Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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She's always been easily influenced in life, she guesses.
Alison had taught her how to stick a finger down her throat, how to hit that gag reflex, how to get rid of everything in her stomach so she could be thin thin thin.
Mona had taught her how to steal, for the thrill of it or something, or so Mona wouldn't be alone, or maybe it was because she craved attention attention attention.
She runs a hand over the front of her dress, letting it rest against her stomach. She sucks it in, must be thin, but it hurts. It hurts so badly, head up high, back straight. She'll look thinner, won't she? She will.
(But all she sees is fat fat fat, and all she hears is Ali's haunting voice and numerous harsh nicknames flying all around her.)
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"Are you sure you don't want any?" Mona asks, lips pouting, eyelashes thick with mascara.
Hanna shakes her head, letting out a sigh and a soft smile takes over her face.
No. Even if she wanted some (which she does, she really does) she can't have any.
She doesn't want to have to go back to kneeling on the ground, tears pouring out of her eyes, sliding down her cheeks as she rids herself of anything which will make her fatter than she already is.
She can't go back to the feeling of shame, of pain.
She would rather starve than go back to that.
Go back to stuffing her face until she's full, then emptying it all out-
"Did you see Aria Montgomery today?" Mona asks, a laugh escaping out of her mouth as she shakes her head.
"Too bad that pink strip is gone," Mona sighs, some other meaningless gossip flowing out of her mouth as Hanna pretends to listen, instead she eyes up a handbag hanging in one of the shops nearby. Her fingers itch to reach out and grab it, swing it onto her shoulder and to walk out of the shop without a care in the world.
She doesn't even really want it. It's not that it's not nice or anything, just not her taste but she's dying for the thrill of it all.
Mona spots where her eyes are lingering, a wicked smile spreading across her lips as she drops her food and grabs Hanna's hand, dragging her up with her and across to the store.
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It's the same same same.
Innocent, harmless flirting.
Asking a few questions about it, trying it on.
Excusing herself to go talk to Mona, saying she'll be back soon.
Then, she leaves. With the bag. Without paying.
And for a second, just a second, she feels complete and in control.
(She feels like that when she shoves a finger down her throat, sometimes carefully, sometimes recklessly, she feels in control.)
That's why she does it, she guesses because she'll never be really sure, because she needs to be in control.
Because everything else in her life has been slowly falling apart at the seams.
Her father leaving, Aria moving, losing touch with her friends, Alison.
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A\N: If you read this. Ily. If you review even bigger ily. I don't even know where this came from, it's not exactly in character is it?