Kneeling at the altar I looked up to the carved image of Christ stretched out upon the cross to save us from damnation. A part of me wanted to curse him, and continue to endlessly ask why he has left me, ignored my prayers, and left me begging for his salvation only to remain in silence. Has it all fallen on deaf ears then? I wrapped my arms protectively around the slight swell of a stomach that began to show, no longer able to be concealed by layers and corsets. How much darkness I have known Lord. How much horror brought upon me like a wave of hatred from the bowels of hell itself. Am I so unworthy of your grace? Did you not promise your followers that you would protect them and offer everlasting life? Have I wronged you so that you punish me so harshly? These walls confine me in both spirit and body. Their bricks seal me from freedom, the iron gates hold back any hopes that might be hanging by a thread, while the glass taunts me with views of grass and any sort of normality. I know all too well that kindness does not truly exist in man. Devoid of any compassion, we war against each other while hiding behind the cross as you sit in silence. Footsteps began approaching and I knew it was time.
"Father Lhérie is here for your confession child. Please do not be so stubborn." Stubborn? Is that what they are calling it? I felt my mouth curve into a sarcastic smile at her words my stomach churning in the presence of that man. Those frigid blue eyes looking down on me, threatening my words into silence.
"Adriana please! Tell us who the father is and repent child! You have sinned greatly with your promiscuity!" I shot up from the floor boring my eyes at the Mother Superior like flaming daggers.
"Promiscuity? Are you daft old woman?" My head flung to the right stinging from her strong slap across my face.
"Hold your tongue foolish girl! Atone for what you have done and perhaps you can find some forgiveness in this world!" A light laugh came out of my mouth from hearing her words. Forgiveness? Why would I ask for such a thing when I did nothing wrong?
"Never!" I hissed. A hand clasped down on my shoulder pushing me down onto the ground. She left the room while my eyes followed her as she shut the door. Echoing an ominous noise as it shut me in to endure what was to come.
"Who is the father of your devil child girl?" His voice was harsh like gravel violently strewn about after a heavy rain. It boomed off the walls and I looked into the eyes of Christ.
Your indifference being the worst punishment I have endured.
I then closed my eyes to brace myself for the beating. A crack of the whip slashed against my skin opening it and feeling like molten fire. I stifled the scream in my throat as I looked into those eyes. He would enjoy hearing me beg, to wish death before any more torment, but I had no plans in giving him that joy. I bit down and could taste a pool of blood in my mouth as another lashing came down upon me.
"Who is he whore?"
I grasped the rosary that was given to me for prayer during my beating and it filled me with disdain to feel the beads one by one soaking up the blood from my hands as if encouraging me to bleed more for it.
"You know who he is Lhérie. Or have you forgotten your nightly visits to my room whilst I slept?" The words rolled off my tongue like acid, disgust filling me looking at him. Still hearing his heavy breaths in my ear while his calloused hand muffled my screams.
"I'll kill you before you tell anyone!"
He brought the whip down with all his malice and my vision clouded while my body swayed forward onto my palms. I looked towards him and my eyes fell on the white collar that adorned his fat neck and a bitter laugh came out of me.
"Your faith means nothing old man. You are nothing more than a pawn of the Devil that has the audacity to wear the garb of a man of God!"
"Shut your mouth little bitch!"
He began striking me with his fists, every hit making a sickening sound against my marred flesh; the blood adorning the floor like a crimson wave. He picked me up and pushed me towards the other side of the room knocking over stacks of scripture and pens. He knelt down beside me grabbing a fist full of my hair.
"The dead do not speak child."
A flash of light caught my eye and in his hand was a silver dagger he kept on his person. The blade embedded itself into my side robbing the air from my lungs, and before he could deal another blow I reached for a knocked over lit candle. I rammed it into his eye socket his scream and the smell of his burning flesh filled the room, and I admit I welcomed it.
"Little whore! I'll kill you!"
He stumbled onto the ground and I managed to pick myself up and make my way out to escape. I pressed my hand against the wound that soaked my dress and I stopped to take the money from collections I had been gathering and made my way to the stables. Still hearing his cries and curses I mounted the horse with a yell of pain and sped off into the dark.
Away from this damned place.