Disclaimer – I do not own Harry Potter
NOTE: I have literally no idea. But enjoy?
May 1977 – a month before the end of the Marauder's sixth year…
"Hit the knot on the trunk of the Whomping Willow, you'll find what you're looking for at the end of the tunnel," Sirius tells Severus with a furious glare. Severus blinks at him, eyes widening in disbelief and horror. Suddenly he punches Sirius in the face, "What the fuck, I gave you what you wanted!"
"No, you gave me Remus," Severus says, horror clouding his voice, "You'd give your own friend up, just like that? You swore you'd never tell anyone and you were just about to lead me there!"
Sirius looks at him in confusion, "…err, what?"
"I know he's a Werewolf you twat!" Severus spits at him, Sirius blinks again, "Not that it's any of your business, but he and I are actually friends."
"Then why are you always trying to figure this out?"
"I'm not, I'm trying to work out what you, Potter, and Pettigrew do during the full moon. You all disappear too, and whatever it is you're doing, I doubt it's good if you're waiting until you know Remus can't be there."
Sirius blinks at him again, then chuckles, then laughs, "You idiot, we found a way to help him, that's where we go."
Severus seems stunned, then confused, then suspicious, "There is no way to help him, Lily and I have looked."
"She knows too?" Sirius asks, still laughing, Severus nods, "Well, the way we found isn't exactly…legal, so you probably looked over it. In any case, as it turns out, we've both had Remus' best intentions at heart."
Severus slaps him across the face, "You'd have just given up his secret for the sake of winning a bloody argument, and you dare to tell me you have his best interests at heart? Say I hadn't known, what did you think was going to happen? Dammit if I had gone down there he would have killed me. Then it's not you nor me that has to deal with the consequences of that, Black. It's him. It's Remus, the one you'd have made a murderer. The one who could have gone to Azkaban, or maybe just straight up put to death because you were pissed off. Best interests? You don't care about him. You betrayed him."
Sirius seems taken aback, then shakes his head, "No, no, I was only trying to scare you off so that you wouldn't keep poking your nose in. I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HIM!"
"YOU'RE PROTECTION COULD HAVE GOTTEN TWO PEOPLE KILLED!" The two stand panting at each other for a moment.
"No…" Sirius whispers, then he grabs Severus' collar and shoves him against the wall, wand pushed into his throat, "You can't tell him any of this happened."
"Why, because he'll be rightfully pissed off? Because he'll leave you to protect himself and everyone else?"
"YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TELL HIM OR ANYONE!"
"WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, BLACK? KILL ME?!" Sirius seems at war with himself as Severus glares at him incredulously and angrily, "You are one seriously fucked up kid."
"I'm not a kid! And I'm not fucked up! I'm just…"
"Damaged?" Severus asks, "Mummy and Daddy not treat you well? Get over it. You aren't the only one who has a shitty homelife. You don't see me trying to murder people I don't like or killing to cover that up."
"You have no idea what my parents are like!" Sirius snaps at him viciously.
Severus' eyes narrow, "Racist. They hate Muggles, think they're disgusting, freaks of nature, barbaric, dangerous, disgusting mutations. They wish they would be eradicated, and anyone who sides with them is just as bad. They hate you simply because you don't hate Muggles. They hate you because you can't help it, you just aren't like them. No matter what you do, you can't ever be what they want you to be, so you stop trying and you just take it. They hate you, they scream the most…awful things at you. They beat you, scar you, make you bleed and nothing helps, nothing can. That's just life. Whenever you aren't here or at your most trusted friend's place. You take it out on everyone around you because what else can you do? At least this way you're on top for once, you feel powerful, you're in control. You don't have to be afraid, not when the people around you are. You tell yourself you're different, but it's the one way you are exactly like your parents, and it's the one way they will never see." Sirius steps back, letting Severus go as his horror filled eyes swim with tears, "You aren't the only one who suffers, Black. My Dad is just like yours, only he hates magic, not muggles. All of this, the shit you put on other people? It's the anger you wish you could show your parents but you're too cowardly to do so. I get it, I do, but you are going to get someone killed. You are dangerous Black, and apparently, you've finally snapped, just as I knew you would."
Sirius shakes his head, "No," he says, voice wet with tears.
"You need help, Black."
"What do I do?" Sirius asks, tears finally spilling over.
Severus glares at him for a moment, then huffs, rolling his eyes and grabbing his arm, "Come on."
"Why are we here?" Sirius asks when he realises they are at the door to McGonagall's office. Severus doesn't answer as he knocks on the door.
"Enter." Severus pushes the door open, pulling Sirius in with him, "…What happened?" Minerva asks, unsure what to make of the image before her. Severus still has Sirius by one arm, but doesn't seem particularly combative at the moment, only exasperated and angry. Sirius still has tears on his face and slump in his shoulders showing a defeat in him that Minerva has never seen.
"Black has emotional issues from childhood trauma that he doesn't know how to deal with," Severus replies. Sirius doesn't even bother to deny it, just wiping away tears with his free arm, still holding his wand in that hand, "It's reached a point of him being a danger to himself and others."
"I see, and you agree with this assessment, Mr Black?" McGonagall asks, Sirius mutely nods, still appearing downtrodden, "Very well, leave him with me."
Severus turns to leave, but Sirius grabs his arm before he can, "Snape." Severus looks at him questioning, Sirius nods at him, "Thank you." Severus hesitates a moment, then nods back.
McGonagall waits for the door to shut behind Severus before she begins, "Right then, Mr Black. As Mr Snape is aware, I am a fully trained mind-healer…"
"Hey, where were you last night?" James asks, sounding hostile, when Sirius enters the hospital wing the next morning. Peter and Remus both look at him questioningly, Remus looking scared. Sirius knows his self-worth is utter crap and he probably thinks Sirius has decided he doesn't want to be friends with a monster or some such rubbish. That's likely why James is mad, Sirius has upset Remus. Sirius debates whether to admit what he did.
"I nearly killed two people last night. Snape stopped me. Long story short, he took me to McGonagall and now I'm working through my issues with a mind-healer," Sirius replies hesitantly, he gets four sets of surprised eyes, Madam Pomfrey having entered the room just as he answers.
"Who the-and how-and why-and what?" James asks, apparently unable to get a full sentence out.
Sirius bites his lip nervously, then clears his throat, "Well, for one, turns out Snape's been trying to do the right thing by sniffing around us constantly, and had actual reason to believe we were doing something megally bad," Sirius begins. The others exchange confused looks, "Um, also, I nearly gave away your secret to someone, only turns out he already knew. But if he didn't…and I didn't know at the time that he did, so…so I'm sorry," He continues, looking directly at Remus who seems confused and like he can't comprehend what he's hearing. Or perhaps he doesn't want to, "I didn't think things through, at all. I was trying to make sure he wouldn't tell everyone by scaring him away. It didn't occur to me that anyone would be in real danger, it didn't occur to me the affect that would have on you or what the consequences would be. I'm sorry."
Remus blinks at him, then James punches him in the face, "James!" Remus shrieks, Peter looking just as shocked. Both stare at James who glares down at Sirius who looks like he knows he deserves it. Pomfrey doesn't reprimand James at all as he heals Sirius.
"If it helps, Snape did that too. And slapped me. I deserved it all, and worse. I've been so scared, lads. With my parents I just…being an arse and shutting off everything that told me doing so was wrong meant that for a while, I didn't have to be afraid. But I went way too far with it, stopped trying to protect myself and just started trying to punish everyone else for the actions my parents took against me. You've all had to deal with that as much as everyone else has. I'm sorry about that too," Sirius tells them, "I'm going to try and be better, no, I will be better. But I understand if none of you want to be around for it. I talked to Frank, he's willing to switch dorms with me if you'd all prefer."
James and Peter look to Remus. Peter appears to be pleading with Remus to deal with this, to just end the conflict, to forgive Sirius so that things can go back to normal. James seems angry, like he wants Sirius gone but in a way that shows even he knows he'll regret that should it happen, but he still wants it. Remus looks at Sirius, a tear rolls down his face before he wipes it away.
"You aren't going anywhere. I…things aren't okay, Sirius. What you did…I mean I could have…but nothing will ever get better if no one ever gives anyone a chance. I know that better than anyone. Besides, if you really want to change, you're going to need your friends around you," Remus finally says, Sirius nods, seeming relieved, "But you owe me like…ten bloody kilos of chocolate for this."
Sirius chuckles, nodding as he wipes away a couple of stray tears, "Ten kilos of chocolate, got it."
"Ten kilos?" James asks incredulously, "No way. Not enough. Once a year, on this date, ten kilos to him. So that we know you aren't going back on this, so that we know you haven't forgotten." Sirius nods.
"It can't just be to remember this though," Peter adds, the others look at him in confusion, "It's not this you need to remember. It's not what you did wrong, it's what you did right. That chocolate isn't you making things up to Remus for betraying him, it's a physical representation of your promise here, to be better. That's what needs to be remembered. Not the mistake, but how you're making it better."
The others all nod their agreement.
The next day, Sirius finds Severus by the library.
"Hey Snape!" he calls, Severus turns around and raises an eyebrow at him, "Listen, I-"
'I'm not going to tell him, if that's what you're worried about," Severus tells him shortly.
Sirius shakes his head, "No, I uh, I did." Severus seems surprised, Sirius shrugs, "McGonagall said accountability is important. Besides, he had a right to know, even if it wasn't very easy to hear."
"How did it go?" Severus asks, only asking to ensure his friend is okay.
"Well, my life savings is now going into buying chocolate, but otherwise okay. He's not happy, of course, and James is pissed, understandably. But they believe me when I say I'm going to be better. Remus wants to help me do that. He's really far too precious for this world sometimes." Severus nods his agreement to that, "I just wanted to apologise for trying to kill you. Twice. I'm glad you stopped me."
Severus nods, "Funnily enough, so am I." Sirius chuckles slightly, Severus sighs, "I get it. You nearly killed people, I nearly became a Death Eater, we all make mistakes. It's not as though either of us had great role models at home to teach us right from wrong. We've had to work it out as we go along with just absolutely no basis."
"Why didn't you join them? What stopped you?" Sirius asks.
Severus shrugs, "I met him, you-know-who. He reminded me of my father. So, I went and told Lily everything."
"That's why she forgave you for the mudblood incident?" Severus nods, Sirius does too, "I guess she's too precious for this world sometimes too."
"My previously broken nose would disagree with you. Small girl but she throws one hell of a punch," Severus tells him, they both laugh.
"Remus told me yesterday that nothing can get better if no one ever gives anyone a chance. I'm sorry we never gave you one." Sirius holds a hand out to Severus who hesitates, then takes it and shakes it.
"I am too."
"Hey, Padfoot!" Sirius turns and sees James coming down the corridor, eyes confused at seeing him shaking hands with Severus. Severus quickly retracts his hand.
"Hey, you never did tell me how you're helping Remus?" Severus asks Sirius quietly.
Sirius chuckles, "No, I didn't."
Severus seems almost impressed that he kept his tongue, "Good."
"Snape," James greets with a nod as he reaches the two of them.
"Potter," Severus replies with a mild sneer.
James only smiles, "Thanks, for stopping this idiot from doing literally the stupidest thing in all of creation. Or rather…stopping him from doing it again," James tells him, adding a pointed look to the sheepish Sirius at the end.
Severus seems amused as he nods.
"Right then, we best be off," Sirius decides as they descend into awkward silence, "See you around Snape." Severus nods at the two of them and continues on into the library.
Four years later, October 1981…
"Prongs, make Sev your secret keeper."
James looks at Sirius like he's insane, "Pads, what the fuck are you on about?"
"No one will see it coming. Everyone will suspect me first and yes, I will die before I give it away, but there are ways Prongs, there are ways. I thought of Pete, first. Who'd suspect him after all, but Sev is even better for it, and he's also never going to betray Lily. Please, James, trust me on this."
James crosses his arms and narrows his eyes, "This is because you think Moony is the spy, isn't it?"
Sirius sighs, looking at the ground, "I don't know, Prongs. But wouldn't you rather be sure?"
James looks at him for a moment, then nods, "Okay."
Thirteen years later, May 1994 – a month before the end of the Golden Trio's third year…
"Uncle Sev," Harry asks his Uncle, walking up to the teacher's table in Hogwarts.
"Yes, Harry?" Severus asks.
"Why does Uncle Padfoot send Uncle Moony a heap of chocolate every year?" Harry asks, looking at his DADA Professor and Uncle in confusion as he opens a package, a small and fond smile on his face.
Severus smiles lightly, "A long time ago your Uncle Padfoot made a very stupid decision. He promised to spend the rest of his life being better than he was, the chocolate is a reminder of that promise."
Harry frowns, "What did he do?"
"Something very idiotic and dangerous."
Harry wrinkles his nose, "Dunderhead."
Severus chuckles and nods, wondering what would have happened if he hadn't already known about Remus' condition.
He thinks it's a very good thing they'll never find out.