Of Blood and Sand

Prologue

Note : translated from French, not beta-ed. Explicit version will be posted on AO3 (same username)

The room is dark.
He refuses to open his eyes.

A part of him is furious, enraged to be so weak, to have forced his own allies to lock him down. Another part is drowning, desperate, hopelessly trying to cling to shreds of hatred to keep a reason to fight.

He wants to die.
To give back her wings.

And find her, hold her in his arms, and kill Him - he loved her, he hated Him, he feels like he's being pulling apart, his mind broken, clouded in a painful daze. The Other has turned into her, and she has become Him. And who is he now, His knight or His Nemesis? When he looks at himself, he bears the mark of her love on his back, and the mark of slavery on his neck. His body no longer belongs to him.

He hurts.
Rinoa is dead. He cannot accept it.

Rinoa, Rinoa, Rinoa... Her eyes full of love, her hands soft, her body welcoming and warm... He won't forget her, that's impossible; he had pledged himself to her - he was her knight, her protector, he had sworn to defend her even against the whole world... And he would have – destroy the world, for her. As for the Other…

His sanity wavers – to raise a hand against Him is sacrilege! He is supposed to protect Him, to destroy His enemies, to die and die and…

"No," said the Voice inside him. "You made that promise to Rinoa. Not to this monster. Squall, my brave lion, wake up. "

The Voice is cold and without timbre and feels familiar, but he doesn't have the strength to acknowledge its owner. The Voice pokes him incessantly in his head, again and again, throws itself against his defenses when he thinks he can forget and finally find peace. Making him remember he is still drowning.

No. He can't give in. Rinoa is dead. Dead, dead, dead…
He will avenge her. He'll kill the bastard, even if it's the last thing he'll do.

He opens his eyes, stretching his hand forward...

xxx

"Squall?"

Acting on reflex, Seifer took the hand reaching out in his own palm. Dull gray eyes, still half closed, watched him. Squall looked like crap. Seifer felt like saying 'You're pathetic, my poor Squall'. Instead, he kept silent and helped the man roll on his stomach to stretch his worn-out wings. A gift of Rinoa, this simulacrum of angelic attributes, and oddly not that out of place sticking out from the back of her knight.

He opened his mouth to say something, but the words died in his throat before they could form. Niceties were not his specialties, on the contrary. Seifer didn't like seeing his rival like this, lifeless, obviously beaten and not even trying to fight back.

He had to refrain himself from throwing insults to the perfect, lovely Squall – but not so flawless anymore, hm? From shaking him, slapping his face, humiliating him, just a bit; grinding a bit of salt on his wounds to make sure Seifer wasn't constantly the only one to hurt. It would be only fair.

He wasn't suicidal, so he did nothing. Behind the window, Quistis watched him closely, a dancing reflection on her glasses; and he knew she would not hesitate to try him in court-martial at the first inappropriate word uttered. Frigid bitch.

So, what now... The BGU's Supreme Grand Chief was amorphous and didn't even acknowledge his presence, usually so much loathed... He had no possibility to beat some sense into him or punch him in the face. He felt out of place at the bedside of his rival, especially that for once, he wasn't the one sending him into that hospital bed. He felt stupid, looking at him without knowing what to do, unable to offer words of comfort the other SeeDs wanted him to say.

Seriously, a 'Squall, buddy, don't worry, you're not the only fucker having his brain fried by a vile Sorceress' would really cheer him up, don't you think? Seifer held back a scowl. He had been hunted down, found, and dragged to his old home, all because their poor Commander had fallen apart when his girlfriend had turned out to be a monster.

It was also your girlfriend, a pesky little voice in his head reminded him, named reason and temperance. He never listened to her. In addition, the fact that it was his ex-girlfriend added a whole dimension that greatly separated his situation from Squally-boy's. He had nothing to do with Rinoa anymore, except perhaps the vague nostalgia embracing him from time to time, when he felt a little lonely in the dump serving as his hideout. Squall, the pre-pubescent teenager, was madly in love with the witch. And moreover... He was her knight.

Perhaps only another knight could understand what that meant. The word was ill-chosen and not that accurate. Puppet. It was closer to the harsh reality. A doll made of meat and blood, manipulated by invisible threads, leaving no room for free will. A phenomenal brain fuck. He had been Ultimecia's puppet, he knew what he was talking about. And the others also knew he knew. Hence the stalking, and the return at home, dragged by the skin of his ass in the corridors of the flying training center. A glorious comeback, for Seifer Almasy...

And all that for...

"What about moving your ass, Squall? You're not gonna tell me you've fallen so low that the only option left to you is to roll yourself into a ball crying like a baby…? "

If he was completely honest with himself, the situation irritated him. The guy who had trashed him a few months earlier – him, the almighty Almasy, had become that, that weak-minded boy, pathetic and so easily being used. As you have been, said the little voice, and for a brief moment Seifer contemplated smashing his head against a wall, just for the perverse satisfaction of seeing it die with him.

"Shut up, Seifer..."

Squall's voice had lost its sharpness and only rose to a murmur, but it was a satisfactory first step. Maybe there was still some Squall in this battered body. Unable to repress a mocking grin, Seifer leaned over the curled form.

"So princess, you think you can control yourself, or do you prefer to keep these pretty chains for a while longer? "

He had been surprised. He had thought Squall would be in the infirmary, as usual, in the bed which should bore his name, for the number of times he had come to occupy it. But Quistis had led him into the basement. He did not know that the place had been turned into a research center since Norg had been chased out.

Squall was detained – oh the irony! The Commander of the BGU was detained in his own base! - in a room under magical protection meant to prevent the use of spells. His gunblade had been taken from him. And as a precaution, long chains hung on the walls encircled his arms and legs, in case the man was taken by the irrepressible urge to throw himself against the tinted glass that formed one of the sides of the room. A little too paranoid, the SeeDs? It was only Irvine he tried to exterminate, after all. No need to make such a fufss.

Squall did not answer. The poor boy seemed totally out of his mind, and, with his crumpled feathers, looked more like a baby bird out from its nest than the proud supreme Head of an elite of mercenaries. Seriously. Why was Seifer losing his time?

Perhaps because humanity was about to be annihilated.
And since his last check, he was still a human being. On the wrong side.
Coherent.

"Well, my cute little bird, it's not like I don't have some better things to do ..."

Well, that was a lie. He had not better things to do, and that was the main reason he had not yet beat the SeeDs guarding him into oblivion and run away. He sighed.

"Being a Sorceress's puppet... Not that easy to resist, even for you. But let's say you have favorable circumstances on your side. You obviously do not like the idea of massacring the SeeDs you're leading, that's a good thing," Seifer said. "But you're still a liability… If we were to remove the chains, I bet you will be out from here in a flash. That's a no-no, so be a good boy and just stay in bed."

He looked at Quistis. She frowned but she did not have her bondage whip in her hands, which meant that he had not crossed any lines yet. It would not be long.

"... and you're going to explain what happened, my dear Squall. I hope we have your full collaboration, because it would kind of bother me to have to bring a brand new electric torture wall inside this school…"

This time, Quistis knocked against the window. He ignored her, not even sparing her a glare.

"Where is Rinoa?" he asked, eyes on the brunet who was looking sicker by the minute.

Silence.

"Where is she? You are her knight. I know you can feel her presence. Tell us, let's finish this, Squall... The girl you knew no longer exists. She is a real threat. Your duty, you know, the thing that this school tries to teach us? - is to stop her. Come on, save the world again. You start to get used to it, do you not?"
"You don't know what you're talking about, Seifer ..."

xxx

They did not understand anything. They couldn't imagine what had really happened, and that it hurt him to think he was probably the only one to apprehend all the horror of the situation. His heart beat too hard in his chest and his vision was still blurry, but he almost felt as if he was regaining control.

Almost.
It felt like walking on a wire. He could fall into nothingness at any moment.

Why did they call Seifer?
He could not stand the guy.

His thoughts were clearer, as if the anesthetic veil that had fallen on them had dissipated. The pain was still there. His heart was about to burst. Bom, bom. He was a bomb ready to explode, and wishing to be defused as the same time. Ignore, and think.

"Rinoa is dead," Squall said to the empty air.

Facts given with a monotonous voice. There was no place for feelings, for despair or affliction. Stick to the logic behind the evidences: "Rinoa is dead and is not the Sorceress who controls me. "

He could imagine the livid faces turning towards him, mirror image of his own, behind his pretense mask of indifference. He didn't look at them. Ignore, and think. Survival was an instinct hard to fight, which surpassed any other impulse or resolve. Committing suicide, desiring to die; for him, it was a way to make sure her memory wouldn't be corrupted, lost and buried in the sand of the past. Memories of Rinoa would survive. That was his promise to her.

"Bullshit," Seifer spat out.

Seifer's indelicate fingers grabbed his hair to force him to look at him, but Squall couldn't care less. He turned his attention towards Quistis, frozen behind the glass wall, a beginning of understanding in her eyes, shock and fright emerging from her stance, and...

"Irvine," Squall said. " He… "

Did he kill him? He refused to remember. His gunblade had hit the sniper, sending his body flying in the air - round eyes, mouth frozen in an inarticulate scream... Ignore, and think. He had not checked his vitals. He could have survived.

Quistis confirmed his thoughts.

"Alive. Came out of coma a few hours ago. "

A wave of relief overwhelmed him, and he was surprised. He was still able to feel. But his attention wavered, his inner core shattered. He could feel it; he would not hold out any longer. Quick. Stick to the facts.

"Irvine knows what happened. Rinoa was killed. Someone took possession of her body. Someone not from our world, just as Ultimecia was not of our time. He… "

His voice was shaken. He hated to let them see such a proof of his weakness. Seifer looked at him strangely, and he hated him too. What was he doing here?

Run, run, RUN!

His body reacted first, even before his mind could acknowledge the threat. He bolted and yanked on his chains and all hell broke loose. Seifer's arm was around him and he was pushed back against the mattress, shouts surrounding them. He didn't fight back. Out of his control, his estranged wings folded around him, protecting him from the world. The room was shaking, as if the ship had hit an obstacle. Piercing alarms were ringing through the school.

"We are attacked!" shouted Quistis, her hand clutching her headphone. "Enemies still unidentified, the BGU has been deviated from its initial trajectory. We are still a few hours away from Esthar. What should we do, Squall? "

And she asking him? Run, run, run! exhorted the Voice, but it was impossible. And he could feel it in his guts now, the Other was close. He was almost there, and if Squall was found, he knew he wouldn't be able to resist.

His decision was made.
His thoughts were too muddle for him to try to find another solution.

He grabbed Seifer's arm. They hated each other, it was perfect. Perhaps for once, destiny had done the right thing. The blond tried to free himself, scowling at him, but Squall hold him firmly and forced his attention.

"If I lose control when he arrives, kill me. Take Hyperion out now, and get ready."

He would probably never know what Seifer wanted to retort, fury in his eyes, and he did not care.
The Other was coming, the Other was there, his head hurt so much –walls around them were shaking, dilated, and then suddenly –

Hyne, he hated this mocking smirk.

"My knight," said Sephiroth.

And everything exploded.