By My Side

By Katty Bell

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars… But I don't really care about *that*… I don't own Obi… *Noooooo!*

A.N.: I got this idea once… In a long time ago (but on this galaxy, thank you.) I really hope you like it!

Summary: What if Qui-Gon realized the fool he was being before Obi-Wan called him from Melida/Daan. And then he realized how precious Obi-Wan was… But our Obi is not like he was… He's changed… He's not as confident as before, not as happy as before… Will Qui-Gon be able to bring his Padawan back? Or will Obi-Wan lose his confidence forever?

*        *        *

~*~ Life…

It can twist your heart,

Put you in the dark,

I was cold and lonely.


Doubt…

It can close you in,

Build the walls within,

I let fear control me.

[…] *

Right in front of you,

Right in front of me,

We were looking but,

Somehow, someway,

We couldn't see.

That the love was always there,

It's been around us everywhere,

I had to fall to finally see,

That you were right in front of me.

Faith…

It can lift you up,

And we've got enough,

To reach a new beginning.

Love…

Can withstand a storm,

In the final hour,

We'll find the joy in living.

[…]

Right in front of you,

Right in front of me,

We were looking but,

Somehow, someway,

We couldn't see.

That the love was always there,

It's been around us everywhere,

I had to fall to finally see,

That you were right in front of me. ~*~

*       *         *

   Qui-Gon:

  It's been like this. I realized that I cared – even loved – my Padawan, Obi-Wan.

I thought everything would be fine, I would go back to Melida/Daan, ask Obi-Wan to be my apprentice again – and I never doubted he would… But my Obi-Wan is not the same. My apprentice – before the incident on that planet, - a bright, curious, happy and confident boy. Now, he is shy, sad and extremely insecure.

  I must admit it was partially my fault. I rejected him at first… But now… Now I really want him.

  But, something happened on that planet, I'm sure. I helped them to bring peace there so I, obviously, noticed that Nield wasn't talking with my Obi-Wan.  **

  Something happened there… And I will find out, for Obi-Wan's sake!

  I sighed. I had to get some sleep, I can't help Obi-Wan if I'm feeling tired. I was getting ready for bed when I heard Obi-Wan screaming. I rushed to his room, fearing the worst.

  He was having a nightmare.

  My Padawan's face – that always, while he sleeps, is so peaceful – was, now, contracted in pain – not physical, for I'm just Obi-Wan is not injured, but emotional.

  My cold heart broke into pieces as my Obi-Wan cried out to his friend, Cerasi. And I wanted to slap myself for not being more understanding.

  He endured so much for one with his age… He's just a boy!

"Master?"

  My guilty thoughts were cut by my Padawan's voice.

  "I'm here, Padawan." I sat on his bed – carefully so to not statle him -- and held him soothingly, rocking him back and forth.

  But, as much as I was careful with him, Obi-Wan looked surprised for my open action – and I would never think I would feel guilty, just because of the surprise in his eyes.

  "Master, I'm so sorry I woke you up…" He started to apologize. I don't know why but he always feels guilty for the most insignificants things… -- Maybe I do, I just don't want to accept that I caused most of these.

  "Hush, Obi-Wan, there's no need to apologize. You had a nightmare, it's not your fault."

  Obi-Wan looked down.

  "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, softly.

  Obi-Wan refused to meet my eyes. "I'm sorry, Master… But I… I don't feel very… comfortable talking about it" He finished quietly.

  He doesn't trust me, I realized, but then, why would he?

  "Shh… It's okay, Padawan. You don't need to talk about it you don't want to… Now, why don't you get some sleep?" The last words came along with a sleeping suggestion and soon Obi-Wan was asleep.

*       *         *

   Obi-Wan:

  I woke up feeling strange. I felt like something happened but yet, I couldn't remember what.

  Then, the memories rushed back.

  A nightmare, I thought, bitterly. Pathetic, a Jedi having a nightmare… 

  I shut my eyes. I had woken up Master Qui-Gon… He's probably angry with me for waking him up…

  ** But he didn't seem angry…** a little voice in my mind said.

  My Master is very kind. He wouldn't show it... I argued back.

  And I had just become his Padawan again… It was some kind of miracle he asked me to return to him.

  Probably felt it was his duty…I thought, sadly.

  "Obi-Wan? You're awake! Are you hungry?"

  His voice cut my musings as if they were paper. "No, thank you, Master."

  He looked at me, seriously. "You need to eat, Obi-Wan…"

  "I'm just not hungry…"

  My Master kneeled in front of me. "When was the last time you ate? I mean really ate."

  "I did eat yesterday…"

  But, my Master looked like he disagreed with me. "Obi-Wan, I saw what you ate. You pushed all your food around and ate nothing."

  I looked down feeling that my eyes were strangely wet. My Master could make me feel guilty with so simple things.

  I heard my Master sigh.

  Did I say something wrong?

  I felt him picking my hands.

  "Padawan, look at me."

  When I hesitated, he cupped my chin and raised it, until I was looking into his dark blue eyes.

  "Y-yes, Master." I spoke so softly that I almost thought my Master didn't hear it.

  He sighed once more. "Padawan, it's clear that something is troubling you. Something happened on Melida/Daan… Please tell me what it is."

  "It's nothing, Master. I'm fine." I couldn't tell him… I just couldn't.

  "Obi-Wan, you never lied to me before, don't start now. I know you're not fine. Tell me what's wrong."

  Could it be true? Could he be actually caring for how I feel? I thought, hopefully.

  "Please I must know. You're my Padawan."

  So… That's it. I thought, disappointedly. That 'worry' is out of duty… His duty.

  I tried to hold my tears, just to find out that I couldn't. Finally, I could take it no longer.

  "Why are worried, Master?" I needed to know. I didn't care what the answer would be. I had to know.

  "Why? Padawan, why such a question?" He asked me, confused.

  "Please, answer me, Master. Why do you care?" I repeated.

  "Because you are my Padawan."

  I looked down once again.

  I was right, for once…

*       *         *

   Qui-Gon:

  I looked as my Padawan looked down to his hands still don't understanding why that question. I'm worried, of course. He's my apprentice, my Obi-Wan, my son… Why shouldn't I be worried? Why would he ask this question? He knew I cared for him, loved him… That, a son of my own blood, wouldn't be more loved than him…

  But then the answer appeared. He asked this question… Because I never told him that. I never told him how much I loved him, how much he was important to me. I always thought he knew, but it seems, now, that he doesn't. Because I never told him.

  "Padawan," I started, carefully. "Do you think I only care because you're my apprentice?"

  Obi-Wan stayed silent – But it was enough for me to realize that he thought so.

  "Obi-Wan, I love you for who you are. The sweet child who has suffered far too much. The sweet boy that I love like a son… I couldn't love you more if you were of my own blood!"

  "You… What?" He asked me, surprise evident in his voice.

  "Yes, Obi-Wan. I love you"

*       *         *

   Obi-Wan:

  It was all too much. He loves me… I stated to cry not even realizing my Master was holding me.        We stayed like this for a long time, just appreciating the moment.

  After a while, I pulled away. I couldn't believe I was acting so childish. "Sorry, Master…"  I said, embarrassed.

  "Obi-Wan, you don't need to be ashamed. I am the one who must apologize, Padawan. I promise that I will make it up to you, Obi-Wan… That's if you forgive me."

  I breathed deeply. "I forgive you, Master."

  I looked into my Master's eyes – without fear this time – knowing that I had a long way to go but, knowing also, that my Master would be there to help me through it… By my side. Forever.

The End.

*       *         *

 So… What do you think? This is my first 'mush' fanfic so be very gentle! ^.^!

  Oh! I don't know if it will be uploaded properly, I mean, last time I uploaded a chapter here, it didn't appear some commas and other things… And, I'm trying to upload this as HTML, but I'm not sure if I'll get it right, so bear with me.

  If no one realized, this is a rewritten version, I hope it's better than the first one!

  Well, the last thing I want to ask it to REVIEW!

* The lyric is from "Celine Dion, A New Day Has Come" and […] means (at least in Brazil) that there are pieces of the music that I didn't write.

** I know Obi-Wan and Nield became friends again but in this fanfic they didn't.

Also, I would like to thank VERY much, my Star Wars beta, Aurora Wolf! Thanks, Aurora!

~*~