Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything belongs to the Seven Network. A Christmas one-shot, written, because songs are the best inspiration in the world.
Fading Flames
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Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Let your heart be light
From now on your troubles will be out of sight, yeah
-
Christina Aguilera's smooth voice filled the room, and I smiled, in spite of myself. Snuggling down onto the couch, with only the flicker of a candle and the soft moon's glow for light, I listened as her sweet, melodic voice floated through my ears. Closing my eyes, letting her words soak into my soul.
Memories flashed through my mind, moments that had helped change my life; people who had helped me grow. And I began to wonder; just how much could change in a year?
Lucas and I had been together this time last year… together, and happier than I'd ever believed myself to be.
-
Have yourself a merry little Christmas
Make the Yuletide gay
From now on your troubles will be miles away, oh ooh
-
So much had happened since then, and it forever felt as if there had been too many words spoken between Luke and I, too many hateful, spiteful things said. To many painful memories that would stop us from ever going back to the way things were, because since then, we'd been living two separate lives. The rift that had been formed once upon a fight had never really been healed. Try as we did, we could never find our way back to the safety of one another.
We'd found others to fill the void, and we'd moved on with our lives. And together, apart, we were happy again. Somehow, Ric and I had ignited an old flame that had lay dormant in our hearts, and Belle had found Luke, or Luke Belle, when they had needed one another the most. Love was born from friendship, and the world kept turning.
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Here we are as in olden days
Happy golden days of yore, ah
-
A soft breeze swept through the open window, causing the candle flame to flicker slightly. My eyes became memorised for a moment, as I watched the tiny flame fight to stay alive. The flame felt so close, the heat became so intense, and suddenly, I was suffocating in memories of that night.
My eyes snapped closed, as my fingertips grazed the calloused, scarred skin on my shoulder, and fleeting moments flashed across my eyes, I saw the bright light a second before I heard a deafening ringing in my ears, before the searing pain overwhelmed by body. Sometimes it would do that, and I'd wake up in a sweat, my body wracked with sobs, from the nightmare that still haunted me to this day.
A nightmare that had left me tainted; left me batting the imperfections, my demons, that would forever haunt me. Because that night, those moments that had forever changed my life, would never truly be gone. The monster it had created would always be there, dormant, waiting for its time once more.
-
Faithful friends who are dear to us
They gather near to us, once more, ooh
-
A single tear fell down my cheek, and I brushed it away hastily, startled, as someone coughed behind me.
His smile was small, his body shadowed, the candlelight not quite reaching his face. He leant against the doorframe that led into the lounge room, and suddenly, the air felt thick, overpowering, as I hastily pulled my hand away from my shoulder, and looked away from his intense gaze.
-
Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
-
He pushed himself lightly off the frame and walked towards me, his tall, muscular body moving swiftly, gracefully, as he'd always done. He halted a little away from me, his body shifting almost nervously, from foot to foot, unable to stand still.
"You're still beautiful," The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them. "You'll always be beautiful, Matilda. I hope you see that."
I nodded, unsure to trust my voice, unsure of what his words meant. Thankfully, I didn't have to wait long, for him to explain.
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Hang a shining star upon the highest bow, ohh
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now
-
"I just thought you should know what I thought," Luke said, formulating his words as he spoke them. "Because, you know, you and I don't really speak all that much, and because it's Christmas, and if not at Christmas, then when else?"
Nodding again, I avoided his eyes, blue, like the sky, and looked instead into the flame, focusing on its light, its heat, its strength.
Focusing on anything but him.
"Would you like to dance?" He asked finally, catching me off guard, leaving me no choice but to turn and look at him.
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Oooh...
-
His hand reached out towards me, and I bit my lip nervously before extending my own, grasping his, as he pulled me from the lounge towards the empty space in the living room. He paused in the centre, before tentatively putting his hands on my hips, holding me ever so softly, as if he were afraid I would break in his arms.
I smiled a little awkwardly at him, before allowing my arms to hang loosely around his shoulders, my head resting gently against his chest, as we swayed to the sweet music that played gently in the background.
-
Faithful friends who are dear to us
They gather near to us, once more, ohh
-
So much had transpired between Luke and I this year. And sometimes, it felt as if the painful memories overshadowed the happy ones. I cringed, when I remembered the careless, hurtful words we had slung at one another over and over… hoping, wishing, that we'd both feel the same pain.
Then I smiled, as I remembered how he'd always been my pillar of strength, despite everything that had been said. How he'd held me in his arms as I'd cried, over and over, how he'd protected me from my demons.
How he'd waited for me. Too long, it seemed, sometimes.
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Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow, oh yeah
-
"Lucas I…" I began, pulling away from him, unaware of how our bodies had drifted closer to one another, magnetised, as always, it seemed.
His blue eyes gazed down into my own, and momentarily I became caught in the past, remembering when he'd first looked down at me like that, and I felt the tears prickling in my eyes, as my mind swirled with regret and pain, and unspoken words of love hung between us, as real as the air we breathed.
My breath hitched, as his hand moved to the small of my back, gently closing the small gap between our bodies. My hands instantly, naturally, played with the hair at the nape of his neck as his hands, large, strong, held me firm, as our bodies swayed in unison, just as they always had.
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But 'til then we'll have to muddle through, somehow
Oh yeah, oh ooh oh
-
"Luke," I tried again, and this time he complied, pushing himself away from me, without breaking all contact.
"I'm sorry," I said finally, my heart heavy, my voice barely audible.
"I know," He mumbled in response, his body finally pulling away from mine, as I felt the loss of the intimacy instantly. "Me too."
"I wish…"
"I know," He shook his head sadly. "I know,"
Together, we stood. The only sound being the light crackling of a flame that was slowly dying away, the heat almost extinguished… reminiscent of the love we'd shared. And lost.
"Merry Christmas Matilda" Lucas sighed finally, as he kissed my head gently, holding me for a moment, before letting go, and leaving me standing, alone.
"Merry Christmas Lucas" I murmured gently, watching his retreating form, until all he felt like, was a blurred memory from my past.
And with one final flicker, the light from the candle died.
And have yourself a merry little Christmas now