Summary: "I mean, it's positively disturbing." The Doctor's seeing a pattern here…interlude between Flesh and Stone and Vampires in Venice.
A/N: I watched Flesh and Stone again and a bunny bit me. Don't ask. No really, don't. Set between Flesh and Stone and Vampires in Venice.
Amy stumbled as the Doctor shoved her into the TARDIS.
"Oh, come on…" said Amy, but the Doctor had already passed her and begun a spastic dash around the console.
"No! No, no, no, no, no!" His voice bounced up and down in a different tone for each word, and he punctuated the last one with a slam of a lever.
"Why not?" Amy demanded petulantly. "Am I that unattractive?"
The Doctor turned to face her, eyes livid with indignation. "No! No, you're lovely! But it doesn't matter!"
Amy placed her hands on her hips. "What do you mean, it doesn't matter?"
The Doctor threw his arms up in exasperation. "It doesn't matter because you're young, I'm old, you have a fiancé, and I am through snogging girls who had me as an imaginary friend!"
Amy blinked. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, but it certainly wasn't that.
"I mean, it's positively disturbing," the Doctor continued, wringing his hands. "One minute, nice little girl – sweet, innocent, little girl. Turn my back for one second, turn back around – " He slammed a fist into his other hand. "Boom! All grown-up and snogging me!"
"Who else snogged you?" asked Amy, face scrunched up in fury. "No wait, who else had you as an imaginary friend?" She trembled in outrage. "Do you make a habit of that, stalking little girls and picking them up when they're grown? You're sick!"
"You're the one who snogged me, thank you very much."
"Who else?" Amy demanded, poking him in the chest with a very angry finger.
The Doctor pushed her finger away and huffed, "Madame de Pompadour."
"Madam de Pop-tart-what's it?"
"No, Pompadour," the Doctor corrected, hands gesturing wildly. "Found a hole in space-time leading from a spaceship to her fireplace. Went through fireplace, saved six-year-old girl from the evil droid under her bed, walked back through the fireplace, popped back out and what do I find?"
Amy didn't understand a word he'd just said, but he gave her no opportunity to answer.
He smacked his hand off the side of his head and continued, "A grown woman, that's what! She'd aged twenty years in less than a minute! And of course, the first thing a normal, sane person does when her imaginary friend walks through her fireplace twenty years later is snog him!" He paused. "Not that it was bad. Rather brilliant, actually."
Amy rolled her eyes, having given up on understanding the entire rant.
"But really, it's an Oedipus complex if I ever heard one. Freud would have a field day with you and Madame both!" He paused again. "Haven't seen Sigmund in awhile. Perhaps he should meet you. No, never mind – he should definitely meet you."
Amy glared at him. "I did not decide to travel through time and space so I could see another shrink. I've had enough of those, thank you!"
"Fine!" the Doctor snapped, whirling back to the console and setting coordinates.
"Fine?" Amy repeated, surprised to have won so quickly.
"Fine, we're not going to see Freud." The Doctor turned back to her, and folded his arms in front of him in satisfaction.
Amy's hands twitched at her sides as if itching to throttle the Doctor. "So where are we going then?"
The TARDIS landed with a jolt, throwing them both to the floor.
"Off to crash a party!" the Doctor declared, on his feet and striding towards the door. "I don't think I've ever even been to a stag party…"