AN: This is a rather quirky introspective piece on Mojo and how he understands and observes more than his owners think. I like writing with the lesser characters sometimes because you can really develop their personalities on a more intimate level. With "Being Mojo," I wanted to have this Chihuahua who is actually very intelligent, somewhat misunderstood, and with a pretty dry sense of humor. So, please enjoy…
Being Mojo
By CKR
Part 1: What the Dog Saw
Mojo is having a bad day. Well, a bad day by his standards. His leg is tightly bandaged and he is so doped up on pain meds that he didn't even bite that crazy lady when she snapped some sort of choking collar of imprisonment around his neck. Life is ruff, and puns suck.
He's napping in his doggy bachelor-pad/converted gay birdhouse/Chihuahua love shack when the boy comes running in.
Mojo loves the boy. He gives him treats and pets him and carries Mojo around (not that Mojo can't walk – he is a macho male dog, after all – but it's nice to have someone bring you up the stairs after a long day of napping and chewing random stuff. Like shoes. Shoes are nice, and they smell great too).
The boy has a car with him. One time, Mojo jumped out of The Fat Guy's (Ron's) car and he dangled by his leash out the window. It sucked. This car is different. Mojo does a manly trot down his shag-pad walkway and limps past the humans as they quarrel over the grass. Not that it matters because, later, Mojo will do his doggy thing on the grass and then rip up that stupid cast. Victory is sweet.
Mojo approaches the car and sniffs it. Usually, cars smell like gasoline and asphalt and dirt. This one doesn't. Mojo decides to mark it as his own, which is the macho thing to do. He lifts up his leg and the car isn't there anymore! Mojo finds that he is marking only the driveway while the car is smugly resting farther down the driveway than it was earlier. No. Way.
"Bark!" says Mojo, "Bark bark bark bark grrrrrrrrrrufff bark." This roughly translates to, "Hey! People who feed me, this car is different and I cannot mark it!"
And now the really weird car rolls forward a bit and…warbles…at Mojo. This is not okay, because this car is obviously challenging Mojo's dominance over his territory.
One time, Mojo was watching Animal Planet with the boy and was watching a group of hyenas fight over some dead zebra. Personally, Mojo thought at the time that zebra was nothing to fight over – now, milk bones, gee, those are super good. Or, better yet, steak secretly fed to him under the table by the boy.
Anyhoo, Mojo remembers that the hyenas pressed their ears back and growled and the other hyenas ran away. Mojo does this, but when you add in his tea-cup stature and the cast and the sparkly "bling" on his neck, Mojo looks more like the Taco Bell dog has been experimenting in cross-dressing and not at all like a vicious hyena of the Savannah.
Well, life is lame. Mojo goes off in pursuit of things to chew, like the Home&Garden section of the newspaper because it really gets Ron's whitie-tighties in a bunch (and Mojo knows that Ron wears these because he filches them from the hamper and rips them up gleefully).
Part 2: What the Dog Did
Mojo is chilling (moping) in his birdhouse, enjoying the cool night breeze as it tickles his manly nose. The boy left in a hurry to go with that tall guy. Mojo had some kibble and then tried to chew on his cast, and then was foiled by Ron. AND THEN they found his doggy mess on the lawn and it all went downhill from there. So now, instead of watching Desperate Housewives with Judy, Mojo is dejectedly waiting for the boy (his master, the guy who buys him stuffed monkeys to gleefully rip the stuffing out of) to come back and bring him in the house.
Suddenly, Mojo hears a commotion and is startled from his nap. The boy is talking with Ron.
And…Oh. My. Dog. There are a whole load of weird cars coming into the yard (Mojo's domain) now! The insolence! How dare they! Mojo barks his anger but no one hears him. Then again, no one ever does.
Now the boy is frantically talking to the cars-which-are-not-cars anymore and all Mojo can think about his marking his territory.
So he limps on over to the closest not-car he can find, lifts his leg, and…
Mojo finds himself to be suddenly airborne, so he yelps pitifully. When he lands, he begins letting loose on the infuriarting trespasser: "Bark! Bark bark bark! Rufffgrrrrrrr bark bark howl." This really means: "Is that all you got! I can go all night! Bring it bring it bring it onnnnnnn."
The boy catches him up and begins scolding the not-car: "This is Mojo, he's a dog! We don't kick dogs!"
"Bark!"
The not-car is not amused and not intimidated, "You seem to have a rodent infestation. Shall I terminate?"
Rodent? Mojo has never been called a rodent before. Sometimes, Judy calls him a princess…but, rodent?
Suddenly, the boy runs him back to the house and tosses him into the kitchen and shuts the door. All Mojo can think is that his territory is quickly being invaded and rushes off to tell Ron and Judy. Unfortunately, Judy picks him up and begins petting him and soon Mojo has sipped some of her wine and is passed out on the cushy couch.
Part 3: What the Dog Slept Through
Mojo awakes to human voices at the front door. Groggily, he hops off the couch and limps on over, pressing back his ears so that the visitor's first impression will be that of a macho, protective dog. One day, Mojo will learn how to launch himself off of the stairs because nothing says "fear me and my cuteness" than a small, Taco Bell dog projectile flying straight for your crotch. The FedEx man will never know what hit him.
But these people could care less about the Chihuahua growl of doom and Mojo finds himself leashed and muzzled and being dragged away from HIS territory. Honestly,Mojo thinks as Judy hurls insults after his captor ("I'll kick your ass!"), things could not get worse today.
Actually, they can, because he has just been shot up with enough tranquilizer to take down BearManPig.
When Mojo regains his senses, he finds himself in a car, lying on Judy's lap.
"Oh, Ron! Mojo is finally awake," she hoists Mojo up to her made-up face and coddles him, "Oh, little princess. It's okay, the bad men are gone and we are going home. You were asleep for a very long time and you wouldn't even eat a donut!"
"Lady, what the hell is going on? And where is the boy? And that man who gave me the tranquilizer? And why am I still in this cast and your bling?" This really all comes out as a whimper and a whine so Judy presses Mojo tightly against her aging bosom and scratches between his ears – which, if anyone is curious, feels so good.
Later, when they finally do make it home and Mojo insures that the boy is alive and still there to carry him places, he realizes that the black truck that turned into the not-car is sitting there. For some reason, Mojo can feel that the car is unawares (maybe because that tall man is talking to him? What man would talk to a car, anyway?)
Mojo sneakily limps on over and lifts up a leg.
Victory is sweet, but revenge is sweeter.