Naraku's Rehab. Part One
by chatnoir/cybergaki
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but I do own a growing collection of Naraku items. I don't own Barney either, I'm just borrowing him and his song for this chapter.
Author's note: This ties in with Who Moved Naraku's Cheese and It's the Easter Hanyou.
But Naraku has needed rehab for a while, he's been going downhill ever since Kikyo burned his baboon pelt.
Sesshomaru was a youkai on a mission. One of utmost importance, so he left both Rin and Jaken behind, and went to look for Inuyasha's wench, Kagome. He needed to cure Naraku before he embarrassed himself (and Sesshomaru) any further.He found her as she made her way to the old Miko's village. He was pleased to note she showed some apprehension at his appearance. As she should, since he'd tried to kill her in the past.
"Kagome." Sesshomaru flexed his right hand, the knuckles cracking. "I need to speak with you about Naraku." Sesshomaru paused, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say.
Shimatta. "I need your assistance."
"Nani?" Kagome, well, she did the classic anime face fault. Did Inuyasha's older brother just ask for her help?
"Naraku has become an embarrassment. This whole cheese business and then the rabbit suit, well, something must be done."
"So ka? He is much more amusing this way."
"There is no honour in slaying an enemy who was last seen dressed as a giant rabbit."
"I suppose not. What do you propose?"
"Apart from my hanyou brother and maybe Kagura, you are the most annoying creature I know. I need you, and your friends, to help me torture Naraku back to sanity."
"You do know I am founder and acting president of the Naraku Must Die Club."
"That does not concern me, and I must say it is not a very original title. Once he has returned to his normal, evil self, you can do as you will."
Kagome nodded. Torturing a helpless Naraku. Well it might be fun.
And she knew just how to begin, but she would have to take a short trip back to her own time. "I need to discuss this with the others and I need to acquire a few things. How about I meet you here in two days time?" Kagome paused in thought for a moment, then had a suggestion of what Sesshomaru could do in the meantime.
"Two days then." And saying nothing more, not being one for idle chitchat, especially with ningens, Sesshomaru left.
Once everyone had stopped laughing about the absurdity of helping Naraku in any way and the aloof, arrogant Sesshomaru asking for help, they agreed it might be fun. Kagome took a brief trip back to her time, then returned with several items, among them a green and purple costume.
"This is a Barney costume. He's about as annoying as it gets.
Inuyasha, you look to be about the right size."
"Feh. Iyan." Inuyasha crossed his arms and shook his head.
"Kagome-san" Miroku moved up and took her hand. "I would be happy to wear it." His other hand was just going for the traditional Miroku ass grope, when Kagome and Sango both slapped him. He sighed. Kagome gave him the costume and he put it on.
"I cannot see out of this very well." Miroku moved about and almost managed to grope Inuyasha's ass before Kagome steered him away.
"I noticed. You won't need to wear it very long. And there are a couple of songs I need to teach you, well all of you, since we will sing them together. So she taught them the songs, which they all agreed were very annoying and should work well.
Two days later, they met up with Sesshomaru, who had brought Ah-Un with him. Using Kirara as transport, Kagome and the rest followed him. Sesshomaru took them to where he had Naraku chained and heavilly warded. As per Kagome's instructions, the room was painted a cheerful, bright pink with flowers. Sesshomaru didn't know what kind of an effect it had on Naraku, but it made him slighlty nauseous. Kagome and Sango were releived to see Naraku at least had trousers on. He did not look happy.
"Konnichiwa Naraku, Sesshomaru has asked us to provide you with some entertainment. So, may I present Barney the Dinosaur." Miroku put the costume on, and still having sight problems walked up to Naraku and tried to figure out where he was by, well, using his hands.
"YAMERO!" Naraku yelled at him. "Is this your entertainment, to have the hentai monk molest me while wearing this ridiculous costume?" Naraku's left eye twitched just a fraction.
Miroku took the head off. "Gomen nasai, Naraku. I can't see out of this thing." He went back over to where Kagome and the rest stood,
then put the head back on.
"Minna" Kagome said and raised her hands. They began to sing and Barney danced as well..
"I love you. You love me. We're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too?"
Naraku's left eye twitched a bit more.
"I love you. You love me. We're best friends like friends should be.
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you. Won't you say you love me too?"
"URUSAI NA!" Naraku's left eye was twitching like crazy.
"Don't you like Barney?" Kagome shook her head, while "Barney" tried to look sad. "Go give Naraku a hug, Barney." Kagome said and gave him a shove in the right direction. Naraku shrieked and tried to free himself. Sesshomaru, who had wanted to stay for the show, but who found it too disturbing, came back in just in time to witness the hug. He was glad Rin was off with Jaken. She might be scarred for life. Kagome called "Barney" off, to Naraku's relief.
"Let's give him one more and then call it quits, before Miroku passes out." They did the "You are Special" song, by the end of which Naraku was almost frothing.
"SHINE! SHINE! SHINE! SHINE!" Naraku was screaming at them. Sesshomaru indulged in a small smile, then ushered them out.
Kagome clapped her hands. "That went very well, neh?" Everyone,
including Sesshomaru, agreed. "I bought ramen with me, lets eat and plan our next strategy."
And so they did.
tbc...