I had SO much fun writing this. If you like it, too, review please! But also, if you don't like it, please review anyway with your criticisms. I'd like to write some original fiction, and its useful to hear what works for folks, and what doesn't. Please, and thanks for your help!
0.o
Abe-kun… Abe-kun… If Abe-kun f-finds out…
0.o
"Mihashi. Oi Mihashi!" The pitcher sprung to attention on the mound. Or at least his body did. The gaping mouth and the wide, unfocused eyes told Abe that Mihashi had once again worked himself into a state of terror that pretty much precluded real attention. What is it this time? Well… this kind of reaction was hardly rare for Mihashi. He supposed it could be just an exaggerated sense of guilt over having zoned out on the mound, but… Was he imagining things, or was Mihashi getting even jumpier than usual? Especially around him. And for Mihashi to lose focus on pitching… Something was up.
He deposited ball, glove, and helmet on home plate and walked out to the mound. "Mihashi…" The pitcher responded with a startled jerk and an ensuing flurry of nervous fidgeting. Apparently, he'd zoned out again. Damn. I should have gotten a good grip on him before I spoke…
"Mihashi, hold still!" Abe made a grab for Mihashi's shoulder, but the boy paused his spastic twitching just long enough to shy out of reach. "You little…" Abe gritted his teeth in exasperation, and caught Mihashi's head between his fists. Even after being pinioned, Mihashi's eyes continued to dart from side to side.
"Mi-ha-SHI! Look at me, dammit!"
The eyes froze. Haltingly, with infuriating slowness, they slid down from a far corner of the sky to Abe's face.
"Are you injured anywhere?" Mihashi's expression showed only confusion. That was good. If he really was injured, he would have immediately said he wasn't.
"Have you been eating well? Getting enough sleep?" The eyes widened, if possible, even more, and darted away. Abe sighed. So he wasn't sleeping. Again. "What's wrong, Mihashi? Worried about something?" Mihashi flinched, and his eyes began to water. He didn't look like he was going to make things easy for Abe by talking. The only way to get information out of Mihashi in this situation was to keep talking himself and hope that Mihashi reacted to something he said.
"We don't have a game for another two weeks. Mid-terms are pretty far away, too. As far as I can tell, you're getting along well with everyone on the team…" Abe froze. Just for a second, Mihashi's huge, tear-filled eyes had flicked up to meet his. And then he'd started to cry in earnest.
"ME?!" Abe roared, unable to keep himself from shaking his infuriating pitcher, "IT'S ME YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH?!"
"OK, OK. That's enough, Abe. What'll we do if you actually injure him?" The scene between the two members of the battery had drawn the notice of the rest of the team. Hanai pried Abe loose from Mihashi, and Tajima was wrapping a reassuring arm around the sobbing pitcher. The anger seeped out of Abe, leaving him feeling empty and a little nauseous. All he could do was stand limply by and watch as Tajima steered Mihashi towards the locker room.
"Sh-shit…" A battery should be one in mind and body. He'd thought they'd gotten pretty close to that… on the field, anyway. Off the field… Mihashi was his pitcher. Why was it always Tajima who managed to decode all those weird gestures and half finished phrases? And now, even on the mound, there was some unspecified problem between him and his pitcher. Somehow, he had to figure out how to communicate with Mihashi.
"Shit."
0.o
Abe lunged to the side and managed, just barely, to catch the ball. He stared at it in consternation a moment before turning on his pitcher.
"MIHASHI! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU AIMING?!"
Mihashi, who almost never made him move his glove, had been throwing wild pitches all practice long. Undoubtedly because, for some reason, the pitcher wouldn't even look in his direction. The reason for Mihashi's sudden aversion to him? Unfathomable. Sure, he'd yelled at him at the end of yesterday's practice, but he did that all the time. Mihashi always reacted to it badly, but Abe had never seen him let it, or anything else for that matter, completely destroy his pitching this way.
Abe made a supreme effort to calm his fury. Calm and reasonable, calm and reasonable. Aim for that. "Look, Mihashi," he said, taking a step forward, "If you don't tell me what…" He stopped. Mihashi had stepped back. He took another step forward, and Mihashi scuttled even further away. Abe's hands clenched into fists. Just what the hell was he supposed to do in this situation?! His pitcher wouldn't talk to him, look at him, or even come within ten feet of him. What he really wanted to do was chase Mihashi down, tackle him, and if necessary sit on him until he could wring an explanation out of his infuriating pitcher… but he really couldn't do that, could he. Giving chase would probably only feed into Mihashi's hunted-animal mentality, and what if he got injured?
Abe gritted his teeth. He wanted to settle things with Mihashi on his own. But he was at a loss. He stood there for another moment, shoulders shaking with anger at what he was going to be forced to do. But… he didn't have a choice. He turned on his heal and shouted across the field at the top of his voice.
"TAJIMAAA!"
0.o
Over in the bull-pen, Tajima looked up. Hanai stopped his pitch just in time, hopping a few steps to keep his balance.
"OH!" Tajima shouted back, oblivious to Hanai's troubles, "WHAT'S UP?"
Abe made an impatient gesture for him to come. Tajima shrugged his shoulders, rose from his crouch, and started toward Abe at light jog with Hanai trailing after him.
"Yo, what's up?" Tajima repeated, as he came up to Abe.
"We're switching," Abe snapped. "I'll catch for Hanai…" there was a brief pause before he forced the rest out through clenched teeth. "You catch for Mihashi."
Tajima studied him for a moment with that weirdly intent gaze of his. Then he broke into a careless grin. "Sure thing! Just leave Mihashi to me!" He clapped Abe on the shoulder, and trotted towards Mihashi with a cheerful wave, leaving Abe to stew in his own aggravation.
Yeah. He'd been the one to suggest that they switch, but did Tajima really have to put it that way?! Leave Mihashi to him?! Didn't that sound a little too much like Abe was losing his place as Mihashi's catcher?
He turned to Hanai and found his captain staring at him, nonplussed. "What?" he demanded.
Hanai grimaced and shook his head. "Nothing… Just… Ah, no. Never mind."
Abe grimaced back. Obviously Hanai had something to say to him, but the way things were going, it probably wouldn't be something Abe wanted to hear, anyway. He'd had enough for now, so he let the matter drop.
"We'll take the bull-pen. Let's go." Abe scooped up his gear from home plate and stalked off. He and Hanai reached their chosen spot, but instead of sinking down into his crouch and starting practice, Abe stood watching Mihashi and Tajima.
They hadn't started either. Tajima had an arm slung around Mihashi's shoulders, and seemed to be laughing over something. Abe tried to keep from grinding his teeth into calcium phosphate powder. How could Tajima drape himself over someone like that? Didn't he have any sense of decency? And Mihashi… Why was he OK with it? Sure, he was fidgeting, but wasn't that his "I'm worried because this is too good to be true" fidget? And what was so good about it? Why did it make Mihashi happy to have Tajima hanging all over him, when he wouldn't even let Abe near him?!
"Ah… Sorry, Abe. It looks like I should say this after all." Abe looked over at Hanai and found him walking towards him with a serious and slightly stiff expression. Captain mode. Hanai stopped and shifted his gaze to the side. He was frowning and tugging the bill of his cap, as if carefully planning his words.
Abe hated waiting. "Look, Hanai. You don't have to act like someone about to pull the pin out of a grenade. I have a pretty good idea what you want to say, anyway."
Hanai met his eyes, looking a little surprised. "Oh. I guess you would. It's you, after all. The brains of the team. Maybe there's no point in me butting in at all, but… After the summer tournament, I thought maybe you and Mihashi had some kind of breakthrough, you know? After you came back from being injured, you were getting along so well it was almost like you were…" Hanai's face flushed and his eyes slid away for a second. "Uh… anyway, the past few days it's like you're back to square one. Or worse…"
Abe stared at him. As expected, even though he knew even better than Hanai how bad things were going with Mihashi, it was hard to actually hear someone else say it. But what really bothered him was that blush and unfinished sentence. "Almost like we were what?"
Hanai looked confused. "…Back to square one… At least that's what it looks like to the rest of us on the team…"
"No, no." Abe shook his head impatiently. "That I get. The part before that. You didn't finish your sentence and made a weird face. I'm asking what the hell that was all about."
Hanai went instantly red and took a step back, looking like he wanted to get away. Abe stepped forward, pinning him with a glare. "How the hell am I supposed to fix the problem when I'm surrounded by people who won't tell me what's on their minds? AH?!"
But Hanai laughed weakly and demurred. "It's nothing important, I swear. It's so stupid it's embarrassing to say. No, more than that, it's so stupid it'll definitely piss you off if you hear it, so…"
"I'm ALREADY plenty pissed off. And I'LL decide if it's important. SO JUST HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT WE WERE LIKE!"
"Um... Well… To be honest, the vibe you were giving off around Mihashi was almost like… Almost like…" Hanai turned his head away looking almost green. "Uwa… This is really hard to say after all…"
Finally losing his temper completely, Abe grabbed his captain by the front of his uniform and yanked him down to where he could yell into his face. "HANAI!"
Hanai flinched, but Abe was holding onto his shirt with the power of full-blown rage. The fight went out of him, and his shoulders slumped. "OK, OK," he said, as if resigned to an early death, "Just remember I said this was stupid up front, OK? It's not like any of us really thought you two were like that, but… you had a vibe around you like maybe you were… lovers. And just now, it seemed like you were kind of jealous…"
Abe stared at Hanai. For a few moments he was too shocked and appalled to move. Then the color drained out of his face and he numbly let go of Hanai's uniform. He should have been ticked off and yelling. No, probably he shouldn't have cared. He wasn't the type to care about what people thought of him and useless nonsense like that. But he didn't feel like yelling, and he definitely didn't feel like he could just brush it off. His ears were buzzing, and his head was weirdly empty. He imagined this was pretty close to the experience someone might have if they'd just been hit by a car and it hadn't quite sunk in yet that they were smashed up and bleeding out onto the asphalt.
Jealous?!
…Lovers?!
Watching Abe's reaction, Hanai had gone pale, too. Forcing a strained half smile, he said. "Abe… It couldn't be… you two really are? Not that there's anything wrong with that… I mean… We've all got your back if that's how it…"
Enough of Abe's scattered wits had retuned for him to answer curtly, "That's not how it is." Hearing his own voice snap out like that, stern, clear, and no-nonsense, pulled Abe out of his haze. What he'd said had been a plain statement of fact. That wasn't how it was between him and Mihashi. It had never even occurred to him before. But now he couldn't ignore the way the fuzzy emptiness in his head had suddenly gone bone-chillingly cold when he'd heard himself say so out loud. What the hell?!
Hanai looked uncertain. Abe had obviously recovered his self-control, and his denial hadn't sounded like a lie, but his previous reaction had been far too strange to ignore. Slowly, he said, "You know, I meant it when I said we've got your back. We'd all be okay with it. Really."
Abe let out an exasperated sigh and stooped down to scoop his helmet up from the ground. He settled it on his head and started buckling it in place. "There's nothing to be okay with, Hanai." He shoved his hand into his glove and tossed the ball up in the air a few times. "We're supposed to be practicing. Let's go."
Hanai studied Abe's expression dubiously, but there was nothing there to find. No smile, no frown, just the usual steady, hooded gaze. He shook his head slightly and turned to walk back to his position.
0.o
Abe didn't try to work with Mihashi again for the rest of the week. Mihashi practiced with Tajima, and Abe kept on practicing with Hanai. All was quiet, but everyone, excluding Tajima, of course, seemed to be chaffing under the same pall of gloomy tension. After all, Mihashi was their ace, and his partner was supposed to be Abe. It really wasn't okay for them to be in a state where they couldn't even play a game of catch.
On the face of things, Abe went about his business as if nothing was wrong, but all the while a truly ghastly conclusion was simmering away on the back burner of his mind. He'd first become aware of its presence while lying sleepless in bed the night after Hanai had rammed the notion of him and Mihashi as possible lovers into Abe's head. That had been a night of many strange thoughts, most shoved quickly aside before they could be too closely examined, but this one had somehow escaped perdition and taken root. By Saturday, the last practice of the week, it was bothering Abe enough that he thought he couldn't avoid trying to resolve it, one way or the other.
"Hanai."
Evening had fallen, and the team had all wrapped up practice, gotten changed, and were heading home. Abe had waited outside the school grounds for Hanai to emerge. Luckily he was alone, though Abe had been resolved to talk to him even if he wasn't.
Hanai heard the hail and stopped, surprised, as Abe wheeled his bike up to him. The two started walking again, and Hanai said uneasily, "Yeah?"
Abe grimaced, but forced himself to get out what he had to ask. "You said you and the guys thought Mihashi and I might be lovers. Why?"
Hanai winced. "Like I said, you guys just had this vibe…"
Abe interrupted, impatient. "Both of us?"
Hanai looked surprised and even more uncomfortable than before. "Well… no. Not exactly."
Abe's chest suddenly felt tight. He was silent for a moment, and then asked starkly, "Just me?"
"Um…" Hanai started reluctantly, and then finally finished with, "Yeah. You know Mihashi... Even Tajima couldn't tell whether he just really looks up to you, or what. But… and I'm really sorry about this, but we thought from the way you were acting that maybe you…" He left the last part hanging.
"Specifically how was I acting," Abe probed further, merciless both to Hanai and himself.
"Oh, you know… Super protective…"
"Obviously. We're a battery. Of course the catcher is going to be protective of the pitcher. Especially when the pitcher is a numbskull weirdo like Mihashi." Abe cast the argument out like a last line to hope. It was the reason he'd always given to himself for behavior that even he had half realized was a little extreme. If it flew with Hanai, then just maybe his ghastly little conclusion had been wrong after all.
Hanai laughed slightly. "Yeah, we thought that was probably it, but no offense; the way you look at him is kind of... Also, when he slipped on the mound last Saturday you treated him like… well, like you'd treat your girlfriend, or something."
Abe's heart sank like a stone. "I see," he said tersely. "I'll be more careful."
Hanai looked at him, slightly taken aback. "I didn't say you have to change anything! You're sure as hell right that Mihashi is a numbskull and needs constant looking after. And we won't misunderstand again."
Abe's shoulder's slumped slightly. "No," he said bleakly. "I think it has to change."
They were silent from then on, and at the end of the next block, their route split. Abe hardly noticed when Hanai said his good-bye and went another way. He was deep in unpleasant thought. Talking with Hanai had confirmed his worst fears, and now he had no choice but to face them head on.
It would have been bad enough if all he had to admit to himself was that he might have feelings for Mihashi that had nothing to do with being two halves of a battery, or even with being friends. No. If his behavior had been so obvious to the rest of the team, then he had to admit the possibility, the very likely possibility, that Mihashi had noticed his feelings, also.
And Mihashi's response, apparently, was to avoid Abe like the plague.
If Abe needed any more evidence of own feelings, the twisting pain in his chest when he thought about Mihashi being creeped out and not wanting anything to do with him anymore was proof enough. Now the only thing left was to figure out what the hell to do about all this crap.
0.o
At the beginning of Monday's practice, Abe pulled Hanai aside again. Hanai was beginning to flinch at the very sight of Abe, but Abe merely told his captain that he wanted to switch back to their original pitching partners for the day and left to take up his position on the field. Hanai only had time to blink a couple times in surprise and watch him go.
As might be expected, practice with Mihashi didn't go well. Right from the beginning. When Mihashi understood that they were switching partners again, he went into one of his twitchy fidget attacks. Tajima eventually managed to drag him out to the mound and make him stay, but it was definitely an inauspicious start.
Abe stood watching his pitcher's antics with admirable calm. He'd spent all day Sunday thinking about what he should do, and this was his last ditch effort to avoid dealing with the problem straight on. The best that could be expected was for things to go back the way they were. Abe was hoping, though not too hopefully, that if he could just get Mihashi to have a normal practice with him, he could ease his pitcher's fears. They would just play catch. No looks that could be considered weird. No touching. Nothing that could make Mihashi worry that Abe had some kind of unwelcome feelings for him. It would be all business. He would even try not to yell and get frustrated.
And until about three-quarters of the way through practice, Abe played his part perfectly. It was overwhelmingly clear, however, that nothing was going to come of it. Not once did Mihashi stop fidgeting, or look straight at Abe, or throw a pitch that could be called anything less than wild. And then, as Mihashi was preparing to throw again, Izumi called out to Abe with a question. Abe signed for Mihashi to wait and turned to answer, but of course Mihashi, who was busy looking anywhere but at Abe, didn't see the sign.
The ball thwacked into the side of Abe's helmet. He stumbled, instinctively clutched at his head, and, momentarily disoriented, sank into a crouch. He was more surprised and shaken than hurt, however. The distracted Mihashi was pitching even slower than usual, and the ball hadn't hit hard enough to do any real damage. Abe was back to himself and looking around in time to see Mihashi's eyes finally fixed on him; staring, in fact, in horror at what he'd done.
Abe saw the tears welling up, and his first thought was to stand up; reassure his pitcher that he was okay. No harm done. The moment he moved, though, Mihashi took a stumbling step back, turned clumsily on his heal and fled in the direction of the club house. Izumi, by this point, had reached Abe and was helping him up and trying to get his attention to ask if he was alright. Tajima, who had seen the whole thing play out from across the field, had started after Mihashi, but Hanai caught him by the shoulder and held him back. In answer to Tajima's inquisitive look, he shook his head and pointed to where Abe had been. He'd already shaken Izumi off and started after Mihashi himself. "I think Abe needs to work things out with Mihashi on his own."
0.o
Abe had crossed the field at a run, but slowed when he drew close to clubhouse. The door was ajar, and he could hear the sounds of muffled sobbing from inside. He slipped in silently and peered down the shadowy row of lockers. Sure enough, Mihashi was there, hunched up on the floor with his back against his locker and his face buried in his knees, shoulders shaking. Slowly and quietly, Abe approached him, and when the boy didn't look up, crouched down in front of him. He was glad he'd torn his bulky gear off before coming. It made it easier to move silently, and he didn't want Mihashi to escape before he could talk to him. He waited for a few moments, collecting himself, and then quietly called Mihashi's name.
The boy froze, mid sob. Abe doubted if he was even breathing. "I'm okay," he assured Mihashi. "I'm not injured. It doesn't even hurt." That was a bit of a lie, but Abe was rewarded by seeing Mihashi raise his head slightly, and seeing the watery eyes flick up to the side of his head, looking for confirmation of what he said.
Now that he had Mihashi's attention, Abe told himself not to waste it. Steeling himself, and ignoring a sensation like a hand clamping down on his heart, he did what had to be done. "Look, Mihashi. I don't know if this is what's going on, but the guys had a weird idea that I might… That I might like you. You know, like that. And I thought maybe I'd done something to make you think so, too, and that it's been worrying you."
About mid-way through this speech, Mihashi had raised his head the rest of the way and was staring at him, petrified and wide-eyed. Abe winced inwardly and hurried to put an end to the whole awkward business… and probably any hope he might have stowed away in the back of his mind that maybe these just discovered feelings of his could be answered. But Mihashi had made his answer clear already, he told himself, and so the only thing left to do was bury them again.
"I just wanted you to know: You don't have to be worried. It's… all a misunderstanding."
He was hoping to see some of the tension go out of Mihashi. And it did. The face that had been lifted up to him fell again, until the eyes were hidden from sight by a fringe of hair. But he didn't look relieved. He looked… devastated. His lips were pressed together so hard that they practically disappeared, and his face was dead white.
Abe stared, open mouthed. Inside his ribcage, his heart started to hammer out a rapid beat.
"…Mihashi…?"
The boy flinched and violently shook his head at the unasked question that he shouldn't even have understood if the answer had truly been 'no.' He stopped shaking his head and sat trembling until finally getting enough control of himself to start stammering out, "I'm… glad… Abe-kun is o-o-okay…" He mouthed soundlessly a few times before he succeeded in adding, "And I never thought… I never thought that Abe-kun could… about someone like me." He gave a spastic, hiccoughy travesty of a laugh. "Something like that... Impossible. I… I already knew that."
Abe realized that there were tears streaming from his own eyes. He didn't try to wipe them away. There were more important things to do. "I take it back. It wasn't a misunderstanding," he said thickly. He fell forward onto his knees, grasped Mihashi's head between his hands, and leaned in to kiss him.
It was the first time Abe had ever kissed anyone. He was frankly surprised by the feeling of his own lips on Mihashi's. It felt better than he'd expected, even with a partner who was stiff as a board. Mihashi had opened his mouth slightly in surprise, and Abe took the opportunity to deepen his kiss, pushing greedily against the unresponsive mouth, and burying his fingers in the springy cropped hair at the back of Mihashi's head.
When he finally drew back, he took a deep breath, wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, and opened his eyes. Mihashi wasn't crying anymore, but his expression was like a study of anxiety in marble. Abe's newly sparked confidence took something of a blow. Slowly, he said, "Mihashi… You'd tell me if I have this wrong… right? If you don't like what I'm doing?"
The wide eyes opened even wider, somehow, and Mihashi shook his head in appalled refusal.
Abe's irritation switch flipped on. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Mihashi dropped his gaze to his knees and his eyes watered again. "Lie…"
"Hah?" Abe stared in annoyed non-comprehension.
"It's a lie," Mihashi went on in a small wavering voice. "Abe-kun… doesn't really like me. Abe-kun is just trying to make me feel better…"
"HAH?!" Abe roared, patience snapping completely, "SHOW ME THE IDIOT WHO KISSES SOMEONE LIKE THAT WITHOUT EVEN LIKING THEM!"
Mihashi caught his breath. His eyes seemed to be focusing back on his memory of the moments that had just passed. "Like… that…?"
"Oi," Abe gritted. "Weren't you paying attention at all?"
Mihashi's eyes shot guiltily from side to side. "Um… yes, o-of course I was… definitely paying attention."
Abe dropped his head into his hands. Obviously, he hadn't been. He must have been so wrapped up in his own little freak-out space that he hadn't even felt the kiss that made Abe's cheeks burn just remembering. With a sigh, Abe lifted his head again and fixed a steady gaze on Mihashi. "Now look here. I'm going to say this clearly, once and for all, and don't you dare say 'It's a lie' or 'Impossible' or anything like that. Got it?"
Mihashi nodded slowly, face drawn and intent.
"Okay. I like you. Romantically. Understand?"
Mihashi shook his head.
"What the hell? What do you not understand?"
Mihashi was silent for a moment, looking at his knees. "Abe-kun… is cool. And smart. Abe-kun always is so confident and knows what to do…"
Hah! That was sure being tested this time! But that seemed to be lost on Mihashi. Still looking at his knees, Mihashi rubbed the bridge of his nose and continued hopelessly, "An Abe-kun like that… why would he like someone like me?"
Really. Why.
The realization that he liked Mihashi and the idea that he should stop liking Mihashi and get things back to normal had come on Abe essentially simultaneously. He hadn't had time to go any deeper into his feelings than mere recognition of their existence. Really. Why did he like Mihashi? All he could do now was stare blankly at the lump of poor self-esteem that quivered before him.
"I-it was a lie after all!" wailed the lump.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY IT WAS A LIE, DAMMIT!" Abe yelled, but more out of habit than real anger. He was thinking that there were things, plenty of things, that he liked about Mihashi. And that none of them really answered the question. "If you want reasons," he continued more calmly, "I've already told you the things I like about you: the way you work idiotically hard, the way that, even though you're such a spineless wuss, you really stick it out on the mound…" Somehow his words weren't having a consolatory effect, and he decided to cut to the chase. "But if you want to know why I like you like that, I dunno." He bent down 'til he could look Mihashi in the eye. "Can't you just trust me on this? Hell, you're the one who hasn't even said you like me yet."
Mihashi looked surprised, as if it had never occurred to him that it could be in doubt. His body gravitated an eager centimeter forward, and he said as firmly as he ever said anything, "I like Abe-kun!"
Abe sighed, relieved in spite of himself. "Okay. Glad to hear it. Now we're getting somewhere. So will you trust me?"
Mihashi turned his gaze back down again and thought for a while. Then he said something so quiet that Abe couldn't catch most of it. Just something about "one more time."
"Eh? Speak up, dammit, I can't hear you if you mumble like that."
Mihashi turned bright red, but repeated what he'd said in a perfectly audible voice, "I-I'll believe if Abe-kun does it one more time…"
"What?" Abe asked impatiently, "What do you want me to do?"
Mihashi jittered from side to side like a jack in the box trying to escape the box. Finally, he stammered, "K-k-kiss…"
Abe's jaw dropped. He could feel his face heating up. "O-oh…" He'd done it before in the heat of the moment, but when he was asked to… Well, it was pretty embarrassing. Worse, Mihashi's eyes kept darting up to his face. He definitely had expectations. Abe swallowed. How was he supposed to move his body, again? Dammit, it was so natural before, and now he didn't know how to start…
But he didn't dare wait too long, or Mihashi would lose the mite of confidence Abe had managed to stuff into him, and they'd be back to square one. Hesitantly, he reached out with one hand and ran callused fingers over a rounded cheek that now had a spot of high color in it. Mihashi was pretty skinny, but he had a real baby face. He wasn't such a good looking guy, really, but all those crazy expressions on this face were oddly cute. And when he smiled… Abe felt his heart do an acrobatic flip as the image popped into his head. That smile was so rare, but when it appeared, it was kind of… amazing. Thinking back, maybe that was when his feelings had first started to morph into something different; the first time he'd seen all the weird tensions in Mihashi's face smooth out and allow a real smile to beam out.
And now he was definitely in the mood. He slipped his hand around to the back of Mihashi's head, and leaned in slowly. He paused, kind of savoring the moment, now, and softly met Mihashi's lips. And they weren't taught and tense this time. He felt Mihashi breathe his nervousness out in a sigh against his mouth, and then his lips went soft and pliable. Abe sucked gently at them, and felt Mihashi responding this time, stretching up to meet him, opening his mouth for more. Abe gave him more, turning his head to increase the contact and slipping his tongue past Mihashi's teeth. Mihashi stiffened slightly, but only for a second, before leaning farther into the kiss. Abe felt hands come shakily up to his chest and fist in his uniform. Damn. He could really get into this…
They broke for air. Abe stared at Mihashi and found him staring back, panting and flushed. Abe wasn't usually one to get carried away by his hormones. Sure, he jerked off occasionally, but he wasn't normally subject to… urges. But now he was getting seriously turned on. He found himself thinking about things like how long they had before someone got worried and came looking for them; whether they had time to do something more than kiss…
Oh, no. No, no, no. This was Mihashi, he was dealing with. He definitely had to go slow and step carefully. He focused his attention back on his pitcher, and found his face relaxing into a weird grin and his shoulders beginning to shake with creepy fits of giggles. Clearly, he was more than satisfied with what they had just done. It was way too soon to push for more. Now that he was thinking a little more clearly, even Abe judged it best that they stop here. As of last week, he hadn't even considered Mihashi romantically, and as of ten minutes ago, he'd had no idea Mihashi considered him that way. No, sex would have to wait. Possibly, he thought resignedly, for a looooong time.
One more time, he leaned in, but this time the kiss was quick and relatively chaste. He tried to stand up, then, but Mihashi wouldn't let go of his shirt, and he had to stop half way up. "Oi. We should get back out on the field before someone comes to get us," he warned, but then he realized that Mihashi had gone serious again, and he sank back down.
"I was… so afraid. I thought if Abe-kun found out how I felt… I thought Abe-kun would be disgusted." Slowly, Mihashi uncurled his fingers and let go of Abe's shirt. "But… That didn't happen. Th-thank you."
Thank you, he says… Abe sighed and stood up, then leaned down to offer a hand to his pitcher. Mihashi started, but took the hand, and Abe pulled him to his feet. Once he was up, Abe kept his hold on Mihashi's hand and kept him from heading for the door. "So all that nonsense this past couple weeks was because of that, huh." At this point, Abe wasn't surprised to hear it. But he wasn't going to let it go. "Dammit, Mihashi, I was scared, too, you know? Out of nowhere, you wouldn't even look in my direction. I thought you were the one who was disgusted, and I didn't know how the hell I was gonna make it right." Abe gritted his teeth. "Shit. I never want to feel like that again in life…"
Mihashi looked seriously surprised. Then his face oozed into goofy smile and he started giggling again. "Abe-kun… was worried about whether I liked him…"
"Don't get cocky!" Abe scolded, but he didn't let go of Mihashi's hand. Instead, he wove his fingers more firmly together with Mihashi's and towed him out of the club house and out across the field.
"Abe-kun…!" Mihashi choked out from behind him. "Isn't it bad going back like this? H-holding hands?"
"It's fine," Abe said firmly, tightening his grip.
Sure enough, Hanai's eyebrows shot up when they approached him. The first thing out of his mouth, however, was an enquiry about Abe's condition.
"Ah…" Abe had almost forgotten about the dead ball. "I'm fine. It wasn't that bad a hit."
"Even so, we'd better keep an eye on you." A long pause followed this, in which no-one said anything, and Hanai's eyes kept darting down to Abe and Mihashi's linked hands. "Umm…" he said at last, "I take it you guys figured things out…"
"Yeah." Abe let go of Mihashi's hand and slid an arm around his shoulders instead. Predictably, Mihashi started squirming and twitching like a fish on a line, but Abe hung grimly on. "We figured things out. So, sorry, but I'm gonna have to take you up on that promise to be okay with it, after all."
A smile pulled at the side of Hanai's mouth. "Of course." He turned around to look at Izumi and Tajima. "Right guys?"
Izumi smiled and nodded. "Goes without saying."
Tajima let out a whoop, and, ignoring a vicious glare from Abe, threw himself on Mihashi's other shoulder. "Way to go, Mihashi! One in mind... and body! . Strictly!"
To Abe's surprise, Mihashi let out one of his weird giggles, then turned bright red and clapped his hands over his mouth. Cheeks piping hot, Abe turned away and tried to hide the beginnings of a grin. Maybe, just maybe, he and his pitcher were on the same page, after all.