A/N: Hello everyone, I've come up with a new story! How exciting! Anyone ever read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? I was very inspired. Anyway, this is just an introductory/premise chapter. The following chapter will include actual action and whatnot. Let me know what you think :)
Hello there. If you're reading this, well, there are a few important things you should know. Allow me to briefly introduce myself; my name is Naomi Campbell. I'm 24 years old. I graduated from the Intergalactic University of Arts and Letters with a degree in journalism. I began writing articles for the Intergalactic Times as a freelancer, you see... You may have heard of the articles I wrote on the Planet Gobbler Wars (one of my favorites), the Mangler Trials, the Galactic Council election (that seemed to go on for light-years), and a few other political pieces.
However, recently, I was offered a permanent position on the Intergalactic Blog as a weekly columnist (finally). While I was very excited to have finally been offered my dreams (okay, easy there on the sappy "Disney-esque" dreams-do-come-true moment), there was a condition (of course): I would no longer be covering "boring" politics (fuckers, right?), instead I would be writing an expose on the ever so fascinating Earth (God, why me?). I have never quite understood the intergalactic fascination with the inferior humanoid species (I'm not exactly a conformist of sorts); however, I was admittedly slightly curious how they function (I heard they still don't have hovercars, how pathetic...). While space exploration and science have never exactly been my topics of choice (or success, really), I had decided that I would accept opportunity with the hopes of further career advancement (what a load of bollocks that turned out to be, but you'll see that in a second).
Unfortunately, a week after my deployment and stationing on Earth, the Intergalactic Times was charged with all sorts of criminal activity (apparently the Council requires some level of censorship, fuck that, right? Power and information to the people!) that I had not known about and everyone employed by it was sent to the Intergalactic Prison (seriously unfortunate). Thankfully, I had not yet started writing my expose (still in the draft and research phase), and therefore have remained undiscovered (there goes my career advancement). It is with great displeasure that I have come to terms with the fact that I am going to be stranded on Earth as a refugee (wait, it gets worse) with the accompaniment of my mother who had joined me in pursuit of a "vacation" (and "mother-daughter" bonding time, as she put it). If you're reading this, please send help. We've been abandoned here for already a month and I don't think I can stand another minute (of Earth or my mother). The I.P. is better than this. Please, for the love of which the humans call "Christ" (they say his name a lot, a lot, a lot), rescue us (or if you have only room for one, rescue me, I'm sure my mother would do just fine here).
A/N: I really tried showing Naomi's sarcastic voice, hopefully you saw that. Later, Naomily lovers!