A/N : My sis and I both played the Cousland origin and our characters had similar feature so I thought, hey, they could be twins! Thus the idea came to make this fic. A bit dark.

Names are Aedan (male) and Clare (female). Clare as in 'are' and not 'air'.

Aedan is the Grey Warden.

English isn't my first, or second language, so I apologize in advance

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We were born together, and we grew up together. It only made sense that he became everything to me.

Twins were a rarity in those days, and most of the times it meant a turn of events, bad luck, ill omen… Were it not for the Cousland blood that flowed in our veins, I have no shadow of a doubt that one of us would have ended up abandoned in a gutter. Though our parents steered the gossips with expert handling, it never stopped the odd gazes that we received.

No one ever said it out loud, but we learned soon enough that our existence brought a taint into Highever, and that as innocent as we may seem, we beared the demon's seal on our back and wielded his scythe.

Amidst hostile entourage, where could a pair of twins find solace in, if not within the walls of our own home, away from the world?

We used to take Father's maps, paint our rainbow world on them, and make lists of things that we would do when we grow up.

"Everybody hates us… I'll never be able to marry!"

"It's okay, if you don't marry, neither will I. I'll take care of you"

He grinned widely, revealing the huge gap between his front teeth, his chubby cheeks rose-colored, and I knew that everything will be okay.

Young, I was scared of going to sleep, for Fergus had me convinced that there were creatures in the Fade that trap naughty children in iron pen. I wasn't always the good little girl Mother taught me to be, so I was certain that every night, they were waiting eagerly for me.

On nights that I was too scared to even blink, Aedan would sneak into my room and hold my hand as we slept; in doing so, he promised to be able to find me in the Fade and protect me. Although I could never remember my dreams, waking up and seeing our fingers entwined was all I needed to believe that my brother had indeed been there with me.

The belief diminished over the years (and there was less sneaking around at night), but we got into the habit of greeting each other in the morning, as a running joke that we survived the Fade's creature another night.

"Still alive today, dear sister? Looks like I did a fairly good job, no?"

"Oh? I'm pretty sure I didn't need your help this time. Are you sure you're not the one seeking my protection in the Fade?"

And as old as the jest may be, we always end up leaning on the wall, laughing uncontrollably until Fergus walks out of his room and urge us to hurry over to breakfast.

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Many years pass and one day, a Grey Warden showed up, looking to recruit Ser Roland Gilmore into their rank. This man, Duncan, had also taken an interest in Aedan, and I knew from the look on his face that being a Grey Warden was what he really wanted to be.

Chivalry and honor ran thicker in his blood than mine, and I knew that deep down, he was deeply disappointed for not being able to take part in the upcoming battle against the Darkspawn, having to content himself on watching over the castle.

Father assured him that his presence was needed here, and it was certainly not because people thought he would bring bad luck onto the battlefield. Mother was quick to dismiss our doubts and made her words final.

All our years of training, of swallowing our pride and smile through gritted teeth, and all we get is to watch from the sideline? Surely you jest, Mother dearest.

But it didn't end there. I was to follow her and Lady Landrunk on their trip. Why? Because there was this fine man, and we all know how the story goes…

This outing was to be the first time I would be separated from my twin, and that infuriated me.

Mother was quite forceful in telling me that this brother complex of mine was growing quite silly and it was time that I should start seeing other men.

But what were other men, compared to Aedan? By now, I had come to accept that no one would ever want me, and I was happy enough to spend the rest of my life in Highever with him (if he is willing, of course). For better or for worse, he had weaved an unbreakable bond with his innocent promise; I will remain with him for as long as I could.

So can anyone blame me, for bearing a grudge against the world for taking him away soon after we watched our house go up in flames?

I could barely hear Duncan telling us that we need to hurry to Ostagar for Aedan Cousland to join the Grey Wardens, so intent on keeping my gaze upon my twin's face and nothing would have shaken me up more than the sight of him breaking down in front of me. At that moment, he was my pillar of strength and I feared that if I were to see him waver, then I would also. But instead, he turned towards me and gently gathered me in his arms, and turned us away from what was left of our home.

What would I do without you?

I thought that as long as he was my sibling and by my side, everything would be alright.

But the Maker, in his ever contemplative and silent presence, remained deaf to my prayers.

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The man that came back from the Joining was not my brother, though he goes by his name and face. He was rather quick to don the mantle of the Grey Warden and discarded ties and title.

He calls me Clare, the Last of the Cousland and promises that he will see to Howe's death as a final tribute to our parents, and as a parting gift. Though he is the only one left in Thedas to share my blood, I feel our bond thinning, corrupted by a burden that never should have been his to carry.

The time when there was no secrets between us seem like a distant dream and I fear that he is slowly slipping further away from me. It is as though the tide has pulled back for me to glimpse at the shells of our childhood, but not enough to collect them before they are gone with the next wave.

He lets me travel with him until vengeance rains upon Howe and until he deems a place safe enough to leave me there (though I argue that there is no safe place during a Blight).

We battle legions of Darkspawn together in perfect harmony, and seeing him in battle where his heart is bare, I am led to believe that he has not changed after all… But that illusion is quickly shattered when on the same nights I would watch helplessly as he twist, turn and trash around in his sleep. His was a dream I could not even hope to understand or follow, no matter how tightly I hold onto his hand, clinging foolishly on childish beliefs.

I cannot even explain the guilt I felt right then, knowing that I could not and never will be able to aid him while he battles inner demons every night, until the day comes when they will swallow him whole. His gaze jerks in every direction under heavy eyelids, lips forming silent words, prayers perhaps, and I wonder if he was searching for me in his sleep.

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I was told that Aedan woke up later on and found me curled next to him, our fingers still intertwined. He had carried me back to my bedroll and whispered that he loved me, or so I was told. Since then he has been careful as to not let such incident happen again...

Can anyone blame me, for being unable to accept that the Grey Warden's Joining has changed my brother forever? for in my blind devotion, I followed him as he carved a path that would leave death and destruction in his wake, more than what one man could endure in a lifetime before he goes insane?