Through A Rat's Eyes
I could always tell when Remus and Sirius were in a fight. No, it wasn't because they slept in different beds, in fact I couldn't remember that last time they did. I think there was a sense of comfort there, not having to be alone at night. They both needed someone and maybe in the dark they were finally able to accept it, because they started sharing a bed since year two, just after we figured out Remus's secret.
It was cold, maybe January, they probably thought I was sleeping and wouldn't see Remus crawl in Sirius's bed. Or that I wouldn't hear the soft whispers exchanged between the two of them and then listen as they finally settled back in. It has just become a standard. Remus and Sirius share a bed, which was fine. Until it wasn't just two best mates sharing a bed because they needed a sense of family but two…lovers? No, I won't call them that...but they weren't friends anymore after year five, things changed then, but I digress.
They were fighting again. Although they still both shared the same bed, still talked and acted like nothing was wrong while in the public eye, but something was wrong. And I noticed that morning in charms. Normally Remus sits in front of me, putting Sirius on his left, so Sirius can sit in front of James. This seating arrangement is important because it allows James and Sirius to pass notes or cause trouble and Remus to ignore the two of them and concentrate on the lesson if he wants.
What most people don't see is that, recently Sirius hasn't been passing notes. He sits in class actually taking notes. His right hand scribbling, or perhaps doodling, I can't really tell, leaving his left one free to rest in the space between him and Remus. It is perfect, because Remus is a lefty, which from what I understand isn't perfect because there is a lot of smudged ink. But this leaves both of their free hands resting in the empty space.
Usually you think, so what? Big deal. But not them, no, it is different with them. It is always different with them. Usually Remus's pinky darts out brushing against Sirius, linking their hands together in the empty space, and their fingers will stall like that entire class.
Or sometimes, Sirius makes the first move, being as bold to fully take Remus's hand in his own, and moments later Remus will look to Sirius, smile sadly and shake his hand away. Although like clockwork, three minutes and thirteen seconds later Remus's pinky inches out again. The only exception to this rule is the couple of days around the full moon, when Remus is too sick to care where Sirius's hand is, and only once as it ended up on Remus's upper thigh.
And you're probably thinking, what does this have to do with knowing when your friends are in a fight? It is simple. Everywhere they go Sirius is the on the right, Remus is on the left, two halves that make one whole.
I notice it first in the morning in the Great Hall, Sirius will be seated on the left, Remus on the right, so their elbows bump rudely against one another, clashing, rather than working together. In classes their empty space will be filled with elbows and angles rather than gentle reaches.
There had been that silent clashing between the two of them for almost a week now. No one has said anything about it. I wasn't even sure James noticed. But things were falling apart. There hadn't been a prank in some time and the whole student body was getting nervous. The laughter in the dormitory late at night was more forced now and everything felt more pulled back and distance.
Usually I just go about things and ignore it all because it's not my place to say or do anything. That is, until Transfiguration on Wednesday, that was when even James couldn't ignore it any more. Like I said, I normally sit next to James, but today when I got to class, Sirius was sitting in my seat. Sirius was sitting next to James. Which left me to sit next to Remus – something I hadn't done since Potions year one, which was a real mess. So for everyone's benefit, professors included, because no sensible professor would let James and Sirius sit together, we established our new arrangement. And it worked for us, until today, until today when Sirius sat in my seat.
Looking at McGonagall I could see she was worried about our new seating arrangement, because Sirius next to James meant trouble. Although I already knew today would be different, not just because this class was a lecture on the animagus transformation, not because my view of the entire classroom was wrong. It was different because things had been wrong all week.
The class was horribly dull to say the least, the kind you would expect an elaborate prank to be pulled off in, because what did she have to say about animagi that we didn't already know? But behind me all I could hear was the scratching of two quills on their respective parchment. Sirius actually writing something – Merlin knew what – and James doodling ridiculous pictures of the great Lily Evans most likely.
Half way through class, I heard Sirius shifting behind me, getting nervous myself now. What was he going to do? The next moment a wad of parchment comes flying at Remus's head, he jerks in his seat, turning around to glare at Sirius, which merits the attention of McGonagall. "Is there a problem here, boys?"
YES! I want to scream, yes there is a problem, Professor McGonagall, and two of my best mates who are sleeping together are in a silent grudge match, which has thrown off the entire world.
Remus turns back around to look at McGonagall, "No, professor there is no problem." His voice is light and I wonder if he could teach me to lie with such ease. The note that hit in the back of his head is resting, clutched in his left hand as McGonagall turns back to the continue the lesson.
I watch Remus out of the corner of my eyes as he unfolds the note, eyes skimming over the words. By his reaction time I know it wasn't a very long note. He glances back over his shoulder to look at Sirius, and my gaze slowly follows him to see their exchange. Remus's eyebrows raise and Sirius just nods, I see the slightest smile from Remus before he turns back around and returns to the endless note taking.
The next day in Charms, I can relax now that things have returned back to normal. I am sir next to James who is doodling again and Remus is in front of me putting Sirius on his right. Everything appears to be right in the world, at least for the first four minutes of class. Five minutes have passed and Remus's pinky has yet to dart out and hook with Remus's. I am suddenly less concerned about the spell we are reviewing today and more concerned with the possibility of another fight starting up again so soon.
It is not until seven minutes have passed do I start breathing again. I nudge James's shoulder to point out what had just happened. Remus's right hand, not just his pinky has reached out and landed fully on Sirius's left. Sirius sat up a little straighter and then flipped their hands so their fingers could intertwine and Remus didn't pull away. Remus didn't pull away.
James pats me on the shoulder. "Let it be, Peter. Let them be."