This is my first fic in english. This isn¡t my first language so I'm sorry if there is some mistake.
Maybe sometimes we think too much, we weigh the pros and cons much and in most cases it comes down to letting go, for many the thing more easier, for others, the more difficult. We are not always able to disconnect our brains, turn it off for a few seconds and act without thinking. Or rather, not everyone is used to, and it is the fear that the consequences of this act are negative which paralyzes us.
For years I was the fool that gets in the crosshairs without thinking. I acted on impulse, letting my senses guide me, but now is not the same. Now is she and just knowing that I can lose it for one of my crazy ideas paralyzes me, but I can not do anything but pull forward. Just there is no turning back, not after accepting the deal. From my dependent all those people who are prisoners of one of my fans.
My fan. The thought makes me gag. I know the power that my books have on those unbalanced in whose hands dropped one of my best seller. I know that I am not responsible for the acts that people make after reading my books, which otherwise they would make it because what comes from my pen is not the detonating, but this does not exempt me from feeling guilty for inciting with my words to take place as those situations.
I look at her, seeing the fear in their eyes that something might happen me and is the first time I understand the fear that my mother and my daughter had to spend every time they saw me walk out the door of the loft towards a new danger. I've gotten into a dead end and although I do not show I want the time to stop and not come a time when I have to face the murder suspect..
I got up under the eyes of all gathered there and I walked away from the area, trying to gather my thoughts, to let your mind go blank, not think of anything to avoid deflate me and want to run when I am committed to saving all those people who unwittingly have seen how their lives are hanging by a thread. What I did not expect is she to come after me, because knowing me, knows the great debate in which I find myself.
- Castle, you do not have to do this - she takes me my arm and spin me to meet with her deep eyes, in which I can lose me – Please, stay with me and do not enter there.
- Kate, I can not. I know that it is a crazy and I mus not do this I know that it is a crazy and I should not propose it, but I have done it. All the people that stay in this place depend to me.
- No, you know that it is is not true. We can to do that she release these people without that you expose your life.
I took his hands in mine and played to trace imaginary figures on them, as if somehow this simple gesture appease the feeling's maelstrom within me.
- Kate, honey, I do not have other option. She is a fan, I I know how to treat her.
- I'm it too!
- How do you say?
I did not knowing if it was my imagination was playing tricks on me I did not knowing if it was my imagination was playing tricks on me due to I was under stress or if this that I had heard had been what I thought. With Beckett nothing are black or white, and I preferred to be sure before taking for granted that claim.
- I should not to have said nothing.
There it was again this side of she that irritated me so much. She could not take a step without thinking before.
- Kate, I'm about to venture into the lion's den, and it would be nice you end up with the game of cat and mouse.
- Well... There is something you do not know to me.
- That's imposible. There is nothing about you that I do not know - I pulled her and put my arms around she. In moments like those, only she was able to calm me down.
- You are wrong, sir, "I know all about you"- a smile escaped her lips and I felt alive.
- I do not know if I want to know it... - I whispered to her ear playing with she.
- I believe that you'll like it - she said me in the same tone of voice I had used seconds before.
- In this case, come with me.I do not think they care wait a few minutes.
I took her hand and walked away with her around the police cordon to talk without noticing the eyes of all those present. A worn stairs serving connection between the sidewalk and a dim house were witnessed his confession.
- You're the first person that I tell you this. Even my father does not knows.
- You're scaring me Beckett.
- It is not nothing bad, Rick – if she try to calm me, she does not got it after to use my name, something which only made when she trying to tell me something important – My mother loved your books and I always remember a book in her hands. I did not pay much interest it but the cover of one in particular struck me. For weeks I looked around it from the shelf in the library that had at home. Still, I never dared to take it and read it.A month after, my mother died. My father trying not to leave me alone but it was not easy, he was devastated. Nothing was soothing me and I was feeling lost. One day I decided to go to the library and catch that book. Somehow the adventures of the characters in this detective story made me see the light and want to be the protagonist of this book, struggling to give justice to the victims of killings. I thought that if I could be as good police as the detective's novel could solve the case of my mother, who at that time was not advancing. The best of that time was known to the writer of the book that I gave me the force needed to take control of my life. The best was to meet you, Rick
- Are you want to say me...?
- Yes, Castle. It was a novel of yours. I known you a lot sooner than you thought. I went to one of your book signings and today, even kept were the person who gave me what I needed to keep going. You were the one who gave me the wings to fly and for years I waited the moment for meet that person who was hiding behind the words of the books.
- For four years I have been trying you to see me as more than a friend and now you tell me you had feelings for me?
- For me you were like my platonic love to the adolescence, Castle, but everything changed when I met you. why I did not wanted to say anything. I thought you were an arrogant man, materialistic, a small child unbearable nothing matched what I thought you were.
- Are you still thinking that of me?
- You know that not, Rick. I love you and if I tell you this is because I know you're whipping you to know that the person who is pointing a gun at innocent people is one of your fans. I want know you that it's not your fault. Your books can be the life guard of many people, as it was mine.
Unable to say a word to notice a lump in the throat, held her tightly, letting her scent invaded me, conveying the peace and quiet needed at that time.
- Thank you. Thanks for sharing it with me, Kate.
- Always - whispered me before giving me a warm kiss – Listen... I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you, so... Do not do anything stupid in there, okay?
- Don't worry. I think I've already exceeded the stupid's quota of the day.
I kissed her once more before taking it again by the hand and walk with she to the police cordon, where everyone expected me to perform a task that though it was not for me to not be a policeman, had been foolish enough to accept it as mine.