Script for Episode 3: Back in Black
I'm a janitor for LucasFilm! I stole this script off of Lucas's desk!
Now I present what will happen in Episode 3: Back in Black, it's
named that because Anakin turns to the darkside and AC/DC does the music
for this movie, so much for John Williams.
Disclaimer: if your piseed at the spelling, then don't bother being here,
go to a Star Wars convention and be a freak or wait for Episode 3, there's
already idiots camping out for it.
Int/Yoda's Love Shack/night
Yoda is in there, with girls played by J Lo, Spears, etc.
Yoda:
Anakin, Pimp he know not how to do.
Girl 1:
Trun on some tunes Yody.
Yoda:
Party on I do.
He turns on "Red Hot Chili Peppers"
Yoda:
True men don't kill Coyotes!!!!!!!!
There's a knock on the door.
Yoda(Whispers):
Girls, go to the secret compartment!
They do and he opens the door, it's a Jedi Knight played by Sean Connery.
Sean:
Yoda, what's up, what were you doing?
Yoda:
Reading up on a few things, what are you doing here?
Sean:
The Clones are attacking! Darh Sideous says he'll
make Jar Jar Binks a main charecter again if we don't
surrender.
Yoda:
Then what the &^%$ are you doing! Send some
Jedi's like Obi-Wan and Anakin there.
Sean:
How about you sir?
Yoda:
I have some....uh....bussiness to attend to.
Int/Emperor Palpitine's chamber/night
Anakin is there with Palpitine.
Anakin:
It's Obi-Wan, he's treating me like a baby!
Palpitine:
Kill him, turn to the dark side!
Anakin:
No! Never!
Palpitine:
You get a free Mr T T-Shirt with each membership.
Anakin:
Alright! I'm in!
There's a call on Anakin's cell phone. He answers it.
Obi-Wan(On Phone):
Anakin, come over here! the clones with Darth Sideous
is here. You gotta help.
Anakin:
I'll be there.
He hangs up.
Palpitine:
Go there and kill him.
Anakin:
I pity the foo' who don't turn to the Dark Side.
He leaves and goes on a pod.
Palpitine:
That's boys obbeseed with the T-Shirt. I need someone
else to turn to the dark side, I already got Robin
Williams with the Insomnia movie.
He gets phone.
Palpitine:
Maybe Carrotop will.
Int/Battlefield/night
The battlefield is in a volcanic area.
Samuel L Jackson is there flying around in his pod.
Jackson:
I'm so cool, and I have a purple lightsaber! I
wonder why I'm not in the origional trilogy?
Anakin shoots his plane down.
Obi-Wan:
Anakin! Get your @$$ down here now. You just
killed our only minority. The NAACP is gonna kill
us.
Obi Wan has lightsaber down. Anakin jumps down to him with saber.
Obi-Wan:
Were ending this now!
Anakin:
The fight to the dark side?
Obi-Wan:
Hell no, the fight to see who'll get
Portman!
Anakin:
You! So your Luke and Leia's father.
Obi-Wan:
No, Chewbaca is!
Anakin tries to kill him , Obi slashes his mechanical arm off.
Anakin:
Yaaaaaaaaaa!
Obi-Wan:
Dude, it's mecahnical, it can't hurt.
Anakin falls in Lava.
Obi:
*&^%.
Obi-Wan grabs him and takes him to Hospitsl ship.
Int/Hospital/day
obi-Wan is in there with Doctor.
Obi-Wan:
How is he?
Doctor:
Ever seen Darkman?
Obi-Wan:
No.
Doctor:
Good, it's a lousy movie.
He shows him Anakin.
Obi:
Wow, what a big piece of fried chicken!
They put the Darth Vader suit on Anakin.
Obi-Wan:
Shouldn't the cold suit be white?
Doctor:
Oh, well, this is the only reasonable explanation of how
he got the suit. What is he gonna do? Go to Darth
Sideous naked and get one?
Obi-Wan:
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
Doctor:
Why?
Obi:
So he could be unfried and join the dark side.
Doctor:
Stick to drama Ben.
Anakin wakes up.
Anakin:
Mirror.....
Doctor:
That's the last thing you ever want.
Anakin:
Mirror!
Doctor:
Sure thing.
He gives him mirror.
Obi-Wan:
You can cancel any dates your planning with your GF.
He smashes mirro and runs outside.
Doctor:
Perhaps I should of told him I was Michael
Jackson's surgeon.
Int/Palpitine's/night
he runs in.
Anakin:
Look what he did to me!
Palpitine:
#@$%, wear this suit.
He puts on the Darth Vader suit.
Palpitine:
It was Al Pacino's prom suit.
Darth:
What can i do now?
Palpitine:
Your the most powerful thing in the universe now,
follow Sideous.
He revels himself as Sideous when he puts the cloak on.
Darth:
I knew it all along, I noticed the voice.
Palptine:
Hey, people are stupid. Just go to a Star Wars
convention or talk to someone wating for this
piece of crap to come to the theader 3 weeks before
it's released.
Darth:
Should I get my GF to the dark side?
Palpitine:
And your kids!
Darth:
She had kids!
Palpitine:
She put them up for adoption so her dad wouldn't
slit your throat.
Darth:
Who has them now?
Palpitine:
Rosie O Donnel, opps, she's in Florida, can't.
Bill Murry does now.
Darth:
Caddyshack! I need to see that movie sometime.
Palptine:
Get to work! I don't pay you to watch old
school SNL.
Queen Amadala's/day
He goes inside her palace with suit on.
Amadala:
Who are you! Help!
Darth:
It's me, Anakin.
Amadala:
Anakin! I was so worried about you.
Darth:
Where's the kids?
Amadala:
I had a abortion.
Darth:
Don't lie! I know what happened! I want them on the
Dark Side!
Amadala:
Never!
Darth:
Then you'll go to the Dark Side!
Amadala:
In hell!
She whacks herself with Darth's lightsaber.
Darth:
If I were in the theader watching this I'd laugh my
@$$ off of it's stupidity.
Int/Tatooine/day
Obi-Wan hides in a hut.
Obi-Wan:
I'll live here, so Anakin won't kill me.
He turns on TV.
Obi-Wan:
Untill then, i'll watch Old School Seinfeld.
The TV is on.
Kramer:
Have you seen The Star Wars Anniverey addition.
Seineld:
Is it god.
Kramer:
You get to see Jar Jar sing Van Halen's "Everybody
Wants some"
Obi-Wan:
I'm gonna have to see that.
The End? Pretty much!
Afterwords: Hey Star Wars fans! I bet you through I forgot Dooku! Nope, he
hid out cause he figured Anakin would kill him. So he went to Morodor and
became Saruman and became a evil wizard.
I'm a janitor for LucasFilm! I stole this script off of Lucas's desk!
Now I present what will happen in Episode 3: Back in Black, it's
named that because Anakin turns to the darkside and AC/DC does the music
for this movie, so much for John Williams.
Disclaimer: if your piseed at the spelling, then don't bother being here,
go to a Star Wars convention and be a freak or wait for Episode 3, there's
already idiots camping out for it.
Int/Yoda's Love Shack/night
Yoda is in there, with girls played by J Lo, Spears, etc.
Yoda:
Anakin, Pimp he know not how to do.
Girl 1:
Trun on some tunes Yody.
Yoda:
Party on I do.
He turns on "Red Hot Chili Peppers"
Yoda:
True men don't kill Coyotes!!!!!!!!
There's a knock on the door.
Yoda(Whispers):
Girls, go to the secret compartment!
They do and he opens the door, it's a Jedi Knight played by Sean Connery.
Sean:
Yoda, what's up, what were you doing?
Yoda:
Reading up on a few things, what are you doing here?
Sean:
The Clones are attacking! Darh Sideous says he'll
make Jar Jar Binks a main charecter again if we don't
surrender.
Yoda:
Then what the &^%$ are you doing! Send some
Jedi's like Obi-Wan and Anakin there.
Sean:
How about you sir?
Yoda:
I have some....uh....bussiness to attend to.
Int/Emperor Palpitine's chamber/night
Anakin is there with Palpitine.
Anakin:
It's Obi-Wan, he's treating me like a baby!
Palpitine:
Kill him, turn to the dark side!
Anakin:
No! Never!
Palpitine:
You get a free Mr T T-Shirt with each membership.
Anakin:
Alright! I'm in!
There's a call on Anakin's cell phone. He answers it.
Obi-Wan(On Phone):
Anakin, come over here! the clones with Darth Sideous
is here. You gotta help.
Anakin:
I'll be there.
He hangs up.
Palpitine:
Go there and kill him.
Anakin:
I pity the foo' who don't turn to the Dark Side.
He leaves and goes on a pod.
Palpitine:
That's boys obbeseed with the T-Shirt. I need someone
else to turn to the dark side, I already got Robin
Williams with the Insomnia movie.
He gets phone.
Palpitine:
Maybe Carrotop will.
Int/Battlefield/night
The battlefield is in a volcanic area.
Samuel L Jackson is there flying around in his pod.
Jackson:
I'm so cool, and I have a purple lightsaber! I
wonder why I'm not in the origional trilogy?
Anakin shoots his plane down.
Obi-Wan:
Anakin! Get your @$$ down here now. You just
killed our only minority. The NAACP is gonna kill
us.
Obi Wan has lightsaber down. Anakin jumps down to him with saber.
Obi-Wan:
Were ending this now!
Anakin:
The fight to the dark side?
Obi-Wan:
Hell no, the fight to see who'll get
Portman!
Anakin:
You! So your Luke and Leia's father.
Obi-Wan:
No, Chewbaca is!
Anakin tries to kill him , Obi slashes his mechanical arm off.
Anakin:
Yaaaaaaaaaa!
Obi-Wan:
Dude, it's mecahnical, it can't hurt.
Anakin falls in Lava.
Obi:
*&^%.
Obi-Wan grabs him and takes him to Hospitsl ship.
Int/Hospital/day
obi-Wan is in there with Doctor.
Obi-Wan:
How is he?
Doctor:
Ever seen Darkman?
Obi-Wan:
No.
Doctor:
Good, it's a lousy movie.
He shows him Anakin.
Obi:
Wow, what a big piece of fried chicken!
They put the Darth Vader suit on Anakin.
Obi-Wan:
Shouldn't the cold suit be white?
Doctor:
Oh, well, this is the only reasonable explanation of how
he got the suit. What is he gonna do? Go to Darth
Sideous naked and get one?
Obi-Wan:
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
Doctor:
Why?
Obi:
So he could be unfried and join the dark side.
Doctor:
Stick to drama Ben.
Anakin wakes up.
Anakin:
Mirror.....
Doctor:
That's the last thing you ever want.
Anakin:
Mirror!
Doctor:
Sure thing.
He gives him mirror.
Obi-Wan:
You can cancel any dates your planning with your GF.
He smashes mirro and runs outside.
Doctor:
Perhaps I should of told him I was Michael
Jackson's surgeon.
Int/Palpitine's/night
he runs in.
Anakin:
Look what he did to me!
Palpitine:
#@$%, wear this suit.
He puts on the Darth Vader suit.
Palpitine:
It was Al Pacino's prom suit.
Darth:
What can i do now?
Palpitine:
Your the most powerful thing in the universe now,
follow Sideous.
He revels himself as Sideous when he puts the cloak on.
Darth:
I knew it all along, I noticed the voice.
Palptine:
Hey, people are stupid. Just go to a Star Wars
convention or talk to someone wating for this
piece of crap to come to the theader 3 weeks before
it's released.
Darth:
Should I get my GF to the dark side?
Palpitine:
And your kids!
Darth:
She had kids!
Palpitine:
She put them up for adoption so her dad wouldn't
slit your throat.
Darth:
Who has them now?
Palpitine:
Rosie O Donnel, opps, she's in Florida, can't.
Bill Murry does now.
Darth:
Caddyshack! I need to see that movie sometime.
Palptine:
Get to work! I don't pay you to watch old
school SNL.
Queen Amadala's/day
He goes inside her palace with suit on.
Amadala:
Who are you! Help!
Darth:
It's me, Anakin.
Amadala:
Anakin! I was so worried about you.
Darth:
Where's the kids?
Amadala:
I had a abortion.
Darth:
Don't lie! I know what happened! I want them on the
Dark Side!
Amadala:
Never!
Darth:
Then you'll go to the Dark Side!
Amadala:
In hell!
She whacks herself with Darth's lightsaber.
Darth:
If I were in the theader watching this I'd laugh my
@$$ off of it's stupidity.
Int/Tatooine/day
Obi-Wan hides in a hut.
Obi-Wan:
I'll live here, so Anakin won't kill me.
He turns on TV.
Obi-Wan:
Untill then, i'll watch Old School Seinfeld.
The TV is on.
Kramer:
Have you seen The Star Wars Anniverey addition.
Seineld:
Is it god.
Kramer:
You get to see Jar Jar sing Van Halen's "Everybody
Wants some"
Obi-Wan:
I'm gonna have to see that.
The End? Pretty much!
Afterwords: Hey Star Wars fans! I bet you through I forgot Dooku! Nope, he
hid out cause he figured Anakin would kill him. So he went to Morodor and
became Saruman and became a evil wizard.