A Quiet Moment
A/N: Not being a fan of Fitz, I attempted to be as objective I could with what I've seen on Scandal. That said, its clear Olivia has strong feelings for him. It is also clear that she cares for Jake. What those feelings are I'm not sure yet, but I love Jake and I truly think he has Olivia's best interests at heart, so this is my take on Olivia's understanding of who these men are and what they mean to her. I truly hope you enjoy it. Music1623, this was inspired by your request, can't wait to read what you think.
Disclaimer: No infringement intended. The characters belong to ABC and Shonda Rhimes. I just borrowed them for this short.
Olivia sat in her office and sighed. The look Jake gave her when she walked into the office was disturbing. He knew what happened between her and Fitz and she wasn't sure why that bothered her. 'I'm a grown woman. I can do what I want,' she thought. Even then, the guilt of what she was doing ate away at her. She'd been honest with Jeanine when she said the lies and deception would make her hate the reflection in the mirror. Olivia knew that first hand.
Over a year before, she'd admitted to Edison that she wanted painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. What he hadn't understood was that it was what she was used to. Her mother had died when she was twelve and her father had sent her away. Olivia couldn't develop deep lasting relationships with people who were constantly with her. She didn't want to. She was afraid to. Everyone she'd ever let in completely, her parents in particular, had left her. They hadn't been there for her and she didn't trust anyone but herself.
That was one of the reasons, her relationship with Fitz worked. She knew in the back of her mind that they could never be together. She knew what she was going to get. Stolen moments. She would never have a life with him, but she knew that. She didn't have to wonder about the unknown. Olivia didn't have to question what was going to happen. Fitz would call and she would answer, because that's all they had. A few stolen moments here and there and then he would go back to his miserable life. She would go back to hers.
They were both broken just as their parents had left them and that's one of the reasons they clung to each other so tightly. Yes, the sex was good and they cared for each other, but it was more than that. Fitz was fantasy. He was the fairytale. She could break away from reality for moment knowing it was just in the background.
They both held on to the hurt their fathers had dealt like a warm blanket. That was one of the things that drew her to Fitz. That hurt and disappointment was something they shared. That pain was something Olivia could relate to. To deal with it would mean she would have to let the pain go and that scared her more than anything. Who would she be if she ever released the pain of her past? Would she disappear? Would she fall apart? She couldn't afford that.
That was the thing that scared her about Jake. Jake was a real man who looked at the world through clear lens and had risked his very life to save hers. He'd known when he'd disobeyed his orders what would happen and he'd sacrificed himself for her anyway. Who did that? When her apartment doorknob rattled she'd been so scared and there Jake was. Yes, according to her father, he'd been trying to kill Jake in her apartment, but why in her apartment? A stray bullet could have taken her life just as an intended one would have.
Even now, while Jake wanted to stop her father to break the hold Rowan had over him, Jake thought of her and Huck. He was still working with them to find out what happened to her mother. What would happen when they got to the truth and found evidence against her father? Would Jake leave? She shuddered at the thought. Yes, she had her interludes with Fitz and she'd been avoiding being alone with Jake, but she wanted him around. She felt safer when he was around. What would she do if he left?
Before she'd known who Jake was, he had the ability to make her forget about Fitz. Now she couldn't afford that. Jake was still an unknown. Fitz would always be back. She knew that. She knew he was like her, a victim to his past, weak to the fantasy. Jake was different. Jake made her uncomfortable, because she could depend on him to call her on her crap and make her think. He didn't attack her or degrade her, but he didn't let her get away with ignoring her choices. And, he wasn't a push over. After the Correspondence Dinner, when he'd told her he didn't play second fiddle to any one and left her outside the venue, she'd been caught off guard. She hadn't known what to think, but Jake had been right there just hours later to hold her hand while Huck explained what he'd found.
Jake had told her she wasn't alone and he wasn't going anywhere. So far, he'd kept his word, but how long would he keep it? Everyone else had left her alone. Would he be the one person who stayed? And what would he demand of her in order to stay? So far, he hadn't asked for anything? But what if he did? Could she give him whatever it was? She didn't know, but she thought of Jake as her safe place.
Olivia could just be herself. She could be vulnerable and not worry about being judged. Jake knew her secrets and he was still her friend. Maybe her only real friend. Olivia didn't know what was going to happen but she knew she didn't want to lose Jake. Fortunately, she didn't have to worry about that now. Jake would be around at least until they found out what happened to her mother and took her father down. After that, she'd deal with the next 'thing'. That was, after all, what she did best.