The days like these, have passed a few thousands of years… I sit in the corner, look at him being busy, and look at him typing the words I do not know, doing the things I would not understand…
Don't know how long, I just can't get use to the things he does, like whenever I wake up in the morning, I see the sunlight in the place where human live…
If I think I'm being stupid, I will stand up, I wouldn't cause any sound, but Kurama will ask me at that every moment, "Hiei, going out?"
I won't answer, just open the door.
"Are you hungry?" He asked again, but I replied him with my footsteps…
Kurama is always so busy, but he always knows everything about me, it makes so unhappy. He knows that I will always go to that sakura tree, and he also knows that I'll either be dazing or sleeping. Then when the night arrived, he will come and wake me up…
"You will catch a cold if you sleep on the tree during the night."
"I'm always like this."
"I know, so I'm going to cage up my Hiei."
We repeat this conversation over and over again.
Kurama did cage me up, by using cakes, chocolates, and puddings. But don't know why, I always think, what kind of role am I playing…? A bad kid? Or an uncontrollable clown?
The sakura tree is the only thing I like. The tree that's out side of his window, the tree where we first met. I always remember the miracle which that day, he "picks" me home. When I woke up, the first thing I sighted was the flower, although I don't know about it, but I just think it's so beautiful. It would be a very enjoyable thing to wake up every morning and see those flowers.
Kurama moved a lot, because of the need for work, but I'm still infatuated with the sakura tree.
Sometimes when I am waiting on the tree, I will think about the past, but most of the times I'll just sleep till Kurama come to wake me up. He will raise his head, look at me with his emerald green eyes. I heard that people will get near-sighted when they look at the computer too much, but why are his eyes still so innocent, so green, so clear, so bright…
Kurama has to go out a lot for business, his capacity for liquor is really bad, so he always take me, saying that I'm his secretary, and let me drink for him. But sometimes he will get drunk too, and then I have to take him home. He always sleeps in the car, put his head on my shoulder and repeat this sentence over and over again, "Hiei, I want to give you happiness." Till now, I started use this sentence to affirm if he's drunk or not.
I won't bother to say anything, then he would continue, "Hiei, why can't you ever grow up…?'
But I know, he never expects an answer from me.
But one day, I think I drank too much too, I actually answered his question, "Kurama, to you, I'm a kid anyway, then why do you expect me to grow up…?"
Then Kurama look at me with questions, "Hiei, what are you talking about…?
"Then, what am I? In the deep of your heart, what am I…?"
You paused, look at me, want to say something, but you sighed… "Hiei, you should know already…"
"What do I know…?"
You shook your head, silence…
"What do you think I should know? What have you ever told me…?"
You look outside of the window, the night has arrived, but there are lot cars on the street. The ordinary street lights and houses passed us. I suddenly thought, may be this car will never reach the end. Then, will it continues? Or finally can't go anymore and fall down the cliff?
If there is no ending, then there is no importance in the procedure.
Kurama never remember what he said when he's drunk, then he will always take me to his dinners and repeated "Hiei, I want to give you happiness." after he drunk.
Sometimes I will think, does he really know what is the true happiness…? Then I will start thinking the question that I never find an answer, what am I in the deep of his heart…?
But I swear, I will never ask him this question again.
I realized the times he talks have decreased, so I spend more and more time on the sakura tree. May Kurama is right, I'm a capricious kid, I'm lazy, but I'll never forget the past, the hopelessness that's almost cruelty when I fell down the cliff. May be I am self-harsh…
Long time ago, Yusuke always said that Kurama and I have the most happy couple, because we have eternity, then we have everything. But I don't really care.
He's right, we do have the eternity, but we only have the eternity…
I don't know where Yusuke is right now, but wonder did he start realizing, eternity is a thing no one can endure, because you will always be in a condition of ambiguous… Happiness is just a fantasy…
Eternity and happiness, they both too heavy, and both too light… They might be like the moon and the sun, looking at each other during the sunset and dawn, but will never across each other…
I opened the door, found an unfamiliar feeling that I never faced before… The cold wind of March covered the room, I suddenly started thinking, won't Kurama feels cold when he lived here…?
Today, I went back by myself.
When I went back, Kurama sat in front of the computer as usual, typing the words I would not know…
I walked into my door, dazing, and then opened the window. I realized Kurama was behind me with a puzzled face…
"Kurama, I want to go back…"
My back was facing him. The Night became darker, I looked along the moonlight onto his face, it's unfamiliarly pale… "Why…?"
I shook my shoulders, it's either elegant or stupid…
"Hiei, why do you have to be a capricious and stubborn kid…?"
I shook my head.
"Hiei, do you like that place that much…?"
I shook my head again…
"Alright…" You sighed, "If that place can give you happiness…"
It was the first time he said the word "happiness" when he's still conscious. I was a little shocked, paused a second, I asked, "What is happiness…?"
You didn't answer, or you didn't even know what the answer is…
I continued, "Kurama, may be you are always doing the things that will make me happy, but those are just the things you do for your sympathy. You know that I won't take any compassion, because you know my past… You used me to satisfy your feeling of "giving people happiness". May be you satisfied, because you got your happiness, but to me, it's not the same. I don't need that kind of happiness!!" I was getting really shocked of what I said.
"Hiei…" I think he is surprised, it's okay, I'm shocked too.
"I can clearly tell you, no places can give me happiness, but they can just like me forget the word 'happiness'!!"
I look at Kurama, he wanted to say something, to argue something. But he moved back and closed the door…
I suddenly started panic, feel so nervous. I think I was bewitched, because separated from the door, I asked him this question… "Kurama, have you ever like me… even just a bit…?"
"Sorry…" His voice faded in the air, "May be just like what you said, I'm just selfish, because I can never show it clearly, but…"
"It's okay!!" I yelled to stop him, "Don't say anymore, please…" I almost begged him to stop…
I spend the whole night looking at the sky. Scarlet, moist, with the smell of blood… Feeling dizzy if look at it too long…
I opened the window, wind arrived into the room. The sky started raining, I opened the door. Kurama sitting in front of the computer, but there is only black on the screen. "Going out…?" He asked, although it's the same question, but I can tell it was stirred with shivering… My heart started aching, the first time I thought, may be I'm too cruel after all…
Kurama smiled to me, a smile with the unfamiliar sadness… "I think, I am the kid who is stubborn and capricious, I'm not like what they thought…"
"Kurama… can you go with me to look at the sakura tree…?" I didn't even wait for his answer and dragged him outside…
When we arrived, the rain is even worse, but not that noisy.
I look at the sakura tree, it's a miracle, because after one night, it is full with sakura…
In the misty rain, the tree is covered with a tender light…
We stood there for ten minutes, or even longer…
The sound of wind, the sound of rain, and the sound of breathe…
"Really beautiful, right…?" I asked, "Unlike the ones we saw in the park…"
"If you like, I will grow a lot of sakura for you." You hair, like blood, shining in the rain… looking tired, but as yet so composed… "We need time to think about, you know, we always need to think about the route for retreat… Then, if you arrived in a small village, seeing a lot of sakura tree and an opened window, you will know, I'm waiting for you…" And then, he gave me the first and the last hug…
When I saw his shadow vanished in the rain, I suddenly have a feeling that I will never see again. Then I can't say anything, can't move anymore…
I think I must see this scene in my dream…
In the dream, I can never catch the shadow in front of me…
The bitter rain dropped along my cheek…
I suddenly realized… I don't think I will ever see sakura this beautiful…
Don't know how long, I just can't get use to the things he does, like whenever I wake up in the morning, I see the sunlight in the place where human live…
If I think I'm being stupid, I will stand up, I wouldn't cause any sound, but Kurama will ask me at that every moment, "Hiei, going out?"
I won't answer, just open the door.
"Are you hungry?" He asked again, but I replied him with my footsteps…
Kurama is always so busy, but he always knows everything about me, it makes so unhappy. He knows that I will always go to that sakura tree, and he also knows that I'll either be dazing or sleeping. Then when the night arrived, he will come and wake me up…
"You will catch a cold if you sleep on the tree during the night."
"I'm always like this."
"I know, so I'm going to cage up my Hiei."
We repeat this conversation over and over again.
Kurama did cage me up, by using cakes, chocolates, and puddings. But don't know why, I always think, what kind of role am I playing…? A bad kid? Or an uncontrollable clown?
The sakura tree is the only thing I like. The tree that's out side of his window, the tree where we first met. I always remember the miracle which that day, he "picks" me home. When I woke up, the first thing I sighted was the flower, although I don't know about it, but I just think it's so beautiful. It would be a very enjoyable thing to wake up every morning and see those flowers.
Kurama moved a lot, because of the need for work, but I'm still infatuated with the sakura tree.
Sometimes when I am waiting on the tree, I will think about the past, but most of the times I'll just sleep till Kurama come to wake me up. He will raise his head, look at me with his emerald green eyes. I heard that people will get near-sighted when they look at the computer too much, but why are his eyes still so innocent, so green, so clear, so bright…
Kurama has to go out a lot for business, his capacity for liquor is really bad, so he always take me, saying that I'm his secretary, and let me drink for him. But sometimes he will get drunk too, and then I have to take him home. He always sleeps in the car, put his head on my shoulder and repeat this sentence over and over again, "Hiei, I want to give you happiness." Till now, I started use this sentence to affirm if he's drunk or not.
I won't bother to say anything, then he would continue, "Hiei, why can't you ever grow up…?'
But I know, he never expects an answer from me.
But one day, I think I drank too much too, I actually answered his question, "Kurama, to you, I'm a kid anyway, then why do you expect me to grow up…?"
Then Kurama look at me with questions, "Hiei, what are you talking about…?
"Then, what am I? In the deep of your heart, what am I…?"
You paused, look at me, want to say something, but you sighed… "Hiei, you should know already…"
"What do I know…?"
You shook your head, silence…
"What do you think I should know? What have you ever told me…?"
You look outside of the window, the night has arrived, but there are lot cars on the street. The ordinary street lights and houses passed us. I suddenly thought, may be this car will never reach the end. Then, will it continues? Or finally can't go anymore and fall down the cliff?
If there is no ending, then there is no importance in the procedure.
Kurama never remember what he said when he's drunk, then he will always take me to his dinners and repeated "Hiei, I want to give you happiness." after he drunk.
Sometimes I will think, does he really know what is the true happiness…? Then I will start thinking the question that I never find an answer, what am I in the deep of his heart…?
But I swear, I will never ask him this question again.
I realized the times he talks have decreased, so I spend more and more time on the sakura tree. May Kurama is right, I'm a capricious kid, I'm lazy, but I'll never forget the past, the hopelessness that's almost cruelty when I fell down the cliff. May be I am self-harsh…
Long time ago, Yusuke always said that Kurama and I have the most happy couple, because we have eternity, then we have everything. But I don't really care.
He's right, we do have the eternity, but we only have the eternity…
I don't know where Yusuke is right now, but wonder did he start realizing, eternity is a thing no one can endure, because you will always be in a condition of ambiguous… Happiness is just a fantasy…
Eternity and happiness, they both too heavy, and both too light… They might be like the moon and the sun, looking at each other during the sunset and dawn, but will never across each other…
I opened the door, found an unfamiliar feeling that I never faced before… The cold wind of March covered the room, I suddenly started thinking, won't Kurama feels cold when he lived here…?
Today, I went back by myself.
When I went back, Kurama sat in front of the computer as usual, typing the words I would not know…
I walked into my door, dazing, and then opened the window. I realized Kurama was behind me with a puzzled face…
"Kurama, I want to go back…"
My back was facing him. The Night became darker, I looked along the moonlight onto his face, it's unfamiliarly pale… "Why…?"
I shook my shoulders, it's either elegant or stupid…
"Hiei, why do you have to be a capricious and stubborn kid…?"
I shook my head.
"Hiei, do you like that place that much…?"
I shook my head again…
"Alright…" You sighed, "If that place can give you happiness…"
It was the first time he said the word "happiness" when he's still conscious. I was a little shocked, paused a second, I asked, "What is happiness…?"
You didn't answer, or you didn't even know what the answer is…
I continued, "Kurama, may be you are always doing the things that will make me happy, but those are just the things you do for your sympathy. You know that I won't take any compassion, because you know my past… You used me to satisfy your feeling of "giving people happiness". May be you satisfied, because you got your happiness, but to me, it's not the same. I don't need that kind of happiness!!" I was getting really shocked of what I said.
"Hiei…" I think he is surprised, it's okay, I'm shocked too.
"I can clearly tell you, no places can give me happiness, but they can just like me forget the word 'happiness'!!"
I look at Kurama, he wanted to say something, to argue something. But he moved back and closed the door…
I suddenly started panic, feel so nervous. I think I was bewitched, because separated from the door, I asked him this question… "Kurama, have you ever like me… even just a bit…?"
"Sorry…" His voice faded in the air, "May be just like what you said, I'm just selfish, because I can never show it clearly, but…"
"It's okay!!" I yelled to stop him, "Don't say anymore, please…" I almost begged him to stop…
I spend the whole night looking at the sky. Scarlet, moist, with the smell of blood… Feeling dizzy if look at it too long…
I opened the window, wind arrived into the room. The sky started raining, I opened the door. Kurama sitting in front of the computer, but there is only black on the screen. "Going out…?" He asked, although it's the same question, but I can tell it was stirred with shivering… My heart started aching, the first time I thought, may be I'm too cruel after all…
Kurama smiled to me, a smile with the unfamiliar sadness… "I think, I am the kid who is stubborn and capricious, I'm not like what they thought…"
"Kurama… can you go with me to look at the sakura tree…?" I didn't even wait for his answer and dragged him outside…
When we arrived, the rain is even worse, but not that noisy.
I look at the sakura tree, it's a miracle, because after one night, it is full with sakura…
In the misty rain, the tree is covered with a tender light…
We stood there for ten minutes, or even longer…
The sound of wind, the sound of rain, and the sound of breathe…
"Really beautiful, right…?" I asked, "Unlike the ones we saw in the park…"
"If you like, I will grow a lot of sakura for you." You hair, like blood, shining in the rain… looking tired, but as yet so composed… "We need time to think about, you know, we always need to think about the route for retreat… Then, if you arrived in a small village, seeing a lot of sakura tree and an opened window, you will know, I'm waiting for you…" And then, he gave me the first and the last hug…
When I saw his shadow vanished in the rain, I suddenly have a feeling that I will never see again. Then I can't say anything, can't move anymore…
I think I must see this scene in my dream…
In the dream, I can never catch the shadow in front of me…
The bitter rain dropped along my cheek…
I suddenly realized… I don't think I will ever see sakura this beautiful…