Disclaimer: I don't own Lost. Obviously.
A/n: Upon rewatching season 4 with my cousins, one of them came up with this idea. It was hilarious at the time and I promised I'd make it into a wee one-shot. So I did. Dedicated to Jedi Knight Bus – it was her idea. ;) Takes place during The Shape of Things to Come.
Locke, Sawyer and Hurley were situated around a simple card table playing the game of Risk. Hurley laughed triumphantly as he stole another territory from Sawyer.
"I hate this game." Sawyer grumbled.
Hurley laughed. "You're only saying that 'cause you're losing."
Sawyer shook his head to protest but smiled a little.
Locke reached for the dice to take his turn when the phone in the room began to ring, loud and insistently. All three of them jumped. They exchanged bewildered glances – who the heck would be calling Ben's house, on the island? – before Locke cautiously got up to answer it.
"Hello?" He said uncertainly.
"Good afta-noon sah, is this Mr. Benjamin Linus speaking?" a very heavily accented voice asked cheerily.
Locke's eyes widened and he became more confused. "Um, n-no – "
"I calling you today, sah, in regards to your credit card. I pleased to tell you 'bout the exciting new promotion we have running this month. For just an extra twenty-five dolla a month, you get twelve pah-cent off each purchase made on your credit card of one hundred dolla or more. Are you interested in this promotion, sah?"
"I – uh, sorry, I'm not Ben – "
"Ok, Mr. Linus. I undah-stand that not everyone can do twenty-five dolla a month, especially if you on budget. That is why we have second promotion, where for just an extra eighteen dolla a month, you get nine pah-cent off each purchase of one hundred dolla or more. Is that something you would be interested, sah?"
"Look, I don't even have a credit card – "
"Of course, sah. We undah-stand that people are on budgets and that not everyone can manage an extra eighteen dolla a month. That is why we have most exciting third promotion, where for just an extra thirteen dolla a month, you get a whole six pah-cent off each purchase of one hundred dolla or more. How does that sound, sah?"
Locke was rather annoyed by this point. "I'm sorry, I am not Ben Linus. He's not here right now."
Hurley and Sawyer stared at Locke with mixed looks of shock and confusion on their faces.
The determined female voice on the other end of the phone said, "Apologies, sah. When would be a better time to reach Mr. Linus?"
"How should I know?"
"Ok sah, thank you very much for your time. We will call Mr. Linus later today. Before I let you go, sah, would you please take a moment to tell me if this call was Very Satisfactory, Satisfactory or Unsatisfactory?"
Locke blinked. "Uh… Satisfactory?"
"Thank you, sah. Have a nice day."
Locke slowly hung up, still completely caught off guard and extremely puzzled by what he'd just experienced.
"Who was that?" Sawyer asked.
Locke sat down. "A telemarketer."
Sawyer swore and Hurley laughed.
"Unbelievable, dude." Hurley shook his head in disbelief and amusement. "They really can get you anywhere."
-end-
A/n: Thanks for reading and reviews are like oxygen. :)