Standing in my dressing room with a silky white dress hanging in front of me; I couldn't be sadder. Sure, I love him, but he's not the right one. I never wanted Troy Bolton. Not properly, anyway. I just wanted some reassurance!
And I've found that. I found it in an unusual place – but no one can know.
I want to rip this dress to shreds, run from the chapel and be returned to my love's open arms. But I just can't.
Troy's in on the secret, so it's okay. I wish it didn't have to end this way. I wish I could go back, rewind and pause; so I can think out another plan.
"Why does it have to be this way? Why can't you just love me?" Ryan shouted to me across the room. I was in tears. I wanted to escape from the shouting and the hurt and I wanted to be happy again.
"You know I don't love him! Ryan, if we get married, then everything will be fine!" I screamed back, but he believed no such thing. He shouted and threw things at me. I cried myself to sleep that night.
Troy comforted me reluctantly. He tried to talk to Ryan, but he was too upset. I was scared he'd do something we'd all regret.
I start to silently cry. I don't want to marry such an innocent man.
The songs starts, and I sweep down the isle slowly. I look at all the guests: my parents, Troy's parents, Gabriella, Taylor, Chad, Zeke, Kelsi, Jason, cheerleaders, basketball players, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends. And Ryan. I smile sheepishly at him, yet all I see on his face is sadness. I wish he was in that tux at the front, grinning at me with no shame.
"Ryan, why won't you talk to me?" I complained over the breakfast table one morning. Ryan sat opposite me, Troy next to me and our other roommate was at work.
"Maybe because you're marrying someone you don't love." He grumbled under his breath, but it was loud enough for me to hear.
"How dare you say that, Ryan. You don't even know the story." I shot back. I hated it when he thought I was doing wrong. In my eyes, I was perfectly right.
"No, I don't. Go on, explain. Explain about how you secretly love me, and after this wedding you'll ditch the groom and live with me happily ever after." he spat back, his fork clanking angrily against his plate as he ate his bacon. I hated that I was hurting him like this.
"Why can't that happen? Troy knows, and he's fine with it."
"No, Sharpay. I want to be at the front, saying 'I do' and all that. But instead I have to watch you do that with someone else." He was so angry, I wanted to cry.
"That's being selfish." It's all I could say without bursting into tears or breaking one of the guy's hearts.
Holding my bouquet limply, staring into Troy's cold eyes, I want to break free and run, like in all the good movies. But I can't. Troy's eyes fix me to the spot.
The minister starts the ceremony, but I don't want to be here. I breathe deeply as everyone smiles at me. They don't know how I felt. They think I'm merely nervous. Nervous with excitement. They don't know anything.
Troy seems slightly excited. After this, he's planning on opening a casino in Vegas. I can see the want in his eyes. He's thinking, hurry up hurry up, so I can jet to Vegas and party it up with the topless chicks!
Yeah, well I'm thinking, hurry up hurry up, I want to show my brother how much I love him, and what I'm willing to do for him.
Sitting in a tree house, me and Ryan were telling stories about people.
"One time, I was watching Melissa in the classroom, and she was picking her nose. She was picking bogies for her bogy stew!" Ryan giggled childishly, and I joined in happily. I was only seven.
"You know what Ryan, I'd do anything for you. Anything you want I'll do it. But only because I love you, brother." I said slowly, and he smiled a toothless grin at me.
Those words of mine echoed through my empty head. I had to read my vows soon and I honestly didn't know what to say. I look at Ryan, and I see he's smiling. He's smiling for me. Oh I love him. I can't do this...
"That's why I love you, Sharpay Evans. I love you and I want to marry you." Troy finishes his vows, meaning it's time for me to speak. I don't know what to say. I want to say the truth, but I can't.
"I don't love you, Troy. You know I don't love you, and I know you don't love me. Who are we kidding? We're must be freaks to be able to go through with this without hurting. I know I'm hurting. I love Ryan Evans, and I basically killed him by going up by this altar and pretending to marry this man. I don't love him. I love you Ryan Evans, and I don't care who doesn't approve."
If only I said that. But I didn't. I mumbled a few words about acceptance and standing by each other, and then we kissed. It was simple.
I looked longingly over at Ryan, and the smile had vanished. He believed I was going to say that stuff. But I hadn't, and I regretted it.
Me and Troy walk down the isle but Ryan's already gone. The pain was too much for him. I start to cry, maybe with happiness, maybe with heartache. I don't want to be attached to Troy. I want Ryan to be looking down at me, a smile on his lips, telling me I'm gorgeous like he has our whole lives.
When Troy and I had our first date, Ryan was in theatre camp so it was alright. We had done a lot of things I regretted doing. We got drunk and stumbled through the door at about 10pm. We found Ryan in the lounge, a meal for two set out.
"Oh... what's up guys?" he asked. He sounded hurt. I hugged him and apologized, but he never forgave me. He smiled and said he was okay, but then he ran into his room and never came out.
"Ryan, I didn't think you'd be home... we were just out having fun together. As friends." I shouted through his door, but there wasn't a reply. He ignored me for a couple of days, until Troy moved in. Then he started talking about things like the bills, taxes, jobs and Troy. He asked me about what was happening in our relationship.
"Ryan, you know that I love you. I don't know what's happening, but it's all to fast. Remember, Ryan? I'd do anything for you."
I walk out the door of the chapel, Troy's arm gently around my shoulders. I see Ryan scurrying away silently. He's heartbroken and I can't help him in any way. I kiss Troy lightly on the lips, letting him kiss me back. And the whole time my voice is echoing around my mind: I'd do anything for you. Anything you want I'll do it. But only because I love you, brother...
Depressing, huh.
Please review - I don't know if it went the way I planned. Please say if you like it.
Chloe.