Struck
Summary: As she continuously works with him, Addison finds herself needing Alex on a different level. Set somewhere after 3x17. It's what I like to call, ADDISEX
A/N: For now I'm not touching so much on the 60days bet with Mark and plus I'm pretending that they had a patient that they've been treating for 6 months. We might not get addisex for awhile or maybe ever but this is my interpretation of what SHOULD happen. It won't be a one-shot. But I'm not sure yet how far I'm going to go with this. Hope you guys like it)
Rating: T (some sexual innuendos)
Disclaimer: I wish I did own Grey's. It won't be addisexless if I did.
It was no longer what she wanted. It was what she needed. She needed him to hold her. Somehow in those mere minutes that they saw each other at work everyday, everything had changed. She had seen him for more than the intern, the help that he was. He had become a man in her eyes- a man that she could fall in love with. When he was not around, she felt awkward, empty even and when a day like the one today, crept slowly from nowhere and exploded in her face, she just needed him to hold her. But he would never again see the way she looked at him. She straightened her back; posture was everything, her mother's voice etched in her mind. She controlled the tears (that was the best she could do). Her needs were hidden well.
There were times when she felt like caving in, succumbing to her desires faster than she could say Karev. His last name had a certain sensuality laced with the letters that made them. Maybe the sound that formed from those letters just fit his rough edges perfectly. She loved saying his last name, more than she would ever admit, and sometimes she pondered what it would be like to have him in her as she moaned his name, 'Karev'. Her mouth formed a somewhat crooked smile. Wrong time to have dirty thoughts, Addison. She had dirty thoughts, yes, she had them often but the dirtiest of them all was her need to be held by him, just once. She knew she deserved neither.
She had slept with Mark. By doing that, she had taken a sledge hammer and destroyed every single pillar that held the marriage that was Derek-and-Addison, Addison-and-Derek. There were not many but whatever was left standing, she had wildly swung the hammer and left behind nothing but rubble. She saw no point in validating herself anymore. It had happened. But she could not deny that somehow that act still had traces leeching against her skin, sucking whatever self worth she had. Derek, in his own way, had forgiven her and moved on. He was so in love with Meredith that the thought of her and Mark didn't even make him cringe. So she tried to make, Mark-and-Addison, Addison-and-Mark, work again. They left behind traces of New York, of their silly mistakes, of their attempts to make their two months of playing house mean something more but wound up in Seattle being like they were in New York, with their silly mistakes living a few rooms away. She remembered the 60 days she gave him and hoped it would help and that somehow they could find the bridge between New York and Seattle. But it was foggy still; more so with Alex Karev in front of her looking as if someone had shot him straight through the heart.
So, she walked out of the NICU, leaving Alex behind wallowing in his own grief. She had to find a place to molly cuddle her own without him there. Their patient, a 6 month old baby boy, had just died. She was afraid she would just run into his arms and demand to be held, for him to stroke her hair and kiss her forehead. She knew he was surprised at her departure. She could almost feel his eyes boring into her back. She refused to turn around to look at him. She knew his gaze would make her falter. She hastened her steps and dashed into the first ladies restroom she could find. She was predictable that way.
Squatting on the restroom floor, her mind wandered. She had no choice but to take out the tubes from Tommy, he was too far gone. She had to keep telling herself that. Tommy had been with them 6 long grueling months, fighting for his life but his lungs could not cope, they would not grow. As she watched his little chest heave one last time, she had wanted to cry. Barely even starting the race of life, he had to pull out from it. His parents sat down beside the incubator, their bodies like heavy sacks, shoulders slumped, and their tears flowing in uncontrollable streams. Tommy's journey had ended and somehow theirs seemed to die along with him. Alex was leaning against the door, arms crossed, and his face somber. She had never seen him so affected. She used to think, not too long ago, he couldn't even care less.
Somewhere down the line, he started to show that he did. She could sense that he didn't want to feel anything but he could not hide behind his veneer. She broke him down, wall by wall, everyday or so she would like to think. No, she was sure she had broken down his walls. He smiled now. He never used to smile at her. He would ever so slightly, glance her way and when she caught him, he would just smile slightly, abashed. He laughed now. He never used to laugh at her jokes. They never used to laugh together about anything. They barely even spoke a civil word. But as with everything, they changed. She used to be able to deal with pain alone (or at least through booty calls with Mark) but now she needed more, she needed more than just random sex. She prayed he would barge through the restroom door demanding answers from her.
She, Addison Forbes Montgomery, was hoping beyond all reason that an intern would come and rescue her. Ridiculous! Had she become that weak? Instantly, she got off the floor. She smoothened out her hair and adjusted her scrubs. She sniggered. He's just your intern. He's just an intern.
Addison opened the door of the restroom quickly and stormed out, almost banging into Alex. She was sure he was about to go into the restroom and though she thought that was what she wanted, she was now wrecked with questions. What did he want to achieve by following her into the restroom? Would he hold her and they would ease their grief in each other's arms? Why did she leave the restroom? Addison mentally chided herself for being too hasty. Now, she would never know.
Plucking up whatever dignity she had left, Addison asked in the iciest tone she could muster, "Where do you think you're going, Karev?" He looked at her incredulously. "You know where and you know why," he said, his voice soft but strained. "No, I don't know," she answered him curtly, testing his patience on purpose. She needed to hear the reasons with her own ears. She needed to feel that all the longing looks he gave her, the softness in his voice whenever he talked to her and all that she felt for him was real.
He opened his mouth slightly, clearly wanting to speak but immediately he shut it. Addison sighed and walked past him, infuriated. She had hoped. Perhaps, hope could never be enough. "Dr. Montgomery," she heard him shout. But she walked on. She didn't want to be waiting for something that was unsure. Mark flashed through her mind. In his own, inept, man-whore like manner, she knew he wanted her. For whatever reason, he did want her and he made his promise to try to show her. Alex Karev was just too troublesome, too fickle and maybe even too young but yet her womanly sensibilities were aware of him - everything about him. "Dr. Montgomery," he called for her again. She could feel him following her from behind. She quickened her steps even more. Suddenly, he was in front of her, cutting her path and she banged into him.
"What? What do you want?" she questioned him angrily. The people walking past looked at them, pretending not to be interested. He noticed their inquisitive looks and glaring at them, he quickly pulled her by the hand. "Dr. Karev!" she hissed but her legs were moving, following his lead. They ended up in a linen closet. Here we go again, she thought.
Footnotes from Author: Hope you all really enjoyed that. Please do Review and tell me how i can improve and all that. My first addisex fic!Next Chapter , i'm hoping to touch more on their relationship and her relationship with Mark (and how the 60days thing pans out) and just what is Alex going to say (or do?) in that linen closet ;)