Oh, Baby
Summary: Elliot keeps dreaming that his co-workers are turned into babies. No spoilers. Later implied EO relationship.
Confusion filled Elliot's body as he entered the empty squad room. Someone had to be in there. When he left the apartment, Olivia was already gone. He checked his watch. It was quarter after nine. The squad room remained empty.
Elliot started to head over to Cragen's office when something underneath Olivia's desk caught his eye. Now that he had spotted it, he could not take his eyes off of it. He blinked once only to make sure he was imagining it. No, it was still there when his eyes opened.
He mentally scolded himself. He should not be referring to it as an "it". It was actually a baby, so he had to go over there. He rushed over and knelt down. The child was dressed only in a white onesie. He/she had a head mostly covered in light brown hair except for one bald spot on the top of his/her head. Elliot had the strong suspicion that the child was a girl, but he could not be certain without looking in its diaper.
No matter what the circumstances were, this child needed to be picked up. If not for the sake of being loved, then so the child would not mess with the computer wires underneath Olivia's desk.
"Hey, there," he said soothingly as he bent down and scooped the child into his arms. He pulled the infant closer to him. As he did, he caught whiff of something he immediately recognized as poop. He groaned slightly. Where was he supposed to find diapers in this place? It was not as though he could leave right now to buy some. He still had no idea where Cragen, Olivia, Munch, and Fin were.
The baby did not seem to mind its dirty diaper. Instead, the infant was occupying itself by pulling on Elliot's tie. After discovering that Elliot's tie had an end to it, the child put the end into its mouth and began sucking on it.
Elliot could not be angry. If chewing on his tie would keep the child both occupied and quiet, he did not have a problem with it. He had certainly had his own children chew his ties and shirt collars before. This was not new territory with him. However, he did have to find someone else. Someone adult.
"What's that number for ACS?" Elliot asked as he walked into Cragen's office. Before he had entered the room, he did not hear Cragen talking on the phone. Therefore, he assumed it had to be safe to enter.
Silence. Elliot turned his head slightly and frowned at the absence of his captain. Something definitely was not right. Elliot almost feared what was wrong with Cragen. However, he kept his fears to himself as he walked to the other side of Cragen's desk. He heard the distinct sound of a baby throwing up.
Groaning, Elliot glanced down at his shirt. He just cleaned this one. He would like to at least give the impression that he was civilized. He then frowned as he realized his shirt was perfectly clean. The infant in his arms was only giggling at the fact that she (or he) could fit both one fist and the end of Elliot's tie in its tiny mouth. But he was so certain of the sound…
Crying was something he definitely recognized. He glanced down at his feet and saw a small child- no more than a couple weeks older than the one in his arms. This one, however, was completely bald and naked, except for the diaper covering its little behind. A small pile of spit-up was in front of the child's feet.
"Oh, no," Elliot stated as he finally took in the fact that he was dealing with two infants. Now that the second one had been crying for well over a minute, the first one decided it was about time she started crying as well. Elliot could have sworn he was hearing it in some kind of movie theater surround sound system until he glanced through the window behind him.
Two more babies were in the squad room. Not only were they in there, but they were fighting with each other. Elliot frowned as he noticed where they had appeared. All four babies were in front of his co-workers' desks. All four of his co-workers were not in the squad room, nor did any of them have a reason not to be there.
It couldn't…That was just insane. There had to be a more logical explanation for what was going on. It should be just a horrible prank that Munch and Olivia had orchestrated at his expense. He always suspected they were up to something. He would have to admit this was clever, but how would they be able to pull it off?
"Liv?" Elliot called softly. Elliot glanced back down at the floor where the second baby had proceeded to barf on Elliot's left shoe. As he scooped up the second baby, he said a thank-you to God that Kathy had given birth to his twins before. Otherwise, he would be at a complete loss of what to do. At least he knew how to successfully hold two babies.
"Ok, this really isn't funny," Elliot exclaimed as he walked back into the squad room. "You guys can seriously come out now."
Nothing.
Elliot walked over to the remaining two babies. One was small, a little thin, white, and chewing on an old pair of sunglasses. The exact same pair of sunglasses that Munch had been wearing all year if Elliot's memory served him. The other child was an exact replica of Fin, only a lot younger. Elliot blinked once again to make sure he really was seeing what he thought he was seeing.
Elliot then looked down at the babies in his arms. The one from inside Cragen's office had a round-ish face. Like Cragen, the infant had no hair, so Elliot could see the similarities between his boss and this baby in his arms.
After the Cragen-baby had spit up again, he started crying. The baby from Olivia's desk was no longer sad, which made Elliot's life a little easier. Instead, she peered over Elliot's tie at the Cragen-baby. With just one look at the expression in her eyes, Elliot was positive it was Olivia. Some things never change.
Despite still being utterly confused by the whole situation, Elliot knew he had to do something about it. Obviously, he could not call ACS or one of the area hospitals. What was he supposed to tell them? My co-workers are a bunch of babies…No, they're literally infants! Somehow he was certain a conversation like that would end with him in a psych hold at Bellevue.
Before walking to his own desk, Elliot lowered the Cragen-baby and the Olivia-baby onto the floor with the other two. That way he could have both his hands free while being able to keep an eye on all of them. Elliot grabbed his phone and quickly dialed the number for the medical examiner's office. Luckily, Warner answered after the second ring.
"Melinda, oh thank God you're you," Elliot exclaimed as he kept a watchful eye on the four babies. So far, none of them had attempted anything dangerous.
"Elliot, are you ok?"
"You have to get over here," Elliot said. "I don't care about any autopsy right now. This is much more important." At that exact moment, the Fin-baby managed to steal the sunglasses Munch had been chewing on. The action lead to the Munch-baby's crying. Loudly.
Elliot simply held the phone out in the direction of the crying for a couple seconds. When he brought it back to his ear, he said, "That was Munch."
Warner processed the information for a minute. "You mean…"
"Yes."
"I'll be there," she promised dutifully.