Into The Light
Raph has to listen to someone else's problens and help a stranger find a way forward.
A.N. I don't know if this is likely to offend people. I hope not. Deals with a sensitive subject.
He stood at the edge and looked down into darkness. The moonlight, when it flickered from behind a cloud, cast his shadow before him. It was a long way down, but that was why he was here. He tensed for a second before nearly losing his precarious balance altogether when a gruff, surprised voice cried out from behind;
"The hell you doin' there? Ya crazy?!"
Instincts righted the man before he went over and he briefly cursed his body which didn't seem quite so ready to take the final step as his mind was.
"I'm…" he trailed off, not entirely sure how to put it. "Look, just go away, would you? This…you're breaking my concentration," he finished rather peevishly, knowing just how lame that sounded.
Raph bounded over the rooftops under the night sky. Occasionally the moon would manage to escape the suffocating clouds and would shine desperately before being engulfed again. The odd spat of rain threatened and an air of foreboding hung over New York. It was the sort of night that people preferred to be indoors until dawn brought with it some sort of safety again. Happy-go-lucky (and often exceedingly annoying) Mikey had been down since he'd woken that evening and Leo was lurking in the dojo, meditating with an air of furious concentration which would leave him with a headache and a tongue that could sand wood. Don was blowing things up rather more usual already. Even Splinter was a bit edgy. So Raph went out alone, enjoying his freedom. Then…a movement. The turtle landed and rolled behind a stack on the roof of one of the corporate six-stories. Big, square, flat-roofed thing. Perfect for an ambush.
That was when he saw the dude perched on the edge of the building, peering over as if some rare and fascinating species of bat was flying underneath. He blurted out the first thing that came to mind;
"The hell you doin' there? Ya crazy?!" He regretted it almost immediately as the man slipped and almost went over. He swallowed as the man regained his footing and glared around into the darkness. Oookay…this wasn't good.
Why me? His frazzled mind wondered. How the hell am I supposed ta talk some dude off a roof? I'll probably just scare him inta jumpin'! Damnit, any of the others would have been a better choice for this! He glanced upwards.
"Yeah, thanks a lot," he muttered sourly. The moon peeked out long enough to give a sickly glow and vanished. Not a good omen. He realised he'd missed the man's telling him to go away. He considered it from the shadows before answering.
"No," he said with a hint of a sigh. "I mean really, would you just wander off, "Oh, have a nice evenin', see ya in the afterlife?", and go home fer tea an' pizza if you was me?" he asked reasonably enough. Playing it back in his own mind he winced again. Strike two against Councillor Raphael.
The man seemed to agree as an irritated sigh floated across the roof.
"I didn't want anyone to come," he said sharply.
"Ok." Raph moved slowly closer.
"Its not like I'm, what do the psychologists call it? Looking for attention."
"Ok." Eight feet away, still in the shadows.
"I will jump!"
"Why?"
There was a pause. "It's better if I do." said the man sadly. "Better for everyone."
"How?"
Another pause. The man turned slowly towards the rooftop, away from the threatening darkness. The moon gleamed out weakly again, this time long enough for Raph to see who he was talking to. A thinnish man, in his forties, or fifties, perhaps. No, forties, Raph thought, ignoring the lies that cares and desperation had put into the man's face as lines and concentrating on the eyes. They were a surprisingly intense blue colour, at odds with the rest of his appearance. He had thinning blond hair and stood maybe five-nine tall. All-in-all, fairly non-descript man, except for the eyes.
"What's there to say?" he asked. "It's an old story with one or two original twists in it." Bitter. He told it in a few lines. Marriage problems, couldn't have kids, wife restless and angry. Her family devout Catholic, didn't believe in divorce. Trapped. Trouble with depression. Her having an affair. Then a disastrous, lunatic decision to 'borrow' money at work to try win back his wife. Had gone horribly wrong, almost inevitably, really. He'd paid it back, horrified at what he'd done and the firm had kindly not brought him to court, just quietly laid him off. But it was too late for his belief in himself as an essentially honourable man. The sentences came out in fits and spurts but Raph listened and suppressed the urge to thump the guy.
"So you're just gonna run away?" he asked bluntly. The man flushed.
"With me out of the picture, she'll be free. There are no debts," he added defiantly and Raph almost grinned. Hah, he did have some pride in there still.
"Who are you anyway?" asked the man sharply, seeming to regret the confidence. Raph stepped forward, into the light. The man went bug-eyed and would have fallen except Raphael, quicker and nearer this time, flung himself across the short distance and hauled the man back by his collar.
"Thanks…" gasped the man before pausing, perhaps wondering if that was really appropriate under the circumstances. Wouldn't it be better if had just fallen? But he was a bit intrigued in the stranger now and he turned to face the…giant turtle -with weapons and a headband!- as his dazed mind now took in. The apparition smiled ironically.
"You think you got problems?" it asked.
The man took it rather well, Raph supposed. No running around like a headless chicken, no fainting- just as well, really, considering where he was perched.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. Raph sighed.
"I'm patrolling for, well anything really. Attacks, Foot ninja causin' trouble. You know." He glared again and then burst out.
"You know, what really bugs me is that I go out, bustin' my ass to keep people safe, me an' my bro's risk our lives daily…nightly," he corrected himself. "An' Don's TV- ya just hafta look at it at see all these kids dying- people bein' murdered, civilians dyin' in wars, starvation, shit I can't do nuttin' about except be grateful for what I got, little as it is. And then there's people who are just ready to throw away what they got given- people with good lives! Ya think I nevah wanted at give up? I did! But I kept fightin' cos as crap as it is, nevah to go out in sunlight, nevah to meet other people; or at least ones what don't wanta kill me, it's better then what a lotta people have! Maybe things are pretty bad at the mo, but you're the only one who can change it. You jump now, you check out at the low point, that'll be your memorial, instead of fightin' to make things better and bein' remembered as a guy who nevah jus' gave up!" he finished, finally managing to bite his tongue, the last word coming out slightly muffled.
The man was looking at him in utter shock, turning white, then red, followed by an interesting shade of purple. Raph couldn't tell if it was rage or shame or something else. He was furious, but now at himself. Way to push the guy over the edge, if he wasn't so damned set on jumpin' anyway!
Actually, the man looked more intent on homicide now then suicide. Raph rather hoped he would attack, it'd get him away from the edge as well as get some adrenalin flowing, make him feel more alive.
But the man eventually looked away.
"I don't know if I can change things around," he admitted quietly. "I've been running away for so long…"
"You weren't runnin' away when ya paid that money back," replied Raph quietly. "That was the brave choice."
"I had to do that. I couldn't let that fall on Nita," he replied an for a second there was a flash of someone else, someone not beaten down, some spirit.
There was a pause. Raph filled it.
"So what's your name anyway?"
"Jacob." The word came out after a brief pause. "Jacob Carthew." An indescribable noise followed- somewhere between a snort and a sigh. "It's been a while since I was at all proud to own up to it though."
"Well, this is your chance," he answered carefully. You can get off this roof, go home and try make things better. Be the man who can own up to his name proudly again. Or ya can jump and nevah get the chance again. It's up to you." Raph paused again. If the dude really wanted to kill himself then he'd be back. Raph couldn't watch him forever. And, when it came right down to it, he believed that anyone should have the basic choice of how they wanted to live. Even if it meant ending it. He stepped back from Jacob, praying in a way that he hardly ever did that he was making the right decision. The moonlight flickered bright for a few moments, lighting up the who rooftop. Raph watched the silhouette and hoped.
Jacob stood at the edge and looked down into darkness. The moonlight cast his shadow before him. It was a long way down, but that was why he was here.
Then he made his decision and stepped backwards. Into the light.