Hey. Someone gave me a scathing flame, saying I didn't explain how to create Not-Sues, my characters were actually Sues, etc... Well, even though I think that this shouldn't have to be explained to any writer worth their pens, I figured, whatever, write a guide. How to Create A Not-Sue!
(Oh, and for the record, Mr/Ms. Anon reviewer; Me and Aiden were just having fun. This wasn't intended to be a serious piece of work. Our pokemon in real life aren't all that normal; Cicero is LV 100 and Shiny. Gojira's lv 100, etc... but the Legends were just starters. LEVEL FIVE STARTERS. (Christ on a cracker, people, I frigging MENTIONED THAT! THEY WEREN'T TRAINED BECAUSE THE SUE BELIEVED SHE'D ALWAYS WIN HER FIRST BATTLE!!)
They weren't real Legends, since THEY CAN'T BREED, and that's why it is IMPOSSIBLE to get a 'baby' Mewtwo or Mew, Celebi, etc... And no matter how powerful, a Legend will go down against a more powerful pokemon.
My level 87 BUIZEL beat Diagla. Fucking. BUIZEL.
And the gore at the end? Again, more senseless humor. Every character from the show WOULD fall under a Tyranitar. You'll notice I didn't mention pokemon. Why? Because it was just humans who were under the Sue's influence.
And my murder of the Sue? Again, simple humor. A Sue becomes so annoying you just want to kill her. That scene was a portrayal of that, and the entire feeling of, "That's not right!" you get when you read a story.
So, really, fuck you. It was petty, rude, and unhelpful. Since you're such a lovely writer, I bet you don't even need this guide. So go away, arse monkey.
Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon, and these aren't real writers, just hypothetical ones.)
"YO! SIT THE FRIG DOWN!" A girl screamed. Instantly, every author at the conference snapped to attention. The teen scanned the room. Some boys, few girls... The girl known as Lolita sighed.
"Damn, I could've been getting a manicure right now..." She sat on the desk. "Okay, my name is Lolita. You are all obviously fanfiction writers. Well, great. Today, I am going to teach you how to avoid the most infamous character creation in the ficverse; a Mary-Sue." The girl said solemnly.
The teens tittered to each other. The girl's face hardened. "So, you mock a Sue's power!? Well, then take a look at this!" She yanked a leash. Trudging in sadly, a horrible sight befell the writers.
A Suicune with a rainbow mane and pink fur stood before them. A bow was in it's crown. The once-proud goddess of the waters was a... "Sue-mon." The girl said grimly. The authors gasped. A scrawny girl of twelve raised her hand.
"Ms Lolita... I have a striped Glameow in my fanfic. Is it a Sue-mon?" The girl shook her head. "No... Ms, Sky, was it?" The girl grinned sheepishly.
"Actually, I myself had done a few recolors in my fics. Helalyn and Cheshire are both black." She released said pokemon, a Milotic and a Persian. "See, recolors or shiners are fine. But you need a legit reason for them being there. And an explanation. How do other pokemon view them? As gods? Monsters? Give a decent explanation. Don't just do 'this pokemon was special colored for this special trainer." The girl finished.
Another writer, a male, raised his hand. "Lolita, what about nicknames?" The girl nodded, and turned to the board. "Well, nicknames are a MUST. MUST. But a good nickname is imperative too. How many of you—and be honest, have either authored or read a fic with the following pokemon with the following names?" She flipped the board over. Written on it was the following:
BLAZE: CHARMANDER, CHARMELON, ETC...
CERBERUS: HONDOUR/HOUNDOOM
SILVER: SQUIRTLE, LUGIA
SHOCK/ZAP/ELECTRIK: PIKACHU/PICHU/RAICHU
Almost everyone raised their hands. The girl sighed. "I know. See, most unoriginal authors see the story pokemon as cardboard cutouts, necessary to the plot only as side effects." She released a few more pokemon. These were an Umbreon, an Absol, and a Jolteon. "These are a few of my pokemon. Their names are Cicero, Merope, and Kyuuri. All have personalities, feelings, and a past." She said this firmly.
"It is key that you realize this; YOUR POKEMON ARE YOUR PARTNERS. If you don't want to write a Pokemon story with pokemon in it, go write another fic." She took a breath and continued.
"Next, naming. Your character's name is obviously important. Some names NOT to choose are anything wordy, cliché, or too nonsensical."
She wrote a few names down. "Here we have a few of my own design as examples: Melody Swansong, Skye, Ashlee/Ashley, and anything remotely Japanese such as 'Neko', 'Kitsune', or 'Kami'." She slammed her fist into the board. The writers inched back. This girl was a good writer, but she was a BIT crazy.
"If you wish to do a Japanese name, add more than that. Some culture, music, and other such references are important for a fic with a protagonist with a name such as Neko Kami-chan." The girl slid her glasses up her nose. "Anyways, next we have looks." She held up a diagram.
"First, hair. Can it be a non-human color? Totally. But it has to STAY that one color, unless you describe dyeing it. And it can't change colors in the sun or from psychic powers, no matter WHAT. I don't care HOW powerful your OT is. Hair doesn't change color from pink to green in the sun." She pointed to the next thing.
"Now. Eyes. They are EYES, not 'orbs'. Bull. Eyes are also one, maybe two, colors. Not fifteen. And your eye color very rarely changes from 'feelings'."
Ironic, then, that the authoress' eyes flashed black before she could continue. She took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes, laughing.
"Sorry, don't mind Kiddo. She's just mad I haven't let her out. Anyway... next, for all you female writers, BOOBS." She then giggled.
"Sorry, but anyway; a natural, human body has only so much fat and mammary glands. A regular chest size is anywhere from AA to DD. Not F. Or G. Or any other letter of the alphabet. And no, ten year olds don't wear bras. And your character's weight must be in accordance with their chest size. Skinny character? Flat chest. Stocky character? Then she can have tits."
She sighed. "For the last bit on body structure, I'd like to apologize for focusing on women. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm singling you out, but I don't see as many boys with perfect features. For the record, however; ten year olds are kids. They are going to have baby fat still. Your OT's sixteen? Again, according body type, good and bad, of a teen."
She took a breath. "Now, what next... ah, yes! Powers!" She gestured to the others. "How many of you write stories where the OT can talk to pokemon?" Everyone raised their hands. Lolita shrugged. "It's okay. Hell, I have a story up centered around that. But what you can't do is give them powers outside of canon. Psychic powers? Last time I checked, those were psi pokemon's territory, not humans." She gestured to an Espeon's picture.
"Flight? Not unless they're pokemorphs. In which case, give a good explanation. Even Team Rocket is fine. Anything else is overkill. Pokemon have most of the power, not the trainer." She sat down.
"Well, that's the basic guide. Any other questions?" One girl raised her hand. "Yes, um, what about Legendaries?" Lolita drummed her fingers on the table. "Good frigging question. Legendaries are fine, just not as starters. And how do your other pokemon see this? Do they refuse to fight him/her, believing it to be sacrilege?" She raised an eyebrow.
"How did you come across this Legendary? And they must not be too over powerful. For example, you could beat a hypothetical Mewtwo if you fought it with a Dark or Bug type with higher stats. In that case, being a Legend doesn't mean shit."
She said bluntly. The girl nodded. A boy raised his hand. "Speaking of Legendary starters, what about starters in general?" Lolita thought. "Okay, this is a bit complicated. The thing is, if you start in a canon region, use the canon starters. Don't like that? Do a different region, or create your own.
Aeroh had my favorite starters from all of the generations. But you can't have a Cyndaquil in Kanto unless you give an explanation. And if you choose not to start with any canon starter, fine. But you have to get a pokemon that can evolve. Like a..."
She thought. "Hm. This is up to you, really, but I would suggest something that evolves about one, two times. And unless your character's rich, don't make it a stone ev." Another writer, this one fifteen with brown hair, raised her hand.
"Ms. Lolita, what about Eevee?" Lolita winced. "I knew this was gonna come up. Okay, I love Eevee. And all it's evolutions. Hell, I have, like, twenty. But your OT really shouldn't start with an Eevee. The only logical scenario for an Eevee starter would be if Professor Oak/Elm/Birch/Rowan died, and was replaced with Bill. And what does Bill breed? Eevees.
So yes, in that situation, Eevees are fine. But remember, you can always catch one later."
The bell rung, signaling the end of the conference. Lolita sighed. "All right, brats, hope this helps! We may continue this later, but if not..." She threw a smoke pellet down. Just before the teen writers ran, they heard, "DAMNIT MERLIN, I'M GETTING SICK OF THIS!!"
(More questions? Send them in a review! I'll do a sequel!)