The Last Lullaby

The Return

Chapter 1

"No, I can't do this," I breathed, standing up and walking away from the bed.

"What's wrong Spencer?" she asked, following me.

"You broke my heart before Ashley. I was so in love with you, and you broke me…"

"Was?"

"It's too much. This all just hurts too much," I choked, covering my mouth.

"It's going to be different this time. You know it will. I love you Spence! I want you and only you," Ashley begged, tracing a line down my arm. I shook my head, trying my best to fight back the tears as I pulled away.

"That's not enough anymore…"

"Spencer, don't do this," she pleaded.

"I'm sorry…"

"Get out of my head!" I mumbled to myself, my eyes burning with the lack of sleep. It was bad enough that I yearned for her touch every second, but every memory of her still haunted me. Even though she had moved away three months ago, I still stared at her picture until my brain finally cut me off. A day with out thinking of her was as bad as a full lifetime of withdrawal.

"I love you Spencer," she breathed, her warm breath caressing my skin.

"No! Stop, s-stop, stop! Please…" I begged, curling myself tighter together.

"Spencer?" I looked up, spotting Glen leaning into the room. "Don't cry Spencer," he sighed, walking over to the bed and propping me up. "When was the last time you ate something?"

"Saturday maybe?" I said, trying to steady myself.

"That was four days ago Spencer. I overheard mom talking to dad about checking you into the hospital if you don't start eating better: or at least gaining some sort of weight," he preached, his voice coated in worry. I punched him in the shoulder.

"I'm fine. See? I can still punch! I'm still here. And plus, there's no need to check me into a hospital Glen. You know that," I said, smiling and tilting my head to the side.

"Who's checking whom into a hospital?" someone asked. Aiden was leaning curiously against the doorframe, smiling cautiously over at us.

"Aiden, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I need to talk to you about something," he mumbled, frowning as his premature lines deepened.

"I'll go make you some soup or something Spence," Glen said, leaning me back onto the pillow. I smiled and waved him away. "Later Aiden."

"Yeah later," Aiden replied, watching Glen leave the room, shutting the door behind him. He turned to look back at me. "Wow Spencer, I saw you last week and you looked a lot better then you do now…"

"Gee thanks Aiden," I scoffed.

"Seriously Spencer, when was the last time you ate something? And don't sugar coat anything from me."

"A little over a week…" I admitted slowly.

"Are you being serious right now? Spencer, if you don't eat something soon then you could get really sick," he gasped, kneeling by the bed.

"Don't even start with me, you're not my mother. Or father for that matter. Now what do you want?"

"Spencer, is this because of Ashley? Who am I kidding? Spencer, you need to let it go. Pease, before you kill yourself."

"I have nothing to let go. Plus even if I did need to let go, do you think I honestly could?" I said, emotion slipping into my voice.

"No."

"Aiden, I appreciate the concern but I'm fine. Now really, what do you want?"

"I have to go in a little bit but…I actually needed to tell you something about Ashley. Something that I know you probably don't want to hear. Especially now," Aiden replied in a quiet whisper.

"What is it?" I asked suspiciously, fearing that I already knew the answer.

"Ashley's back in town." Aiden's words were like a blow to the chest, knocking the air right out of me. I felt my heart drop in my chest and stored tears welled up around my eyes.

"What…"

"And she's also going to be coming by later. Here I mean. Your parents have arranged it and everything Spencer. They want you to have closure," Aiden sighed. I clutched at his arm with whatever force I had left in me.

"Aiden, I can't see her. You know I can't see her. And she can't see me like this. I just…" I trailed off, lost in my own horror.

"I know Spencer, but I think you should. I know this is a really big shock and all but, I actually have to go. I'm picking up Kaylee form the airport and I'm already late." I was silent, unable to find the right words. "Spencer?"

"Just…go…" I breathed.

"I'll be back tomorrow morning…"

"Whatever…"

Chapter 2

I'm the tough girl, the sturdy girl, and the confident girl. If that's true, then why has my confidence dropped, my heart rate been reduced to flutters, and my whole body turned to jell-O?

"I still can't believe you're mine Spencer," I sighed happily, kissing her nose. She smiled that crooked smile at me, her blue eyes flashing pure love.

"I could say the same thing," she laughed. I brushed her hair behind her ear to get a better look at her face. Her angelic face. The one that was in my dreams every night.

I frowned suddenly, "Yes but, I'm the lucky one. You're so amazing Spence, and I'm well, a screw up. I've hurt you before and I just—" She leaned in kissing me softly on the lips to silence me.

"I love you Ashley. I love you and I'll always love you. We all make mistakes. And for once I've made the right choice. The one that lead me to you."

"Oh Spencer. I promise, I'll never hurt you again, and I'll never let you go. Never…"

My heart cracked again as my head filled with sweet memories. Sweet and painful memories, that followed me from day to day.

"I'm coming for you Spencer. I'm coming for you…" I mumbled. When Spencer's mom had called me, it was one of the most shocking days of my life. For a second, I thought she was calling to tell me that Spencer was dead. What other reason would she have to call me? She hated me. And I hated her. It was a simple system we lived by.

But no, Spencer wasn't dead. Not yet anyways, but as far as they could tell, she was on her way. When her mother described her condition, I could feel both a painful jolt of electricity as well as anger towards myself, boiling within me. She begged me to come, to fix things, even if that meant allowing Spence and I to be together with her blessing. I seriously doubted that could happen, but I wasn't about to let our grudges getting in the way of Spencer's safety. Never.

I flicked on my directional, turning onto Spencer's street. Her house appeared like a ghost in a dream. It may have only been three months away from her, but I still saw everything in a blur. Everywhere I looked I saw her. Kissing me gently against the front door, holding hands on the porch, or blowing me kisses, as I would drive away. How I had missed LA.

The door swung open suddenly and Mr. C stepped outside, smiling at me. There was something different about him however. It was as though three months had aged him five years. His lines were deep with worry and I couldn't help but see the panic in his eyes.

"Ashley! How are you?" he asked, pulling me into an awkward hug.

"Hey Mr. C. I'm good. Is…Spencer here?" I replied, looking away hurriedly.

"She's been in bed all week, so she'll be in her room," he said, holding open the door for me. I walked in cautiously, glancing back at me. He glanced up the stairway and nodded for me to go ahead. I did, gliding up the stairs as quietly as I could. Spencer's room lay at the end of the hallway, and I opened her door slowly, peeking my head inside.

She was asleep on the bed her face covered in sweat. Her skin had faded from a natural pink to a grey death that loomed over her. Her whole body was limp and skinny as if she had been neglected and I found her almost too fragile to touch. Once a goddess had now become a fallen angel. My heart broke as I fell to my knees beside her, horrified by what time apart had done to my other half.

"Spencer?" I whispered, pulling hair away form her eyes. "Spencer, it's me. Wake up. Please…" She didn't even shift in her sleep. Was she even breathing? I checked her stomach, watching as it rose and sunk unnaturally. "Oh Spencer, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much that you've been reduced to this broken heap. I'm sorry I left when things got hard between us, afraid of my own passion for you. I'm so sorry…" I choked, brushing my hand against her cheek. She smiled in her sleep, her hand moving up to grab mine. Our fingers intertwined immediately, and I held my breath to keep from crying. "Spencer?" She just lay there, smiling with my hand pressed against her face. Her hands were icy and a clammy sickness covered them.

"I love you…" she mumbled quietly.

I leaned in closer to her, whispering in her ear, "I love you too Spencer. I love you with all my heart my soul and my mind. You are the only one for me, and I'm so sorry for everything."

"You shouldn't…be sorry Ash." My heart skipped a beat as she muttered my name. I loved when she called me that. "My favorite part of falling asleep is seeing you," Spencer mumbled, her eyes half open. "And my least favorite part of falling asleep, is seeing you. What a shocker. But lucky for me, this is a good dream."

"You're awake," I breathed, my heart breaking even more. She tried to prop herself up but her arm shook and she fell back to the bed. I leapt up, placing her head gingerly onto my lap and petting her hair.

"Are you really here?" she asked, her eyes coming in and out of focus and her hand reaching up to stroke my cheek. I nodded, tears welling up inside me as I held her hand to my face letting a tear slip between her fingers. I stared down at her, shocked by how lost her blue eyes made me feel, but how distantly they seemed to gaze at me. "I'm sorry Ashley—"

"You're sorry? No Spence, I'm the one who's sorry, I was the one who ruined everything," I interrupted.

"I pushed you away, I was hurting and instead of letting you back in, I pushed you away. I'm sorry that you have to see me like this. These days I just don't seem to be feeling as good as I used to. I bet I look horrible…"

"No," I laughed softly, "you could never look horrible."

"Ashley," she sighed gently, shivering beneath me.

"Yes?" I whispered, leaning in to hear her.

"I love you. I never stopped loving you, and I never will stop loving you. I only wish…" she said, trailing off as her eyes drifted shut.

"Spencer?" No answer. "Spencer!" Her eyes flickered back into focus. "Spencer when was the last time you ate something?"

"A week ago…"

"God damn it Spencer! That's It I'm getting you food, you have no energy right now." I stood up, putting her head back on the bed. She caught my arm and tugged lightly: weakly.

"Don't go. I lost you once don't leave me again. Please? Just, come here for a second…" I did as she asked, kneeling by her face. "I just want to look at you. And touch you…" she sighed happily, lifting a hand and trailing it along my face. I closed my eyes, letting Spencer's fingertips trace my every feature. After a moment I felt her hand drop away.

"Spencer?" I asked, opening my eyes. Her eyes were closed, her face a shade paler. "Help! Glen? Mr. C? Someone help!"

Chapter 3

I laid my head against her chest, listening for a pulse. There still was one, fading away slowly. Both Glen and Mr. C burst through the door, practically taking it off its hinges.

"What's wrong Ashley? What's going on?" Mr. C asked.

"She just passed out. She needs some food in her right now! She told me she hadn't eaten in a week," I cried, tears flowing easily down my face.

"A week? Dad, she told me it had been three days," Glen choked, horrified with his own stupidity.

"It's alright Glen, just go run down stairs and bring up that tray. We'll try and feed her but we need to call an ambulance. And your mother, call her too." Glen nodded running out the door and stomping down the stairs. Spencer moaned painfully beside us.

"Ashley," Mr. C said, turning to me, "I'm going to call 9-1-1 and I need you to stay here with her. Can you do that?"

"Nothing could take her away from me again," I replied, whipping away the watery mess.

"Thanks," he said, stepping outside the room.

"Ashley?" Spencer coughed.

"Yeah baby? Oh god you're still breathing," I sobbed, kneeling down and wrapping my hands around her face. "Don't leave me Spencer. Please-don't-leave-me," I said, kissing all over her face. She smiled faintly, the corner of her lip twitching. I leaned down, tears falling onto her face. Our lips met, like lightning on an unsuspecting blade of grass. I kissed her fervently, feeling almost as though this was going to be the last time we ever kissed. Some strength returned to her and I felt her hand reach up and entangle itself in my hair. I broke away, aware that she was unable to breath.

"Don't you dare leave me Spencer. You go I go," I cried.

She attempted to smile again, "I can't focus Ashley. I can barely see you…" She blinked repeatedly. I smoothed down her hair, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead.

"Then don't try and see me. Close your eyes and squeeze my hand. Focus on the warmth of my hand. Focus on my voice," I leaned down, kissing her face again gently, "Focus on my lips. My breath against your skin. Think back to the night in your room, the heat. Feel that heat Spencer, feel the strength you had that night. Can you feel my hands?"

She smiled and nodded, "Yes…"

"Think about sneaking out at night to sleep under the stars. I wrapped my armd around you and held you close to keep you warm. Do you remember? Can you see me?"

"You're so beautiful Ashley. So good to me and everything…" Spencer sighed. Her hand relaxed in my hand.

"Spencer? Spencer listen to me, the ambulance is coming okay? You're going to be okay. Do you understand me?" She didn't shift and I could hear the ambulance turn onto her street. "Spencer? Baby, answer me. Come on baby just a word," I chocked, tears starting to flow again. Spencer's chest had stopped moving and I searched for a pulse but couldn't find one. "Mr. C! Her heart stopped! Mr. C!" I screamed. "Spencer, come back to me! Please!"

"This way. Up the stairs, she's at the end of the hallway," I heard Mr. C say as several pairs of feet stomped up the stairs. "Ashley?"

"Mr. C, help her! I can't find a pulse! I can't find her pulse!" I shrieked, tapping lightly on her face.

"Miss, step away. John, get out the defibrillator!" One of the paramedics said, tearing me away form Spencer. I stepped back, finding myself suddenly surrounded in Mr. C's arms. The paramedics pulled her shirt off, leaving Spencer in her bra. I felt a strange pang of jealousy towards the men who got to touch Spencer before I got to.

"150 watts," the paramedic named John called out. "Clear!" Spencer's body leaped to life for a moment, her core lifting straight off the bed.

"No heart rate," the other one said.

"God damn it! Save her you idiots! Stop stating the obvious and just save her," I called out, pushing against Mr. C's arms, which had suddenly become my prison.

"Ramping it up to 200 watts. Clear!" Once again, Spencer bounced up in bed as her body surged with electricity. "Do you have a pulse?"

"No, do it again."

"No! Spencer! Don't leave me! Let me go Mr. C! Let me go to her. Spencer!" I shouted, thrashing against him.

"Let them do their job Ashley," Mr. C choked.

"250 watts. Clear!"

"I got a pulse!"

"Spencer!"