Play opens. A dark room with the walls painted red. An ornate table in the centre of the stage, and an equally ornate armchair on which a man dressed in a black suit and red tie is sleeping on. He is sleeping with his arms on either side of the chair and his leather shoe-clad feet on the table. The dark red walls are covered in black spider webs. The only source of light other than the stage lights is a candle on the table beside the man's feet. The man is Benedict Frostweb. A doorbell rings and he jolts awake. He stares at the source of the sound for five seconds, before his expression changes to that of mischief.
Benedict: Come in, my dear.
The sound of a door opening is heard and a woman steps in, stopping at the side of the stage. She is dressed in what seems to be a dress made out of black spiderwebs. She is Betty Frostweb.
Benedict: Betty.
Betty: Benedict.
Betty pulls out a little plastic spider from the depths of her black gown and holds it out in her palm. Benedict rises to take it. As he nears her she quickly runs behind him and sits on the armchair. Benedict starts laughing. She shrug and crosses her legs, intertwining her fingers and staring up at Benedict. He turns and walks towards her slowly, his shoes sounding on the floor. The doorbell rings. Benedict stops sharply.
Betty: Bends to look at the door Come in!
A man dressed in a white laboratory coat steps in. He wears an armband on his right arm with a silhouette of a black widow spider on it. His hair has patches of white in it. He is Professor Arachnid. Professor Arachnid gives a shocked, startled expression at the strangeness of the environment and gingerly makes his way around, examining it worriedly. Benedict never takes his eyes off the him. Betty reaches into one of her pockets and pulls out a cigarette, bending forward to light it on the candle flame.
Professor Arachnid: Strange...
Betty: Sharply Very. What do you suppose we do, Professor Arachnid?
Professor Arachnid: I don't know...
Benedict: Who are you?
Betty: Me?
Benedict: No, him.
Professer Arachnid: Stops right in front of Benedict and examines his face And what in god's name are you?
Betty: Your worst nightmare.
Benedict pushes the Professor away and grabs Betty by the arm, pulling her to the side of the stage.
Betty: Benedi-
Benedict: Who the hell is he?
Betty: Professor Arachnid! He's here to help me!
Benedict: Me?
Betty: Me.
Benedict: Well what about me?
Betty: You?
Benedict: He's here to help you but what about me?
Silence. Both of them stare at each other, Benedict expecting an answer. Professor Arachnid breaks the silence.
Professor Arachnid: This, chair..
Betty glares at Benedict and wretches her arm away, going back to Professor Arachnid. Betty and Professor Arachnid stare at the armchair.
Betty: The chair.
Professor Arachnid: A very big...
Betty: Problem. It must be...
Professor Arachnid: Fixed... I'll get my...
Betty: Looks up hopefully Tool?
Benedict: To Professor Arachnid: Look, you need to...go away. Just...leave us alone.
Professor Arachnid ignores him and contemplates what to do with the chair. Betty walks over to an utterly confused Benedict and lets him have the first puff of the cigarette.
Professor Arachnid: Is there any, very disturbing problem you have Betty? One that needs fixing immediately?
Betty: Well...
Benedict blows out cigarette smoke. He sways dangerously and drops to the floor in a dead faint. Betty smiles.
Betty: No.
Professor Arachnid steps over Benedict's dead body and walks towards the door. Betty follows him. They converse as they near the door.
Professor Arachnid: I'll send my men over to have a look at that chair.
Betty: Must they be men?
Professor Arachnid: I'll send my women over if that's what you prefer.
Betty: That shall be fine...
Professor Arachnid: Stops at the side of the stage Goodbye, my dear. Kisses Betty Frostweb on the cheek
Betty: Goodbye Professor.
Professor Arachnid leaves the stage. Betty walks to the armchair, stepping over Benedict's dead body. She sits on the armchair and adjusts her gown, before pulling out a pair of knitting needles and black yarn out from behind the armchair and knitting a new spiderweb. She rests her feet on the table and chuckles.
Betty: Chair...men...
The stage lights fade out and the play ends.