Bring It Chapter 1: Bitch, it's on!, a naruto fanfic

A/N: YOLO! So I had this plot bunny for a long time, and just so you know, this is my first time at writing a SasuNaru piece. It'll be in omniscient point of view, so beware of wild character surfing. Although, I like to just stick to very few characters' points of view. This won't be a long fiction as it's experimental. Gotta see if I have a hand for writing fiction in the first place. So look forward to it being done in ten chapters or less. Before hand, I apologize for the craziness and the OOC-ishness of the characters, but it's complete humor wrapped in a romantic ribbon. I can't handle angst very well, and in order to perform these humorous acts within the story, the characters have to be molded a little.

Anyways, I hope enjoy this chapter as much as I did writing it. I edited it as best as I could so if you find mistakes, let me know cause ya know, editing yourself could never amount as to letting some else see the flaws of your work. At last, ciao y'all, and please review when you can't scroll anymore!

Chapter One: Bitch, it's on!

There were only two words to effectively describe that moment in time. And Kisame had clearly stated what had been on everyone's mind on the 96th floor of the Uchiha Corp. building.

"Oh…shit."

Kisame nearly busted a disc in his spine when he bolted out of his private office. Workers had already scrambled in earnest to make it to the elevators in time. Papers were strewn all over the floor and the horrid screams of those already caught in the dead wake of their boss were being echoed all over.

"Oh…shit, oh shit, oh shit, shit, shit!"

Dodging more scampering co-workers, Kisame had rounded the corner of several aisles of cubicles, and finally rooted himself at the scene of the crime.

His boss, what Spectacular magazine had named the sexiest man alive, was trying his best to stuff the hair (of what would have been his new assistant) into a paper shredder. Cowering not a few paces away from him had been brave souls who probably tried and failed to save the poor assistant.

From experience, Kisame was well aware of his boss' short temper, and outright insaneness, but it never ceased to amaze him how crazy the man could get. And most of the time it was over the stupidest things a person could possibly imagine.

"Itachi-san, stop!" Kisame shouted.

Just in time too, as he noticed that his boss successfully jammed the paper shredder with the assistant's hair, and was aiming to turn it on. The frightening man, President of Uchiha Corp., extremely gorgeous as Uchiha Itachi (aka 'The Devil in Disguise'), turned his cool gaze onto Kisame.

It took all of Kisame's nerve not to visibly flinch at the intensity of the gaze. The man wasn't even glaring.

"Kisame, what do you think your doing?" came his smooth voice.

Smiling weakly, Kisame stepped forward, earning some gasps from the cowering workers.

"Just wondering what you were doing?"

Frowning, his boss let go of the assistant, who was too frightened to even squirm or run, and inclined his head.

"Well, you see, Kisame, I was about to punish this girl for her insolence." Itachi said, as if it was an everyday occurrence (which wasn't to far from the truth).

"Might I ask what she did wrong?" Kisame responded.

Itachi let his perfectly shaped eyebrow rise up in response, as if Kisame questioning him had been the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"She got me the wrong nail polish, Kisame." Itachi snapped, eyes hardening, nostrils flaring. "Look!"

He flung the offensive thing towards Kisame and the man barely caught it in time before it met a splattering fate with the floor.

In his hand, Kisame held a red-orange bottle of nail polish. Nervously, Kisame shakily counted with his free hand what day it was.

From the looks of things, it was Wednesday, and that clearly meant on Wednesday, it is always teal. Teal nail polish, teal tie, teal shirts (on occasion), teal sports car being driven, teal colored mug to be used, teal sun glasses, teal case for Itachi's MacBook…

Wednesday was and always would be teal day.

"I am sincerely sorry, Itachi-san, for her insolence. Why don't you just fire her? That's what you usually do."

Itachi snorted while turning back to his tormented victim.

"I can't fire her because she is a temp until Nagato returns from visiting his sick mother. Until then, he has f-for…"

"While I am gone, you are forbidden from firing workers left and right unless they do something that could harm the company, not your personal life issues," came Nagato's cold and commanding voice.

Kisame definitely picked up on where his boss trailed off. In all his years, Kisame never met anyone who could contend with the likes of Uchiha Itachi save for his baby brother, and his assistant, 'Mr. Can-Do-Anything', Uzumaki Nagato.

"Of course, how about I take it from here then, Itachi-san. You don't want to have to dirty your hands, and—"

Snapping a glance at his watch, Kisame couldn't help but secretly smile.

"—You wouldn't want to miss your lunch-date with Sasuke-san now would you?"

The moment Kisame mentioned Uchiha Itachi's baby brother's name, the maniacal boss whirled on him, his face (still not showing a inch of emotion) brightened (think of pale becoming paler).

"Why yes, I do have a lunch-date…"

"Oh, and look at the time. Alright, Kisame I expect you to punish her thoroughly, I better not see her come tomorrow morning with the same amount of hair on her head." Itachi said briskly before turning on his heel and heading back into his office.

With a sigh of relief, Kisame began motioning co-workers that were peering behind and above their cubicles (having been watching the scene intently) to return to their duties.

"Oh my kawaii little otouto, aniki will be with you soon." Itachi muttered when he came back out of the office, pulling his blazer on, and suitcase in hand.

He started walking, barely giving the still female assistant a glance, and aimed for the elevators.

"Kisame," Itachi said, suddenly pausing mid-step.

Kisame paled slightly, and acknowledge his boss with a faint yes. It was then that Itachi gave him an squinty look, before shaking his head.

"Never mind, I will see you tomorrow morning. I intend to take the rest of the day off today and spend it with my precious baby. And…tell someone to clean this mess up. There are papers, trash, and some hysteric looking employees everywhere. I don't run a zoo here."

"Yes sir," Kisame said before watching the retreating back of his boss.

In all honesty, Hoshigaki Kisame could never truly fathom why he chose to work under this man. Then again, he'd remind himself that apart from all the other jobs (that probably had less stressful bosses) they'd never pay him as good as he's paid here.

After all, he knew Itachi far longer than anyone could imagine.

"What do you think of this, koi?" Itachi said excitedly as he bended his newspaper and showed an article he had been reading.

Uchiha Sasuke, the precious, most beloved baby brother of Uchiha Itachi, didn't bother to chance the older man with a glance. Opting to continue texting on his slick iPhone. Every now and then a smirk would grace his handsome features when his phone tinged, notifying him of another message.

Pouting because he received no response, Itachi slid the paper onto Sasuke's plate. He then used his foot to 'rubba-dub-dub' up Sasuke's leg causing said male to jerk in his seat.

"Fuck," Sasuke cussed. "Stop doing that shit, Itachi—"

"Aniki!" Itachi snapped frowning.

Sasuke looked at him with a confused expression, "What?"

Sighing, Itachi slumped in his chair (though it didn't appear so as Uchiha's were genetically incapable of deplorable mannerisms).

"How many times have I told you to call me aniki, or even onii-chan? You used to do it so often when you were younger. And it was so cute! I remember I'd come home from school, and you'd run up to me in your cute little school-boy uniform, and be all sweaty from playing and over exerting yourself, and then you'd be there, waiting for me, and all breathless, moaning to me 'aniki, aniki, I wanna play—"

"Shut the fuck up, you sick fuck." Sasuke snapped, his face turned a bright pink, and he was warily looking around, hoping no one heard his brother's lewd soliloquy.

At this, Itachi huffed while reaching for his wine glass.

"A-are y-you fucking mad?" Sasuke continued, enraged. "And this is why I want to move out. You're crazy!"

Itachi did his best to resist the urge to roll his eyes, as that would be the un-Uchiha thing to do. He only smirked instead and leaned forward, elbows propped on the table, taking a small sip from his wine.

"Do you know how cute it is when you blush, my precious?" Itachi husked.

"My little virgin brother…"

With all the agitation in the world, Sasuke groaned before slapping his hand to his face, and slumping in his seat. Unlike his brother, he wasn't averse to displaying deplorable mannerisms (there was an exception in his genetic coding).

"Who the fuck said I was a virgin anyways." Sasuke said, sounding irritable.

He removed his hand from his face but continued to sulk. Itachi, on the other hand, seemed to be going through a mini-seizure.

"Excuse me? What did you say?"

Sasuke looked pointedly at his brother before a wicked smirk graced his face. That's right, his big brother wasn't aware of his exploits and explicit relations with the fine citizens of Konoha, he's brother seemed to have create this delusion that Sasuke was a blossoming, pubescent boy that had yet to have his cherry popped.

"I said, I'm not a virgin," Sasuke cocked his neck upward, his smirk changing into a grin that threatened to eat his face. "I fuck, and I like it."

Crack

Well, there went that expensive wine glass, Sasuke thought as he watched runny red wine drip from his brother's hand. The man had a killer aura about him, and suddenly their table was the elephant in the room, with everyone's attention bearing down upon them. And here, Sasuke was hoping to avoid that.

As for Itachi, he was in between the ideas lunging over the table and sexually assaulting his brother, rightfully claiming him and letting everyone know who he belonged to, or finding out the vermin that dare to touch the beauty that was his sweet, delectable baby boy.

However, with some saneness about him, Itachi swallowed in a deep amount of air, flared his nostrils, sought out his happy place, and calmed himself. As tempting as molesting his brother sounded, the idea of his delicious baby brother's bum and other lovely parts being broadcasted (because surely who wouldn't record them in their sexiness) all over the world.

Sasuke was his, and his alone, dammit. As for the vermin, Itachi had his ways of finding out whom, what, and where.

"I'm going to pretend that you didn't say anything at all Sasuke. And if you care to continue enjoy the freedom of going to college, and enjoying life, watch your tongue." Itachi said with deadly precision.

Scowling, Sasuke turned his head, so much for having the upper hand. Unfortunately for Sasuke, Itachi's guardianship over him wouldn't end until he was 21, and he was only on the rip age of 19 at the moment.

Thanks to some tinkering, loopholes, and Nagato's mad computer skills, Itachi insured Sasuke couldn't slip from his grasp the moment he turned 18. And it wasn't like Sasuke hadn't thought of running away, but he liked his money (screw it, he was spoiled as hell), and if dealt with right, he knew how to handle and tolerate Itachi's nuttiness.

Having calmed himself down, Itachi opted to change the subject since he obviously made his point clear, and went back to the matter he wanted to share with Sasuke earlier.

Chuckling Itachi reached over with his free hand, and tapped the newspaper that was atop Sasuke's plate.

"Read it, otouto."

Sasuke served his brother with a glare before picking up the newspaper with as little delicacy as possible. Sneering at his brother, Sasuke glanced down at the article on the page.

In bold lettering it read, 'KUMO MAKES HISTORY'. Sasuke frowned at this, what the hell did Kumo have anything to do with anything?

"Just read, little brother." Itachi said, gaging Sasuke's expressions. He's brother was like an open book.

Resisting the urge to peer over the newspaper and serve his brother a nasty wad of spit (oh, how he hated how demanding his brother could be), he continued to read the article.

Underneath the headlines, Sasuke began to make out a government announcement that caught the public attention of the whole world. From what Sasuke could read so far, it had to do with marriage:

'…It is an astounding breakthrough; say many of the citizens of Kumo. Much of the elderly citizens, of course, and those neighboring the cloudy country have found it to abhor. As it were, the government of Kumo, after long deliberation and many pushes from the younger generation, has decreed that incest is legal, and that marriage between one's siblings, parent, cousin, etc., whether by blood or by documentation is legally accept—'

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Sasuke shouted, practically surging out of his seat, face ablaze with incredulousness and flaming red.

Itachi blinked, glancing through his peripheral vision at the servers and customers. Coughing lightly, he leaned further over the table.

"Little brother, manners." He whispered gently.

Sasuke, however, was having none of that. He began to rip the newspaper in to shreds with such maddening speed over his plate. He didn't stop there; he had grabbed the lit candle from the table next to them, startling the couple sitting there, and set the shredded pieces blazing.

Cackling over the burning fire (craziness seemed to run in the family), which led many customers to launch from their seats, screaming and scampering away, Sasuke sneered in Itachi's direction (who was currently pinching the bridge of his noise).

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" Sasuke snarled.

Itachi leaned back in his chair, removing his hand from his face, and finally acknowledging that his other hand was covered in wine, took the clothe that wrapped his silverware, and began to clean his hand.

"Answer me, dammit!"

Itachi sighed; finally he leveling his brother with a cool look.

"You've been mumbling about wanting to move out since you were 18. So, as the wonderful brother I am, I began searching for us a new home. And lo and behold, Kumo has rather beautiful manors available," Itachi began to chuckle at this point before unleashed a rather lecherous look towards his brother. "And now that law has passed, no one can prevent me from binding us eternally. Not only by blood, the fluid of our loins and sex, but by legality as well!"

Shock, and disgust were only the two words Sasuke could even process.

And the worst of this speech, Sasuke acknowledge was that his brother was serious. If he were any lesser of a man, Sasuke would be screaming 'RAPE' at the top of his lungs and running out of the restaurant like a fat kid strapped to a jetpack backpack.

There only two options in this scenario, Sasuke debated mentally.

He could either A) run for his life, find a cop, unleash a bucket load of sexual harassment stories about him and his brother, be a media sensation, and forever live in a cardboard box under the bridge (because Sasuke knew how much Itachi couldn't stand filth, the OCD bastard), or B) take it like a Uchiha, and walk out with his head held high. Then when out of the restaurant, scram like a bitch running' from her pimp daddy.

Swallowing dryly, Sasuke decided option B was the best choice, and slowly edged around his chair and away from the flaming table. Itachi was watching him like a hawk, eyes narrowed and ready to pounce on him like Kanye snatching the mic from Taylor Swift, one little slip and Sasuke would be butt raped and labeled 'Itachi's bitch' for life.

"Well…" Sasuke began, clearing his throat.

Silence egged between the two, Itachi restless with Sasuke's slow reaction, stood up from his chair as well. Sasuke knew it was now or never or he'd be doomed for an eternity (though he may already be).

Thinking quickly, Sasuke darted his eyes to one of the restaurant's windows, and let out a fake squeal and gasp (take heed that Sasuke would never act life that, ever).

"Oh fuck, is that Lady Gaga!"

Itachi frowned at Sasuke, and before he could open his mouth Sasuke began to hop up and down rather uncharacteristically.

"It is fucking Gaga, and she's wearing…teal post-it notes as a dress!" Sasuke said, adding the last part to seal the deal on Itachi's attention.

Itachi's eyes nearly bugged out at the mention of teal, and he swiveled on his heel to look at the window Sasuke was staring at. The moment he did, Sasuke took this prime opportunity and made a mad dash for the door.

Frowning, Itachi glared at the window, eyes scoring the bustling streets to see his favorite music singer. However, his eyes only ended up seizing Sasuke at the window with a smug look on his adorable face.

"Otouto—"

Sasuke smirked widely, and with a voice so loud, screamed, "You'll never suck my dick, bitch!"

With such boldness Itachi didn't realize his brother had, he got a delicious eyeful of Sasuke flashing his beautiful package at him before the boy was running for his life down the streets of Konoha.

For a moment, Itachi couldn't help but gap. Though the distance was obscure, and his baby brother's penis was not fully exposed (as he would have or would not of liked, considering the circumstance), Itachi couldn't help but feel a ripple of excitement run through him.

The last time he got to see his adorable brother's manhood was when the boy was 13, and he had caught him drunk off his ass and swimming nude in their pool.

"Oh," Itachi moaned softly before his own wicked smirk took hold of his handsome face.

By then the restaurant was empty, and for those that did stay they were now scampering away after taking a look at Uchiha Itachi's sinister face.

"It's on, baby brother, it is on. I shall make you thoroughly mine, once and for all." Itachi stated with clarity to the room.

He then tipped his head back and let out a roar of cackling madness. He was never one to back down from a challenge, and little did Sasuke know, he had just initiated one.

Itachi paced furiously.

Two weeks, two fucking weeks, and Itachi had not seen nor heard from his beloved baby brother. He could be dead in a ditch somewhere and just the thought of it made Itachi's blood run cold.

"Where could he be?" Itachi scowled.

They had tried everything, yet nothing availed. They over exhausted every GPS tracker that Itachi ever bugged on Sasuke. The one in his shoes, the one in his clothes, in his phone, in his car, in his books, in his room, in his credit cards, in his cash, in his socks, in his jewelry, but nothing, NOT A THING came up.

It was like Sasuke vanished out of thin air.

Dissipated.

Disappeared.

Perished.

FUCKING POOFED!

They truly had tried everything, and by meaning they, they were Itachi and his two trusty sidekicks Nagato and Kisame.

"What about us, un?" a voice shot back.

Itachi paused in his pacing. Looking around for the source of the voice, Itachi's eyes landed on annoying blonde hair, and dumbass blue eyes. The guy just spoke volumes of idiocy. For a moment, Itachi wondered if the man was alien or not for he had a metal contraption over his left eye. Think back though as to why he even bothered to look upon the pathetic excuse for human scum (there were far prettier human scum), Itachi realized that this blonde thing may have just read his mind, but that was absurd of course.

No one could read Uchiha Itachi's mind, nevertheless, he decided to bless the idiot with an answer. He seemed like one those men that'd have a vagina suddenly if you ignored them for too long.

"Ah, yes, you…all of you." Itachi muttered under his breath.

Glaring at all the occupants in his secret HQ, which was not so secret since it was located in the basement of his house.

He had forgotten he had sought aid of the belligerent, bumbling, babbling buffoons* of his old ragtag gang that he scrounged up in high school, Akatsuki. Unfortunately for him, those nincompoops did have some beneficial talents, which was why Itachi even bothered to retain their contact information even after high school.

Disregarding that matter though, Itachi refocused his attention on his missing, possibly a rape or murder victim, baby brother. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest like a ferociously large lion trapped in shoebox cage.

"Oh, my sweet, sweet Sasuke," Itachi moaned as he looked longingly at a blown up picture of Sasuke jerking off on his on the couch in his room.

The picture was screen shot from Itachi's hidden cameras, which had been constructively placed in Sasuke's room.

Itachi nearly died in his board meeting, as it just so happened that day (three years ago) he was in a meeting when he decided it was too unworthy to pay attention to, and decided to check on his kawaii otouto.

And there was Sasuke, in his bedroom, lounging on his couch watching hardcore porn (which Itachi had noted that he'd have to locate the stash and burn it before replacing it with hardcore porn of himself), a hand shoved deep in his boxers, fisting and pulling the cock which Itachi desired to do nothing but suck until it was bone dry.

Sighing, Itachi replayed the memory over and over in his mind. He kept even the video of his otouto masturbating as a special DVD and would watch it at night before he went to bed. It nearly became a religion to do so. And his cute little Sasuke plushie would be the singular audience to his devious acts.

"Itachi-san, I think I found something!" Kisame suddenly exclaimed.

Itachi snapped from his musings and bounded on Kisame, towering the seated man who was hunched in front of several computer screens.

"Is he at school?" Itachi snapped.

"No, his college is currently on break. Three weeks actually." Kisame noted.

"Is he out of the country?"

"No, he's still in Konoha—"

Kisame started, and he was about to explain but Itachi shot on with another question.

"Is he dead?"

"No, that's—"

"Has he been raped?"

"No—"

"Has his corpse been found? Did he buy anything with his credit card? Was he spotted anywhere? Is he living in a cardboard box under a bridge because he knows how much I hate filth and wouldn't dare—"

"FUCKING NO ITACHI!" Kisame bellowed while jolting out of his seat, and turning to face Itachi.

This time he towered the other male. And Itachi could only look blankly at the man. Honestly, Itachi wondered what was the blue man's problem?

"Are you still upset about losing an audition to join the Blue Man group?" Itachi questioned, squinting at Kisame.

The man sputtered while blushing, "NO! That was like ten fucking years ago!"

"Well then why did you call me over here?" Itachi complained.

At this point, a tiny voice was encouraging Kisame to choose any item in the room and off himself with it, or better yet, the maddening Uchiha standing before him.

"If you didn't continuously keep asking dumb, shitty-ass questions, then I would've gotten to the bottom of it!" Kisame half-screamed in Itachi's face.

Itachi huffed, narrowing his eyes, "I'm not paying you to blame others for your own misdoings and stupidity, I want answers! Where's my precious baby?"

Kisame nearly groaned, feeling that familiar twitching sensation he always had when he was on the verge of choking someone blue. That's right, Kisame thought, he'd choke Itachi till he was Blue, and then audition his Uchiha ass for the Blue Man group.

"Ahem," came a cough, snapping Kisame from his thoughts.

Both Kisame and Itachi turned their faces towards the direction of said cough. Standing in his utmost pristine was none other than Uzumaki Nagato, crisp tan coat on one arm, and hair neatly cropped on head while smiling (eyes closed and all) with such chilling elegance that would make a grown man weep with fear.

"I see I've come at a reasonable time." Nagato said before being jumped by Itachi (more like Itachi suddenly popping his personal bubble, and rubbing circles on Nagato's cheek, reassuring himself he was real).

"My little messenger, you've finally returned! I've been miserable without you. That wretched winch you—"

"I know, Kisame told me everything." Nagato said.

He clasped a hand on Itachi's and opened his eyes to reveal calm, wise purple eyes. He then removed his superior's hand and turned to look at Kisame.

"I believe you had something to share with the class, Kisame." Nagato spoke.

Now every member of Akatsuki stopped their work, and was watching what was happening amongst the three men.

"Y-yeah," Kisame sputtered before turning to look at the screen.

Clicking some buttons, Kisame caused the largest of the computer screens to pop up a name with information on it.

"I found out that Sasuke was last seen hanging around an elementary school." Kisame began.

He did more clicking a picture of the elementary school appeared with a (surprisingly) well-disguised Sasuke sitting under a tree, on a bench, watching children run around playing in a playground.

"What in seven hells?" Itachi gasped.

As far as he knew, his brother thought children were the spawns of demons set out to destroy the world, and make him celibate for life.

"Yeah, that's exactly what I though, as I was saying though, gathering more information from my sources, I found out from one of my trackers that Sasuke has been seen coming and going from the elementary school with a blonde male companion."

"I've also had someone on the inside, and they easily gave me the name of that man. He's name is Uzumaki Naruto."

By then Itachi was already shaking with rage at the mention of a male companion (and of all things, a blonde), but now he was nearly bursting with anger.

"UZUMAKI?" Itachi screeched at the top of his lungs.

He whirled on his personal assistant, and snarled at him. Livid beyond imagine, Itachi could hardly believe his beautiful Nagato was a traitorous bi—

"I prefer you don't refer to me as a female dog, it's highly insulting. And as for your brother, I knew nothing of this. However, I do know an Uzumaki Naruto. He is my cousin, twice removed. I haven't spoken to him in quite some time though."

At this, Itachi settled down, and once again realized that somehow and someway, someone yet again managed to read his mind (completely oblivious to the fact he had been talking aloud), He really need to find a way to prevent these fools from infiltrating his mind, maybe that unfashionable contraption that that blonde, speech impediment weirdo wore prevented such nuances.

Of course, all that was beside the point as Itachi had a rather distressing matter to deal with. Was Nagato a bitch ass traitor?

"I want you to swear on Mr. Snuggle-Muffins grave!" Itachi hissed.

Nagato sighed (it was apparent this wasn't his first time swearing on the dead thing) before raising one hand up, and solemnly swearing Mr. Snuggle-Muffins (he was Itachi's beloved cat until Sasuke drowned the poor thing, by accident or not, in their bathtub. He was 13 at the time and Sasuke 6) that he had nothing to do or knew anything about Sasuke's disappearance, location, and sexual endeavors.

Silence prevailed after the declaration while Itachi staggered back, thoroughly exhausted, and slightly relieved. He didn't think he could handle Nagato betraying him, and he was at least thankful Sasuke was alive and apparently healthy.

Kindly enough the blonde bimbo that Itachi finally recognized as Deidara pushed a seat behind him to catch his fall.

Bending over, Itachi tapped his foot while the other occupants remained silent and awaiting their leader's orders.

"Kisame," Itachi eventually said while raising his head up.

"Yes, Itachi-san?" Kisame questioned.

"Do we have an address?"

"Actually…no."

Itachi snapped his head in Kisame's direction. The man paled a bit and pursed his lips before scratching the back of his head nervously.

"You see… Uzumaki Naruto isn't on the grid, sir. In fact, if it weren't for his job at Konoha Elementary, we wouldn't have even gotten his name."

"And why is he not filed, tracked, whatever it is the government likes to do to people?" Itachi screeched once again, now standing on his toes and furious.

"I can explain that one." Nagato offered. "His grandmother works in up in the magistrate and his mother is a severely paranoid woman due to her husband's spontaneous death many years ago (he died of drinking fucking eggnog). So with permission from the daimyo (and many connections), they were wiped off the grid."

Itachi couldn't have been more furious than he was now. How could someone have more connections then he did in the government?

"FUCKING HELL!" Itachi screamed causing all his employees to jump back as if whiplashed.

It wasn't everyday that the highly composed Uchiha went ape-shit…

So okay, he went ape-shit everyday in the sense of wanting to rule the world, or killing people, but not like this. Not out of control like this.

"Nagato," Itachi breathed heavily as he wobbled to his assistant. "I need it now. I-I needs i-it now. Now, Nagato!"

Blinking, Nagato scored his brain trying to register what his boss desired before his brain finally clicked all his neurons together.

Unfortunately though, Nagato had the intentions of bringing what Itachi currently desired from the man's kitchen, but that had not been the case.

"I'm afraid, Itachi-san, you are out of Nutella." Nagato said.

Itachi looked wide-eyed at Nagato, "WHAT?"

"My apologize, sir, but I will buy you some as soon as possible. However, I did find a note in your secret stash pantry, mind you the Nutella was gone from there too." Nagato continued.

Pulling from his shirt pocket, he handing the yellow post-it note to Itachi. Shakily, the half-crazed Uchiha looked at the neatly scrawled writing of his beloved baby brother.

'Although I fucking hate sweets, I knew this would piss you royally. So I swiped your stash of shitty Nutella and have every fucking intention of using the shit on my fat dick and shoving said dick down my boy-toy's throat before shoving it up his sweet, tight ass hole.

Sexily not yours,

Uchiha FUCKING ASS HOLE EVERY DAY Sasuke'

Oh Sasuke, Sasuke, Itachi thought as he crumpled the paper in his hand, a murderous aura radiating from him. Two of his dearest things, Sasuke and Nutella combined but unfortunately being corrupted by a blonde cocksucking whore.

Oh Sasuke, Sasuke, how the list of Itachi crafted punishments reached 32, and Itachi would enjoy dealing out each and every one of those punishments because he had only one thing on his mind to this second challenge that Sasuke issued:

Bitch, it was on like Titty Kong.

"Uh, I believe the expression is Diddy Kong, un." Deidara intervened.

Having that be the last straw for Uchiha Itachi, he whirled on the poor blonde and exploded in his face.

"SILENCE YOU MIND READING FOOL!"

*That alliteration was not taken word for word, but it is from Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince. All rights belong to J. K. Rowling.

Please review, and thank you for reading.