A/N:
We own nothing.
So I guess this is sort of a crossover, but there were too many fandoms involved. it's not really a crossover, even though it seems like it. You'll get what I mean at the end. :D It includes characters from the Supernatural, Doctor Who, Merlin, Avengers/Thor, Harry Potter, Sherlock...and I think that's all.
This fic/story/thingy is kinda cracky and just odd in general. Don't take any of the hate(?) against some of the characters seriously, it's all just meant to be humouress, we don't actually hate any of the characters we make fun of.
Please review! :)
Hope you guys enjoy this one.
~Dante Pierre
There once was a woman known as Janine. She fell in love with Sherlock Holmes, but their relationship took a nasty turn when she realized that he had only been using her to get close to her boss.
Despite all this, everyone believed Janine to be a good-natured, good-humored woman with a bright head on her shoulders. We all also believed her to be a completely normal, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary woman, but this was in fact, not true. You see Janine wasn't all that she seemed, or who she said she was. Janine was actually the amazingly awesome and totally cool archangel Gabriel.
Gabe had been bored one day, as God had told him to lay low and not interfere with anything after the apocalypse ended. Since Gabe wasn't the type to disobey orders from the man upstairs himself, he had taken to hiding out in the deepest, darkest corners of Heaven, with no company at all except for the piles of chocolate bars he had stashed away in his many pockets. It all eventually got very tedious, all the hiding and doing nothing but watching from the sidelines, so Gabe came up with a plan to amuse himself. He disguised himself as Janine, a secretary, and decided to see just how much trouble he could cause without actually pissing of his father.
Meanwhile, many centuries back, the Tenth Doctor was taking Martha Jones to see Shakespeare. Unfortunately, the TARDIS had a slight malfunction, and the Doctor and Martha ended up in a place where Shakespeare was nonexistent, but Romeo and Juliet most definitely were. While the Doctor tinkered away at the TARDIS, trying to fix whatever had made his girl go all whacky, Martha was wondering the streets. She had only been out for a few minutes when she accidentally crashed right into Romeo.
"Sorry! Sorry, Miss!" Romeo apologized as he helped Martha up.
"No, it's quite alright," Martha assured him. She looked down at her shirt and noticed that her fall had torn it. Romeo noticed that too.
"I'm so sorry, Miss! Please, come with me, let me replace the shirt!" He suggested.
"Don't worry about it. I can just get myself a new one. This one's old anyways," She told him.
"No, I won't allow it. It's bad enough I knocked you over. Please, allow me to buy you a new shirt." Romeo insisted. He held out his arm to Martha.
"Well, if you insist." She said with a smile. She took his arm and he escorted her to the nearest tailor.
The two quickly fell madly in love, and by the time the Doctor had finally gotten the TARDIS back in shape, Martha and Romeo were making plans to get married.
The Doctor begged her not to stay with Romeo, he told her it would be best for her to go back home. He didn't want to leave her stranded in a strange, new place, but Martha's mind was made up. The two said their tearful goodbyes, and then the Doctor was gone, leaving Martha behind with her new fiancée.
The Doctor, once again lonely and companion-less, decided to seek out some company. He was extremely depressed and decided that if he couldn't find himself someone to cheer him up, he would most definitely end up killing himself.
Thankfully, it wasn't very long before the Doctor stumbled upon the Master, and the two kept each other company for many long hours, chatting away about every topic imaginable. When the evening came to an end, the two Time Lords, at this point drunk out of their minds ended up in one bed, doing unspeakable things with each other. Needless to say, the next morning's hangovers were absolutely horrible, and the Doctor awoke to a weird pounding sound. At first he believed it to be his head, but then he quickly realized that it wasn't his head. He was, in fact, pregnant, and the pounding sound was the sound of two miniature hearts beating. How he had even gotten pregnant, never mind how it had gotten to such an advanced stage after only a night was beyond the Doctor. All he did know for certain was that he was going to have to deal with it alone.
Upon finding out that he was a father, the Master had quickly made his excuses and had gotten the Hell out of that hotel, far away from the Doctor. He made it quite clear that he wanted no part in the whole ordeal. So the Doctor, once again miserable trudged back to his TARDIS and locked himself away in own of her many rooms to stew in his loneliness and self-hate.
Not too far from the Doctor, a man named Misha Collins was wrapping up the final details on his plans to take over the world. And take over the world he did. For decades (well, more like one or two weeks) the world lived under Misha rule. They lived horrible lives, all slaves to Misha, until a single brave soul and his trusty companion decided to put an end to it all. His name was Merlin. Merlin dethroned Misha in a matter of days, and soon the world was now under Merlin's rule. His friend Arthur became his manservant, and for a few days the world's population lived happily with Merlin as their leader. He was just and kind, everything a good king should be. Unfortunately, five days after Misha had been dethroned, Merlin and Misha became equal partners in a double monarchy. Once more, the world became an awful place to live in.
The Master, who had just run away from the heavily pregnant Doctor, decided that both Merlin and Misha were sucky kings and needed help. Fast. So the world was quickly changed to a triple monarchy. With the Master in the balance, the world became an okay place to live in. Not great, but really, there wasn't all that much to complain about.
Alone in his TARDIS, hidden from the rest of the world, the Doctor started to go into labor. The contractions were so painful that each one caused the Doctor to scream out in agony. He simply wasn't meant to carry a child, nor give birth to one and his body couldn't handle it. He knew that if he didn't seek help, he'd probably die, taking his unborn child with him. The Doctor, being a righteous man, couldn't bring himself to allow death to come and murder a child as a result. So he struggled to his feet and made his way towards the TARDIS doors. He only made it just outside when the worst contraction of all came. It was so bad that when he screamed, no sound came out, instead, he promptly passed out. When he came to, there was a figure lifting him up, and another one easing him into a car. He groaned in pain before passing out again.
The next time he woke up he was in a very bright room. He head was hurting horribly and when he went to sit up, an old lady eased him back down onto the bed.
"Where do you think you're going? You've just undergone a major surgery, young man. Lay back down and rest." She chided.
"Who-who are you?" The Doctor mumbled. The old woman pressed a bottle to his lips before answering.
"My name is Madam Pomfrey. Here drink this. It'll help you sleep." She said. The Doctor obliged and soon was out cold again.
The next morning he woke up, feeling much better. He sat up, and this time the old lady didn't make a move to stop him.
He was in a rather small, yet comfy cot and there were curtains to his left and right, probably separating other cots.
"Where am I?" The Doctor wondered out loud.
"Hogwarts, dear. And you're lucky too. When Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy found you, you were barely holding on," Madam Pomfrey said as she walked over to the Doctor.
"Stay still." She ordered as she waved what appeared to be a wand over him.
"Alright. You're perfectly fine now. You've recovered very swiftly." She reported once she was done.
"I had a child. Where is it? Is it ok?" The Doctor asked frantically. He had just then remembered exactly what had been wrong with him.
"Your child's fine. He's very healthy, if I do say so myself."
"He?"
"Yes. Would you like to see him?"
"Please."
Madam Pomfrey disappeared behind some curtains before returning a few moments later carrying a small bundle. Carefully, she placed the child in the Doctor's waiting arms. He smiled down at his sleeping son; he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.
"My little boy. I have a son." The Doctor said in wonder, tears springing to his eyes. Madam Pomfrey smiled.
"You should name him." She suggested. The Doctor looked up at her.
"A name? That's a good idea. A name. What should I name him?" He asked the old nurse.
"Anything you want, dear." She said with a kind smile.
"Anything." The doctor muttered.
"Anything at all... I think-I think I'll name him Balthazar. Yes, Balthazar." He said finally.
"That's a lovely name. I'll leave you two alone." Madam Pomfrey walked away, leaving the Doctor behind with his newborn son. The Doctor stared down at the child in his arms, smiling, but soon his smile dropped.
"Madam?" He called out. Madam Pomfrey reappeared.
"Yes?" She asked.
"I-I can't keep him." The Doctor forced out.
"Why ever not?" Madam Pomfrey asked worriedly.
"I'm a broken man. I'm no parent. I can't take care of and raise a child." Madam Pomfrey began to protest, but the Doctor cut her off.
"Please." He begged quietly. "Please find him a home." The old lady relented.
"Alright." She said. The Doctor made a move to give the child back to her, but she gently pushed the child back towards him.
"Hold him. Hold him for now. It might be the last chance you'll ever get," she said, not unkindly. The Doctor said nothing, but held the child against his chest. The old nurse disappeared behind the curtains once more, and the Doctor could hear a door open and close. The child awoke in his arms and started to cry.
"Shhh. Shhh." The Doctor comforted Balthazar, "It's alright, don't cry." And the child stopped. They both fell asleep like that, the Doctor holding his son protectively against his chest.
True to her word, Madam Pomfrey found a lovely couple to raise Balthazar. Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter had been married for a year and yearned for a child. Obviously none of them could bear one, and so when Madam Pomfrey asked them if they would take the child in, they eagerly agreed.
The Doctor gave the child over to Harry and Draco, and then was gone back to his TARDIS, now childless.
Harry and Draco raised Balthazar as their own child, and he grew up never needing nor wanting for nothing. Surprisingly, he turned out to be a muggle born, and so Balthazar was able to attend Hogwarts. He did very well in school and both of his parents were very proud of him.