My father told me stories.
Stories about people and stories about journeys.
Hopeful stories and sad stories.
Most, they would echo on tragedy and loss... Mostly, loss.
He said he had a friend by the name of Lennie.
He was never bright, but he still loves him; they loved each other and stayed together.
And he wishes that today, they still were.
After my mother died, he almost lost his sense of self. And even years afterward, after I grew older, he was only becoming worse.
Each year I grew was another year without my mother. He tried hard to keep his composure for me, and for Lennie too.
The thing is, Lennie is dead. He's been dead since before my parents met. Five years before I was born, to be exact. And as my father gave me the
cake he made me for my fifteenth birthday, he decided to tell me the truth about Lennie.
We were falling on hard times. He and I had been dragging out suitcases around from town to town, scattered throughout California and Oregon, until we eventually
ended up on a small ranch in Salinas.
At the table, he frosted the chocolate cake and covered it with the glittery sprinkles he splurged on. He thought that I liked those more girly things. He was so busy
with his work that he had no time, well, barely any, to spend with me.
Until he bought the ranch from a man by the name of Curley. He said that Curley ran the ranch in such a terrible manner. He couldn't stand it anymore and spent a
big sum of our savings on it. In the end, it was a success.
"I can't believe it!" He tells me, as he gets a match and a candle.
"Beautiful Beverly Milton turns fifteen today!"
"Uh huh." I replied as I ate the last of my dinner, which as always, he made for me on my birthday. Normally, I would cook so he could help the
workers on the ranch. Those including an elderly man, almost one hundred years old, by the name of Candy and a teenage boy named Wilson.
"You better make a good wish this year!"
"You know I will!"
He lit the candle and waited anxiously for me to blow it out.
I wished for happiness, security, and the truth. About my mother and Lennie.
About me.
"What did you wish for?"
"Prosperity."
That about summed up my wish. I think.
"I think that's a wonderful choice. A good wish." He gives me a piece of cake.
"Thank you. For the cake. For the wish. And all you've given me."
"You don't need to thank me, not at all. I feel proud to have someone to depend on."
"Me too."
We slowly ate our cake, but sat at the table long after dessert was over. I could tell my father was down again. About one of two people that he wanted back the
most.
"Father? Are you alright?"
"I'm fine, Beverly. I'm fine. Go to bed, you have school in the morning."
"No, I know you're getting sad again. That's not what I want at all..
Especially today.."My father sighed. "I can't lie to you anymore. Beverly, I miss Lennie. I miss your mother.. I miss them so much!"
"I know what happened to my mother... You don't have to lie to me.. You never have, have you?"
"Yes. Your mother died because you were born.. You couldn't help that. I couldn't help that. Nobody could do nothing at all to save her.. But Lennie.. I killed 'im. I
shot him. That's my fault and I miss him more and more every day. Having freedom hasn't done much for me. Not like I thought. Not like I imagined. And I just
thought I couldn't get 'im outta his mess.. He.. Just..."
"Just what?" I asked. I was confused by his new story. I was told the same one for years. And I didn't know what to think. Not at all. He told me his friend Lennie died
in a terrible accident during his time in the same town, Salinas. And that he could never, ever, think about it without feeling extreme guilt.
"I could have saved him. We had time to run.. And I murdered him instead. And that man, Curley, knows it. He was there. He saw me do it. I've
never regretted anything more in my life. I can't go on anymore Beverly.. Not like this!"
"There's no way you could have every... Done that... And wanted to kill him out of greed. You thought it was necessity. It wasn't something you thought you could
change. And you still talk to him. And I know he listens."
"I do too. I swear some days, I can hear him laugh and talk about his dreams.. About the rabbits and the alfalfa... You know why I bought this place, Beverly?"
"No.. Why?"
The sudden purchase of the Salinas ranch was something that shocked everyone. My grandmother and aunt were shocked when the active, quick-witted, George
Milton decided to settle down, even with me. His daughter.
And I too, was shocked. I could finally go to the same school each semester.
And have the same friends and everything, nobody understood what was getting into him.
"I wanted to buy it for Lennie. To fulfill his dream. That's why we've been growing alfalfa and buyin' all those rabbits. And we still have the practical stuff and all of
these wonderful people.. They would have been so kind to him.. And truly, I've never been happier in my life. And I'm making you happy too, hopefully."
"I'm happy we don't have to move again.. Maybe you just wanted to live like you were with him. Moving, running, and not having to settle for anything."
"I did because I couldn't find a job. And I miss Lennie too. I liked pretending he was with us sometimes. And still do. He's not here, but he's still
part of our family."
I nodded my head at him in response. It was true. He would talk to Lennie in the early morning when he thought I was asleep. He would speak to him in
times of distress. Like he was really there and alive and stroking a mouse's fur. But he wasn't. Lennie was never a real, tangible member of the family. I
had no clue what he really looked like or sounded like. I had not the slightest idea about how he unintentionally harmed other people, and how his own kind
heart killed him.
After I nodded my head to my father, the sky was darkening and it was time for us both to go to bed. I had a glass of warm milk before saying goodnight to my
father. He gave me a nod and an 'I love you' before walking up the tall stairway to his room, where he spent his alone time.
I was still awake at about three in the morning before receiving a written note from my father. It told me more about Lennie and the mice, new information about
Lennie and the puppy dog, and the truth of Lennie once again, and Curley's wife. It all made sense to me now why my father could never save him. He never meant
to hurt a fly, but he did more than that anyway. Nonetheless, he loved Lennie with all of his heart and soul. He only felt the same love for my mother and I.
When I got ready for school, he was there, which was abnormal for him.
He would be either resting or working with the ranchers.
"Beverly," he said, "I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that's why."
I was baffled for a second before he continued on.
"That's why I bought this ranch. Because we need to look after each other. Like Lennie and I used to. And like your momma and I used to. And
even if they're not here, we're always together."
I was wished a great day at school and was given a kiss on the cheek before I, the newly fifteen year old Beverly Milton, walked on the dirt road to
school.
I learned so many things that night about Lennie that he was all I could think about. Girls discussed boys and rock and roll music while I pondered
over the lumbering Lennie Small.
I mentioned that before, he was dead. He was not tangible, touchable, or approachable anymore. That he was not truly a member of our family. But
when the bell from school rang, I visited Lennie's grave.
When I turned fifteen years old, I learned the truth about Lennie.
He was just as a part of our family as my father was. As I was. And as my
own, dead mother could have been.
He was a Milton.