"The stars are extra bright today..." Lapis Lazuli thought as she lay on the roof of her house in thought.
On warm nights like this, Lapis liked to camp out on the roof, the only way she could be alone with her thoughts.
Sometimes, she would get too caught up in her thoughts and her girlfriends, Amethyst and Peridot, would find her asleep on the roof.
Ah, Amethyst and Peridot... Lapis thought to herself... the three of them had been collectively dating for about a year now. At the time, the other two were already in a long term relationship (about eight years, give or take) but needed an extra roommate to help pay with the rent. Lapis had found the advertisement when she was kicked out of her original house, and in no time was the third tenant. About five months in, Amethyst and Peridot told Lapis they were both attracted to her, and, if she was okay with it, they wanted to start a polyamorous relationship with her. While initially scared, (Lapis didn't exactly have the best... track record with relationships) she did admit she found them attractive herself, and ever since then, the three of them were inseparable.
"And to think..." Lapis thought to herself, "if Jasper hadn't..." before she could finish that though, her stomach flipped and her euphoria came to an end.
Jasper... the biggest mistake she ever made in her life... it had started out quite normally... Jasper and Lapis met in high school math class when Jasper was seated in front of Lapis.
Whenever they finished their school work or tests, the two of them would pass time by talking to each other about anything and everything. It wasn't long before Lapis realized she had a crush on Jasper.
Everything about her gave Lapis butterflies, from her frizzy blonde hair, to her birthmarks, giving her a warrior like appearance to the nose ring she always wore.
One day, Jasper decided to walk Lapis home, as no one was there to pick her up from school, and neither could drive yet. It started innocently enough... Lapis nervously reaching out to take her hand followed by Jasper gently kissing her. That continued for a while until the two of them considered each other girlfriends.
When Lapis and Jasper graduated from high school, Jasper had given Lapis a key to her house.
"It's just me there... maybe you could stay with me?" She had told her.
Years passed and Lapis and Jasper were in a whirlwind romance... but once college hit, they began to get on each other's nerves... it wasn't long before... the incident happened...
Flashback
"I don't CARE!" Lapis angrily screamed at Jasper.
Jasper has gotten up from the floor and stalked over to her girlfriend.
"You don't care, huh?" She asked, glaring daggers at Lapis. "Funny... you don't seem to care about a lot of things lately..."
it wasn't long before Lapis was backed into a corner.
"Don't care about me, don't care about our relationship... I don't think you care about anything!" Jasper growled.
She grabbed Lapis by the arm.
"I could probably kill you right now and you wouldn't care."
Lapis tugged at her arm in panic. Sure Jasper had lost her temper before, (Lapis had a scar on her back to prove it, to which she retaliated by ripping out her piercing) but she was never this scary before.
Jasper angrily threw Lapis into the bathroom and slammed the door behind them.
"What are you going to do to me?" Lapis asked, trying to keep the fear out of her voice.
Jasper smirked. "As I remember... when we were in high school, you were on the swim team... one of the best?"
Lapis nervously nodded.
Jasper smirked and, still holding onto Lapis, plugged the bathtub and let the water run.
"How good are you at holding your breath?" She asked.
Lapis gulped.
"Still don't care about anything?" Jasper asked angrily, shoving Lapis, face up, under the water.
Lapis could do nothing but cough and sputter, trying to prevent herself from drowning.
Jasper eventually pulled her out from under.
"You... you monster." Lapis coughed.
Jasper rolled her eyes. "Lappy, Baby, we're both monsters. Only monsters can truly understand other monsters..."
she kissed Lapis, hard and forcefully.
"Lungs okay?" She asked.
Lapis nodded. "Good." Jasper continued. "Cause that was just the warm up."
Lapis looked over at the nearly overflowing tub. Her stomach sank as she knew what Jasper had planned.
As Jasper reached for her head again, Lapis grabbed Jasper by the arm and started to lean back.
"What do you think you are doing?" Jasper asked.
Lapis glared at Jasper. "I'm done with this!" She snarled.
Jasper was in such a shock, she loosened her grip just enough for Lapis to break free and submerge her into the bathtub.
"Can your lungs take it?" She snarled. "How long can you hold your breath?"
After a bit, Lapis pulled Jasper's head out. Jasper, this time, was coughing and sputtering.
Eventually, she turned to Lapis, her eyes cold and hard.
"Get. Out." Was all she could say.
Lapis let go of Jasper.
"You want out?" She snarled, "you know where the door is. Get your stuff and GET OUT!"
Lapis knew better than to argue, so quietly she got up and packed her stuff.
"And by the way?" Jasper finished, tossing Lapis a dress she had left hanging on the door. "I was the best thing you'll ever have. Any other people you date? Your so cruel you'll probably have killed them by this time."
And with that, Lapis was tossed out with her bags, homeless.
End flashback
"You're so cruel, you'll probably have killed them by this time."
Those words rang through Lapis's head, piercing her heart. She thought about Peridot and Amethyst... the two women she cared about a lot... Peridot, her nerdy girlfriend with the short blonde hair and thick rimmed glasses and Amethyst, her macho wrestler babe who had long flowing purple hair.
She loved and cared for both of them... so much... she wouldn't dream of hurting them... she couldn't...
"killed them by this time."
The taunt rang through her head again.
But the way she treated Jasper... the fact she was able to do what she did to her... who's to say she wouldn't do that to Peridot... or Amethyst... or BOTH... or anyone else...
"I am a monster..." she thought, curling up into a ball.
She had to escape somehow... save them from who she could be.
Getting up, an idea came into fruition. It wasn't... the best, but it was the only thing she could think of to save those two wonderful women.
Going back inside via bedroom window, being careful not to step on anyone, she found a pen and paper and jotted down a quick note before taping it to the closet door, then, after kissing Amethyst and Peridot, she grabbed her jacket, crawled back out the window and ran.
The sun was coming up soon and she couldn't get caught.
Not long later
"Good morning my sexy babes." Amethyst began, getting up and stretching.
Kissing Peridot, she turned to kiss Lapis, but paused when she saw Lapis wasn't in bed.
"Hmm, Lapis must have conked on the roof..." She thought. "I'll go wake her and the three of us can make breakfast."
She popped her head out of the bedroom window and called out "Lapis! Breakfast time!"
To Amethyst's surprise, Lapis didn't respond.
"Come on, Lap." She began, climbing up to the roof. "Don't make me..."
She stopped when she saw the roof was abandoned.
"Where could she be?" Amethyst thought, starting to get nervous.
Usually, Lapis was the last to wake up, so it wasn't like she was gallivanting around the house. She was about to go see if maybe Lapis fell asleep in the yard when a loud scream from Peridot caught her attention.
"Peri" Amethyst began, running in, "what's wrong?"
Peridot turned, looking like she was going to cry. In her hand was a piece of paper addressed to both of them.
"Give me that!" Amethyst began, snatching the paper, fear pooling in her stomach.
"To my wonderful girlfriends," the letter began.
"First off, I'd like to start by saying that this is neither of your faults. I've been going through some emotional junk right now and I don't want to accidentally hurt you, you are both so precious to me, I couldn't live with myself if I knew that I hurt you, and, knowing that I'm prone to hurting those I love, I've decided that the only way I can protect you is to remove myself. You two will have a wonderful life, and I wish I could be there for the rest of it.
All my love
Lapis Lazuli"
Amethyst dropped the paper in horror.
"Lapis!" She screamed.
"No! Where are you?" She asked, feeling bile rise in her throat.
"Amy!" Peridot began, pointing out the window. "The grass is disturbed, there's a trail as if it's been walked on recently. I bet Lapis went that way."
Amethyst wasted no time. "Get in the van! We will follow that trail!"
She hopped into her purple van and, as soon as Peridot climbed into shotgun, peeled out of the driveway and floored it.
"Keep your eyes peeled for her." Amethyst began.
"Also, watch out for the fuzz!" She added as Peridot watched the trail of trampled grass and footprints.
With Lapis
"Welcome home, Lazuli..." was all she thought as she reached her destination.
It had taken a bit, but she finally was able to make it to her finally resting place at the harbour, the one place that really calmed her down.
She slowly walked down the dock, each footstep ringing in her ears, the smell of sea-foam tickling her nostrils.
Eventually she made it to the edge, the sea stretching as far as the eye could see, sparking and dyed orange with the rising sun.
Lapis paused to admire its beauty, one final thing to appreciate before her end.
After a bit, she inhaled her final breath and jumped.
With Amethyst and Peridot
"She's at the harbour!" Peridot screamed, noticing Lapis's footprints in the sand, leading towards the harbour.
Amethyst quickly turned the car into the parking lot, and after the worst parking job ever, the two were out of the car, running towards the water.
"Lapis!" Amethyst screamed.
"Just hang on! Don't..."
A loud splash reached their ears.
"NOOOOOO!" Peridot screamed, sinking to her knees, tears filling her eyes.
Amethyst ran to the edge of the dock as fast as she could, combing the water.
After a few seconds, she saw a familiar tuft of blue hair.
"Lapis!" She screamed.
"Peridot! I'm going in!" She called, then jumped in after her girlfriend.
Swimming towards the bottom, she saw Lapis slowly sinking, already having lost consciousness.
In a panic, she hooked her arm around Lapis and started to pull her up.
Once the two of them broke the surface, Amethyst began to drag Lapis to shore.
"Peri! I got her! As soon as I bring her to shore, do CPR immediately!"
Peridot ran to the sandy beach as Amethyst came ashore and gently laid Lapis down.
She looked so frail and helpless, it was all the girls could do not to cry, but Peridot knew that she had to act fast.
Pinching Lapis's nose, she gave two breaths followed by chest compressions while Amethyst just prayed Lapis would be okay.
After a few minutes, Lapis was still unconscious.
"L... Lapis!" Peridot screamed, doing more compressions.
"Why would you do this to us! Don't you die! Don't you dare die!" She screamed.
When Lapis was still unconscious, in a rage, Peridot pressed down extra hard on Lapis's chest.
A gurgle was heard and Lapis coughed up the water she swallowed.
The girls immediately leaned over to see if she was okay.
After a bit, Lapis's eyes fluttered open.
"Oh... hi girls..." was all she said.
"You idiot!" Amethyst screamed, before hugging Lapis tight.
"Don't you dare scare us like that again!" Peridot scolded. "Do you know how worried we were? We thought we lost you!"
Lapis slowly sat up. "You were Worried... about me?" She asked.
Amethyst nodded. "You nearly sent us to our graves with that letter! Why would you think killing yourself would save US from grief?"
Lapis closed her eyes and a tear slid out. "After my last relationship with Jasper, I was worried that I was doomed to only hurt my loved ones... I did some pretty horrible things to Jasper... and just the thought that I was capable of doing that..." she trailed off, but Amethyst and Peridot knew exactly what she meant.
Peridot and Amethyst wrapped their arms around her and held her tight as Lapis cried into their shoulders.
A few minutes later, all three girls were in the van again.
They had a spare towel in the trunk, which Lapis had wrapped around her, and Amethyst was driving in her boxers and sports bra.
"Lazuli... honey." Peridot began, taking Lapis's hand.
Lapis looked over at her girlfriend.
"We want you to know, no matter what happens, we'll always be there for you."
Lapis was surprised. "But what if I snap?"
"You won't." Amethyst replied. "We won't let you."
Lapis was about to say something else, but Amethyst pulled the van over, undid her seatbelt and got into the back.
"Babe..." She began, brushing some wet hair out of Lapis's eyes. "We love you. So much." was all she said.
Lapis was shocked silent. This was the first time they had said it to her so... seriously.
Amethyst leaned over and gently claimed Lapis's lips, wanting her to feel how much she loved her.
When they gently broke apart, Peridot turned Lapis so they were facing and pulled her in for a loving kiss of her own.
Once they broke apart, Peridot rested her forehead against Lapis's.
"Never forget that." Was all she whispered.
Lapis nodded. "I love you guys too." She whispered. "I'm sorry I put you through that."
Her girlfriends pulled her into a hug.
"We forgive you." Peridot began.
"Yeah." Amethyst added. "Now let's go home."
Peridot quickly kissed Amethyst and climbed behind the wheel.
"I'll drive." She replied.
As Lapis went home, snuggled up next to Amethyst, she realized how lucky she was to have not just one, but two girlfriends who cared about her so much, and she knew, that moment, she wasn't a monster who was only capable of destruction, and with that knowledge, she was happy.