Notes: This was part of lunacatriona's 'Holby City' Fic Challenge #2 to write a story around a prompt. This was my choice of prompt to use:
- "One word can sometimes be sharper than a thousand swords." (roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, by Mildred D. Taylor)
Pulses, at two o'clock in the morning, was a quiet affair, a few staff arriving for a caffeine and sugar fix to get them through the rest of the night. When Bernie Wolfe entered the hospital doors, a gust of cold wind blew through with her, causing her to shiver in her escape from winter's hold. If there was one thing she hadn't always missed when she was out on tour it was Britain's winter weather. However, what she lost in the heat and constant presence of sand, she gained in being able to share that winter warming up with Serena - and that she wouldn't trade for anything now.
Even in their present situation with Bernie caring for Serena as she tries to process her grief, Bernie cannot fathom not wanting being here. She's handled her own guilt - merited or not - for being able to save Jason and not Elinor. Though she might be the fantastic and fearless doctor that Serena had claimed she was, the bleeding damage done to Elinor's brain was something she couldn't fix. Serena had wanted to be alone tonight with Jason to fuss over as he continued his recovery, so Bernie had agreed to stay at her flat for the night. However, after three hours of tossing and turning, Bernie decided she'd head into work. It was technically a day off but at least she could get caught up on some administrative work that required her attention.
Stopping at the counter, she ordered her coffee and a muffin. As she waited, she looked around to see if there were any staff she recognised. Sat in one corner, Zosia March huddled with Dominic Copeland. She smiled a greeting at them which Zosia acknowledged. She thought briefly about going over but a slight shake of Zosia's head and a mouthed, 'later', Bernie nodded. She kept note to check later how they were doing. Paying for her order, she headed through the corridor to AAU and onto her ward. On a Thursday night, the ward was only a third full, and looking at the assignment board, she could see at a glance what was covered. Fletch was sitting at the nursing desk adding some notes to a chart. Upon seeing her though he startled slightly.
"Ms. Wolfe. I wasn't expecting you to be in tonight."
"Couldn't sleep. How are things? Anything urgent?" Bernie inquired in case she had to go change into some scrubs.
"No. There was just one procedure this evening which Raf took care of before he headed home at midnight. Jasmine is just checking on Mr. Donaldson now; appendectomy."
Bernie nodded in the direction of the consultant's office. "I'll be in there getting a dent in the paperwork. If you need me, don't hesitate to holler."
Dropping her leather bag on one of the guest chairs in the office, she turned to hang her coat up before flicking on the small lamp on their desk. She sighed heavily as she dropped herself down into her chair. She wasn't a religious person, but she uttered a prayer, or perhaps an oath to some higher power to take care of Serena and Jason in her absence. Pursing her lips, she reached over and grabbed the first handful of folders, opening the top one and read through the chart's details. Typing the notes into the electronic charts, adding annotations to the surgical plan and outcomes, she moved from one chart to another to the next. It wasn't until she heard a knock on the door, that she lifted her head to look at the clock on the wall. She rubbed a hand against the back of her neck and rolled it before looking at the door.
"Come in," Bernie called out.
"Ms. Wolfe?" Zosia March stopped at the entrance, clearly hesitating and debating whether she should before glancing at Bernie.
"What can I do for you, Doctor March?" Bernie asked kindly as she stood to move her things off the chair, and indicated for Zosia to take the seat offered.
"I don't… I'm not entirely sure why I'm here, but I thought you might be able to help."
"I take it this is more personal than work related?" Bernie inquired as she looked at the younger woman's troubled expression. "Dom?"
Zosia's head whipped up, meeting Bernie's gaze before remembering that Bernie had seen the two of them in the cafe earlier. "I hate talking out of turn, especially about good friends, but I'm worried about him. He's lost. He's lost that spark and interest he has about life, about medicine. I thought at first that it was just a delayed reaction to missing Arthur…" Zosia paused and sighed. "But now I think it's much more than that. He's lost his confidence. He's a very good doctor and I'd hate to see him lose the ground that he's gained."
Leaning back in her chair, Bernie took a deep breath. She'd missed talking with Dom lately, not surprisingly with everything she's been trying to do with Serena, but she'd seen him hesitant and guarded when she was covering Keller recently. When he'd come to talk with her in the Keller's consultant's office, he seemed genuinely surprised and confused that the decision for the conference trip was solely Mr. Mayfield's discretion and as far as Holby was concerned, Dom was the chosen assistant.
"He is a good surgeon. He certainly has the makings of a very good one." Bernie smiled, thinking his cockiness reminded her of some of the young medics that had worked in her units while on tour. Turning serious for a moment, though, she added, "What do you make of Isaac Mayfield?"
"Honestly?" Zosia asked, and continued upon seeing Bernie's nod. "I don't trust him. Gut instinct is that he's up to no good. In fact, I know he's not. After, standing up for himself, turning down the trip, Dom came to stay with Ollie and I for that week. He didn't say much at all, but I could hear him crying through the night. Yesterday he told me Isaac had a one night stand before leaving for Hawaii."
Bernie's fist clenched around a piece of paper and she took a couple of deep breaths. Doctor March's instincts were adding up to her own impressions of the registrar. While nothing to pinpoint specifically, and certainly nothing that she could at the moment call into professional practice concerns, she'd seen attitudes and arrogance like his in the military.
Recognizing that Zosia was still there, she looked over to the young woman. "You're a good friend to him, Doctor March. Keep hold of that. Look after him. I will do my best to do that as well. As for the rest, let me look into it further."
"Thank you, Ms. Wolfe." Zosia stood and rubbed her hands against her legs, seemingly not knowing what to do next, then gathering herself and shaking her head and plastering a small smile on her face. "I best get going. Need to make sure Mr. Rossini is not flirting with all the patients again."
Breaking her usual habits of personal space and interactions with work colleagues, Bernie extended a hand to Zosia's shoulder. "We'll find a way through this for Dom, okay?"
"Thanks." Zosia nodded and then left the office, leaving Bernie with some things to consider.
Knowing she'd not have the requisite access to request the personnel evaluations from Human Resources of someone not on her ward without legitimate clinical concerns, Bernie would have to speak with Sacha Levy and Ric Griffin and that would have to wait until the morning shift. She made note of things she wanted to check out before she forgot, then stood and stretched. Peering into her cup, she ditched the last dregs of coffee into the pale next to her desk. She smiled to herself for a moment. Unlike the last time she'd been left in control of the ward whilst Serena was on suspension, Bernie had kept their office tidy in Serena's recent absence. She'd even at one point taken a picture to prove that, though she'd not sent it to Serena, and her partner had not even mentioned the tidiness when she'd returned.
Heading out onto the ward, Bernie took a look around, noting where patients and staff were located, before finding Fletch checking the IV drip line of one of the patients. Waiting for him to finish and approach her, she checked her phone for any emails. Nothing urgent, so she opened her Messages app and typed in a small message to Serena, 'Thinking of you. Take care. Love, Bx.'
"Is everything okay, Ms. Wolfe?" Fletch asked, startling Bernie as she'd not seen him approach. "Sorry. You seemed miles away."
"It's okay. I was just going to ask how things were going out here."
"Things are all right. No worries." Feeling concerned, he turned his head towards the office. "Was there anything Dr. March needed?".
"Just a consult, Fletch," Bernie responded, indicating that it was not up for discussion, and Fletch nodded. "I'm going to go stretch my legs a bit. Page me if you need me."
"Will do, boss." Fletch winked and smiled then headed back to his duties.
Bernie walked out the AAU doors, and headed up to Keller via the stairs. Entering the ward, she spotted Essie walking towards her, after checking on a patient. Smiling, Bernie held up a hand as she looked around the unit for Dom.
"Hey, Ms. Wolfe, did you miss us?" Essie lightly inquired. It wasn't often they had a consultant from another ward cover but since Sacha was still out recovering and Ric was still acting CEO, they'd had a couple of locum consultants.
"Something like that. Have you seen Doctor Copeland around?"
"He's with Mr. Mayfield in surgery at the moment. They should be close to being done."
Bernie nodded. "What do you make of Mr. Mayfield?"
"In what way?" Essie asked.
"Professional, mentoring, interactions with junior staff."
"Well, he's personable. He gets along with everyone as far as I've seen."
"And Dom?" Bernie asked.
Essie thought for a moment before responding, "He's seemed a bit down lately but he'll come round."
Bernie nodded, partially expecting that answer. If Dom was hurting as Doctor March indicated, then he was likely putting up a front, a wall to protect himself; it was a trait she identified with all too much. "Thanks. Would you mind not mentioning this conversation, please?"
"Sure. Not a problem," Essie responded, but now she was curious about why Bernie would be asking about Isaac. "Did you want me to tell Dom you were looking for him?"
"No, that's fine. I'll just reach him later." Bernie turned to leave the ward and as she got out into the hallway, she heard raised voices coming from a side office. She couldn't hear the content but could hear the tone and recognised the voices. While she disliked confrontation when it came to her own personal life, she was certainly prepared and trained to deal with confrontation when it applied to staff, and as she liked and respected Doctor Copeland, she entered the room and just waited for their reaction./p
"Doctors Copeland and Mayfield, what is the problem?"
Turning to his senior colleague, Isaac responded after a brief moment of a glare at Dom. "Ah, Ms. Wolfe, Doctor Copeland and I were just having an argument about patient care."
"It was my fault," Dom started quietly. "I missed seeing something on the scan that was more problematic once we opened the patient up. She nearly bled out but we were able to save her."
"Can I see the scan, please?" Bernie asked. She waited until Isaac handed over the iPad with the digital copy of the scan enlarged. "The lesions were completely adhered to the outside lining of the bowel and were starting to penetrate into the colon, causing partial blockage and restricting blood flow. I take it one of the mesenteric arteries ruptured?"
"Yes." Isaac responded, feeling glad that someone else spotted the problem.
"And how is the patient now?" Bernie inquired, ignoring Isaac's smug expression.
"Stable. We were able to remove all the lesions, repair the artery and remove the perforated section of the bowel." Isaac was feeling pretty confident in his abilities but as Bernie took a look at Dom, she was slightly taken aback by his silence. Isaac noted her appraisal of Dom before she guarded her expression and he was not pleased. "Everything will be fine, Ms. Wolfe. We'll continue his obs as per routine. Won't we, Doctor Copeland?"
Recognising that she needed to be careful but precise with her wording so that Dom would not bear any lasting brunt of Isaac's ire, she spoke with quiet but commanding presence. "Doctor Mayfield, if I could hear you arguing out in the hallway, so could other staff. Whatever Doctor Copeland or any other junior doctor, nurse or staff does or does not do, it does not merit a shouting match. I'll arrange cover for Doctor Copeland with another doctor for the rest of the shift. Be aware that this incident will be noted on record." Bernie was aware of the seething look he sent her before schooling his expression. "Take 15 minutes to go cool off before going back onto the ward. I'll be checking in later." Bernie handed back the iPad to Isaac and waited for him to exit the room before taking a deep breath herself, rubbing her temples as the onset of a headache threatened to begin.
Dom shifted his position from the corner of the room. "You didn't need to do that, Ms. Wolfe. It would have worked out."
Bernie raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe it ever does in many aspects." She sighed. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but this argument wasn't just about patient care, there was more than an element of the personal involved."
"It'll be fine." Dom shrugged, not quite believing his own words.
Bernie was wary. And she was worried seeing Dom's cowed mannerisms. Zosia was certainly correct in her assessment of Dom and Bernie regretted not keeping a closer eye on Dominic. She liked the young man who had given her far more support than she could have expected after Alex and her being outed, especially as she'd initially erroneously blamed him for the rumours outing her. Gathering her thoughts, she guided the junior doctor out of the side office and down the corridor.
"Come on. Drinks are on me," Bernie smiled.
"Uhm. Ms. Wolfe, it's four am. Albie's closed hours ago." Dominic grinned at Bernie's playful expression.
"And we're at work, so Pulses it is. I need a caffeine shot to get me through the rest of the night."
"Ms. Wolfe? You said you were covering me with another doctor on Keller. What about the rest of my shift?" Dominic asked suddenly.
"You're with me, on AAU." Bernie grinned widely. "Time to learn some trauma skills, young Jedi."
They stopped by Pulses to pick up some coffee and sugary treats then headed down to AAU. Bernie stopped at the nurse's station to speak with Fletch for a moment, then nodded her head in the direction of her office. "Give me about 15 minutes or so to arrange cover and I'll be back out here."
As promised, Bernie had returned with a smile on her face. She'd arranged with another doctor to come in for the last few hours of Dominic's shift - someone who owed her a favour and someone who would certainly not put up with any bullying of any sort. Another fifteen minutes later, a delivery of a couple of boxes of pizza and bottles of soda arrived on the ward, much to the delight of the staff, thanks to Bernie.
Pizza consumed, Bernie let Fletch know where she was headed if there were any concerns and she directed Dom to the wet lab where she began instructing Dom on some trauma skills. Directing him in techniques and the principles behind them, she added in stories and commentary from her experiences. All along encouraging him, correcting when necessary and praising his skills as he acquired them successfully. She was pleased with the teaching session. As the rest of the early morning passed, she could see the light in Dom's eyes beginning to return, and she made a personal vow to continue to mentor and teach him. She'd have to arrange that with Ric and Sacha but she didn't see much of a problem arising there.
"Ms. Wolfe, don't get me wrong because I really appreciate this, but why?" Dominic asked as he sat back, looking at the work he'd completed.
"Why teach you?" Bernie deliberately set aside the issue of Doctor Mayfield's earlier behaviour. "You're a very good doctor. This morning you showed an eagerness to learn and improve your skills."
However, Dom decided he needed to address the earlier issue. "No. I mean with Isaac. You didn't have to come in when you did." He sighed.
Bernie echoed that sigh. "Dom, do you really think he would have stopped? Maybe, for a while, before he found something else to go off about." Dom looked like he might interject, but Bernie continued. "One word can sometimes be sharper than a thousand swords. I've learned that the hard way in my lifetime. It's not always about fists or physical violence. It can escalate that way, but not always. Words do hurt sometimes, especially when aimed at a particularly vulnerable part of ourselves we try to keep hidden."
Sensing more behind her words, Dom questioned her, "Ms. Wolfe, what happened, if you don't mind me asking?"
Bernie debated whether or not to delve into her personal history, but she felt it was worth the minor discomfort to make a point.
"My early years in the military, there was a senior officer, he had a way about intimidating junior officers and apparently his family, which we learned about later. He'd find a way to go after the weakest point, which in some ways was good and we learned the proper reasoning from other senior officers, but this guy was just cruel for cruelty's sake. He drove a few of my fellow soldiers, male and female alike, out of the military. Nearly drove me out. I stood up for myself and reported him to someone I trusted. He was dismissed, not just for the actions towards the junior officers but also on other offences, of which we weren't privy." Bernie stopped and sighed. "Whether it's a personal relationship or a professional relationship, don't let anyone make you feel any less than who you are, don't let them bully or intimidate you. And if it happens, let someone know. This doesn't just happen on the school yards. We've got a respectful workplace policy for a reason, and that applies just the same at home as it does here, especially if the relationship is between staff members. Let me know. Text, call, whatever. Okay? Also, please do that for Zosia. She cares about you."
"Thank you." Dom stood up and stretched his legs. Sighing, he debated something internally, and then surprisingly, he gave Bernie a hug. It wasn't something he generally did with fellow staff, particularly senior staff. Excepting Isaac, his last such emotional connection was with Mr. Hanssen after Arthur's death. Pulling back, he wiped his eyes, straightened his shoulders and took a deep breath. "Thanks, again. How is Ms. Campbell?"
"Surviving. We're taking it day by day." Bernie smiled broadly and her face softened despite the sadness. "I love her. So much."
"I'm glad. Love looks good on you, Ms. Wolfe."
A blush formed over Bernie's cheeks as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "Thanks."
"Come on, Jedi Master." Dom grinned cheekily. "We must get back to the ward to see how Fletch and Jasmine have left things.
Bernie laughed. "Onwards and upwards, Dr. Copeland." The two of them headed to AAU, light jokes and comments belying an emotionally charged morning, but both glad of its outcome. Looking at her watch, she noted that it was already past eight o'clock, on a partial shift that she'd picked up. She wasn't due back until seven that evening for her official shift, so she could go home and get some food and kip before coming back in.
Turning onto the ward, she saw Serena entering their office. Bernie gave a glance to Dom, who gave her a nod and a mock salute before heading over to chat with Fletch and Jasmine at the desk. Bernie continued on to her office, closing the door behind her. She waited a moment, assessing the tired expression rolling off Serena, then she crossed the short distance and enveloped Serena in a hug. Not caring that the blinds were open, she pressed light kisses over Serena's forehead, down her nose and finally a gentle kiss to her mouth before resting her head against Serena's. "I love you."
"Bernie." Serena sighed then she wrapped her arms tightly around Bernie's waist, not wanting to ever let go. "I love you, too." Her own 'relationships in the workplace' rules be damned; she needed this.