The Final Battle
Harry wakes up from his dream, his heart pounding and his breath coming in short gasps.
Harry: Ron!
Ron: Unghhh...
Harry: Wake up! I know-
Ron: The secret of life?
Harry: Er... no. I know how to defeat Voldemort!
Ron winces.
Harry: Oh, stop it. Anyhoo...
(5 minutes later, Harry is standing in Hogsmeade,facing Voldemort all alone. Poor Harry)
Voldemort: So, Harry Potter, we meet again, for the last time!
(He pulls out an imaginary Light Saber)
Harry: Ookaay... er, wrong story, dude...
Voldemort: I don't care, just play along!
Harry: Okies!
(After 5 minutes of hitting each other with the imaginary Star Wars props, they throw them aside and face each other)
Harry: You know, if you didnt have that killing people thing, I'm sure we'd be best buddies!
Voldemort: Wha?!
Harry: Yeah! We're really quite... er... similar.
Voldemort: You're scaring me.
Harry: Aww, come on Voldie, hug?
(Harry advances, swaying his hips. Seductive music is playing in the back-ground. Voldemort is frozen in shock)
Voldemort: N... n... Noooo!
(Harry gives a seductive smile and snogs him. Just then, The Order Of The Phoenix, some Aurors, most of the population of Hogwarts burst in)
Sirius: Harry, we heard you were in danger! We've come to save y- Ohmygod.
(Everyone stands there in shock, watching Harry snog Voldemort - who's trying to get away- and the music is still playing in the background)
Ginny: But Harry!
(Harry pulls away, and Voldemort falls to the ground dead. Harry turns around with a smug - if a little disgusted - smile on his face. Then he notices his audience)
Harry: Ah... this could be a little awkward...
Ron: Harry, mate, when you said you knew how to kill V-V- er, him, you didnt say...
Harry: Well, the one thing that Voldemort can't stand is love, so, you see, I had to kiss him to kill him!
Remus: Suure...
Dumbledore: Whatever, Harry, we understand. There's no need to be ashamed of your sexual orientation...
(Every one is now trying to figure out whether to stare at Dumbledore or Harry)
Harry: No, really!
(Everyone walks off into the sunset, Rita Skeeter's Quick-Quotes-Quill scribbling away)
Harry: No! Wait! Ginny, I love you! Please?! Guys? Hello?
The End