She rested her head on her best friend's shoulder and took a deep breath, then let go of a sigh she didn't know she had been holding.
With her eyes closed and her fingers entwined with Lynette's, she tried to seek the comfort she was in need of in the arms of the only person that had always been there with her each time raindrops had been mercilessly falling on her head, each time she hadn't been able to deal with things on her own.
The only person she had left now.
The only person she trusted in.
The only person she loved so much she knew she would end up shattered and destroyed if she ever lost her too, because now that the man she had thought she would spend the rest of her life with was dead and buried, the man she had married six months ago was dead an buried too and the money she had always relied on was no longer a weapon she could use in order to defense herself because it had gone with the wind (literally), Lynette Scavo was everything she could count on.
She felt the blonde housewife's hand gentle but firmly rubbing her back; somehow Lynette could sense the petite latina needed human contact more than any other thing (she was the only person left that could read her like a book now, the only person left that knew exactly what she lacked of and needed when she had to face hard times like the one she was going through).
She hadn't cried yet. She hadn't shed a single tear yet. She had just held her head up and tried to remain calmed and relaxed, without showing any of the emotions she was feeling, without letting any of the emotions she had been feeling since the moment she had been told both Victor and Carlos were dead on being shown. It was the kind of behavior Bree would have been proud of, if one thought about it.
Gabrielle was an expert when it came to hiding emotions too: it was something life had taught her, it was something she had seen herself obligated to learn if she wanted to survive, something she had always considered a priority in order to make it through everything destiny had thrown at her.
The funeral was over, the people that had stopped by to let her know she could count on them for everything (yeah, right: next thing she would know, they were all too occupied minding their own business to stop for a minute and check on her) had finally gone and she had been left alone with one of the few persons she had ever cried in front of.
The only person she felt comfortable crying in front of, truth be told, because she knew all of her tears would be dried out by her fingers. Because she knew she wouldn't ask questions and wait for them to be answered if Gabrielle didn't feel like sharing her feelings. Because she knew she could always find a nest in her chest and stay there all night, crying until dawn if she ever needed to.
She asked Lynette to stay with her after the funeral and after the wake because she knew she wouldn't be able to take care of herself. She knew she would need to cry. She knew she would need someone to talk to, someone that made her feel better, if that was possible given the circumstances she had to deal with. She knew she would be tired but unable to sleep in that big, lifeless house alone, without anyone's company.
But she hadn't shed a single tear yet. She hadn't allowed herself to mourn the death of the only man she had ever truly loved. She had only kicked off her shoes and sat on the floor next to Lynette, both women's knees pulled to their chests, Gabrielle's head resting on Lynette's shoulder, and Lynette's head resting on top of Gabrielle's.
Silence was the only thing that big house was filled with, the only thing that could be heard. Silence and the barely audible sound of Lynette's hand rubbing the petite latina's sore back.
After what seemed like an eternity reduced to two hours, Gabrielle opened her eyes and spoke for the first time that night:
"I've lost everyone I've ever loved" she started "My dad, my husband" for a moment Lynette wasn't sure if she was talking about Carlos or about Victor, who had as well died as a result of what the tornado had caused to Fairview "... I lost the man I loved and wanted to grow old with..." she took another deep breath and when she spoke again, it could be told by the way her voice sounded that it was taking her a lot of effort making her tongue and brain connect in order to help the words she wanted to say taking shape: "I'm not gonna lose you too, right? You promised..." Lynette did her best in order not to break down and cry: at the very moment, that woman wasn't the strong little latina she knew, the independent woman who feared nothing... She was like a little child scared in front of the possibility of losing something very important to her.
"I promised you wouldn't lose me, and you won't" Lynette whispered "I'm not going anywhere, okay?" Gabrielle nodded in silence, and the moment she did she felt tears forming in her eyes and starting to fall down her cheeks.
Noticing the mourning process had started; Lynette slowly rocked her back and forth, in order to sooth her. She knew Gabrielle didn't need to hear words of comfort, she didn't need to be told everything would be okay sooner than later: she just needed to feel loved and taken care of, she needed to know she wasn't alone, that she had someone there for her, someone who cared about her and would always be her support no matter what.
That Lynette could be.
Forty minutes later, Gabrielle was starting to doze off, although her mind was really trying not to give in and keep her awake, because she was afraid nightmares would come and torture her if she allowed herself to sleep.
"It's okay, Gabby, I'm here" Lynette whispered when she felt her friend stirring for the fifth time in less than half an hour after thinking she had finally fallen asleep "I'm not going anywhere" she repeated.
"What if he visits me in my dreams?" Gabrielle said all of a sudden, fighting back the new waves of tears that threatened with start falling again "What if I try reaching out and touching him to feel he's with me again and then I wake up and have to face the fact that he's never coming back?"
"In that case" Lynette started "I'll be here, ready to hear you talk if you need someone to talk to, ready to be yelled at if you need something to yell at to, ready to dry out your tears if you want them to be dried out or ready to let them fall if you need to cry 'till the morning. Remember: I'm not going anywhere"
She deep breathed again and closed her eyes once more.
Ten minutes, she was finally asleep, after repeating to herself a million times that she was with Lynette, her best friend, the one who always kept her promises. The one who had said she wasn't going anywhere.
And she wasn't.