Q-Ball

Captain Janeway dropped the PADD on a chair and approached the replicator, tilting back, rubbing out a cramp in her lower back. "Coffee. Black," she grunted.

She held her night robe together and the small panel whirred to life. A piping hot cup of Katy's ol' black coffee materialized. She sipped, satisfied by the manly bitter aftertaste.

The door whistled.

She gave it a stern sidelong glance and made sure her robe was together. "Come in."

The doors parted and Lieutenant Commander Tuvok boldly entered, stern and cold. "Captain."

"At 0200 hours, this better be good."

"I would not have come to your quarters if it were not 'good.'" He scoped out the room, holding his tricorder.

"Get to the point."

"I needed to review your quarters. It appears we might have an…" The Vulcan hesitated, and his right eyebrow made a slight rise. "Unwelcome visitor."

Janeway looked around. "I don't see anyone here." She looked back at Tuvok, unmoved.

With a stellar flash, a raggedy teenage boy appeared in a captain's uniform on the bed. "Aunt Kathy!"

Janeway nearly dropped her coffee. She rushed to her table and set the cup, pulled her robe together again and snapped back. "Junior?"

"Yeah. No thanks to the boring Vulcan over there taking the wind out of my entrance!"

Tuvok's eyebrow twitched. "It appears my suspicions were founded Captain."

"What are you doing here?" Janeway shouted at the boy. "You're supposed to be with your father!"

"Him? Hah, I got bored of him millennia ago. Ruins on Deneb IV. The crystal pillars of Talvan V." He waved his hand around the list of places. "Lame."

"Then why are you here?" Janeway put a hand on her hip.

"Because it's Voyager! We're all friends here! Everyone in the Continuum knows this is the most exciting place in the Delta Quadrant."

"Send the Continuum my regards when you go back there." Her eyes narrowed and she blinked several times. "Now."

"Aw c'mon Aunt Kathy. Can't I have my old quarters back? Just for a while?"

Janeway shot Tuvok a look. Now both of the Vulcan's eyebrows were rising up and down uncontrollably.

Q waved his hand. "I knew you would! I've already set my quarters just how I like them. Thanks guys!" He waved his hand again and Janeway's robe and Tuvok's uniform disappeared.

The captain screamed and covered herself.

Tuvok stood, unfazed, not moving to cover himself.

"Whoops sorry guys! Wrong hand!" He waved the other one and the boy disappeared.

They were still naked.

"Q!" Janeway shouted at the ceiling, stealing one or two glances at Tuvok's sculpted Vulcan figure and his…

An omnipotent puberty-scratched voice resonated from above. "Oh right!"

With a flash, their clothes returned.

"Captain," Tuvok started.

Janeway pointed at the door. "Commander. Get out! And inform your security teams!"

Icheb, the young male Borg whose ears stick out, stood in his regeneration alcove. He awoke.

"Warning. Regeneration cycle incomplete," the computer droned.

Icheb looked around his alcove. Seven was in hers, undisturbed.

"Computer. Why was my regeneration cycle terminated?"

"Unknown."

A flash appeared in front of Icheb. The young Q stood and smiled pleased with himself. "Itchy!"

Icheb's angry eyes studied the jewey slender teen. "Q-ball. Why are you here?"

"What? No hey how's life been? No how's the rest of the universe and inter-dimensional planes and stuff like that?"

Icheb looked at Seven's peaceful standing body in her mauve cat suit. "You've terminated my regeneration cycle. And your constant vocalizations will terminate hers."

"Psst. Want to see something funny?" Q snapped his fingers.

Seven's boobs grew in size with two little flashes.

Icheb was slightly fazed, but looked away. "Return her mammary glands back to their original size."

Q rolled his eyes. "Man, you are no fun! C'mon let's go do something. What do you want to do?"

"I want to regenerate."

"You can regenerate any time! When else do we get to hang out?"

Icheb looked at Q like he looked at everything else most the time, with unimpressed disgust. "Considering your temporal nature, we can 'hang out' any other time."

Q growled and flashed and was gone.