Hey Guys! This is my first fanfic. Have patience with me. I would love some positive feedback!
Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and all characters therein.
Preston
The fountain behind the Caroliniana Library was where I escaped when I needed to be away from the eyes and ears of Preston Residential College, my home while at school at the University of South Carolina. It was there that I sat participating in yet another ugly conversation with my boyfriend of three years, James. We began our relationship in high school. Whereas I decided to go away for school, he stayed at home and enrolled in University of North Carolina Charlotte. This was the third week in a row that he was blowing me off to stay in Charlotte. In fact, now that I was thinking about it, he had not come down all semester. This revelation did nothing for my current mood. The last time I saw him was when I went to visit my parents a few weeks prior. He spent the entire time we were together playing video games or trying to convince me to have sex with him. It is hard to be enticed to have sex with a guy who knows more about video games then he cares to know about you.
It was not always like this. We used to be happy, at least relatively so, and there was a time when we were equals in the relationship. The changes in the dynamic of our relationship occurred so gradually that I had only recently begun noticing the severity of the situation. I sat in the middle of a small courtyard on the edge of the fountain, surrounded by flowers, shrubs, and a newly laid brick walkway. Encompassing the courtyard is an old brick fence that acts as a barrier between the calm nature of the square and the frantic nature of downtown Columbia. The new brick of the walkway stands in stark contrast to the old worn brick of the fence. I loved how the newness of the courtyard seems to meld seamlessly with the age of the fence and the Caroliniana Library, which flanked two sides of the garden.
"Listen Bells," I hate that adaptation of my name. "I promised the guys I'd help with the repairs to the house that they just bought. I can't just blow them off when their house is all but uninhabitable. Can I?" Great, he was using the guilt tactic this week. Last week, the excuse was that he had to work. The weekend before that, he had a major paper that he had not begun until the last minute. Prior to that, there were a myriad of other excuses.
"Yes, you can, as you have blown off your promise to me, your girlfriend, for the last three weeks. You could just come down for one night, instead of the whole weekend. You never come down here anymore. I only see you when I drive up there." I tried to keep my voice calm yet strong. James never really responded well when challenged, but I was sick of not reacting when he hurt me. I braced myself for an even uglier turn in the conversation, as I stared at the running water of the fountain.
"Well, I'm sorry for the way things have been turning out lately, but I can't help that." If his tone had matched his words, then maybe I would be less irritated, but as it was, I did not believe he really felt that remorseful.
"Who the hell are these guys anyway? They sure aren't anyone we knew in high school." The truth was that the list of people left from high school who would still speak with him was becoming exponentially shorter. I did not have the heart or more accurately the courage to point that fact out to him now.
"Am I not allowed to have friends that you do not know? You have friends that I don't know or care to know for that matter."
"I'm not saying that you cannot have friends that I don't know. I have just never heard you talk about them until now. Do you even care whether you see me or not?" I let my hair fall in my face to shield me from any passerby's view.
"I do care, but I really have no desire to come down there and spend the weekend with a bunch of pretentious know-it-alls. Plus, your nagging me is not enticing me to make the trip either." I fidgeted with my keys as he said this. Now we were getting towards some semblance of the truth. The rest was just a smoke screen. He did not like my friends. I could not say I really blamed him. Though he could be full of himself, he was not blind. He could tell that they did not like him or even really respect him. When he came up the previous semester, they tried to get to know him, but were not impressed with what they saw or how he treated me.
"Those pretentious know-it-alls are my friends. You have not even made an effort to get to know them. You might really enjoy their company." As I said this, I questioned whether my friends would make the effort either at this point.
"I doubt that seriously. Bells, your 'friends' hate me and I hate them. If you want to come up this weekend fine, but I'm not coming down there." I switched the phone to the other ear and played with the water in the fountain as I sat there. The water felt cool to the touch against my hot skin. Though it was October, I felt like it was July. Maybe it was the anger that boiled within me.
"What kind of relationship is this if I am always the one that has to come to you? This is completely unfair." His retort was something I have heard several times before, but it never made it less hurtful.
"What are you going to do Bells? Breakup with me because I won't drive down there? You can go ahead, but I don't think you'll be able to find someone who will put up with your constant nagging and panic attacks. What guy in their right mind would want to put up with it Bella? You aren't good enough to find anyone else. Do you really think anyone there would want to date someone with your drama filled history? Do you?" The call dropped after that. I had no desire to call him back, and I knew I would not hear anything from him until Sunday night, maybe even longer than that. I slammed the phone shut and with a tear running down my check, and began my march around the fountain courtyard to brace myself for going back to Preston. My breathing was short and labored. I was having a mild panic attack. I slowed down my stride and focused on taking slow deep breaths to avoid hyperventilating.
I was angry, but it was not completely towards James. I was partly frustrated with myself. Recently, I had been sticking up to him more and making my feelings known, but then he pulls words out of his back pocket that hit hard and I lose my nerve. I was mad at myself for that, but the truth was that he was right about me. I was too neurotic to find someone who would willingly put up with me in a relationship besides James.
I continued walking and tried to temper the rising feeling of panic that boiled within me. I tried to shake off the all familiar feeling that whatever I did and who I was would never be good enough. I did not even look good enough to make my other flaws more acceptable. I had dark brown hair with nothing spectacular about it and eyes that depending on my mood would be brown one minute and a dark green the next. Since coming to school, I had gained weight, which James had been so kind as to point out to me whenever I saw him; pinching my side and making pig sounds whenever I saw him. His roommate was not thrilled with that greeting and neither was I, and yet I just hugged him and sat down on the couch saying nothing in protest.
I looked over to the fountain, which had changed somehow into a fountain outside of my high school. There I saw James and myself sitting on the edge hand in hand just gazing into each other's eyes. To anyone else, it was a sickeningly sweet moment. To me, it was a part of my life that was long gone, most likely never to be seen again. Those were the early days of our relationship. In total, the honeymoon phase, as some people call it, lasted less than six months. The fountain transformed back to its true shape. My feet began taking me away from the fountain and towards the Horseshoe, an area of campus that comprised of the oldest and most historic buildings of USC. I tried to breathe deeply to fight back the tears, but to no avail. I could not go back to Preston like this unless I wanted to be bombarded with questions from people who just wanted to make everything better.
Preston Residential College was far from being a dorm. You had to apply to get in and you had to meet certain expectations in order to stay. These expectations include making a certain percentage of dinners in its own dinning hall and meeting the GPA requirements. Other benefits to living in Preston included community banquets with different themes, teas in the principal's lodge, and mini carnivals thrown in Preston's back yard. Beyond all of this even, it was a family. Anyone who has ever lived there or even spent a great amount of time there can vouch for that fact. I am not talking about the Cleavers or any of the ideal 1950's sitcom families. I mean that Preston is the closest thing to a real family without being related by blood. It even includes those family members you outwardly wish were not related to you, but you secretly know in the back of your mind that if they were not there your life would be drastically different, for better or for worse.
I instinctively looked at my watch. Three o'clock. The lobby would be mostly empty as most everyone in the group was in their last class of the day. I, however, had no class on Fridays. A feat I hoped to accomplish in my junior and senior years following.
Jasper was the problem. He was like a brother to me and could somehow sense when something was bothering me. He cared about me, I knew that, but I often found myself hoping that he was not as intone with emotions as he always seemed to be. Jasper was the second person I met in Preston. The first of which, being my current roommate Alice. He lived next door to us and, being the Southern Gentleman he is, helped us hang stuff up on our walls that first day. We all became fast friends after that and spent a lot of time together from then onward.
Jasper had no class on Fridays either and he and our other friend, Emmett, would be hanging out in the lobby. If I walked into Preston like this, they would immediately know something was up and would make me explain why James was bailing on me this time.
I did not like showing when James had upset me to my friends here. James became an awkward topic amongst my friends from the very early days of my tenure in Preston. In short, they loathed that he even existed. Whenever James pulled a stunt like this, the whole group would begin trying to point out that maybe the relationship needed to be terminated. Though I did not completely disagree with them, I really did not need to hear it again.
I began to plot out my possible avoidance options as I continued walking around the Horseshoe not really focusing on where exactly me feet were taking me. I could wait until class let out, and then try to blend in with the crowd to get to my room without really talking to anyone. That plan had a major flaw. If I just passed by people without saying anything, they would know immediately that something was wrong and maybe think it was something worse. I could get on the phone with my mom and then just wave while passing through. On the other hand, I could stop being a coward and get over it. They all knew he was supposed to come and though I could try to dodge the immediate situation, it would only be a temporary reprieve.
I had to calm down and salvage what I could from this weekend. At length, I stopped crying by contemplating an excuse. What reason was I going to give everyone for him bailing this time? Work? Nah, too lame. Family emergency? I don't think they would truly believe that. I guess I'll just tell them that one of his friends needed some help. It was the truth after all. Well, at least it was the truth, as I knew it. I was as calm and collected as I was going to be. Time to face the lobby. I hoped that everyone was still in class. Maybe, if I was lucky, Jasper was upstairs in his room instead of hanging out in the lobby.
I walked from the historic Horseshoe with its federal style buildings to Preston via the path beside the President's house. I walked slowly trying to breathe deeply in an effort to maintain a calm exterior and not give myself away too quickly. I walked around the USC smokestack and saw Preston ahead with its cream-colored stucco and three floors of windows. The building was originally built in the 1930's and had a certain charm about it. Well, at least, the outside did.
Even though the inside was redone only a little over ten years back, the students had already done a number to the carpet, and the moisture in the building a number to the wallpaper. Nevertheless, it was still home, a refuge. Whenever I came within sight of Preston, I felt more empowered as a person. I felt that I was stronger somehow. I entered the garden and smelled the rosemary while walking through the gate. I walked over the engraving in the walkway, which quotes Lord Alfred Tennyson's Ulysses. I stopped and stared at the words, "To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield". These words always caught my eye upon entering Preston. They were truly words that had influenced me from the first day at USC. I shook my head and continued in the building.
I walked into Preston's back door and there sat Jasper on the brown leather couch that sat facing the only working fireplace in a residence hall on campus, on his laptop dependable as ever. I knew my luck would never be good enough for him to be in his room. He was talking to someone, but I could not tell whom. They must be lying on Zelda, the best couch ever. Designed and made for F. Scott Fitzgerald and his wife Zelda and once kept in their mansion; it now resides in the lobby of Preston Residential College. Zelda is low to the ground and as wide as a twin bed. It is difficult to just sit on Zelda, because the design is more conducive to lying down. I walked in further and Jasper finally saw me.
"I was wondering where you had run off to. I know you got a call and then disappeared. Everything ok? Where is James?" Jasper asked in his normal soothing tone.
"He isn't coming," was all that I could choke out, my resolve crumbling by the worried look on Jasper's face.
"What's his reason this time?" He asked in a patient yet frustrated tone, while shifted his stare from me to whoever was sitting across from him.
I found my voice and responded. "He had to stay in Charlotte to help some friends who just bought a house. They are having some sort of emergency with the pipes or something. But at least that means I'm free to hang out with fine people such as you this weekend." As I walked further into the lobby about to sit next to Jasper, I saw who was sitting on Zelda, Edward Cullen.
Edward was quite possibly my best friend in the world, with one exception, and was more than a little protective of me. Edward was the last to join our group. Jasper, Alice, Edward, and I were usually together whenever we weren't in classes. Jasper and Edward were now roommates after meeting early last year. They decided that it would be better for them to live with each other.
Though Edward had less then warm feeling for James, he had enough respect for me that he rarely said anything about my need to break up with him. I knew what his feelings were about James and me, but he had spoken with me about it one time, and for him, that was the only time he needed.
Right now, Edward had the same look on his face that he always had when James pulled something like this. Between his eyes and his other features, raged a battle over the desire to protect his friend from more pain or to be supportive. Whatever his true feelings or desires, he was always there to support me. If I wasn't so upset at James, I'd be excited to see him out of class early on Friday. As it was, I was bummed, because he was the one who could see through my bullshit the most, even more than Edward.
"Hey Bell" He said, shortening my name the way I preferred instead of the way James always did. "I got out of Anthropology early." He said seeing the confused look I had on my face, seeing him out of class already. "So he isn't coming huh?" He patted his hand on Zelda beckoning me to come and sit by him. As though gravity was at work, I went to sit by him and saw the sun shining in the window through his tussled, copper hair.
"Nope. I guess I'm all yours this weekend." I said shifting my focus from his stunning sex hair and instead looking into those dark jade eyes that always held kindness and warmth.
"Hey Guys!" Emmett bellowed walking into the lobby from the front door. "What's up?" He plopped down and a matching leather chair to the couch where Jasper currently sat. The chair groaned from the weight. Emmett was a tall and very well built guy. If you did not know him, his size would be very intimidating. But he was really an asshole with a heart of gold. He was big, loud, sarcastic, and a jokester, but would do anything for his friends.
"Bella was just telling us that James is not coming to visit her this weekend." Jasper said. Emmett began cracking his knuckles and I waited for what I was sure would come next.
"What's the bastard's excuse this time?" He said all humor suddenly drained from his booming voice.
"He had the help friends with some repairs to their house. I said looking at my hands and trying not to took at any of the guys.
"You seem mildly ok with the fact that this will be the third week in a row he has ditched you." Emmett replied as he finally sat back and tried to relax in his chair. "I really hate that guy." Emmett had been around during some of the worst fights between James and me, most of which ended almost identically to the one today, if not worse.
I did not even rise up and say anything to defend him. There was no point; his opinion of James was impenetrably formed. During the first few months getting to know my friends, I would always defend him as well as our relationship. This semester, I did not even waste my breath.
As I was thinking of a good subject to gear the conversation towards, when the lobby suddenly became flooded with people and conversation. Classes had just let out, and Edward sat up to make space for people who would inevitably make their way towards Zelda. He casually grabbed me by the waist to pull me next to him so that no one would be encouraged to sit in between the two of us. I felt the charge of electricity shoot through me when Edward touched me. His touch warmed me and had a way of calming me.
Ever since second semester of my freshman year, just mere months ago, Edward and I were inseparable friends. We both had a fond friendship with literature, and we both were double majoring with one of our majors being English. We actually meet in class and not in Preston. We both had a class together, and ended up sitting together. We began a discussion while working on a group assignment and realized we both lived in the same residence hall and shared some of the same friends, Jasper included. We were fast friends from that point onward and did a lot of our work together for that class.
This year we had been able to schedule most of our classes together with the exception of his Anthropology classes and my history classes. We were just friends, but there was a need to be near each other. I stopped trying to fight sitting so close to him and being so outwardly affectionate a long time ago. I knew there was nothing to feel guilty about, but it still felt awkward at first. No one seemed to find it weird that his arm always found its way around my waist or around my shoulders. I had another friend with whom I acted much the same way so after awhile; I just accepted the closeness between us.
"What are we doing tonight?" Emmett asked. Before waiting for an answer, he answered his own question. "We could order pizza and have a movie night in the common room. I think we should watch something that will gives us some ideas of what we could do to James if he ever does deem to grace us with his presence. Saw would be a good choice, or maybe Misery."
I looked away from Edward, Jasper and Emmett at this last statement and towards the fish tank, as I felt my eyes welling up with tears. A part of me felt like I was causing my friends pain by forcing them to hear the details of my less than ideal relationship. The weird thing was that it was not the idea of any physical harm towards James that upset me, but it was that a part of me felt the same way as Emmett. How could I be so ungrateful? James had done so much for me. Why could I not just be happy with my life even if my life before college and my college life could not harmoniously come together?
I forced the tears back as I watched the little clown fish swim around the 125-gallon tank. I could cry in front of Edward, but I still tried to make these instances rare, as I wanted him to see me in a different light than I saw myself. I did not want him to see the weak and insecure Bella I saw when I looked into the mirror. I longed for him to see a strong young woman willing to stand up for herself, but my tumultuous history did not give that impression to anyone. However, whatever happened he did not judge just supported, and for that, I was thankful. Emmett was another story. He was supportive about everything, except for my relationship with James. I could not cry about this in front of him.
Just then, my personal savior, in the form of my roommate, walked in the door to distract Emmett and Jasper from me. Alice came and flung herself on the couch beside Jasper thanking God that her classes were over for the day and that she had little to no homework this weekend, except for a costume design project that she had been postponing. Emmett, Jasper and Alice began a conversation about something, but I really did not listen.
Edward then bent down to my ear and said, "Nobody who stands you up is worth your tears." I shook my head and almost laughed at the fact that no matter what I tried to conceal, he was always able to discover what I was hiding. He always was surprisingly aware of my movements and thoughts. It was comforting to know that he understood me so well, but eerie to think that I would not be able to have any true secrets. I looked into his emerald green eyes and saw the sincerity that burned in his eyes. No one ever questioned what Edward and I were saying in these conversations. It was commonplace for him to whisper in my ear or for me to write little notes while everyone was around in the lobby. There were even times when we could lock eyes and convey everything we desired without any words being needed.
"Isabella," Alice's voice snapped me out of my trance. My head snapped away from Edward's direction and instantly faced that of my roommate. She was sitting side by side with Jasper almost bouncing out of her seat. "The boys and I have decided that it is perfect night for a walk to five points for some Grilled Teriyaki fried rice and tempura. You and Edward want to come?" Leave it to my best friend and roommate to convince everyone to go to my favorite place for dinner on the night I needed some comfort food. I wondered if she knew before she even returned to Preston that James was going to bail.
"I am in, but I cannot speak for Edward. He might be sick of Grilled Teriyaki as much as he has been there with me recently." I looked toward Edward and he nodded that he was fine with going out for dinner. "If we are going to eat, I need to go change. Sweats and a t-shirt is not appropriate attire for Five Points. My mother would kill me if she knew I was down here with this on and not just hiding in my room." As I said these last words, I thought I heard Edward mutter something under his breath, but decided that I would not press to know what it was that he said. Instead, I jumped up and skipped towards the door grabbing Alice by the arm on the way. We scanned her ID and then headed toward our room and she yelled for the boys to stay put.
We walked down the hall a short way passing the stairs and then reached the comfort of our room. Her side was plastered with posters of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp. My side consisted of movie posters spanning from Moulin Rouge to Gone with the Wind to Oklahoma. We both lofted our beds to have more floor space and bought beanbags for seating. The predominant colors in our room were blue and purple. Neither of us liked the overhead florescent lighting so the perimeter of the ceiling housed icicle lights to give us more charming lighting. It was my favorite place on campus next to my fountain.
"What was James's lame excuse this time Bella?" I should have known Alice would ask me when we were alone. I plopped down on a beanbag, and bit my lip hesitating in my reply.
"Isabella Marie Swan. Tell your roommate why James is not coming this time." Alice tried so hard to sound like a mother or older sister as she said the words that I had to stifle a chuckle. Watching the short girl, who resembled a pixie, stomp her foot, would make almost anyone laugh. It was not hard not to laugh when I remembered why she was using that voice.
"He stayed in Charlotte to help his friends with their house because he promised to help get their house habitable." I know as I was saying this my forehead was crinkling up and what Edward called my worried eyebrows were giving my act of indifference away. Though I was fine with being here and being with my friends, I was still hurt that he no longer found it necessary or desirable to come and see me even if he did not care for my friends. The fact that he did not like my friends also annoyed me, and was something to which I had not become accustomed.
"Is that the only reason or is there more that you are not telling me?" As she asked this, one of her eyebrows cocked up as though she suspected I was holding back.
"He thinks that you all hate him and he does not want to spend his weekend with a bunch of 'pretentious know-it-alls'." I said with air quotes just so she had no doubt that I never thought of any of my friends like that.
To my surprise, she laughed aloud and said, "Well, you can't spell pretentious without Preston." I stared at her with my mouth hanging open before chuckling at her joke. Her face grew the tiniest bit severe as she said, "I am not going to tell you that you need to end this, but can I ask you a question?" I nodded in response biting my lip in anxiety of what the question would be. "Why do you stay with someone like him when you could easily get a guy who appreciates you for everything that you are and who treats you like everyone deserves to be treated?"
"Because I can't get someone like that, and even if I could, my ability to keep a relationship going is not award winning. Well, that is until I began dating James." As I responded, she opened her mouth to argue before closing it again to let me finish. How could I explain in a way where she would understand without giving everything I was trying to forget about my past relationships away? "Listen Alice, I know my flaws. I am a tad on the paranoid side and I can nag with the best of them. I don't even look hot to make all the rest not matter to guys." I wanted to continue, but James's voice was now in my head saying everything that I had just said as he had a hundred times before.
"You are completely and utterly brainwashed to the point where you can't see yourself. It is my fondest wish that you learn to see yourself as we see you without him tearing you down to absolute nothingness. At least now, you are able to walk with your head up most of the time unlike freshman year. That's a start." She jumped up off the beanbag and went to freshen her makeup, focusing on her reflection in the mirror instead of me.
"What in the world do you mean?" I did not mean to sound annoyed, more surprised than anything else.
"I mean that when I first met you last year, you could barely look up when walking or even talking to people. It was almost as if you were trying to hide from the world or protect yourself from any criticism. You could have almost any guy in Preston, they would bow down at your feet, and yet you stay with someone who has put you under the warped notion that you could not find anyone else. Someone like Edward, for instance, would be much healthier for you and love you more than James would love even his own mother." Edward? I was not sure why his name was brought into this conversation. Was she seeing something more than friendship between Edward and me? I had to set the record straight. I could not think of Edward like anything other than a friend. What would that say about my relationship?
"Edward and I are just friends. Everyone knows that he and I are nothing more than that. I feel comfortable with him. He gets me when very few people understand me. I don't love Edward, and he sure as hell is not in love with me." I felt my face getting warm at these words. I would not think about another guy romantically when I was in a relationship already. What kind of a girl would that make me? My chest began feeling tight. My breathing became shallow. I sat still and did not speak hoping that Alice would not notice the panic attack that was raging inside of me. Alice kneeled down in front of me and made eye contact.
"Ok Bella. I'm sorry to have upset you." She said placing one of her hands on each of my shoulders. "I was not meaning that you and Edward had something going. I just meant that someone like him would be healthier for you. I did not mean him exactly. How about we just get ready to go out?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry I overreacted. I guess I just don't want anyone to think ill of me." I said resisting the urge to bite my lip or look to the floor. I focused on breathing and the panic attack subsided once more. We both got up and began the frenzy of getting ready. She chose a pair of awesome jeans with a Rent shirt and leather jacket. She also chose boots with a three-inch heel to complete the ensemble. I chose my favorite pair of jeans, a low cut but classy cream-colored shirt with some sparkle to it, and some red and gray Velcro sneakers that looked like they were from the 1980's. I put make-up on and brushed my teeth and we were out the door walking down the green halls and following the dark green carpet with bleach stains to the lobby.
Edward and Jasper sat on Zelda and stood up as we walked through the door. Both had gone to their room and changed. Edward was wearing a dark green shirt that accentuated his emerald eyes, a pair of khaki corduroys, and a brown leather jacket. I had to give him credit. The boy could dress really well. Jasper had gone and changed from his workout pants to a pair of dark wash jeans and a black button down shirt that stood out against his blond hair.
Of course, they had enough time to change and still get out here in time to be waiting for Alice and me. Girls did take forever to get ready after all especially when they also made time for a heart-to-heart chat. Edward stepped forward and offered me his right arm and Alice his left. We both took his arms and he said, "You both look wonderful. Shall we be going?" Edward then nodded his head to the door and Jasper was on his feet and getting the door for Alice and me.
"Where's Emmett?" I asked making my way to the door.
"Rose wanted to go somewhere else for dinner. He said they may meet us afterward." I nodded and continued beside Edward.
We walked down the stairs and the sun was already starting to go down. We turned to the left and headed down Greene Street towards Five Points. Alice broke away from Edward's arm and fell into stride with Jasper, but we all spoke loud enough to enable the conversation to continue with everyone. I did not attempt to withdraw my arm from its link with Edward's and he did not attempt to disengage either.
"So what movie are we going to watch after dinner?" Alice inquired. "I really do not feel like going out if the whole group is not here to go with us." A large amount of people was out of town this weekend for a plethora of reasons. The four of us left rarely left once school began unless forced by a holiday in which the dorms closed.
"The debate starts again," I whispered as I rolled my eyes. Only Edward heard my comment and looked down at me with concern. I just shrugged, mouthed the words, "Don't worry", and kept walking. I tightened my grip on his arm and lay my head on his shoulder as we walked.
Movie nights were sometimes all night events with my group of friends. I always sat in the corner of a large sectional sofa in the common room with Edward and Alice on either side. The thing about movies that was awkward in that setting is that I liked to cuddle, and with my boyfriend ninety miles away, it was sometimes hard to watch certain movies in Preston without feeling either very alone or a little guilty.
"I know what we need to watch!" Alice all but screamed in triumph. "Phantom of the Opera." Damn it! Phantom was a movie I loved and would want to have someone with whom to cuddle. Edward was always willing to cuddle during movie nights, but I could not cuddle with him if Alice was seeing more than friendship to our relationship. I did not want other people seeing what was not there.
"Good choice Alice. That is something we have not watched in awhile. There is something for everyone. Love. Death. Moreover, of course for Emmett there is fire." Edward said with that smirk that he always had when he could poke fun at Emmett. "Sound good Bella?"
"Sounds good to me. But Phantom will require chocolate while watching." Every good movie in our group required food even if we had just eaten before the show began. It also required caffeine as once one movie was done another was put in immediately following.
"Already taken care of. I just stocked my chocolate drawer." Alice answered proud of her immensely perfect timing. After about ten more minutes of chatter about weekend plans, we arrived at the little restaurant snuggled in the heart of Five Points, a division of Downtown Columbia filled with restaurants and bars frequented by college students. The same server who helped us every other time we came in seated us in a booth near the grill. Alice and Jasper sat on one side with Edward and me sitting on the other. She turned to me and asked if I wanted my usual. I nodded, and immediately thought that I ate there excessively often if the server knew what I was going to order. Edward smirked as if he knew what I was thinking, and ordered his food.
"Bella, have you finished reading Ethan Frome for class yet?" Edward turned to me and asked while Jasper and Alice placed there orders. The professor of our American Literature class with the theme of Love: City and Country, which dealt with the differences of how authors handled romance within the city and country in literature, assigned Ethan Frome as one of the book set in the country. These theme classes held much more interest for me then your typical American or British literature classes.
"Oh, I finished that last night. I actually read it in high school. James said that it was ridiculous that I liked it because it was a depressing story that had no real interesting plot." I cringed after saying that and waited for a response. It was never a long wait.
"He what? Does he value your opinion on anything?" There it was. I could not be too upset with him. After all, he had a point. James did not know how to disagree while still showing respect for my opinions.
I looked to Edward and saw his clenched jaw and his eyes rolling. I noticed that the more he heard about James's actions towards me the less patient he got with my staying with him. I longed to be able to explain the relationship to him, but I did not have the nerve to lay all of my insecurities at his feet, although, he probably had figured most of them out by now. Nevertheless, as quickly as his jaw clenched, it relaxed again and he squeezed my hand in a comforting manner. Once again, his supportive nature won out over the desire to protect. Sometimes I felt that it was easier for him to support my less than healthy relationship because it was my choice to stay with James.
"Well, he is just passionate about what he does or does not like. He can be a little insensitive sometimes." I said and I noticed myself looking down as I said it. Why was I sticking up for him again? I felt myself gravitating closer and closer towards the wall. Was I trying to protect myself from criticism as Alice had accused me of earlier?
"He can be a down right jackass." Jasper snorted back uncharcteristaclly. "Why would you stay with him, when you could easily be dating a guy who is crazy about you like…"
"Enough!" Edward raised his voice ever so slightly, but managed to infuse his single word command with enough force to make Alice and Jasper back off. "She knows how we feel about him. It's up to her now to make her decision." Edward's hand, which had grabbed mine under the table, when they first criticized James, withdrew. It was not like Edward to snap at anyone or for his temper to be the least bit out of place. I wondered what I was missing in Jasper's words that could have sparked that emotion. I turned my head and focused on the chef making the fried rice on the grill beside us, and got lost in a world of no coherent thoughts.
"Food's here," Alice said trying to ease the tension of the previous moment. I turned my head and smiled at my roommate. "Looks delicious. I think I may have to stay in Columbia after school just because I do not think I could survive not having Grilled Teriyaki."
"I know. I think I have eaten here almost every week since I moved into Preston. Oh Edward, don't forget that the paper for Ethan Frome will be due before you know it. You know how Dr. Barron can be tough with papers and I know your propensity to think you can write it last minute." I said as I tried to bring back the connection that Edward and I were sharing just seconds before.
"Thanks darling. I will try to finish the book this weekend and start on the paper. You do realize that the paper is not due for another two weeks though right?" His tone was full of laughter. I sighed with contentment that he seemed to return to his usually cheerful demeanor. My passion at getting certain class's work done early always entertained him. "But once again, thanks for looking after me." I felt his hand back on mine, and a smile slowly crept onto my face.
"Ethan Frome? I think I've read that book before." Jasper questioned.
"Yes, you have Jasper. We read it last semester in our English 101 class. Remember Bella helped you with your paper as she had already read it at least once before?" Alice asked rolling her eyes.
"Oh yeah. That was a pretty good book. Poor Ethan Frome. Staying with the old whining bitch because of some sense of warped duty."
"That's one way to look at it. Another way is to say that he was selfless and stayed with someone who had really helped him in his time of need and he was returning the favor." I retorted in a passionate voice that always came out when I spoke of the literary worlds in which I was often happier than in the real world. I could feel my body pulling away from the wall.
"I'm not about to argue with the English major. I do not remember the book well enough." Jasper conceded.
I ate my fried rice out of the boat shaped dish as Alice and Edward began talking about what they were going to be for Halloween. Edward was undecided between being Zorro or a pirate. Alice wanted to be Betty Rubble from the Flintstone. She had also already ordered the dress offline and was expecting its arrival any day now. Jasper was still undecided.
Halloween was a favorite holiday for the people of Preston. The fact that it landed on a Friday this year was even more special. There would be a tea in the afternoon in the Principal's lodge and then there was a party shortly after to Emmett's house as his parents were out of town and lived nearby.
"What are you going to do this year Bell?" Jasper asked.
"I have no idea. I have not dressed up with any degree of excitement since I was in middle school. It was never such a big deal in high school amongst my friends. Maybe if I found the right character."
"We'll have to help you find something. You have to dress up for Halloween. It's like blasphemy if you don't dress up." Jasper was the most into Halloween of us all. He lived for scary movies and horror.
"Bella, why don't you dress as Christine from Phantom? It is one of your favorite movies and we listen to the soundtrack at least twice a week." Leave it to Alice to pick a costume that would require a fancy dress.
"Yeah I bet you could find an outfit like the one she wears when she goes through the mirror with the Phantom. That would be hot." There Jasper goes letting his hormones getting the best of him.
Then, Edward contributed. "That is an awesome idea. You could totally pull it off." He looked at Jasper as he said this, and I could not tell if he was serious or not. I know I should be flattered that they felt that way, but they were college males. They would love to see any female dress like that in real life. I was nothing special.
"I can't wear that. I would not be able to walk out the door of my room." I was chewing the side of my mouth as a said this. How could I wear that in public?
"Oh Bell you now have no choice. You are doing it." Alice demanded.
"Et Tu Alice?" was my only reply as they all chuckled.
We all finished our dinner and paid our tabs. Then we began the walk to Preston. I heard my cell ring and looked down to see who it was. I saw the name and instinctively slipped out of Edward's grasp and began walking faster as I answered. I heard him whisper, "James" to the others.
"Hey Hun." I answered softly.
"Hey listen, I just wanted to let you know that you probably won't hear much from me for awhile. I did not appreciate your tone earlier today. I need some time to myself. You were being a selfish bitch and I just need a break from that for awhile. Oh, and this is not us breaking up, so don't go running to all your friends complaining about what a jerk I am. Also, don't think about running into the arms of another man. Not like you could find one that would take you, slut." The phone disconnected again.
I stopped dead in my tracks. Part of me wanted to scream. The other half of me wanted to cry. Why did he feel the need to say anything? He could have just ignored me. I was in no mood to deal with his shit. Why would he be worried about me going to any other man? I had never cheated on him before. I had never even let the thought enter my mind. I shuttered as I felt an all too familiar hand on my shoulder and tried to keep looking down as he attempted to get me to look him in the eyes.
"Bella, look at me Angel. Please, look at me. I heard what he said." Edward could hear him because the volume on my phone always as high as it could be due to some hearing loss I sustained at an early age from constant ear infections. Edward's voice was soft and tender though I could imagine that familiar clenching in his jaw that was there only seconds prior. I kept looking at the ground. I could see that his knees were bent so that he could be on my level. Edward was a little over a head taller than me. The top of my head hit the top of his shoulder. I could not show anyone my eyes. They couldn't see the hurt that truly lay in them right now. When did James turn into this hateful creature and why had I not stopped it?
"Bella. I need you to look at me. Are you ok?" he said this time with so much concern that I had to look at him, however briefly it would be.
I looked up at him but focused my eyes on his forehead to avoid seeing what lay beyond his olive green eyes. I avoided tears and happily, I did not scream.
Edward kept looking at my face trying to get me to look him in the eyes. His hand lay under my chin trying to get my face to move so that my eyes would meet his. Finally, I caved and looked him in the eyes. What I saw was no surprise. He was concerned, angry, and most importantly patient and tender. When he saw that I would not shrink away, his arm gravitated to my waist and began pulling me towards Preston.
"Alice, when we get to Preston you and Bella go change into something comfortable and grab the chocolate. Jasper, get your DVD player. I'll grab the movie and a pillow. Bella I'm going to let Alice walk you to your room, but I'll come and get you when I change and grab the movie and I'll walk you to the common room. You are not leaving my sight the rest of the night." Edward's tone was full of concern. He kissed the top of my head as we walked. Jasper and Alice were walking and talking quickly to themselves. Edward leaned to me and said, "You could find someone else you know. Not that I'm telling you to, but I just want to make sure you know that you have a choice." I had no fight left in me today. Well, maybe that was not the whole truth; I had no desire to fight with him.
A/N would love reviews! Thanks everyone! Also are we wanting some of Edward's point of view.
Sara