A/N: I don't know anymore.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the song "Marukaite Chikyuu"
"Say that again, America. I dare you." Hungary's eyes seemed to become cat like slits as she glared at the oblivious nation in front of her. The entire meeting room was tense and quiet, waiting to hear the American's reply.
"You heard me Hungary. I think men can take any of the pain that women go through!" He added with an annoyingly loud laugh. Hungary growled low in her throat.
"I bet I could! After all, I'm the hero!"
"Well, I don't see men going around giving birth, do you?" Hungary seemed to be challenging him.
"Naw, but how bad could it really be?" America asked in ignorance. Hungary suddenly grinned, an idea sliding into her mind.
"You just wait and see, America… Just wait and see…" With that, she stalked out of the room, dragging a few other female nations with her, each of them casting glares at America or looks of sympathy, as he was sure to get what was coming for him.
"Nice going, wanker! Now who knows what they'll do to punish us!" England cried in slight fear. A few nations shuddered at the thought.
"Freakin' bastard…" Romano said, crossing his arms and glancing away with an uneasy expression. America just threw his head back and laughed, shrugging it off as they continued the meeting.
The next day, the nations all sat as Germany took roll call.
"Where is Hungary? Or better asked where are all the female nations?" Germany said, addressing some of the missing member's brothers.
"I do not know. Ukraine and Belarus left early last evening, claiming that they had somewhere to be. I didn't question. I was just glad Belarus was out for a while." Russia claimed innocently.
"…Lili went to spend the night at Hungary's last night." Switzerland said with uncertainty.
"I haven't seen Taiwan or Vietnam since yesterday!" South Korea added. Suddenly, the meeting doors burst open and the 9 female nations strutted in with devious smirks on each of their faces. Aw shit…
"Well, hello boys! I'm very sorry us girls were late today but we were wondering if you would help us with a little experiment…" Hungary said. Something wasn't right… Prussia recognized the look on her face and quickly stood.
"I'm out of here-!" Before the albino could move another inch a frying pan flew out of nowhere indenting itself into his head.
"Ah! What the hell Hungary!" Prussia said, rubbing the bump on his head tenderly.
"You all will stay put unless you want to become closely acquainted with my little pan." Hungary said with a dangerous glint in her eye.
"Now, what was that you were saying yesterday America, about men being able to handle the same pain that women go through during labor? I suppose you were suggesting that ALL men, even mighty nations, could do something of the likes?" Hungary said with a slightly off grin. America didn't catch it.
"Haha! Yeah, dude! Sure! We're nations! We've been through centuries of war, economical struggle, and all that other head ache causing shit! Having a baby probably wouldn't feel like 'nothin!" America claimed, not sensing the temperature in the air drop.
"Well lucky you America! You all get to test your lovely theory today! Wheel it in Lili!" Hungary called. Behind her, Liechtenstein came in pushing a large machine with lots of fun looking buttons and thingamabobs.
"This, my dear gentlemen is a labor pain stimulator. Today I challenge each of you to hook yourselves up to this machine for 8 hours and feel the same pain a woman feels when she is going through the contractions of birth." All the guys sweat dropped nervously.
"If you decide to chicken out, I guess that proves that women are superior in handling pain and America was wrong!" Hungary added cheerfully.
"If you manage to make it through all 8 hours of labor pain, then you will be awarded with one of these"; Hungary held up a small baby doll coddled in a white blanket.
"But if not… Well, who needs pride anyway? Being a laughing stock isn't too bad!" Hungary gave a laugh and turned back to her fellow girl nations.
"Alright-y, Natalya, would you like to do the honors?" Belarus stepped up and stared hard at each of the shivering nations before her.
"Who's first?" Behind her, Belgium and Monaco had wheeled in a shitload of portable hospital cots. Nobody moved. 'Was this really happening?' And 'They really are crazy…' Were two common thoughts floating about the room, along with 'Dammit America!"
Each of the nations found themselves laying on a cot with their shirts removed and a bunch of wires attached to their abdomens that would stimulate the electric shocks.
"Why the bloody hell, did you get us into this!?" England shouted at America who lay in a cot next to him looking bored.
"Relax, dude! I'm sure it's not too bad! Chicks probably just exaggerate…" England face palmed.
"Do you really think they would go through the trouble of doing all of this if it was all exaggeration? They really want us to suffer! Haven't you ever witnessed a birth before!?" England said, in a very pissed off way.
"Have you?" America questioned. Before England could answer, another voice cut into the conversation.
"Come on. Think positive thoughts Angleterre, at least it's not real." France added, from his other side. They missed the holler that Hungary gave; "But its gonna feel pretty real!"
"And why the hell would they place me next to a bloody damn frog!" England said in exasperation.
Before either of them could reply, Hungary stepped up to the podium at the front of the room.
"Are you all ready for eight hours of fun?" A sudden malicious grin appeared on her way-too-delighted face as she shouted across the room. It had taken a while to "convince" (read as: force) all the nations to let themselves get hooked up to the stimulator, but once everything was ready, she knew that unless they didn't value their pride, there would be no backing out.
'This should be entertaining.'
"Hit it, Michelle!" And with the push of a button, sharp gasps and whimpers were the only noises to be heard.
"Ahhh… What the hell was that? It wasn't as bad as I thought it was supposed to be." Romano questioned, turning to the Spaniard in the cot across from him.
"I think they want us to endure all the stages of labor so-" Another contraction. "These... Are just early contractions, I suppose." Spain said with a small pant.
"Owie! You mean it will get worse, big brother Spain?!" Italy cried as another shock caused him to grip the bed sheets tightly.
"I'm afraid so Italy…" Germany answered from next to him.
In another part of the room, Lithuania winced. Poland lay across from him laughing at the expression on his face, before grimacing himself.
"A-are you sure, it is not as painful to you?" He whimpered to the Russian nearby. Russia only smiled slightly.
"They do not call me 'Mother Russia' for nothing…" Whatever that means. You know what, I don't wanna know.
Another hour goes by and a few of the nations' knuckles have turned white from gripping the bed.
America gasped.
"Aww shit, man this huuurts!" America whined, trying to imitate the breathing techniques that women in labor used that he'd heard about on TV.
"Ah gee, you bloody think?!" England snapped, his face pale and sweaty. He was constantly changing positions to try and alleviate the pain, but it was sort of difficult when you were strapped to a bed…
"Haha! Silly America! I thought you said that men could handle any of the pain that women go through? Are you sure you wanna continue?" Hungary asked, popping up on his right. America saw the bait and took it.
"OF COURSE I DO, HUNGARY! I'M THE HERO, AND A HERO NEVER GIVES UP!" And with that, another strong contraction came, marking the end of the second hour.
Romano's face was red. And if Spain were not in so much pain right now, he would've made a comment on how he looked cute like a little tomato. But that was not the case at the moment.
"¡Dios Mío! How long have we been doing this?!" He cried, shaking slightly. Romano breathed heavily before responding.
"HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW?! IT'S THAT BURGER BASTARD'S FAULT! YOU DID THIS TO ME, AMERICA!" Romano glared at nothing in particular. Spain grasped blindly for his hand.
"It's gonna be alright, mi tomate… I'm s-sure we can get through this… After all, women have been doing it for centuries." Spain tried to brighten the atmosphere a bit.
"BUT I'M NOT A DAMN WOMAN!" Romano said, thrashing around as another contraction pierced his abdomen. Spain sighed. This was going to be a long 8 hours…
Hungary sat in the corner by the machine with the other girl nations, laughing her ass off. This was priceless! 'That would teach them for offending us girl nations.' Hungary though smugly. Liechtenstein had wandered over to Switzerland's bedside an hour ago and was trying to help him cope, leaving only 8 of the female nations sitting around, making bets on who would make it, and who would drop out soon.
"I bet the Italy brothers won't last to the next hour." Said Monaco glancing over at the screaming Italians.
"Hmmm… How much?"
"How about 441 euros?"
"You're on."
"What about you? Who are you putting your money on?"
"Well, I think those Baltics aren't lookin' so good over there… Poor things."
"How about 400 euros?"
"Deal."
"Ahhhhh! Germany help me! I don't wanna do this anymore!" The quivering Italian asked with tears in his eyes. Germany was sure that if he wasn't strapped down he would've been convulsing wildly.
"J-just remember your training, Italy… You can be strong…" I hope. Germany's shaking form glanced around, spotting an agonized looking Switzerland being coaxed by the gentle encouragement of his little sister. Near them, Austria and Prussia were taking turns trying to break each other's hands while Hungary laughed in the distance. Yeesh, that chick was sadistic.
'If we were in hell, I imagine it would be pretty close to this.' He thought.
Into the beginning of the third hour, Latvia and Austria dropped out, quickly followed by Lithuania, and Estonia. Monaco grumbled as she handed her money over to Belgium, who had bet on them failing.
"~Ve! I give up! I give up! Please just make the pain stop!" Italy sobbed, as Ukraine came and unhooked him.
"Shhh, it's okay little Italy, you are alight now." She soothed, stroking his hair gently. Italy sniffled and wrapped his arms around her.
"Thank you Miss Ukraine! That was terrible!" Italy said, beginning to ramble on about the agonizing pain they had inflicted upon his abdomen. Germany sighed as he watched the scene, before stifling a cry. Damn…
Over with the Nordics, Denmark let out a howl of pain and Sweden grunted.
"H-how long have we been going at this again?" Iceland asked, with heavy, labored breathing.
"I don't know." Norway replied, his poker face broken for once into an expression somewhere between twisted pain and dull noninterest.
"Su-san… I don't know if I can take much more of this…" Finland said with a deep huff.
"Y' c'n d' i' w'fe." Sweden said with a nod, followed by a slight groan.
"I don't blame you for wanting to drop out, Fin! This is absolute torture! You should sooo put Hungary on the naughty list next year! I'm pretty sure it's not nice to put Santa through hours of labor contractions!" Denmark added loudly, rolling around on the mattress trying desperately to rub his searing middle.
"I j-just hope it's over soon…"
China was not having a very fun time. He could see Taiwan and Vietnam laughing at his despair from the corner of his eye. It's not like he had a choice in the matter! He would be a very upset big brother once he got out of this… Next to him, Japan and Hong Kong screamed again. Japan began singing some random anime theme song to himself to try and keep his mind occupied away from the nearly unbearable feeling that someone was stabbing him repeatedly in the abdomen.
"Marukaite Chikyuu..."
"Marukaite Chikyuu..."
"Japan?" Hong Kong said softly, snapping the fellow Asian out of his anime induced thoughts.
"I'm quitting." Hong Kong decided, before beckoning Vietnam over with his free arm. Japan turned his sweat drenched body and nodded. He didn't have a right to judge. The pain was almost worse than that tsunami he had had a few years ago…
Vietnam undid the straps restraining Hong Kong and released him from the stimulator. Hong Kong sat up, breathing heavily before giving Vietnam the darkest look he could muster. If looks could kill, everyone within a 5 meter radius would've died at least 10 times by now. But Vietnam didn't even flinch. Instead, she carted him off to the side of the room where all the losing nations sat.
They had reached the 7th hour. America was feeling pretty good about himself. He could totally do this- "GgggAAAAaaaaaahhhhHHH!"
Probably…
"ArgghhhhhhAhhhhhhhh"
Maybe not…
"AhhhhhhhAhhhhhhhehhhhhEHhhhHEhh"
Nope.
America's breath quickened as Hungary strolled by casually, a smug look on her face.
"Ready to surrender?" She asked, fingering his restraints softly.
"N-not on your life…" He said before digging his nails into the long destroyed mattress. Poor thing wasn't exactly made to to restrain someone with super strength…
"J-just bloody apologize and get her to stop all of this foolishness!" England said, trying to smack America from across his cot.
"Oh, I am sooo sorry England, but the only way for it to stop is for you to give up. Are you sure you want to do that and be weaker than a girl?" Hungary said, getting uncomfortably close to the writhing brit.
"N-no! I'm sure that we can finish this! We've made it this far already." He said, before mentally smacking himself. What the hell was wrong with him? He was offered a chance to get rid of the pain and instead he insists on playing their sick game?
"Non! Non! Non! My beautiful body was not made to endure such horrible torment!" France bawled pathetically.
"Would you like to stop?" Hungary said, changing targets. She ended up unhooking France before stalking away, keeping a hawkish eye on America.
"Dude, I'm pretty sure this qualifies as cruel and unusual punishment!" America shouted over her shoulder. Hungary just smiled and walked away.
"It is good that you are experiencing this, big brother. Because someday, when I bear our children you will be extra supportive because you will know how it feels to be in such displeasure." Belarus said, watching Russia as he attempted to control his breathing. What an understatement...
"B-Belarus, I am not going to marry you and you are not going to bear my children." Russia tried explaining in vain once more. Belarus didn't listen and kept going on about how great this whole experience was. Besides, even if Russia did ever marry someone, he doubted he would ever be cruel enough to force them to go through something as awful as this. That was saying something.
The minutes ticked by excruciatingly slow. As the pain wracked their bodies, more and more nations dropped out until only a few remained. Some probably could've kept going and only stopped because all of their friends had, and they didn't wanna go through it alone. An accompaniment of screams cut through the room.
"Good news guys! It's almost over! You've reached the point where in a normal labor, a lady would start pushing! But since none of you are actually pregnant, and have no baby to push out through a tiny area, we are just going to up the contractions more because we can't really make it feel like you're pushing… so have fun!" Hungary waved before returning to her seat. Austria and Prussia sat next to her, refusing to meet the crazy woman's eyes.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhh! D-doing great? Right Romano?" Spain asked, turning his head with a shuddering breath. Tears soaked his cheeks and his body shook uncontrollably.
"Romano?"
"Shit… shit… shit… shit… shit… shit… shit…" Romano shrieked again.
"A-almost over… Just one more…. ArghhhghhghArhghahghrhgh!"
Silence broke through the room. Suddenly, Seychelles pressed a button on the machine and prerecorded newborn shrieks filled the air.
"Congratulations! You've made it through all 8 hours of this little experiment!" Hungary announced.
"Now you all know what it feels like when a woman has to give birth. I hope you've all learned a lesson from this." Vigorously frantic nodding from all around the room.
"…Good."
Liechtenstein and Belgium went around handing out baby dolls to each of the winners, saying embarrassing things like; "Congratulations it's a healthy baby boy! Or aww, what a sweet little girl! You must be proud!"
In the end, the ones who endured and survived were Russia, England, Germany, Norway, Spain, Sweden, China, Romano, America, Switzerland, and (surprisingly) Poland.
"America, I swear if you ever offend or insult Hungary again I will personally come over to your house and cut out your bloody-"
"Whoa, jeez Iggy calm down! We made it didn't we?" America said, cutting off the ranting brit.
"Yes, but we wouldn't have been in the situation in the first place if not for your big mouth! Wanker…" America just laughed, but did shudder slightly.
He had a newfound sort of respect for females... They had to be some kind of superhero to be able to face that (and sometimes even choose to do it multiple times!) and live to tell the tale. Apparently, he should be more careful with what he says around Hungary and the other female nations.
Never again…
To celebrate their victory, the girl nations were doing all sorts of things like high fiving, hugging, congratulating those who had passed or made it pretty far, or making threats to prevent something like this from happening again. They were also showing recordings they had taken, while laughing their asses off; much to the embarrassment of the other participating countries.
"Like, omg Liet! Did I really look that bedraggled!?" Poland puffed his cheeks indignantly. Lithuania only nodded. He was too busy trying to comfort a distraught Latvia who was probably going to be scarred for a reaaaaallly long time.
"I wish I were a micronation so I wouldn't have to attend meetings and become a secondhand victim of violent schemes!" He wailed, as his fellow Baltics tried futilely to calm the panicking nation.
America walked over and awkwardly tapped Hungary on the shoulder. He cleared his throat.
"Listen Hungary, I'm sorry for what I said yesterday... That really was almost too much for even a hero like me to bear... Please don't try to do something like that again!" America pleaded as he apologized. Hungary laughed.
"I can't make any promises America, because I can't assure that you or one of the other nations won't say anything else stupid (because you probably will) but I am grateful for your apology. You have my forgiveness. For now."
Italy was laughing in delight as he praised his brother and friends for their endurance.
"~Ve! You guys did amazing! That was the worst thing ever! You should name the baby Rosabella, Romano!"
"Shut up, idiot. It's not a freaking real baby." Romano replied prickly. He was in a majorly pissed off mood.
"Aw come on Lovi! It is a cute doll though! Why don't you keep it?" Spain said glancing down at the children's toy.
"… Tomato bastard. If you like it so much, why don't you have the damn thing?!" Romano threw the doll at the spanish man before getting up and to go yell at a wall or something.
"No Roma! You can't throw our baby!" Spain said, trying to catch the plastic infant.
A cry of "It is NOT OUR baby!" was heard across the room.
Sitting on the floor near a supply closet, a lone figure watched the chaos unfolding with slight amusement. He smiled a bit, and tucked a piece of blond hair behind his ear.
"For once Kuma, I'm glad they didn't notice us." Canada stated with a proud smirk, looking down at his confused polar bear companion.
Sometimes being invisible could come in handy when you needed a miracle to save your ass.
A/N: Wow. This is the longest chapter I've ever written. xD I had a little too much fun writing this even though it took me like, almost 3 hours... Ugh. My neck hurts now. Sorry I butchered Sweden's speech and sorry if someone is ooc or too cheesy for your liking or something (I think I made America a little bit too much of an ass, but whatevs). I'm still practicing writing dialogue. bleh. I'm just glad I finished this. Its a gift for a friend really. And yes, I'm aware that normal labor usually takes a lot longer, but I was running low on ideas and didn't want to torture the Hetalia dudes TOO much. This is based off of the labor contraction stimulator videos on YouTube where men challenge themselves to feel what its like to give birth. You should watch a few of them, I swear I die laughing every time xD But anyway, plz review and tell me what you thought.
~With love, From Rosemary ;)