A/N: This is my first fanfic ever so please be patient. I welcome positive feedback as well as constructive criticism. I'm excited to share this with you all, it's mainly a semi slow-burn Jopper fic but there will be many other characters/relationships involved (i.e. plenty of feels for everyone being a huge family). If I stick to the brief outline I've created this will be the first of 12 chapters and I plan on at least weekly updates. First 3 chapters will be mostly canon-compliant recaps of seasons one and two, with my interpretation of the character(s) thoughts at the time, and then chapter 4 and beyond is a continuation (although probably not a realistic one since I only focus on character/relationship development and no monsters or parts of the upside down return because these people deserve a goddamn break). Rated T for occasional language throughout as well as kissing and later themes of drinking/domestic violence. If there's anything potentially triggering in a specific chapter I'll add a warning at the top. This chapter is a fairly short one to begin, most later ones will hopefully be a little longer. Sorry in advance for the horrible pun in the first paragraph, I couldn't resist. Enjoy! :)
Maybe, Sort of, Accidentally - Chapter 1
Hole In Your Heart
After the death of his daughter, Jim Hopper was not, generally speaking, a man noted for his relationship skills or expression of sentiment. At least, not until a series of strange things began to happen far too quickly for his liking, and they just kept getting stranger and stranger.
It started when Will Byers disappeared. That in itself was unusual, since Hawkins was a quiet town. Boring as hell, to tell the truth. That was the way he liked it, because boring meant going through the same monotonous actions every day. By conforming to a routine, he didn't have to think or remember, because remembering was pain. And pain was a part of this bullshit concept called having feelings. Hopper was not a fan of feelings for obvious reasons, because feelings left you vulnerable, and ultimately they would only create a hole in your heart that seemed impossible to fill. At least, that's what he told himself.
Yet somehow, he maybe, sort of, accidentally found himself looking for Will. Really looking, despite his best instincts that Joyce Byers was insane and the kid was already beyond reach. It was because of this that he maybe, sort of, accidentally found himself breaking into a secure government lab, discovering a fake body, and ending up in the middle of a web of conspiracy cover-ups, kids with telekinesis, parallel dimensions, and a lot of other shit that should only happen in horror movies. This turned out to be a horror movie in real life. And somehow, in the middle of all this, he maybe, sort of, accidentally fell in love with Joyce Byers.
No, that wasn't completely true. These events only further confirmed that he had never really stopped loving the feisty girl in the back of his English class who could fill up an entire room with her presence (despite her lack of height) and who happened to have a passion for cigarettes. He simply needed a little reminder of this fact.
He had been in love with Joyce Byers since high school. He only tried to push it aside for a long time. When he came back to Hawkins consumed with grief over Sarah, he had tried to avoid her since they had not been in a good place when he left. But the run-in was inevitable. Seeing her again was like when you smell something specific and your brain transports you back to a memory associated with that scent. He saw her and all the sudden he was a teenager again, holding onto her like she was the only thing keeping him sane (which she was, in a way).
But he couldn't hold her now, he couldn't kiss her, they couldn't be teenagers again because they both been through hell and back and the world wasn't that easy anymore. He was broken, and so was she, and there could never be anything between them because neither could risk more heartbreak. So as beautiful as she was, he refused to admit (even to himself) that he felt anything for her for a long time after his return. He turned to drinking and sleeping around, trying every way to fill the hole in his heart except the way that would actually work. It wasn't until Will disappeared, when he started seeing her again on an almost daily basis, that he couldn't lie to himself anymore. Fuck. He was so screwed.
Joyce was always in the back of his mind, his feelings taunting him, though he still refused to acknowledge the true depth of them. The promises he made to himself that he would stay away temporarily won out because his attention was mostly focused elsewhere for a while. Once Will was safe and the monster was gone, things went back to "normal," but for those who had been closely involved in the events normal would never truly return. Especially for Jim Hopper. Because at the end of the real-life horror movie - or at least the first part of it - Hopper maybe, sort of, accidentally found himself with a daughter. Or at least, a kid who would eventually become a daughter to him and help him take the first step towards filling the hole in his heart.