Don't Run

Nikolas looked out the window into the rainy night. The rain drops stained the window and he knew the stains will evanesce when the morning sun will shine in it's full glory. But he no longer wished for the sun, he liked it dark and rainy. He liked it dark and gloomy. He could connect.

He blew out the candle that was cradled on the bed stand next to the bed and the window by which he stood. The room fell dark and he basked in the darkness. Nikolas closed his eyes and sat down on the edge of the bed. In his mind, he could see her smile. Her long blond hair dancing around her face in it's long magnificent layers. He could see her lively blue eyes that wanted more then she got. Deserved more then she got. Gave more then received. He saw her beautiful red lips form a smile. A playful smile of a woman who was locked in chains of a failing disappointment.

From the look in her eyes and the wake of her smile, he was able to see what was in her hear; desire. Courtney had desire but nobody tended to it. He could tell she tried her hardest to make it work with Jax, but his priorities were to piss off Lucky and get on Elizabeth's nerves. Courtney always came in second to him. From the words she spoke to him, Nikolas could tell Courtney's love for Jax was man made; build. He was a rebound thing, but she forced her feelings for him instead of actually falling in love with him. The marriage was fake, he purposed and she didn't want to hurt his feelings. The honeymoon phase of the loveless marriage faded and the little piece of heaven turned to hell.

Nikolas opened his eyes and decided to rescue Courtney out of that despair. He didn't want to hide his feelings anymore. He didn't want to hang around in the shadows of hopes that Courtney will leave Jax and come running to him.

Nikolas stood up from the bed and in the dark, he stumbled around until he reached his cell phone which was placed on top of the old fashioned dresser. He unflipped the phone and dialed Courtney's number. The phone rang without answer and Nikolas started feeling despair. No matter how well he thought he knew her, he didn't know what her next move will be.

---

Courtney pulled her hair into a ponytail and stepped away from the mirror.

"Honey, I'm home."

She heard Jax yell as the front door closed.

She turned the lock on the bathroom door and stood still, looking at the mirror from afar. And even from far away, she could still see the tears in her own eyes. God, she didn't want to be stuck in that failing marriage she was in. She'd be lying to herself if she said she loved him. And for a long time, she did lie.

But Courtney wasn't the only one lying, Nikolas was lying too. She sometimes wondered why he even fought to stay with Emily when she didn't really want to stay with him. Courtney didn't blame Emily, it must be hard to wake up and see her rapist's face everyday. Not that Nikolas raped her, but he was the mirror image look-a-like of her rapist, Connor Bishop.

She wondered about the kisses that they shared in secret. Those few precious moments seemed to be lost in the high tide of the ocean and washed away like a message in a bottle. But Courtney still dreamed about those kisses, even though she knew they will never happen again.

A knock on the door shattered the silence and Courtney jumped up. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing there, you're purse is ringing."

"Who is it?"

"Who do I know. You told me to never go inside your purse."

Courtney unlocked the door and walked out. She walked right past him and walked to the bed where she had thrown down her purse. She pulled out her ringing cell phone and looked at the caller ID.

Nikolas.

She didn't answer. She didn't want to talk to the forbidden man. She didn't want to hear his sexy voice and dream about those kisses when she knew that they will never be together.

Her heart was screaming to run to him, but she never did listen to her heart. The heart was misleading in her mind. And she chose to think with her mind, to stay in a loveless marriage because it was the right thing to do.

She through the phone back into her purse.

"Who was that?"

"Carly. I don't want to talk to her right now."

"Oh, okey. Listen, honey. I'm going to take a shower, can you cook me dinner?"

"What do you want?"

"Lobster or shrimp, or seafood."

Courtney didn't really like seafood, she was more of a stake and beer girl, but she was forced to eat the high style crap that Jax fed her.

---

Nikolas flipped the phone shut and tucked it away into his pant pocket. The voices in his head have wanted so much to say magical words to Courtney but he didn't get that. He didn't want to let those words go un-heard. He knew that once she would have picked up the phone, he wouldn't have been able to find the words anyways.

He put on his light rain coat and headed out the door. The rain caressed his head and descended onto his body. The wind blew wildly like wild love. The wild desire he held for Courtney resembled the wind to him.

---

Courtney opened the door once she head someone knocking.

"Hi," Nikolas said and handed her a bouquet of wet red roses but she didn't take them.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Now?"

Obviously, Courtney wasn't happy about seeing him.

"I thought I told you. I'm with Jax. It wouldn't be right for me to brake his heart by cheating on him. We can't see each other."

"Why?" Nikolas asked.

"Because it would be wrong. We're both married."

Nikolas gave her a sad look. "Be honest with yourself, do you love Jax."

"Ummm, yes."

He was silent. Just looking at her with his sad eyes that were begging for the truth.

Courtney knew he knew the truth and there really was no point of lying. "No, I don't love Jax. But I can't hurt him either. It wouldn't be right. I know I don't love him, but he does love me. He doesn't always show it or put me first, but he loves me."

"I didn't ask if he loves you, I asked if you love him?"

She shook her head and lowered it. "But we still can't."

"Yeah we can. Most people wait forever to find happiness, and you are running away from it. I know I make you happy, I see it every time you smile."

Courtney didn't know what to say. Her heart was screaming to do what she wanted. To act on impulse and to start a steamy relationship with Nikolas. But her mind begged to disagree. Her mind told her it would hurt too many people. Both, Jax and Emily would get hurt.

"Okey," Nikolas came towards her and she could smell the rain on him. She could melt by his seductive eyes and the way they looked at her. "You don't want me, fine. I could leave you. It wouldn't be easy but I could. Of course you could always stop me and stop running away from what you really want."

He turned around and walked out the door.

Courtney's heart beat faster as she saw him turn his back. She thought about the meal she was supposed to be cooking for Jax. She knew Nikolas wouldn't make her cook something she didn't like. Quickly, she grabbed Nikolas's arm and turned him around.

With one hand, Nikolas cupped the side of her face while he hugged her with the other.

Courtney wrapped her arms around his neck and indulged in her heart's fantasy. She put her lips towards Nikolas's and parted into his mouth. Their tongues touched and fireworks of passion exploded into their forbidden kiss. But this wasn't really forbidden because for once, Courtney let her heart do the talking. She indulged to the fullest of her desire.

"Courtney, is the dinner — What THE FUCK!"

She heard, but didn't answer, didn't hide, didn't even try to explain. Didn't run. She continued to indulge.