EVEN IDOLS CRY.
This is sad. And not very rocketshippy. It's not that I'm not a rocketshipper but I wanted to write something different than usual, something never written before.
Every rocketshipper is expecting a romantic relationship between Jessie and James but what if Jessie fell in love with another man and eventually married him? What if James never got to see her anymore?
A soft breeze gently caresses my hair as I slowly walk through Saffron City Park. I've been walking for 30 minutes to get here and I'm beginning to feel tired so I decide to sit on a bench.
After all, I'm 71.
Children are everywhere, running, screaming and playing. They are so happy here.
And why shouldn't they be? It's a beautiful sunny afternoon, the perfect day for going out for walks.
A little boy is staring at me. He is very cute with green eyes and blonde hair. He must be 6 or 7. I smile at him but he blushes and runs away with his friends.
I've never told anybody that I like children. And I regret the fact that I've never had one.
For those who don't know, I'm James Morgan, the most powerful and important man on business. I run an enormous company called Morgan Creations, which has more than 1000 employees. Everybody looks at me like I'm some kind of God.
I have an enviable life but actually that's not the kind of life I wanted when I was young.
I've never made my real dreams come true.
And believe me, I have regrets. Many regrets.
After quitting Team Rocket, I went home to my parents, as I had nowhere else to go. I stayed with them for some years while working with my father in his company, the notorious Morgan Creations, which still today creates fashionable clothes. I made a fortune and I eventually got rich almost as my parents. Some years after that, I bought a giant mansion and went to live there on my own, hoping to create my own family like my parents did. But I created no family as I've never found the right woman.
Of course, I had women during my life. I was an attractive man after all.
But I've never fallen in love.
Yes, an enviable life. A giant mansion, prestigious cars, much money, many women.
So why aren't I happy? Why do I cry at night? Why aren't I satisfied?
Actually I know the truth. But it's too late to change things now.
I guess you all can remember Jessie, my old team-mate. She was my partner when I worked for Team Rocket. God, how much I miss those days! I was so happy and carefree! I felt like a free spirit with an entire life waiting for me. As a teenager, I used to daydream about my future. All I wanted was a satisfying life, a wife and children. I never told anyone, not even Jessie who was my best friend at the time. Then something changed. I started looking at her in a different way until I realized I was in love with her. She was so beautiful…
I still think she is the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Her sapphire-blue eyes, her playful smile, her sweet voice. I still have an image of her in my mind.
However, I've never had the courage to admit my true feelings for her. I've never told her that I loved her. How stupid I was! I still don't know why I've never taken the chance.
I was so ingenuous, so shy.
She never found out about my secret love for her. I guess she's still unaware today.
Day after day, month after month my love for her kept on growing up inside my heart as we worked together for Team Rocket chasing the brats' Pikachu (do you think that Pikachus can live for 70 years?). Until something unexpected happened.
One day Giovanni, our boss, introduced us to a new Rocket member called Bill whose assignment was to help us with our constant failures. I'll never forget that day. The way Jessie and Bill looked at each other in the boss' office. Jessie! My Jessie! How did he dare? A perfect stranger looking at my love in that way! I wanted to slap him on the face. Anyway, we spent the next days knowing each other. I learned that Bill came from Vermilion City, attended Pokemon Tech with success and was a Pokemon trainer. He even defeated the Indigo League. Bad thing, for Jessie liked Pokemon trainers.
As weeks went by, we had some successful missions thanks to Bill. I found him nice after all.
He was the kind of guy who had a lot of success with girls. Tall, muscled, brown hair and blue eyes, talkative, brave and strong. I noticed from the way she looked at him that Jessie had a crush on Bill.
She was my best friend and I knew her very well.
You couldn't imagine my disappointment when I realized that she liked him! She broke my heart in 1000 pieces! But I kept my silence with Jessie because I was afraid.
I couldn't run the risk of losing her friendship in order to obtain her love.
A love I would have never known the same.
On the other way, it was obvious that Bill found Jessie attractive too and the two started dating each other. During that time, I got to see and talk to Jessie very few times. Our friendship, our precious friendship was no longer existing. It hurts, believe me, it hurts a lot.
Then I found out that Jessie and Bill were in a relationship. A relationship. That meant they were engaged. I wanted to kill myself for being so stupid. So damnedly, deeply stupid.
God only knows how much I prayed and hoped that something could go wrong between them so as to make Jessie run to me. And I, of course, would have waited for her with my arms opened.
But nothing of this happened as they seemed happy together. I was glad that Jessie was actually happy with a man, but sadly that man wasn't me.
About 2 or 3 months after that, Jessie told me that she was quitting Team Rocket with Bill. They made the decision of buying an apartment and live together. Sad and with tears in my eyes, I said goodbye to my partner who was my partner no more.
Our goodbye was nothing too special, we just embraced and Jessie gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wished good luck to her and so did she.
Yes, that was the last time I saw her. The last time in my life. I realized I was a perfect idiot. Letting her go away like that. And that was just because of my shyness. My ingenuity. My fear.
No more hugs, no more tears, no more paper fans, no more failures. No more of all those things we used to do together. What, what kind of life was expecting me?
However, I stayed in Team Rocket during the following year. My life was a total disgust, I felt like a shit and when the boss paired me with a new partner, I refused. I wanted to stay alone.
I even received the invitation to Jessie and Bill's wedding months later. Do you think I accepted? Nah. I preferred not to go. I felt sick at the idea of seeing them kissing on the altar and reciting their own vows. I think Giovanni got the invitation too but don't ask me if he accepted because I don't know.
About a year after Jessie's goodbye, I quitted Team Rocket too and I went to live on my own. At first, I stayed in an apartment, but then money fed back and I had nothing else to do than going back to my parents' mansion. I was afraid that they could kick me out because of my past life, but they eventually understood my situation and allowed me to live with them again. Then, you all know the story.
I learned what was my father's job in the Morgan Company and professionally I did my best to become like him. I eventually reached my purpose and felt a pure sensation of pride. That was the first time in my life I was proud of something I did. The first and last time.
Then, I've become what you all know. James Morgan. The most important fashion designer. I'm quite famous and I appear on TV sometimes. Maybe Jessie had seen me. Who knows, maybe she still remembers. I'd pay a fortune to know if Jessie still thinks about me.
For all these years I've been daydreaming about her and her life. I hope she's an happy and satisfied woman now although I've always had the sensation that Bill wasn't the right man for her.
After her wedding I've never ever heard of her. She disappeared like a ghost. The last time I heard her voice was about… 51 years ago.
Jessie, my love, I miss you! Where are you? I swear that if I ever meet you again I'll be able to tell you in face that I love you. I've always had and I always will.
I give a look at my clock. It's almost 6 pm. I've been here for all the afternoon thinking about my sad past so I start my way back. As I slowly walk out the Saffron City park, I notice something interesting.
A pretty woman with long red hair down to her shoulders and blue eyes walks out of a cemetery. I can't believe my eyes! Jessie! That's my Jessie! Unfortunately, my legs are too weak to run but I still have my strong voice.
"Jessie! Jessie! Wait please!"
This can't be true! I'm finally going to meet her again! She notices me.
"Excuse me?" She says.
"Jessie, do you remember me? I'm James!" Finally, I get closer to her.
"Jessie? No, I'm not Jessie. I'm Miya. I'm sorry I think you got me for someone else,"
She's right. She might look a lot like Jessie but she cannot be her. She's too young. This woman must be in her forties or early fifties.
"Oh, I'm sorry Ma'am."
"That's ok."
"It's just that… You look a lot like her." I don't know where I got this idiotic sentence from.
"Well... Jessie… is my mother," she smiles at me and then she runs away, tears in her eyes.
What? Her mother? I got it! She must be Jessie's daughter! Everything makes sense now! The similar look, the name. I believe that Jessie named her Miya after her mother.
"Wait Ma'am, please wait!" I scream at Miya but she's too far to hear me.
I sigh alone. I've lost her again. I've missed the chance to meet her again. Sadly, I walk inside the cemetery as I want to make a visit to my deceased parents. My father died 16 years ago and my mother 12.
I guess you all can't believe this. As I'm walking toward my parents' grave something catches my attention. A grave with an inscription.
It reads:
Jessica Randwhyte Forrester
May 1983 – February 2054
I stare motionless at her picture. This is her. Jessie. She died only 2 months ago. If only I had known before! I feel a hand on my shoulder and I see Miya standing next to me. She is in tears.
"You must be James, her first Team Rocket partner,"
I simply nod with my head, unable to speak.
"Mom talked about you once or twice. I've learnt that you and her used to spend a lot of time together when you were teenagers,"
What does this mean? Once or twice? Is that all? Did Jessie only see me as a team-mate and nothing more? Not even as her best friend?
"Mom and dad were deeply in love. They loved each other more than anything else in the world,"
Now it hurts. It hurts a lot. I swear I've never felt so sick in my life. Getting to know that the woman I've been loving for all these years spent her whole life totally, deeply in love with someone else makes me feel like a shit. A pathetic idiot. A failure.
I don't know why but I've always had the feeling that Jessie and Bill weren't made for each other. I was wrong.
I spent my whole life thinking about Jessie and now that she's dead I realize that she rarely thought about me when she was alive. Is this what I deserved? Is this my punishment for being so rich and envied? Believe me, I've never experienced anything so painful before.
Maybe, this is the price that every idol must pay. The price of his life.
If you have love, you haven't got money. If you have money, you haven't got love. You can't have both.
As I feel tears coming down my cheeks, Miya gently embraces me. I cry in her shoulder.
I smell the same delicate fragrance that Jessie always used.