Title: Lost
Rating: G, romance (one sided)
Pairing / Characters: Abarai Renji, Kuchiki Rukia
Word Count: 623 words
Warnings: Nothing
Summary: Renji would be lost without Rukia
A/N: I had a hard time with this one; I tried to make Renji as true to life as possible – he comes from Rukongai, so he's a bit rough, a bit uncultured, but nevertheless, a man deeply in love with a woman he can't have, and that's what I tried to portray here. I hope it worked…
I'm lost without her.
It's not like she's my wife, god forbid.
Who the hell would be able to live with a sharp tongued shrew? She's small, but she could wither a man's brain with a few, well chosen words. Trust me, I know. I've lived through some of her … milder … episodes, and it ain't pretty. You think Kuchiki-taichou is bad? Try talking to his sister.
We aren't blood either, but in my eyes, we're as good as. We're both Rukongai brats, and there are things that bind us together – things that are thicker than blood. No one else would know what it's like to live on the streets, to have to scrounge for food, steal just to get water, and no one but Rukia will know what it's like to bury your friends. In Rukongai, friends become brothers. Rukia understands that better than anyone. Before we became shinigami, the only family we had was each other.
I still think of her as my sister instead of his.
We don't get to see each other as often as I want, there are whole weeks when we don't see each other at all. What with Ichigo causing chaos in the living world and Aizen raising hell in Hueco Mundo (pardon the pun, but I've heard Hueco Mundo is a hellish place to be) I've been sent all over the place, and so has she. It breaks my heart sometimes to see how tired she's been looking lately, but if I mentioned it, I would get an earful. Again.
The other night we didn't have anything to do, so we went out to Rukongai to the river and we fished, and watched the stars. Rukia didn't talk much, and neither did I but we didn't need to. When Ukitake-taichou told me that you could speak to someone without saying anything I didn't really believe him - hell, who would? But ya know, it's the truth. I think we spoke more that night than we ever have.
We played janken pon, and I lost (as usual, dammit) so I ended up carrying her back to Sereitei and putting her to bed. I didn't mind though, particularly when she kissed my cheek. I still haven't washed it, and that was like a week ago. Yeah, its disgusting but so what?
Rukia never shows me any affection; I might as well hold on to whatever I get.
I know she doesn't love me, she cares for me sure, but love? Nah. That's reserved for a certain orange haired punk who doesn't know what he's got and how many other people want it.
I really am lost without her, because she gives my life direction. I may not be a noble like she is, and I don't have anything to offer her except my heart, but she's the most important person in my world. I achieved bankai to save her, and I would die if it meant her happiness.
If she asked me, I would do anything for her, anything. Hell, I tried to kill her brother for her. How much more devotion does a girl want?
I would die without her.
I can see the universe in her eyes, see the stars in her smile. She's the sunshine that warms my heart and the wind that cools my temper. If Rukia and I had never met, I would never have aspired to greater things, I would never have wanted to.
You see, the reason I'm so lost without her is because she makes me a better man. In her eyes, I'm not just a Rukongai brat, but someone worth something more, stronger, faster, kinder, gentler.
For me, that's more than enough.
It's all I ever wanted.