A/N; Hey, it's Missa. I was challenged by my friend Spectrum to participate in this years NaNoWriMo. I haven't gotten my 50k yet, but I really like this fan-fic, so please enjoy!

All of the bits in italics are flashbacks, which make up a huge part of the story. Most of them in this chapter are based on historical events.

In order to survive, we need to move forward. We cannot hang on to the past.
- - - - -
China kneeled down at the small table and poured his guest some tea. It wasn't very often that Russia made his way down to his country. He seemed to prefer to stay locked away up in Siberia, despite how much he said he hated the cold. The bigger man smiled and took the tea happily, sipping it quietly. Pouring himself some, China sat down and did the same. They sat in silence for a few minutes, before Russia broke the calm by asking, "China, why are you alone?"
There was a pause, and the Asian country set down his tea slowly, "Alone? What…do you mean, Russia? How am I alone?"
The blonde man smiled that irritating smile of his, that one he always seemed to hide behind. God, how that smile made China mad…but he refused to show it, keeping his face void of the emotion on his mind. "Well, " Russia began slowly, carefully choosing the words, "You live in this huge house alone…" He gestured around the living room of the Forbidden City, the royal palace. "Or, at least, most of the time alone. General Mao is off most of the time."
China looked around the house slowly, and seemed to be deep in thought, "Well…I enjoy the peace and quiet. I didn't get that a lot growing up, what with my family…"
"That's another thing." The larger man now had his elbows on the table, his head propped up in his hands, "Your family never visits you anymore…"
The small man felt a twinge at his heart, and looked down into the cup, the red-brown liquid still steaming. "They…sometimes they do. Hong Kong is just busy with England. And Taiwan has things going on with Japan. Korea…I see him every once and a while…"
"And Japan?" Russia asked, although he knew the answer before it was even said. You never see him anymore…after that incident.
"R-Russia…!" The nation had never looked as weak as he looked now. Russia stared down at the Asian, who's shirt was ripped down the back, and a large gash was staining his porcelain white skin. "J-Japan…he left! He…he left me…he's gone…my brother…"
Russia remembered the night that the crying China had come running to him, looking for comfort. And he had tried to give it, but the blonde had never been one for comforting words…he had thought of every time the Asian had come to him when he was crying. China always seemed to have something to say that made it all better, something that made him want to continue to fight to be a country. Russia didn't have those words.
"He…he's busy." China muttered, simply. After a long silence, he looked down at the papers on the table. "The meeting is tomorrow, correct? I suppose we should go over some of the topics…" And he was off, avoiding the subject at hand. He seemed to be doing that more and more lately, to the Russian's frustration. "Niet," He said, standing, "I need to go talk to America…" China's golden brown eyes looked up at him slowly, but he nodded. "Ah…well, have a good trip back to Russia, then." They parted, and China watched as the little kid he baby-sat for all those years walk away as the man he had grown to.
"Why do people grow old?" The Asian asked himself quietly, turning back and going inside. "Why do they all die?" There it was again, that negativity towards death. But hey, he had a good reason! Being immortal…that meant that he had to watch his friends die, his loves die, and his family die. It was racking his body with pain, but he refused to let it show on his body. He was once a great nation, but slowly…slowly he felt himself being destroyed from the inside out. When had all this pain started? If China thought hard enough, he could just recall his past…

The earliest memory China could think of was walking through the Forbidden City as a young man. China, or Yao as he was known back then, was wandering through the streets of Beijing alone, humming a song quietly to himself. "Lucky cat, Lucky cat, Wave your luck my way…" He continued to make up verses about Tama, the lucky calico who in story had saved a man's life. Little Yao jumped up onto a wall, holding his arms out for balance as he made his way across like he did everyday.
Yao wandered across the wall and to the other side, when his eyes caught sight of something odd. His parents were standing at the gate of the Forbidden City talking. "Ne! Mama, Papa!" Yao rushed over to greet his parents, but slowed as he saw what was in their hands. A baby.
"Who's that?" He asked quietly, staring at the little boy. He had golden brown eyes- just like him, and brown hair. His mother smiled warmly, "This is Hong Kong…your little brother, China." Yao looked up, not used to being called by his Country name. "I see…he is very cute, isn't he?" Their father smiled, "He looks just like you, China." A smile spread across the little boys face as Hong Kong closed his eyes, falling asleep in his mothers' arms. "Yeah…"

With a smile at the warm memory, China stepped into his office and looked at the photos that were on his desk. His family. His pain. A hand went to his head as he remembered the headaches, the long nights, the sick days…he couldn't help but smile.

"Chiiiinaaaa!" The scream came from the top of the stairs, where South Korea was being picked up by Hong Kong. "This isn't fair! I don't wanna take a bath!" China sighed, putting his brush down and stepping out of the office. He would never admit it, but he didn't mind being pulled away from all those damn papers.
"You don't want to take a bath, you mean? 'Wanna' is not a word." China corrected with a smile. Korea just pouted, "It doesn't matter! I'm not taking one!"
Hong Kong lowered his gaze, "Oh yes you are." Korea whimpered, leaping from his arms, "Fine! But…But I won't like it!" With that said, the little boy ran back down the hall, sliding the bath house door closed loudly.
China smiled up at Hong Kong warmly, "God, I don't know what I'd do without you...thank you so much." Hong Kong nodded, and went to make sure that Korea was actually cleaning himself, not just splashing around like he normally did.
Taiwan was playing dress up in her room. China peeked in and saw her turn with a warm smile. "Didi! Does big brother want to play?" China looked at the little girls happy face, then down the stairs at his paper work. Hm. The emperor could wait; China had to take care of his family first. "Sure, Taiwan…"
Taiwan always seemed to have fun playing with China's hair. Unlike the rest of the boys, he kept his hair longer and it was more fun to play with. Her small hands brushes through the tangles, and China winced slightly. "Do you ever brush your hair, China?" He laughed softly, running his hand through a strand of his brown bangs, "I do…I've just been busy lately and not thinking much about my appearance, aru." Taiwan tapped him on the head with the hairbrush, "Looks are important!" He chuckled softly and nodded, "Yes, Miss Taiwan…"
About half an hour later, China realized he was late for the meeting. Quickly, he put Taiwan down for her nap and rushed to his office, never getting the chance to look at his hair as he did so. He opened the door quickly, and rushed in. "I'm very sorry I'm so late, sir!" His boss gave him an odd look, before bursting into laughter. China felt his ears burning and touched his hair. Little Taiwan and put it into a nice braid with pink ribbons holding it. A deep sigh escaped and he murmured, "Why did I let her do this before the meeting…?"

China chuckled softly at the memory. Back when his family was just that, a family. That was before all the pain, all the wars...he sighed deeply, almost painfully, feeling his age again. He moved onto the next photograph, a family picture of his whole family…including little Japan. He could remember the day that photo was taken as well…

Taiwan dashed down the stairs, her pink dress flowing out behind her. "Do I look cute, Japan?" Her adopted brother looked her over quickly, not actually knowing what to say. He chose his words carefully as always, "It's not what I think about how you look…do you think you are cute? If so, then yes." Taiwan gave him a look for a moment, before smiling and nodding. "Okay! Come on, the photographer is here!"
Korea stood at the top of the stairs, pouting. "I don't want to wear this." He was wearing a more traditional outfit than he was used to, and the sleeves were far too big for him. "This isn't Korean." Hong Kong picked him up simply and carried him down the stairs, "Not everything is…that is actually one of China's old robes he thought you'd like." Korea looked down at the outfit again, and his expression changed. "Really? Well then…I like it!" He jumped from Hong Kong's arms as they reached the bottom of the stairs and he rushed out to the garden to meet with the rest of the Asian family.
China walked outside with a smile, enjoying the warm spring air. Birds were flying, his brothers and sisters were happy…his country was well. Nothing could ever ruin this moment…nothing.
Except for that.
China heard them coming for a while. But that smell…the smell of rotting hell and blood…he could recognize it anywhere. Their army seemed to reek of it now…"Hong Kong, get everyone inside, now!" China yelled, and Hong Kong looked up with fearful eyes. He nodded simply, before rushing all of the children inside.
"Arthur. What are you doing here?" China glared at the man who had since come into the garden. On his face was a wicked smirk. "Ah, Yao…beautiful garden." His army had followed him in and now had the smaller man surrounded. "Answer me!" He yelled, frightened. What the hell could he want?
"Well, you see…we need you to make a little…agreement with us." There it was again, that smile. China felt his blood turn cold. "Oh? And what would that be?" Britain walked closer, and stood over the Asian, "Opium. We need to keep it here."
"No."
What else could China have said? He knew the dangers…there was a reason they weren't allowed to have it in England. The taller man glared, "Oh? And let me ask you this; how are you going to stop us?" China desperately wished he had a weapon of some sort. But by now, the entire British army had their guns pointed at him.
From behind one of the men came a yell, and Hong Kong had a sword carefully pointed at England's throat. "Hm…one of your brothers, I suppose?" China glared at England, then looked at Hong Kong, "What are you doing? Where are the others…?"
"Oh, so there are more…men, find them!" The army burst into the house, searching for the children. China glared, "You won't lay a hand on them!"

From there, the memory blurred, and China felt himself having to hold the desk for support. Why…why had he been so weak? Why had he allowed him to take Hong Kong away?

The smell of blood filled the garden, and England stood over the now fallen China. "Your dynasty ends here, Yao. Give up." He spat at the ground before turning and grabbing the rope that was around Hong Kong's bruised wrists, dragging him away. China tried to yell, but there was no voice, just a raspy whisper, "No…"

Tears began to fall from his eyes, staining his cheeks. With a rough hand he brushed them away, not wanting to show weakness. He was a nation. He had to be strong. Had to…but it never seemed to get any easier. If anything, the more he went on and tried to fight it, the worse things got. But every once in a while, some God took pity on him…

China felt a presence linger over him, and heard a soft voice mumbling in a language he distantly recognized. Weakly, China pushed himself up, and met his golden eyes with light lavender ones. "I-Ivan...?" The blonde mans hand was extended, and China took it softly, helped to his feet. That strange smile was still on the mans face, and he shook his head, "Russia, now..."
A glare set on China's face, "You're his ally. If you're here to destroy anything I have, you're too late...he broke me." China looked down at the ground painfully, before something was thrusted into his chest. A gun. Confused, China looked back up at Russia, who was giving him a look. "You want to protect them? Then fight. That's the only way, now." The blonde smiled again, and put his hands on China's shoulders, "That's what you taught me, comrade."

Russia was truly his only ally, he felt. His brothers...they were family, they had to stood by him. But Russia chose to stand by him, to get hurt for him. A friend. No, he really was more like family...but not all families work that way. Sometimes things happen that could not be avoided...

"Japan? What are you doing with that sword? That's Hong Kong's, put it down." China said, upon walking into the living room and seeing Japan in his white uniform, observing the blade. Japan glanced over at him, before glaring, "You cannot tell me what to do, China."
China took a step back, confused. Japan never spoke to him like that...it was odd. Something was wrong. "Kiku, what's going on...?" Suddenly the sword was pointed at his throat. "I'm leaving, China. You're weak...you cannot even protect yourself. How do you expect to protect your country?"
A glare set across China's face, and he turned his back on the younger Nation. "Japan, enough. Go to bed, we'll talk in the morning." The last thing we wanted to think of was anyone else leaving...
Slash. The pain suddenly shocked China's body, knocking him to the floor. Blood now adorned the sharp blade. "You are weak, China. And one day, I will be the one to stand over you."
Words are like the sharpest blade...killing without drawing blood.

China put his hand to the scar that broke across his back, and tears slipped down his cheeks once again at the painful memory. Why did life never get easier? Angrily, China grabbed the photo of his family and threw it at the wall, causing the glass to shatter into a hundred little pieces. He painfully sank to the floor, his face in his hands. "They all left. Left me alone...like everyone promised they wouldn't...why did I ever open my gates to them?"
"Because you're you, aniki~" The voice came from the door, and China quickly looked up, his eyes meeting Korea's. "What do you want now, Yong Soo?" China cleared his throat painfully and brushed away the tears, "I'm busy."
Korea walked closer with that childish smile of his. He never grew up. China always acted annoyed at that fact, but deep down his was glad. He always had someone to look after.
"Well, aniki, when you're done throwing picture frames, I thought you might like some tea." Korea finished, walking back over to the door, "I've already got it started, so don't say no." Quickly as he came, Korea dashed back into the kitchen.
Was it so much that China needed someone to take care of, or for someone to take care of him?