Authors note: Hi! I just wanted to write something kind of deep and cute, so I decided to go with some Jean/Armin. Anyways here you are and I hope you enjoy!
Afraid to sleep.
Jean tossed and turned in his bed as he tried to fall asleep. But tonight, he could just not get his eyes to shut and let him drift off into slumber. Instead, he was left staring up at the ceiling and letting his mind wonder. Of course, there wasn't much to think about, except for killing and the blood covered hell he had to endure everyday.
And there was no one to talk to either. Usually on nights like this, Jean would find comfort in talking with Marco. But Marco was long gone, and their was no one left for him at the moment.
He could have gone and bothered Bertholdt and Reiner... But to Jean's dismay, they were in the next cabin over, and there was no way he was sneaking out into the night like this. Not when he was at risk of getting caught and punished by Shadis. Instead, he lied in bed and stared up to the top bunk were Marco would sleep.
'How long has it been since Marco... since he...' Jean couldn't even bring himself to say the words. He ran his fingers through his hair and mearly sighed. He was never going to fall asleep if he kept on thinking like that.
Suddenly, Jean heard the front door to the cabin open up slowly and not making a single creek at all. He then saw a tiny figure creep in through the crack and slowly close up the door again.
Confused, the brunet could only wonder who it was. The small figure than began to make its way to one of the bunks were he threw something upon the bed.
Quickly, Jean got up on his feet and walked over to were the figure was. Surprisingly enough, he wasn't heard at all. He then reached out his hand and put it upon the figures shoulder.
"It's a little late to be sneaking around, don't you think?" Jean said and then heard the figure give out a small yelp. The person turned around so that Jean could finally see who it was.
"A-Armin?" Now this was the last person the brunet expected to be out past bed time. "What are you doing?"
The blond only stared up to the other boy before asking a question of his own. "What are you still doing up?"
Hesitant, Jean answered anyways.
"I couldn't sleep," he explained. "But that doesn't answer my question. What are you doing?"
Armin only sighed and sat down on his bed, where he began to take off his boots.
"I guess it's the same for me. I couldn't sleep either..."
"So you decided to go out and sneak about?" The brunet asked curiously.
"I wasn't sneaking about, Jean," Armin corrected. He then reached out and picked up what he had thrown on the bed, which turned out to be a book. "You can't really read anything in a dark room."
"You snuck out to read? Where did you go?" Jean asked.
"Just outside of camp. I usually don't go to far so that I won't get lost or caught," the petite boy responded.
Jean had to admit. He was astonished. He couldn't believe that this quiet, timid boy would walk out in the deep of night just so that he had a nice place to read.
"How did you not get caught!?" He yelled, which made Armin quickly shush him.
"Shhh! Were not supposed to be up, remember?" Armin scolded as he put up a finger to his lips.
"Well you should have thought of that before you decided to go sneaking about!" The taller male fought back.
They both went silent after a minute. The night was cold, and Jean was gradually starting to feel it since he had no socks on and his pant legs were rolled up. He was really starting to miss his bed now. But even so, he still had no intention on sleeping.
"You're having nightmares..." Armin said softly as he looked up to the taller boy. Jean was taken a backed by what Armin had just said.
"What?" The brunet stuttered out. "N-no I'm not. I just can't sleep!"
"You can't sleep because you've had nightmares," Armin explained. "You're afraid to sleep because of the nightmares..."
Jean only stepped back and looked down. That couldn't be what was going on. The poor kid just couldn't sleep, that was all. He probably wasn't tired.
"Don't deny it..." Armin said sadly as he finished getting dressed for bed. "It happens to me all the time too."
"You?" Jean said confusingly. "But... Why? What could you fear?"
Armin chuckled bitterly and shook his head. The brunet was curious to find out what this blond dreamed of. He walked over to the other side of Armin's bed and sat down so that he was now sitting across from the blond.
The petite boy sighed and tossed the book aside again. He knew Jean probably wasn't going to leave until he fessed up.
"Well," Armin began, "I still have dreams about they day my entire team was wiped out."
"Also about how my grandfather was taken back into the wall. How everyone around me is dying and theres really nothing I can do. But the one that haunts me the most is when Eren was eaten right in front of my eyes," Armin began to tremble as he continued to talk. "How he saved me, but he still died right in front of me and... and... I didn't do anything to save him..."
How stupid could have Jean had been. Of course Armin had nightmares about that.
"S-sorry... It's just that... you seem so quiet that at times I forget you really have problems," Jean apologized with his head facing down. "Just like me..."
Armin only shook his head. "It's alright. At times I forget that I'm not the only one who's suffering, too. It's a bit harder now that Eren's gone, too..."
"Same. Ever since... Since Marco... Since he died..." Jean's voice grew quiet as he kept on staring down. He still couldn't get the words to form out.
"So it's about Marco, huh?" Armin asked suddenly.
"W-what?" Jean asked.
"Your nightmares," the blond began to explain, "there about Marco, right?"
"Yeah," Jean admitted as he finally looked up to the smaller boy. "They are about him..."
Armin's eyes seemed to be filled with concern, even thought his expression remained unchanged. This only made the brunet feel like he needed to explain more.
"I guess... They're mostly about how I knew I was so close to becoming one of the Military Police and working inside the walls and being safe," Jean explained, "but... that all changed after the attack happened."
"The only thing I could think about at that moment was why? Why did it have to happen now? Why now when I'm so close to achieving my goal?"
Armin only nodded his head and kept on listening.
"But then... Something sort off changed... I kept on thinking that I was going to join the Military Police even after the attack. It made even more sense for me to join now since it meant I'd be safe. But then... I found Marco's body..."
Jean took a deep breath and then continued, "I'm... I'm not sure why but... It just changed everything. Maybe it was out of shock... Maybe it was because I wanted to be some big hero..."
Jean looked at the blond, who had been quiet the whole time. His eyes were deeply focused on the brunet as he took in every last word he had just said.
"No..." Jean suddenly said, "It's because... It's because I want to protect everyone. I want everyone to be safe and alive. I just don't want anyone to end up like Marco."
He then looked Armin in the eyes. He stared into the big blue orbs that were absolutely beautiful and calming which made him sigh.
"I just don't want anyone to end up like us... Alone... All by ourselves... Without a friend. That's my nightmare... I just don't want anybody to suffer."
Armin smiled. A rare sight to be seen on the blond's face since he usually bore a face of seriousness. But this time, he showed one to Jean. Armin then reached out his hand and held it in Jean's.
"But you're not alone," Armin said, "You're not without a friend. You have Reiner and Connie. Bertholdt, too. You even have me."
Jean only stared at the boy. He then gave his hand a soft squeeze.
"I-I know... It's just hard at the moment... I'm sorry." The taller male said with a sigh.
Armin shook his head. "You don't have to be sorry. It's a normal feeling, Jean. Everyone is suffering just like you and I. It just takes time. And the time it takes is hard, just like now."
"Yeah. It makes me terrified to close my eyes and just sleep..." Jean said back.
Armin then pulled his hand back and put it in his lap.
"In time... things will either get harder or better. Our dreams could get hellish or heavenly. In the end, there's no telling what's going to happen, so we just have to keep fighting our nightmares." Armin smiled again which made Jean smile back.
"Armin... Thanks..." The brunet said. The room grew quiet once more.
"I think it's time we go to bed, don't you?" Armin asked as he began to lift up his bed sheets.
"Ah!" Jean suddenly said surprised. "That's right... Sorry I kept you up..."
"Don't apologize. I'm glad we could have this talk. It may even make it easier for you to sleep," Armin said.
Jean simply nodded his head and get off of Armin's bed. Just before he could get to far away he turned back with a crazy idea in his head.
"H-hey Armin?" He stuttered out, face flushed and hands trembling.
"Yes?" Jean swallowed hard and then said what he had thought. It sounded ludicrous, but... He couldn't get it out of his mind since they started talking.
"Do you really miss Eren that much?" Armin gave surprised look at that question. In truth he had always thought he couldn't do anything without Eren but now...
"Of course I miss him. He's always protected me and it's just hard with him not being here. It makes me feel even weaker..." suddenly Jean walked over to Armin again and grabbed his hands.
"But you're not weak. You're brave and strong. And when Eren isn't here to protect you..." Jean grew quiet again and then stared into the blond's eyes. He took in every last detail of his face. Pale and tints of pink around his cheeks and lips, and how his nose slightly twitched in anticipation. But his eyes. His eyes were vast and a deep blue, filled with wonder and beauty. And the blue, was not one from the sky, but one that seemed different. It was its own type of blue.
"When Eren isn't here to protect you... I will..." Jean then noticed how fond he had grown of Armin in just a short matter of minutes. He had this feeling that he had to protect the blond just... make sure he'd be alright. Just like everybody else.
"You too," Armin replied as he clutched Jean's hand. "You think you're weak to Jean. But you're a great leader. You just haven't reliased it yet, but in time... I'm sure you'll be at your full potential. And I'll always be here for you, okay?"
Jean smiled. Then another idea crossed his mind.
"Armin?" He said anxiously.
"Yes?"
He pulled his hands away and rubbed his shoulder as he tried to look anywhere but at Armin. He could already feel his cheeks producing heat.
"I-is it alright if... if I could sleep with you tonight?" Jean finally said. Gosh he felt like such a dork. He knew Armin was going to think he was weird now, and was going to reject him. Why did he say that, why?!
"Sure!" Armin almost said to eagerly. "I-I mean... Yes. It's alright with me."
Jean smiled and let Armin pull off the cover completely. He then positioned himself near the wall, and left some space for Jean to lay down.
The brunet the layed by Armin's side where they both faced away from each other. Jean had to admit, it was a little awkward to be in bed with another guy. But this was Armin, it couldn't be to bad.
"Rather cold tonight isn't it?" Armin commented out of no where. He was probably only trying to make things a little less weird.
"Yeah. I felt like I was going to freeze today in the morning," Armin chuckled at Jean's remark. He then moved his foot which hit Jean's leg causing the brunet to yelp.
"Geez, your feet are freezing!" He yelped. Armin only laughed.
"I know. Being out there at night makes it even worse," Armin said quietly.
"You're going to get sick like that," Jean commented.
"That's my line..." Armin said back with a light shiver.
"Are you still cold?" The taller male asked with a concerned tone. Armin stayed silent before answering with a small yes.
Jean suddenly turned himself and put his hand directly above of Armin's head. With his other hand, he wrapped it around the blond's body and pulled him closer to himself.
"J-Jean! What are you doing!?" Armin quickly asked frantically as he pushed away the brunets hand from his waist. Jean let go, but kept his hand close.
"I thought you said you were cold?"
"Of course I'm cold. But I didn't think you'd just pull me in like that..." the blond responded.
"Ah... My bad then. I guess I won't do it again. Sorry..." Jean really was apologizing. He didn't mean to disturb the smaller male. He turned so that he was now laying the way he was originally.
He felt at some ease now, knowing he was not alone, but suddenly was shocked when he felt two hands hug him from behind and hug him.
"Hmm? Armin?" Jean asked as he felt the blond's head touch his back.
"Shut up, I'm cold," Armin said embarrassed. Jean laughed at the boy.
"I didn't even say anything," he retorted. He then turned again put his arm underneath Armin's head, while wrapping his other hand around his waist. "Better?"
"Mhhhm..." Armin said, his voice muffled by Jean's chest.
"Are you sure?" Jean asked. He just wanted to make sure Armin wasn't uncomfortable. Slowly, the blond looked up again, and amazingly enough, his eyes seemed to illuminate and glow.
"I'm sure. Just don't kick me, okay?" Armin said as he now moved his arms to clutch the front of Jean's shirt.
"Alright, alright I won't kick you," Jean laughed. "Don't have any nightmares okay, Armin?"
"Huh?" The blond said confused.
"I don't want you to dream of bad stuff okay? And if you do, I'll be here okay?"
Armin laughed, which quickly made Jean blush.
"You're so cheesy, Jean," Armin giggled. That was even rarer to see coming from the blond. "But alright. I'll try not to have a nightmare. Same goes for you okay?"
"Yeah," Jean said silently. He then lightly kissed Armin on top of his head. "I'll try not too."
"You're a big dork, Kirtchenstien," Armin said as he snuggled into his arms. "Good night."
"Good night, Armin," Jean said before closing his eyes. He was then plunged into a dreamless slumber, which was this best sleep he had gotten in forever. Even Armin slept without a single stir throughout that whole entire night. Not one single nightmare. Just a night filled with a blissful slumber.
What more could they ask for?