Real Folk Blues
Prologue

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Maybe he was just too sensitive for his own good. Maybe he was overreacting just a tad. But it seemed to Ryo that he felt hurt a lot, lately. Hurt by what? Plenty of things, he told himself. True, he had never been one for self-pity. However, he found it justified as of now. For instance, his feelings. Dee had shoved those right back in his face, because he didn't care about Ryo's feelings.

That hurt quite a bit.

He heard talk around the office, snatches of conversation. Dee and JJ, they would mutter in the bathroom, incredulous. He could set his hair on fire, and no one would notice him standing there, listening in. He was invisible without Dee, and the gossipers were too engrossed in their own gaggles to notice him anyways. "Dee and JJ..." "Dee and JJ, can you believe it?" "Dee and JJ? But I thought De was with-" It was then that they would notice him standing there, and would move away sheepishly, smiling awkward smiles.

That hurt quite a bit as well.

Of course, to Ryo himself, the highest affront wasn't to his pride, or his dignity, or even to the fact that the rumors were true. It was that Dee had completely wiped him out of memory, so it seemed to be. It didn't take him long to move on, Ryo would grimly note to himself. His feelings simply didn't matter anymore- not even to himself. But it was with Dee they had counted, and Dee overlooked them now.

That one nearly sent him home early, weeping.

But no, he wouldn't give in. Not to that pretentious snake who'd said he loved Ryo, and then went and shoved it all back at him, right in his face. He wouldn't apologize, especially not now. There were times when he'd weaken, would find himself hovering in front of Dee's desk, making feeble attempts to excuse his presence. But he'd open his mouth, to try and say he was sorry, that he wished they could be together again, and JJ would come scampering over, interrupting Ryo in his eagerness to see Dee, to be with him. Dee would consequently ignore Ryo, and he would be either left hanging there, or forced to leave.

Mostly, he chose the latter.

Still, he vowed, he wouldn't apologize. Not until Dee had done so first. Not until Dee had come groveling in and weeping his apologies on bended knee, would he say he was sorry. His damn pride refused to allow it. He did have some, after all- though he'd learned to sacrifice it in the past when it became a hindrance. Not this time, he told himself as he stood by the coffee machine, pouring absently until his cup overflowed onto his hand and burned him back to reality. Not this time. Still, Dee was stubborn- more so than he would ever be. Instead of making things right, he'd chosen JJ over Ryo.

That hurt worst of all.

Their desks were still side-by-side. They were still partners on the force. It was with this semblance of normality that Ryo could pretend things were still the same, that nothing had changed. Every morning, he'd walk in, chipper, waiting for Dee to greet him. Waiting for Dee to try and feel him, kiss him, so he could squeal and yell at him not to do that in public. Every night, he'd leave, dejected and utterly miserable.

Nothing was the same. Nothing would ever be the same again.

He'd always been told it didn't hurt to hope.

He now knew- that was complete bullshit.

Dee wasn't going to apologize, and neither was he. It stung to think about

At night, sometimes, he cried over what was lost.

But only for a little while.

He was sick of hoping, sick of waiting for things to resume their normal course.

So he gave up. Gave up, and let JJ and Dee be a happy couple, and stayed alone.

Maybe it was best, in the end.

Yeah, he said silently to his reflection in the coffeepot.

It was best.