. I just have to find someone to hire me, first." She knew he was joking, but she couldn't help but sound a little defensive.
Sensing she had taken the dig a little too seriously, he tilted her chin so she met his gaze. "I know. And I know it's hard. You'll find something. You'll get your life on track. And until then, I'm more than happy to share my sesame noodles with you," he declared with a sweet smile.
For a moment, Katie thought he was going to kiss her. They were caught up in each other's stare, as his finger traced along her jaw line. But instead of a kiss, he leaned in and gave her a peck on her forehead. "See you tonight," he said in a low voice before backing away and heading for the door.
"Be safe," was all Katie could say as he waved at her before closing the door.
The kiss on the forehead wasn't unusual. While he was still somewhat affectionate with her, Danny had set up unspoken boundaries between them after that first night she'd spent in his apartment. It's not that they hadn't talked about it. He'd told her that they should take it slow. He'd said that he was terrified of hurting her after all she'd gone through. It didn't help that she'd basically frozen up on him when they tried to have sex that first night.
So now they were basically just roommates until Katie could find a job and a place to live. The strangest part for Katie was that they still slept together. There was only one bed in his apartment. They'd never even talked about one of them taking the couch. They'd just automatically started sharing the bed. It had reminded Katie of when she'd hidden Danny in her bedroom when they were teenagers—except back then, they would have at least made out before falling asleep. Now, sometimes he'd hold if she were feeling particularly restless, but most of the time, they just slept side by side. It was the most oddly comforting and intimate thing Katie had ever experienced.
There had been a flurry of activity that had occurred after Tracey had been found. Both of her parents had been arrested. She'd spent the last two weeks giving police interviews, depositions, and dodging the media circus that had surrounded the high-profile case. Being at Danny's apartment felt like being in a cocoon. No one knew she was staying there. She hadn't felt this safe in a long time The only time she left his apartment was when she visited the therapist she's starting seeing after she'd separated from Eric. Her marriage to him had truly left her a shell of her former self. She was slowly trying to rebuild her self-esteem through her therapy.
"How's the job hunt going?" Dr. Hanson asked.
"I don't think it can be considered a hunt until I actually start looking. Right now, just leaving the apartment to see you is a chore. Baby steps, remember?" Katie said, restating the advice Dr. Hanson had given her early on.
"You're right. Baby steps are good, but you don't have the same financial security that you did back then. At some point, you have to start supporting yourself. Otherwise, you'll be caught in the same cycle you've just gotten out of."
"I don't see how that's possible, Mary. I mean my life is completely different than it was when I was with Eric or when I was dependent upon my father's money."
"How is it different?" the doctor asked.
"I'm not with Eric anymore. I don't speak to my father and I haven't used his credit cards, or his houses or cars—"
"Maybe you aren't dependent on your father or Eric, but can you say the same for Danny?"
Katie shook her head emphatically and responded in a frustrated tone. "That's completely different. Danny would never—"
"I'm not saying he would ever treat you like Eric or your father treated you, but maybe you are in danger of falling into another dependent relationship with Danny. You're living with him. You said your life lately just consisted of coming here and being at his apartment. Are you going to try to tell me that you hope this living situation won't become permanent?" the doctor asked in a very calm yet direct way.
Taking a deep breath, she answered, "I love Danny. Of course, I would like it to be permanent, but we've talked about it. I've told him that I plan on finding a place of my own."
"Do you really believe that? Or are you hoping that things become so comfortable with him that you never have to leave? A relationship started in this type of circumstance may not be the healthiest choice for you—no matter how nice Danny may be. He's still just a man. He's not perfect."
"I know that. I know he isn't perfect, but he does care about me. And we are building toward something together."
"And I'm saying maybe you need to focus on building yourself before you build with someone else. He can't save you, Katie," the doctor counseled in a sympathetic tone.
"Look, I'm sending out my resume. I'm making an effort to get my life on track. I fully plan on charting my own course, but I don't want to let him go again. I can't let him go again."
The doctor looked at her for a few moments before changing the subject. "Okay, we'll table that for now. Have you heard from Eric?"
Katie shook her head as she stood up from the chair and walked to the window. "You like going from bad to worse, don't you?"
"I'm just covering all the bases."
"I haven't heard from him. Thank God. I don't think he knows where I am—another good thing about staying with Danny. My lawyer says that since I'm not asking for alimony and I've given up my trust fund the divorce should go through fairly fast. I can't wait to get the papers. Then this horrible chapter of my life will really be closed," she said in a small voice as her eyes filled with tears.
"Have you and Danny been able to be intimate since that first night?"
"I thought you were against things moving forward with Danny, and now you're asking if we're intimate?" Katie countered sarcastically.
"I'm not against your relationship with him. I just think you can focus on yourself as well. I also think we still need to explore how what happened with Eric is affecting you in this new relationship."
"Danny and I aren't having sex. He hasn't tried anything with me since that first night. He says he doesn't want to pressure me. He says we should take it slow."
"He sounds like a smart man."
"Yeah…maybe. Or maybe he isn't interested in trying to have sex with someone with sexual hang-ups when he can sleep with 20-year-old aspiring actresses," Katie replied, her voice dripping in sarcasm.
"Katie, in my experience, men don't take women into their home and give them a safe place unless they care. I don't know, Danny, but from what you've said, I think it's pretty clear that he cares a great deal for you."
"I know he cares. I'm just not sure he's really in love with me. I've had sex with him before. He's patient, but he's also someone who has a very healthy appetite. I'm just not sure how long he'll wait if for some reason I can't…" Katie didn't finish the statement. The thought was too difficult to verbalize.
"This is all new to him as well. You're back in his life after ten years apart. Figuring out feelings can take some time. And Katie, if someone really truly cares for you, he'll wait for as long as it takes."
"I never stopped loving him, Dr. Hanson. I never stopped thinking about him. I have journal pages filled with how much I missed him and how much he meant to me. I don't think he's been pining for me in the same way for the last ten years. And now, I just hope he isn't doing this, helping me, to fulfill some obligation he thinks he has to me."
"Sounds like you two have some talking to do."
Rolling her eyes, Katie responded, "Yeah. Now we just have to find the time to do it. He works all the time. And when he comes home, he's exhausted and I don't want to bother him with discussing the state of our relationship. This is all so complicated."
"Let me uncomplicate it for you," Dr. Hanson said matter-of-factly. "Focus on yourself first. Get your house, for lack of a better word, in order. Then talk to Danny. I have a feeling he'll be more open about talking about the future with you if you're feeling more confident about yourself. Got it?"
"Got it." Katie replied quietly.
That night, Danny got home at a reasonable hour. Katie, of course, wanted to talk, but all Danny seemed interested in doing was sitting in front of the TV to watch a baseball game. He'd told her that he hadn't been able to watch one in ages,so she didn't bring up wanting to talk to him. Instead, she sat next to him on the couch and worked on sending her resume out via e-mail.
"Do you think it's wrong that I'm sending my resume to some friends of my parents? I mean if I cut myself off from my family, then maybe I shouldn't contact their friends."
Not taking his eyes off the TV, he answered, "If you subtract all of your family's connections from your job search, then you're not going to have a lot of luck finding a gig in Manhattan. Whether you like it or not, your father knows just about everyone in this city. If I were you, I'd use it to my advantage. I mean you can't change that fact—you might as well use it."
Katie nodded. "You're right. Maybe someone will take pity on me, but God knows, I have no idea what anyone would hire me to do."
This time, Danny glanced at her and gave her a small smile. "Give me break. You're smart. You went to an Ivy League school. I think someone will have a good job for you."
Katie returned the smile before Danny went back to watching the game. They sat in a comfortable silence until Katie read an e-mail that had just appeared in her inbasket.
"Hmmmm. That's interesting," she said to herself.
"What's interesting?" Danny asked even though Katie thought he wasn't listening.
"I sent an e-mail to an old college professor a few days ago. She'd contacted me after all the press my parents got. She, you know, offered her support and sympathy. When I e-mailed her back, I mentioned I was on a job hunt, and she e-mailed me back with an opportunity."
Danny looked up with more focused attention. "What's the opportunity?"
"Well, I mean, it's not really something I'd be interested in now, but at one time in my life—"
"Oxford?" Danny asked.
"How'd you know?" she asked in a surprised tone.
"It's the only thing you ever talked about the first year I knew you. This professor says there's an opportunity there for you?"
"Well, I'd have to apply, but yeah, there's a grad assistant program. I'd work as a grad assistant and take graduate classes."
"That sounds perfect."
"It does?" Katie asked in a surprised tone trying to hide the hurt in her voice.
"It was your dream, Katie. You wanted to study there and then come back here to teach. When you talked about doing that back then, it's what made me think I should go to law school."
"Dreams change, Danny. You went to law school right after college. I'm not a kid anymore. I can't be a student forever."
"You're not even thirty, Katie. How long is the program?"
Katie glanced at the e-mail again. "You can commit to it a year at a time. So if I applied and was accepted for this term, then I would be there for the coming fall and spring terms."
"I think you should talk to this professor. You should apply. What could it hurt?"
Katie was speechless. She didn't know what to say. She wanted to scream at him and say, "Us…it could hurt us." But she didn't, she just smiled and nodded and Danny went back to watching the game.
A few weeks later, Katie returned to the apartment after a Saturday appointment with her therapist. Her emotions were pretty raw from their intense session,so she just wanted to go home and take a nap. When she walked in to the apartment, she saw Danny sitting on the floor with his back against the sofa,pouring over law books and study guides. He'd been doing this almost every free Saturday he'd had since she moved in with him. He'd told her that ever since his brother had been paroled, he'd been thinking about taking the bar exam.
"Hey," he called out to her looking up from the mess. "How was your session?"
Katie walked in, got a water bottle out of the refrigerator,and took out two aspirins from the bottle in her purse.
"That good, huh?" Danny remarked as he watched her movements. "You want to talk about it?"
"You look busy," Katie finally responded. "I'm really tired. I'm going to lie down for a while."
"Okay," he said hesitantly. "Before you do that, though, you may want to take a look at your mail. You got something from Oxford this morning."
Walking over to the kitchen table, she let out a deep breath as she picked up the envelope. "I can't believe they're getting back to me so soon," she said almost to herself.
"You said that professor had connections. Maybe she pushed your application through."
"Maybe," Katie said as she opened the envelope. Sitting down on the kitchen chair, she started to read the contents of the envelope. She could feel Danny's eyes on her as she read the letter. Biting her lip to hold back her tears, she said, "They've accepted me. I can start in the fall, if I want it."
Before she finished, Danny was standing and walking towards her. "That's great, baby. Congratulations," he said as he pulled her up into a warm embrace.
A few tears fell from her eyes as he held her, she quickly wiped them away so he wouldn't see how upset she was. She'd been hoping that Oxford wouldn't accept her. As great of opportunity as it was, she couldn't imagine being away from Danny for a year.