"You aren't going, not again Trav." I'm staring him in the eyes, even after years of marriage he still cannot resist the pull of my desperation.
"Pidge, you know I love you right?" His voice is scratchy and he seems tired. The scruff on his face casually growing…but not as fast as my concern.
"Benny doesn't need you!" I'm shouting now, ready to pound my fists against his chest. "Please, I agreed to let you fight for him but you've been going way too often, almost once a week. Your body needs rest, god Trav, why can't you ever listen to me?"
"Because baby, I'm doing this for us,"
I feel like I'm going to throw up, to think he's fighting for me, that he's putting his life in danger just so I can be okay. As I shake back and forth I think back to the lies of our wedding, how it took me so long to tell him why I actually married him. At that point, the marriage was fine, we were…are in love, so it didn't really matter. The problem lied in the fact that I had…lied.
Travis is turning away from me, his muscle shirt bending at the will of his muscles and I catch a quick glimpse at his pigeon tattoo on his wrist.
"I'm pregnant." I say and he stops in his tracks.
"Abby, what did you just say?"
I'm shaking now, my entire body is shaking and I take a deep breath but it doesn't bring me any comfort. I put my hand on my stomach and look up at him again, "It's true Trav, I'm pregnant. I'm sor-" I'm about to apologize but Travis suddenly rushes over to the couch and plops down. His body collapses into it and his hands are on his face.
"Pidge, we've used protection. I've been with so many girls and I just-"
The snap reminder of Trav's escapades gives me chills of anger and I want to say something back but I know that I can't. Not with Travis so worked up right now.
"W-what are we going to do?" he says, his eyes look into mine and the expression of sincerity and true fear shines on his face.
"I thought we'd discuss that," I say and sit down gently, resting my hand on his knee.
"Are we ready?" he asks and I want to break at the sound of every syllable that just exited his throat.
"No, but I guess we have to be. I can't get an abortion, Trav, you know that. But…going through all of this just to give the child away to another family."
"My mom used to say that we should live without regrets, no matter what happens we can learn from our mistakes but we shouldn't dwell on them. This isn't a mistake, this isn't something I regret…I just…"
"Does your mom have any golden advice on this situation?"
"Love hard, fight harder." Trav's voice cracks "That has always been her advice."
"I love you," I say "And I'll love this child even if I don't choose to."
"Then Abby..." he says and it almost sounds like a question.
"What?"
He looks me in the eyes and a smile breaches his hard exterior. "The only thing left to do is fight."