The GWFC
Author's Note: Just some fun fluff, obviously in a very AU sort of way, that popped out during writing Ghost of You. Enjoy!
The Hufflepuff Prefect's bathroom filled with the usual faces and then Ernie Macmillian sealed the door shut behind their group. There was the usual hustle and shoving, laughing and talking as everyone leaned against or sat upon the counters and ledges. Neville raised his hand above the group and silence fell over the crowd.
"This emergency meeting of the GWFC will come to order. I'm glad you all could make it. I have very disturbing news."
"What?"
"Tell us!"
The group called out and Neville bowed his head for a moment and then looked over at Colin Creevey who opened up a stall and pushed out a blindfolded Dean Thomas.
"Oi, what the hell is going on in here?" He yelled out and the group let out a large moan. Colin pulled the blindfold off and Dean held out his wand for a second.
"Welcome, Dean." Neville shook his head sadly. Michael Corner gave him some supportive smacks.
"What is the meaning of this? What the hell is going on? Where the hell am I?"
He moved away from them and backed up toward the door.
"Dean, don't be alarmed. This is the Ginny Weasley Fan Club. You've become an honorary member." Neville called out to his retreating form.
"Are you serious?" Dean let out a little laugh.
"Deadly, and if she'd broken up with you then we are in quite a frantic time."
Neville solemnly answered as the group started nodding.
"Indeed."
"Damn straight."
"What is going on here?" Dean crossed his arms.
"You see," Neville jumped up onto the edge of the Prefect bathtub to be a foot taller then the crowd. "Ginny Weasley is the hottest girl in the school. She's also one of the nicest and she's actually quite smart. It's a trifecta. Things like that have to be preserved." Neville punctuated with a nod of his head. The group let out a grunt of agreement. "Girls like Ginny Weasley have to be protected from oafs and deviants. Girls like Ginny Weasley are to be admired and dreamed about."
"That's great and all, but I have a feeling she's going to pick whoever she wants to date. So there's not a lot you can do about it." Dean let out a long laugh.
"You'd think that." Neville jumped down and put an arm over his shoulders. "But it's just not true. See, we liked you Dean, you're a good guy, so you got to date her. But people like John Carpenter in Ravenclaw, and Lee Jordan, and Blaise Zabini shouldn't be allowed to touch her. So we stop them."
"Are you trying to tell me that Blaise Zabini wanted to go out with Ginny and you somehow stopped his progress?" Dean dropped his arms in surprise.
"Not stopped. We sabotaged him." Neville replied. The group nodded and grumbled out a yes. "We snuck a bunch of puking pastilles in his food and then made sure to make Ginny walk by him when he was puking. Then I told her it was because he had this horrible STD."
"And she believed you?" Dean's face dropped with shock.
"Of course she did, I'm her best friend." Neville smiled, the group started nudging and slapping his back.
"So that's where that rumor started?" Dean leaned against the wall.
"Of course. You'll hear about a guy wanting to have a go at Ginny Weasley and then you don't hear about it again. It's because of us." Neville moved back up to stand on the tub. "So she is single again. This means that we need to keep a constant surveillance over who is going to try this time."
"Here, here!" The group shouted out.
"You haven't been paying attention, then." Dean called out over their manly brew-ha-ha.
"What?" Neville held his hands over the group to settle them down.
"Potter." Dean ground out. The group let out a groaning sigh and started hissing and shifting about nervously.
"Are you positive, Dean?" Neville zeroed his eyes onto him.
"Of course I am. He's been like a third wheel for the past two weeks. If I'm not there he's on top of her. When I am there he has a question, or he's looking for Ron or Hermione, or he wants to talk about Quidditch. And I swear to God, she said I pushed her in the portrait hole, but it was him. In that horrible invisibility cloak of his, he pushed me so I would push her! And then she broke up with me!" Dean rattled off, annoyed and then crossed his arms to brood again.
"Then this emergency meeting is twice as important." Neville called over the restless group. "We need to decide a course of action."
"Indeed."
"And quickly."
The group started humming with anxiety and looking toward Neville and Dean.
"How, exactly, are you going to stop Harry Potter?" Dean let out a long mean laugh.
"He's right! This is our worst case scenario." Colin called over the group, setting them into a frenzy again. "No one turns down Harry Potter."
"Calm down." Neville tried to pacify the group.
"It's true. Half the girls in this school would shave their head if he asked them to!"
"He's just too popular for his own good. The two most popular people in the school going out would ruin everything!"
"He'll put her on lock down." Ernie Macmillian called over the group. All eyes turned to him. "You mark my words, if he does ask her and she does say yes we'll never see her single again. If he finally realized after six years of knowing her just how amazing she is…he'll marry her. Potter doesn't like to share."
"Marry her?"
"They're too young."
"He's right, though!"
"Or he'll bend over backward to keep her."
"This isn't fair. The hottest girl in our school and Harry Potter wants her? Doesn't he have enough already?"
"Listen!" Neville yelled over them all. "We might have some time. She just broke up with Dean, recently. Who did we have lined up next? We need to act fast."
"There wasn't anyone! We were hoping she'd stay taken the rest of the year. We were hoping Dean could have held onto her longer." Colin gave him a dirty look. Dean shoved him and then called over the commotion,
"There's nothing to do. She wants it too. It's all just a matter if Potter can get the nerve or not."
"Damn it!"
"Of course he will."
"We might as well disband, this is pointless now."
"It's so not fair!"
"Dean," Neville called above all the noise and the group quieted down. "Why do you say that? Do you think he won't have the nerve?"
"He's worried. He thinks Ron's going to beat the shit out of him. That all her brother's are going to beat the shit out of him." Dean answered.
"Of course he is. We all are! Jesus, Malfoy hid for an entire semester after his failed attempt." Ernie Macmillian shook his head like Dean should have known better.
"Malfoy?" Dean recoiled in horror.
"Regardless." Neville boomed over the group. "We need to treat this like it is any other threat." He held his hands to keep them quiet. "Even though it is Harry Potter. We need to figure out just how serious he is. We need to find out when he's going to ask her. We need to get on Katie Bell and Lavender Brown and find out if she's saying anything. We can stop this before it starts."
"I'd love to see you try." Dean leaned against the wall again, laughing.
"The sanctity of Ginny Weasley must be kept alive. She is far too valuable to this school to be sacrificed to Potter. Let's break for today, get as much recon as you all can, and we will meet back after the Quidditch game." Neville nodded, swished his wand and something popped around them all. The door swung open and the first group made their way out.
Neville, Dean, Ernie and Collin were the last ones to leave and as they pushed out into the hallway ran right into Harry.
"Oh, hey guys." He sounded incredibly upset. They all tried to hide their faces of glee.
"Alright, Harry?" Neville casually asked.
"Have you seen, Ginny? I have some really bad news to tell her." He distractedly asked, looking anywhere but at their group.
"What's wrong, Harry?" Neville pushed. "Nothing about her family, right?"
"No, no. Nothing like that. I can't play on Saturday. She'll have to take my spot." He hung his head and started to walk away. "If you see her, tell her I'm looking for her." He called over his shoulder. Once he was out of ear shot they all exhaled.
"Fuck."
"We're hosed."
"I told you so." Dean finished with a laugh.