This was written for the "Dirty Harry Potter Pick-up Lines Competition" by OCDdegrassi, although it isn't that dirty. I hope you enjoy it because it made me laugh to write it.

"I can't believe you made me come here," Hermione moaned.

Lavender rolled her eyes. "I can't believe you're still complaining. We're here to have a good time."

"Don't argue," Ginny added. "You need it more than the rest of us."

Hermione sighed in resignation. She had known it would be worthless to argue. The day after Ron dumped her, Ginny showed up at Hermione's house warning her that she would be subjected to a girls' night out the following Friday. Hermione had protested then and protested again when the group showed up at her house. Both times her protests went unnoticed. She'd been shuttled out to a wizarding club in Diagon Alley by Ginny, Lavender (who said she could help most with what Hermione was going through), Padma, Parvati, Luna, Hannah, and Susan.

"By the time we're done partying, Ron's going to wonder why he ever left you for Pansy," Parvati promised.

Hermione groaned in reply. "Just so long as I can get drunk enough to forget it happened.

Susan sighed. "I do wish you'd look at this a little more rationally, Hermione. Seriously, this is you we're talking about. Rational has always been your way, but now all you want is to drink your sorrows away. That's not rational."

"She must have a nargle in her head," Luna said. "It's clouding her judgment."

"Am I not allowed to be a little less than logical once in a while?" Hermione pleaded. "A couple drinks won't hurt me."

Lavender nodded. "She's right. A drink is exactly what she needs." Hermione was about to thank her when she continued, "It's the only thing that will loosen her up enough to dance with a random stranger."

Hermione swatted her on the arm. "Fine, be that way. I'll just let all of you stay over here." She walked away and plotted down at the bar. She'd hardly been sitting there for two minutes when a man came up beside her.

"Well hello there," he said. "Fancy meeting a girl like you here on a day like today."

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Hermione absolutely hated when guys attempted to be suave. It hardly ever worked. "Hello," she replied.

The man continued, "My name is-"

"Hermione!" Padma gushed as she seemingly Apparated over to them and clutched Hermione's arm. "Come on. Hannah was wondering where you went." She drug Hermione away before any protests could be made.

"That wasn't very nice," Hermione said crossly.

"Forgive me," Padma said as they came upon Parvati and Hannah.

Parvati chuckled. "You were talking to Isaac Flint. He graduated four years below us and is considered one of the biggest sleazes of our generation."

"In that case," Hermione replied, "you could have gotten me out sooner."

Hannah rolled her eyes. "We saved you as soon as we could."

Ginny came over and demanded, "Why are you all standing around but not dancing? You're in the middle of the dance floor, for Godric's sake."

The girls exchanged looks and started dancing again. Occasionally they would take trips to the bar for more to drink. After only two hours, Hermione was certainly loosened up. A tap on the shoulder caused her to turn around.

"Draco Malfoy," she grinned. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

He smirked. "I heard you and Weasley finally went your separate ways. I figured you might need some company."

She rolled her eyes. "Company? Why would I need yours?"

He leaned back against the bar. "I can girl talk," he offered.

"Really?" she asked skeptically. "Prove it."

"Okay…" he drawled. Draco thought hard for a moment before his eyes lit up. "Who would you say is the best Quidditch player Gryffindor had while we were in school?"

"This hardly counts as girl talk."

"Fine then. Who's the hottest?" he amended.

Hermione snorted. "I'm not sure I feel comfortable discussing such topics with you."

Draco huffed. "It's just a question, Granger."

"All right," she said and lapsed into silence for a moment as she thought. "Oliver Wood."

Draco nearly fell off his chair. "Wood? Are you serious?"

"Why not?" she said with a sigh. "I will admit I had a bit of a crush on him in school."

He snorted.

"Are you making fun of me?" Hermione put a hand on her hip.

"Not at all," Draco replied. He smirked again. "In fact, I'm just like Oliver Wood. I'm a keeper."

Hermione froze so that she could just stare at him for a moment. All she did was blink. Draco began to feel almost self-conscious under her gaze. "Was that a pick-up line?" Hermione finally asked.

He nodded, starting to doubt the abilities that he'd proven on multiple occasions.

The last thing Draco expected was for Hermione to throw back her head and laugh. She laughed for nearly five minutes straight while Draco grew redder and redder.

"Are you finished yet?" he eventually asked.

She stifled back her laughter, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Yes," she answered weakly.

"So… Would you like to dance?" Draco asked.

Hermione looked him in the eye and replied, "Not on your life."

Draco stood there in stunned silence as she stood up, walked away, and disappeared back into the crowd to tell her friends all about their competition. Slowly, he unfroze. Draco sat down and ordered himself another firewhiskey in shock. He'd never been so blatantly shot down before.