Greetings, my fellow TMR fans!

This is a short little Newtmas fic that I am dedicating to my best friend in the whole wide world, Sasha! She is the biggest Newtmas shipper I have ever met, even beating me, and she has been going through some stuff right now and so I figured this story would help her feel better. She helped me plan a lot of this so most credit goes to her. She would have written it herself but she trusts me way more, so here it is. And all you are invited to enjoy this too :)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Maze Runner, or any of the characters. Everything belongs to the wonderful James Dashner. Thank you for creating this beautiful world and all the characters involved. And once again, credit to Sasha for inspiration for this. I love ya girl.

I struggled to keep my eyes open as I could feel my breath slipping away. I gripped tightly onto the hand I was holding in my last moments, but then I couldn't feel anything anymore. I could feel gravity escaping from my essence; the end of my life is finally here. I couldn't say I was upset to be dying, I mean I had a pretty great, long life if I say so myself.

After we found Paradise, and Newt and Teresa's deaths finally set in, all of us who survived and made it to the new world we started settling down and making lives for ourselves.

And no, I did not end up with Brenda. I liked her, I really did, but after about a year or so together, we realized that this relationship we built was never going to satisfy the emptiness I felt in my heart from all that I had lost from the trials and what WICKED took from me. Brenda was an amazing girl, and after the breakup with decided to stay close friends. We had been through a lot together, and just become I wasn't in love with her, didn't mean I didn't care about her. I honestly thought, all those times with Teresa and Brenda and the attractions I had, it meant something, but it wasn't what I thought.

Killing Newt was something that haunted my dreams- no, nightmares for years and years past the time we found Paradise. Newt was one of my best friends, and his death was something I was never truly able to get over. His dark brown orbs followed me wherever I went. I know that he wanted me to kill him, practically begged me, but it still hurt to know that I was the one that ended his life. I was the one that pulled the trigger. The trigger that cut through the flesh of the man that I love.

Yes, love.

It took me a while to see it. The fact that his face was in everything I saw, the way I missed his smile, and how reassuring it was. I missed his long, blonde hair and how he flipped it over his eyes when it got in the way. I missed the way he curse bloody whenever things went wrong, I missed his voice, his hands, his hugs, just him.

But I realized my feelings way too late.

Not that it mattered anyway. Newt was a crank; he wasn't going to make it far anyway. He was just going to go crazy, and hurt people, and that would have killed him way more than what I did. I had to. It was what he wanted, and looking back, it was the right thing to do.

But sometimes the right thing is always the hardest.

So why did it hurt so much?

The nightmares weren't just about Newt though. They were of the Maze, the Scortch, the Cranks, Teresa's death, and Chuck's. Everything played over and over in my mind, again and again. I had Minho and Brenda with me to help me when I woke up screaming at night, but they had horrible dreams too, especially Minho.

I had to tell him what happened to Newt. It was killing him, worrying if Newt was out in the world eating people, becoming a... monster. Newt was Minho's best friend way long than I was, and I realized it wasn't right for him not to know.

He didn't talk to me for weeks.

He was upset because I didn't tell him. He understood what I did, he would have done the same, putting a friend out of his misery, but it just hurt that I betrayed his trust. But he eventually came around, and we had a small memorial for Newt between the two of us, because we were the only ones who knew him.

Except this little girl who looked exactly like him.

She said she had a brother who was taken away from her, and my heart broke. She said her parents were cranks.

Minho and I didn't know for sure if she was Newt's little sister, but we vowed to protect her whether or not. She was a young girl, and she didn't deserve to be alone.

And if you're wondering, I was not completely alone, either.

A few years down the line, I came across this little boy, who was about four, maybe five. He looked nothing like Chuck, but at the same time he reminded me so much of him. Curly hair, a bit chubby, and so carefree and innocent. I guess you could say I adopted him. Chuck was like my little brother, and this boy Charlie became my son in a way.

I was there by his side for the rest of his life, or well, the rest of mine. And he was by mine.

Sixty years later, I became sick. It wasn't anything serious. Just old age catching up to me. And Charlie was there by my side through it all.

Minho had passed away a few years earlier, and it had been added to one of the worst days of my life. Of course every friend I ever had died before me. But Minho would have wanted me to stop being a sap and move on with my life, what was left of it anyway.

I only had seven years on him.

Brenda had gotten married and had a few kids with this guy that she met, and I was incredibly happy for them. She deserved to be happy. She was there with me when I died, but the person who held my hand as I took my last breath was Charlie.

When my sight faded into black, I thought I was in oblivion. That's it? This is all that happens when you die? Are you shucking me?

And then a bright light exploded, and I swore I could have gone blind. I ended up in an off-white, never-ending room. I could hear noises such as water falling, bird chirping, and trees swaying, but I couldn't see anything. The room was like.. a limbo.

This was not what I thought limbo would be like.

If that was even what it was.

Where am I? I'm dead, I know that.

This can't be all that there is. It can't.

I'm alone? That means.. Everyone is alone, too.

Newt was alone.

Oh, god. What did I do?

Suddenly, I heard an angelic voice pulling me away from my thoughts. I haven't heard this voice in so long, I didn't care if it was real or just part of my imagination. I needed to follow it. My feet knew the way to go, and who was I to object.

This dead end seemed to be exactly not that. It was a door. I stepped through it, although cautious of what I'd find, I was curious and I felt..

Seventeen.

I was seventeen.

I couldn't believe it. I guess when you die, you go back to the age when you felt most alive.

"Long time no see, stranger."

I spun around and my ears were not deceiving me. That voice belonged to someone I've only seen in my dreams for decades.

A huge smile broke out on my face.
"Of course you'd be the first one to greet me in the afterlife, you shuck head."

Newt rolled his beautiful brown eyes.
"Yeah, yeah. It's just.." I raised my eyebrow in confusion. "It's about shucking time, Tommy."

Oh god, hearing him say Tommy.. No one had called me that in forever.

But that nickname belonged to Newt only.

Being busy with my thoughts, I didn't realize that I already stood so close to Newt. It took everything I had not to crash my lips against his, or collapse into his arms. We were standing face to face, and our bodies were centimeters from touching. It was a desire that burned through me like a flame. He smiled at me and I knew that maybe death wouldn't be that bad.

I looked at him and only saw the light at the end of the tunnel. If I only I could see the way I admired him. It was like.. He was the ocean and I was desperate to drown.

"You okay, Tommy?" Newt smirked.

I nodded. "I just.. I missed you."

A small smile spread across his lips and he wrapped his arms around me, and I felt instantly safe. "I missed you, too." He whispered in my ear. I snuggled closer and held on for dear life- not like I had to. I was already dead. But it was so long since I touched him. When he was alive, I'm not sure we hugged enough.

But I'm hugging him now.

"Don't let me go." The words escaped my lips before I knew what I was doing. They came out in hushed whispers that I doubt he heard them. He pulled me closer, and I was positive that if I looked at his face right now he'd be looking at me like how I felt about him. "I should have told you something a long time ago. I-I.. I just didn't know until it was too late-"

"I know, Tommy." He interrupted me.

I pulled away from the hug. I looked at him with my eyebrows crouched together in confusion.
"What do you know?"

Newt shook his head in adorable laughter. "I have something I need to tell you, too." I nodded, anxiously waiting for him to continue. "I love you."

My non-existence heart skipped a beat. If you could even feel alive while dead, well that's how I felt right now.

"I love you too," I said before my hands immediately found his face and I pulled his closer to mine. Our lips melted together like two pieces of a puzzle. Years of dreaming of this moment, and I couldn't believe that this was what heaven felt like.

He loved me too.

I couldn't believe it. How long did he know how he felt? Did he know before he died? Did he realize it too late, too?

It doesn't matter, anymore. Because now we were together, and we had an eternity together.

Newt pulled away from the kiss, and we rested our foreheads together, both of us grinning from ear to ear.

"I should probably take you to see everyone else.." Newt murmured. "I just wanted you to myself for a bit longer."

My eyes fluttered open.
"Everyone else is here?"

Newt nodded. "Minho, Chuck, Teresa, Alby, everyone. They're waiting to see you." Amused by my shock, he chuckled. "This is heaven, Tommy. And we're all dead."

I shook my head and grabbed his hand, curling my fingers around his. "I know. I just.. Thought kissing you was heaven itself."

He bumped my shoulder. "Shuck it!"

We laughed and walked hand in hand into the light.

Please review and favorite :)

And again, here's to my best friend Sasha: I love you and I hope this made you feel better xx