I don't own Sesame Street, Avenue Q, or Wicked…oh darn.
CHAPTER ONE: THE ROOT OF ALL GROUCHIES
Are Monsters born grouchy, or do they have grouchiness thrust upon them? After all, he had a mother; he had a father, as so many monsters do...
The sun was shining, a brand new day. A perfect morning for a kid to play, but Kate Monster had bills to pay…a hospital bill that is.
"It's coming," said a wrinkled woman.
She resembled that of a rotten tomato, as though she was once a beautiful woman, but with time her skin sagged as though gravity was extraordinary where she had been born, and the ground begged to touch her cheeks. (And by cheeks, I mean the ones on her face, though the ones on her bottom weren't doing too well either. Thank goodness for control pantyhose.)
"The baby's coming! The baby's coming! I see a healthy lovely little--"
The woman screeched as though she were a fire truck on acid.
"What is it?" said the mother of the newborn monster.
"Kate Monster, it's atrocious! It's a fiend! Like a frog or furry cabbage, the baby is unnaturally green (not to mention fuzzy)"
"Let's kill it!" said yet another (though younger) random maid.
Kate Monster said, "yeah, good idea, we should drown it in the magical lake that just appeared in front of me!"
"NOOOO!" yelled the newborn. "I hate you!"
"What the flaming toilet seats was that!" Kate Monster questioned.
"You heard me, you blubbering oaf! I hate you!"
Kate sighed.
"Shit…I just gave birth to a genius. Fuck! It sucks to be me"