HELLO! This is my first fic submission o.o Please be kind.I beg you! Leave
a review if I suits your fancy and remember.Drink eight glasses of drugs a
day, don't do school, and stay in milk ^_^ Oh by the way.It's written in
play format. Sorry if that doesn't please you but deal with it or go suck
an egg!
Disclaimer- I own nothing. Otherwise I wouldn't be writing this fic for you to mock and laugh at.
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Dog Days
(Twas a beautiful day in Midgar. As beautiful as Midgar gets anyway. April 2nd to be exact. An ordinary day but wonderful all the same..)
Red XIII: (Wearing headphones and signing) Oh love shack is a little old place where (Howls) we can get together..!
Vincent and Barret: (sitting next to him and covering their ears)
Red: Love shack baaabyyy! (Howls again.)
Yuffie: (Beating on Cait Sith) As much as I enjoy Red's signing... (Losses patience) MAKE IT STOP!!!
Cait: That noise!
Cloud: (Walking in) Hi guys... (Pauses to stare at Red)
Red: LOVE SHACK!
Tifa: (Runs in from outside) What is that?
Cid: (Is sitting *trying* to watch T.V.) Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!
Vincent: (Eyes in a menacing rage) Aaaah..! (Whips out Death Penalty and blasts the walkman)
Red: (Stops signing) Hey! What's wrong with you?!?
Barret: Listen fleabag! We can't watch T.V. with you makin' them sounds!
Aeris: Barret.That wasn't nice.
Red: I don't have fleas.
Cloud: (Scratching his head) I do!
Everyone:...Fleas????
Vincent: Dude.Take a shower.
Cloud: But they are my friends!
Red: Stay away! (Runs out of the room)
Barret: Yo. You is more messed up than I thought.
Tifa: Cloud, sometimes I wonder about you.
Cid: I always wonder about you.
Cloud: Yeah, me too. (Staring into space)
Vincent: Whatever..(Returns to watching the t.v.)
Cait: Hey guys.Reeve just called, something bad's happenin' and he needs our help. (Hangs up the phone)
(Everyone leaves the bar and goes to the Shinra building)
Barret: (Looking around) It's empty. Was wrong with you cat? You took me away from Martha Stewart for this?
Everyone: ..(Staring at Barret)
Barret: What?!?
Cid: *Coughlosercoughcough*
Yuffie: Cid you're such a dork!
Cid: Brat! (They start to fight)
Cloud: What's Hojo doing up there?
(Everyone turns to see Hojo press a small red button. Knock out gas is released around where they are standing. All pass out and Hojo begins to laugh..)
Hojo: (Now in his lab looking at the sleeping group) Specimens.Not the best but they will do.Huh.?
Vincent: (Mumbling in his sleep) But I don't wanna go to school..
Hojo: Now where did I put.? (Laughs) Ah haha! (Is now holding nine collars. Laughing wildly he puts one around each person's neck. He the moves his sleeping..uh "specimens" into a large cage.) Commencing countdown! 10, 9, 8..3, 2, 1! (Stares at the cage) What?? (Goes back to figure out what's wrong. Walks to the computer and presses a button. The collars begin to glow and all that have them on.change. Soon all of Hojo's new.er.specimens awake.)
Cait Sith: (Explodes!!) Yuffie: (Exploring the surroundings of the cage)
Barret: (Looking at his tail and speaking in dog) The hell.?
Cloud: (Chasing his tail. Stops to check on his flea friends) Hey! I have a tail!
Tifa: (Unsuccessfully barking at Hojo) What did you do to us?
Red: I think it's an improvement. (Is still able to speak in human. Now scratching.) Oh.Aaaaaaaaaah! I'M INFESTED!
Cloud: Oh! Red you have flea friends too!
All: (Backing away from the blond fluffy dog that is now Cloud) Away.Go.Scat.!
Cloud: (Goes back to his tail)
Aeris: (Trying to understand what's happening)
Hojo: (Laughing wildly) Yes. I am a genius.
(Everyone is now huddled in a group talking amongst themselves except.)
Vincent: (Still sleeping. He is not a dog. His shaggy black hair covers the body of a lizard with black-feathered wings. Suddenly he lets out a yawn and opens a red eye) That was a good nap. (Still able to speak human)
Hojo: (Looking at Vincent) Ewww.What is that.?
Vincent: Hojo what are you tal-(Gets up and realizes he's standing on four legs rather than two.) Not again. Ewww..I'm so.(Can't think of anything to describe himself)
Hojo: (Laughing) Yes.Wonderful.
Red: Shut up Hojo.
Vincent: Imbecile. You are a psycho.
Hojo: Interesting.
Cloud: Vincent! I have a tail!
Vincent: That's wonderful Cloud.Cloud? Is that.you?!?
Cloud: (Chasing his tail)
Aeris: I think we are some type of dogs.
Red: I'm not feeling any different.
Barret: Uhh.? We're dogs?!?
Hojo: (Laughing at the barks of his new furry friends) Hehe.Interesting.
Vincent: (Draws breath to scream another insult but, when he screams fire blows from his nose) That was new.
Red: Change them back Hojo!
Hojo: No. Rufus got rid of all my animals. He's such a bunny hugger. I have no money for any so I made my own. Is that a crime?
Red: Yes!
Hojo: Well, I don't care. You are now property of me.
Vincent: But that's not fair.
(Everyone that now speaks K9 barks and growls with the exception of Cloud who still hasn't lost interest in his tail.)
Hojo: 11:30. I'd better go. See you my specimens. (He leaves while everyone talks amongst themselves)
Red: This sucks! Cid: It's cold. I wanna go home. Tifa: My hair is a mess. Yuffie: How can you tell? Aeris: I'm going to bed. Barret: Hey Vincent. It's not that bad. Vincent: (Crying) I'm ugly! Cloud: My flea friends don't think you are. Tifa: (Wagging tail) No Vince, you are a very handsome uh.thing. Vincent: I hate Hojo. Cloud: Hey Vincent? Vincent: (Looks at him) Cloud: I think you're pretty! Vincent: Thanks.(Stretches his wings and curls up next to Aeris.)
(Everyone else does the same with the exception of Cloud because of his fleas. Morning eventually comes and everyone is still asleep when Hojo arrives.)
Hojo: It's a wonderful day in Hojo's lab, a wonderful day in Hojo's lab.(It's the Mr. Rogers tune. Goes up to the cage and the nearest one to the door is Cloud, who is wagging his tail and making odd noises in his sleep. Grabs Cloud from the enclosure and puts a blanket over the top of the cage, leaving the others to sleep.) Hello Cloud.
Cloud: (Wakes up in Hojo's arms in alarm and realizes where he is. He is prepared to howl but, before he can, Hojo hands him something to eat.)
Hojo: (Placing Cloud on the table in the center of the room.) You are truly a catch. An amazing specimen.
Cloud: (In dog) I gotta gooooo!!!
Hojo: Quiet!
Cloud: (Whines, jumps off the table, and runs for the door) Wee-wee.
Hojo: Get back here! (Runs after him and grabs him. Carries Cloud back to the table) STAY!
Cloud: I gotta goooooooooo!!!! (Howls)
Hojo: STOP IT! (Grabs him) Shut up!
Cloud: (Can't hold it in any longer and relieves himself all over Hojo's lab coat. Sighs happily) Ahhh.
(Suddenly, there is a banging at the door.)
Hojo: (Puts Cloud on the center lab table and answers the door revealing a cheerful Sephiroth.)
Seph: It's my birthday. WHADDYA GET ME?!?
Hojo: (Remembering the last birthday of Sephiroth's he had forgotten) It's...a.surprise??
Seph: (Puts hand on Masamune) Of course! (Angrily) I know YOU wouldn't forget. So.Where's my surprise? (Looks around)
Hojo: It's a.um.(Sweatdrop)
Cloud: (Sniffs the air and howls)
Seph: (Eyes light up) You got me a doggy!
Hojo: (Nervous) Uh..Yeah! A doggy!
Seph: (Runs up to Cloud and squeezes him) Mine mine mine!! Thank you Hojo.
Hojo: Your wel-(Mind grabs him-"Hojo don't let him take off that collar!") Uh.Sephiroth?
Seph: (Snuggling Cloud) Yase?
Hojo: He uh.Came with a free collar. Yeah! That's it a collar in case he gets lost.
Seph: (Holding onto Cloud who is trying to contact his friends) K. Bye. (Walks out the door with a squealing Cloud)
Hojo: That was close. Oh well.
Seph: (Arrives at his house.)
Cloud: (Decides to make the best of being the precious pet of a megalomaniac and goes to find Seph's room so he can soil the carpet but, before he can, Seph scoops him up.)
Seph: You need a name.
Cloud: I have a name. It's Cloud.
Seph: Please be quiet. I am thinking. (Puts Cloud on his lap and pets him) Hmmm...Oh. Let's see if you are a boy or a girl. That will help. (Grabs the struggling Cloud)
Cloud: Noooooo! Stop! I feel so exposed!
Seph: You're a boy!
Cloud: Well duh!
Seph: I'm sorry. You didn't like that.
Cloud: Would you?!?
Seph: A name.Hmmm.You are kinda yellow. I'll call you Sunny!
Cloud: MY NAME IS CLOUD!!!
Seph: (Dorky voice) That's a good dog. (Puts Cloud down and goes to find his new pet something to eat.
Cloud: I feel so violated.
Seph: SUNNY! Come here!
Cloud: (Turns around and bellows) My name is CLOUD!
Seph: Here. (Places a plate of cut up meat on the floor) Eat.
Cloud: (Approaches it and sits down in front of it. Begins to eat while keeping an eye on Sephiroth who is leaning over him smiling.)..creepy..(shudders)
(While this is happening other things are going on at Hojo's lab. Everyone is waking up)
Tifa: (Stretching and yawning) Good morning. Cid: (Sniffing through the covering on the cage) I'm so hungry. Yuffie: I gotta pee! Barret: Shut up. Aeris: (Stretches and shakes sending brown hair into the air) I wish I knew what we are. Red: You are sheep dogs.fluffy and furry.
Cid: (Poking Vincent) Hey.Wake up. (Bites him)
Vincent: (Springs to his feet and opens his mouth to scream but when he screams fire blows out of his ears) Owwww!!!
Hojo: (Lifts off the tarp and opens a panel on the cage that leads out to a yard. Laughs a little then mutters something about coffee and walks away)
(They all walk out to find food and bushes in an enclosed yard with a thin screen over the top. There is no escape)
Cid: Is that food?
Yuffie: (Sigh of relief) Stop looking at me Red!
Red: But you have no form. (Shows Yuffie the proper "form")
Vincent: (Spreads his wings and flaps. Manages to get about three feet off the ground before he falls)
Barret: Hey! Did anybody see fleabag this morning?
( Everyone looks around)
Cid: Hey, where did Cloud go?
( Hojo is now staring at them through the bars of the cage, giggling with a creepy smile across his face.)
Red: Hojo where is Cloud!?!
Hojo: hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Vincent: ( Prepares to scream, and when he does fire shoots out of his butt. He turns and looks behind himself) I need to fix that..( Faces Hojo) Where's Cloud!
Red: What is wrong with you?
Tifa: Tell him we are upset! Cid: This tastes like dog food.. Barret: Foo! It is dog food. Vincent: ( smiling) I kinda like it.
Hojo: HAHAHER! My, so much to study. ( looks at names on a clip board) Vincent do that again( Vincent sits down and shakes his head) Why you little.
Aeries: Cloud where are you? (howls)
( At Seph's house Cloud has finished the chicken and is now drinking a bowl of orange soda.)
Seph: ( Picks up Cloud and walks to sit on his couch) Wanna watch T.V. Sunny?
Cloud: Put me down. No! I want soda. (stares at dish on the floor) So close yet so far!
Seph: Wow! you wanna watch T.V. to? We have so much in common, I just know we are gonna be best friends.
Cloud: (struggles) errrrr, I hate you, you.you..ASSHOLE!
(Seph starts to scratch Cloud's back and Cloud rolls over )
Cloud: Oh my God I think I'm gay
Seph: ( smiles) you like that don't you boy!
Cloud: Ummm... You're enjoying this too much
Seph: I JUST LOVE MY SUNNY (squeezes Cloud)
Cloud: ( is being chocked) can't...breath.. (After several hours of cartoons Sephiroth has fallen asleep on the couch and Cloud has managed to escape his death grip)
Cloud: wow I thought I was gonna need the jaws of life..hmmmm...(sniffs) (walks down the hallway) sniff.(sniffs each door) no.no. bingo...( Cloud defiles Sephiroth's bathroom carpet than soils his slippers.) (He than finds Sephiroth's room and makes himself comfy on Seph's bed.)
(Cloud wakes up to an angry Seph holding a magazine rolled up in his hand.)
Cloud: (Yawning) Hi Seph.Hope you like the gift. It was nothing really. Seph: BAD DOG! Bad Sunny! (Grabs Cloud by the tail.) BAD!
Cloud: Hey! Let go!
(Seph gives Cloud three hard smacks on the bottom than walks out of the room.)
Cloud: Owwww.! (Whines) Asshole! (Follows Seph. He finds him sitting on the couch.) That asshole! What the f- (Sephiroth grabs him and hugs him.)
Seph: Oh Sunny! You are so loyal.You came to say sorry.
Cloud: No, I came to say I have your guts.
Seph: Awww! (Making stupid faces and playing with Cloud's cheeks.) Who's the best doggy in the world? You are! Yes you are! Yes you are! Cloud: What is your problem?!?
Seph: (Notices something in Cloud's fur.) Huh??? OH NO! My doggy woggy has fleas! Cloud: Doggy woggy? (He carries Cloud to the bathroom.)
Cloud: Dude.Don't even think about it.
Seph: C'mon Sunny. Sit! (Puts Cloud in the tub and grabs the shampoo. He then proceeds to turn the water on.)
Cloud: Holy crap! He's serious! (Struggles to escape but Seph grabs him.)
Seph: It's not that bad. C'mon Sunny. (Grabs that shampoo and holds it over Cloud.)
Cloud: (Howls) NOOOOOOooooOOOOOOoooOOOOOooooooOO..!!!!!
Seph: (Squeezes shampoo on Cloud and rubs it in.) That's a good boy Sunny.
Cloud's Fleas: Noooooo!
Seph: (Rinsing Cloud) I'll get my hairbrush and a towel. (Walks away.)
Cloud: (Wet and crying) It's over.I'm gonna be clean for the rest of my life.No more mud.No more nothin'.
Seph: (Begins to dry Cloud with a towel. Begins to speak in a stupid voice) Now that wasn't so baaaad.
(At Hojo's lab)
Red: There has to be a way out of here.
Vincent: (Looking around) There!
Tifa: We can't reach it.(Staring forlornly at an air vent.)
Barret: ALERT! Hojo's a'comin!
Red: Quick! Dog stuff!
(All proceed to do dog thing [No child not that.You have a sick mind.] as Hojo walks in.)
Hojo: Hello mongrels. (All of them look up as if surprised.) I brought you something!
Yuffie: (Inquisitive sound) For me? Barret: I don't want it. Vincent: .! Cid: Please be a TV! Tifa: I'd like a brush. Aries: I don't care anymore.
Hojo: I brought you this!
Red: (Gasps) A rope toy! (Eyes light up.)
Barret: What the hell is that?!
Vincent: It's a.uh.a jiggiemathing?
Cid: You're a jiggiemathing! Vincent: (Walks away sadly.) You.You hurt my feelings. Yuffie: I don't care! IT'S MINE! Aries: I have no purpose. Who cares anymore? Tifa: (Watching Aries and Vincent mope.) Wow.This is getting to them. Barret: They's gonna need some serious therapy after this one. (Chuckles) Cid: DAMNIT! No TV.I hate you! Hojo: Oh! They must like it! Hahahahahaha. (Walks away with Cid barking vicious profanity at him.) Tifa: (Walks up to Vincent.) Oh Vinnie you lovely.uh..thing. (Vincent looks up at her.) Could you fly up there and open the vent?
Vincent: No. Tifa: Why not? Vincent: Because I suck.Now go away. Yuffie: Oh well.(Walks over to Vincent.) I guess we'll be here forever and ever and ever and- Vincent: I'LL GO! (Clumsily flies up and tries to open the vent. It is locked. He opens his mouth to scream profanity at it and fire blasts out melting the vent.) Well.I'm not complaining.
Red: Vincent go through and find a way to get us out! Vincent: Oh.I.(Walks into the vent.) (At Seph's House) Cloud: Where is he.I'm hungry damnit. (Looks at a window to see a fenced yard and a lovely garden.)
Seph: (Sees Cloud looking out the window.) Sunny, you wanna go out?
Cloud: (Turns around to see Seph in full gardening gear; pink straw hat, gloves, etc.) How queer are you? Oh yes, I'm hungry. Which means I need food.
Seph: OK. We'll go out. (Picks up Cloud who just rolls his eyes.)
Cloud: Hmm. Not bad. (Sees a stick laying on the grass.) Oooh.Something to chew! (Picks it up)
Seph: Sunny wants to play fetch. (Takes the stick.)
Cloud: Hey that's mine. (Forgets about the stick and happily chews a rock.)
Seph: (Throws the stick.) Go get it Sunny. Go boy.Go Sunny. (Looks and sees Cloud contentedly eating his rock. Takes it.)
Cloud: AHHHH! Whenever I find happiness you screw it up. (Gets to his feet.) Sephiroth you're an asshole! And I hate you! (Cloud takes a step and then yelps as a piece of glass drives into his paw.)
Seph: Nooo! Sunny! (Grabs the yelping Cloud and runs to his car to rush him to the vet.)
(Back at Shinra labs)
Vincent: (At the end of the vent system.) Where am I? (Pushes out the vent finding himself in another office.) Dude.Nice digs.
(The doorknob to the office turns and in walks Rufus with some save the whales posters. He sees Vincent and gasps.)
Vincent: Uh.Woof, bark, meow. Rufus: Oh you poor creature. Who did this to you? Vincent: Woof, Hojo, bark. Rufus I told him no more animals! Come poor creature. Vincent: Sure! I mean.Bark, woof, chirp. (At Midgar Veterenary Clinic) Seph: Can you save him doctor? MD: Yeah. Does he have all his vaccinations? Seph: Uhh.? MD: No? Has he had a basic check-up yet? Seph: No. Cloud: (Squeeling) Oh sweet squirrels! There are so many sharp, pointy objects.! MD: (Grabs Clouds foot and removes the glass. He then proceeds to wrap his paw.) All fixed Tiger.
Cloud: My. Name. Is. CLOUD! You stupid son of a- (Seph grabs him in tears.) Oh please.
Seph: YOUR SAFE!
MD: Mr. Sephiroth we are going to give Sunny his basic check-up and vaccinations.
Seph: (Places Cloud on the table.) Stay Sunny. (Holds Cloud in place as the veterinarian comes toward him.) Good dog.
MD: Alright Mr. Sephiroth, hold him tight. (Grabs a needle and continues to advance on Cloud.)
Cloud: No.Stop! (Howls) Ahhhh! (Thrashes wildly and escapes Seph's grasp) Hah! (Jumps off the examination table, landing hard on his injured paw.) Owww.(Falls to his side and his world becomes on of painless darkness.)
(Meanwhile Rufus is being led by Vincent through the labs.)
Rufus: (In front of the cage.) That crazy dipshit! What would the people of PETA say? (Tries to unlock the cage.)
Vincent: (Pointing at the controls by the cage.) Dude.(Rufus stares at him.) Woof.
Rufus: Oh.
Vincent: (Mumbling) Dumbass.
Rufus: (Presses some buttons opening the cage.) You're free little woodland creatures! Free! (Bends down and removes Vincent's collar.) Freedom little squirrel! (Rufus's eyes widen like tea cups as Vincent changes back into himself.) HOLY SHIT! (Passes out.)
Vincent: .! (Turns to open the cage.) Whatever.
(At Seph's house)
Seph: (Hugging a drugged out Cloud.) I love you! I'm so sorry that hurt you!
Cloud: (Can't see straight.) It's alright asshole.Dude it's not everyday that you can hear colors and see sound.
Seph: (Walks down his driveway to his house, first correcting his lawn flamingos and various other lawn ornaments that have been attacked by local hoodlums. He begins to mutter in a dark scary voice.) Hoodlums.You will pay!! (Light, gay voice.) In community service! (Previous dark scary voice.) AND BLOOD!
Cloud: (Sniffing Seph's hair) I smell nice.Oh wait...Huh?
Seph: (Takes Cloud inside and lays him down to sleep.) Damn hoodlums.(Walks outside with a box of plastic lawn gnomes.)
(Meanwhile all the others are out of dog form and heading home.)
Tifa: Eww! I smell like a dog.
Red: (Sniffs her.) It's an enchanting smell.
Tifa: Get away from me.
Barret: We missed two days of TV.
Cid: There goes the weekend.
Yuffie: We gotta find Cloud.
Vincent: We should check Seph's house.
Tifa: Didn't he move? Vincent do you have his new address?
Vincent: .!
Tifa: Vincent.Is that a no?
Vincent: (Nods) .!
Barret: Damnit stop doing that!
Vincent: (Stares at Barret) .!
Barret: AHHHH!!!
Tifa: We'll ask where he moved from his old address.
(They go to Seph's old house. There are some lawn flamingos laying on their sides in the front yard. There is also a tombstone that reads: "Here lie my lawn dwarfs and plastic squirrels killed in the Great Hoodlum Massacre.")
Vincent: (Staring at the bloody, burned house.) Let's ask the neighbors.(Walks next door. The sign on the house reads: "Home of Edward Hau Wong Pepelu Tivrusky the Fourth.") Whatever.
(They ring the door and wait a couple seconds before the door is thrown open by a crazy looking orange haired young girl..or is it a boy?)
Ed: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Vincent: ...!
Ed: Can Ed help you?!?
Vincent: Uh.Do you know where Seph is?
Ed: Moved, moved, moved away! To a new place! He killed the hoodlums. (Smiles insanely.) Lots of blood, blood, blood. THEN FIRE! Made Ed feel sick.
Vincent: (Takes a few steps back.) Uh.Do you have his new address?
Ed: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Yes, yes, yes!! Okey dokey! Edward will go get it! (Runs inside the house.)
Vincent: ..! I'm afraid..
Ed: (The door flies open again and the hyperactive thirteen year old pops back out) AHHHHH!
Vincent: .! What the hells wrong with you?!?
Ed: Edward does not know.(Blank stare)
Vincent: You are so damn weird!
Ed: (Eyes begin to tear up and get all wobbly.) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!
Vincent: Sorry! Sorry! Don't cry! (He wants the address.)
Ed: (Happy again.) Address, address, address! (Hands them a piece of paper with some writing on it) Say hi for Edward!
Vincent: Ok.Bye?!?
Ed: (Waving) BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
(At Seph's house)
Cloud: (Walking around the kitchen.) I haven't seen asshole for hours.Or anyone else.Mabye I'm dead! I do remember falling.(Looks around) HEY!! Since I'm dead I can walk through walls! (Runs toward a wall and slams into it head first).I.guess.that.means.I'm not.de- (Promptly passes out.)
Seph: (Comes home several hours later with a friend.) SUNNY!
Cloud: (Is startled awake.) THE HELL?!?!?!?!
Seph: (Grabs him in a strangling hug.) Doggis!
Ed: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Dog, dog, dog! (Reaches to pet Cloud.)
Seph: MINE! You can pet him later!
Ed: OKAY! (Looks at her non-existant watch.) Edwards must go! (Wanders out.)
(Meanwhile Tifa, Vincent, Barret, Red, Yuffie, and Cid are walking over to Seph's.)
Vincent: (Stops, staring at a hyperactive Edward skipping towards them.) .!
Ed: HIYA!
Vincent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Shrinks down with his hands over his ears.) Recurring nightmare, recurring nightmare.I'M STRONGER THAN YOUUUU! (Starts to cry.)
Ed: Uh.Okay.(Continues to skip away from them.)
Tifa: (Looking at Vincent.) You okay?
Vincent: (Looks at her).!
Barret: Damnit stop doin' that!
Vincent: (Looks at Barret.).!
Barret: (Gets angry.) Damnit vampy, I'm gonna kick your ass! Stop doing that!
Vincent: I'm NOT a vampire!
Red: (Sniffing at him) You smell like one.
Vincent: The hell! No I don't!
Cid: C'mon Vincent! Who're you trying to fool! We found you in a box!
Tifa: He's got a point there.
(Everyone but Yuffie is now in an argument)
Seph: (Walking out of his house with Cloud on a leash.) Want to go to the park Sunny?
Cloud: No asshole! I want to- (Sees everyone.) The have come to save ME! YAAAAAAAAA! (Howls)
Yuffie: Guys.(Isn't heard.) GUYS! (Still isn't heard) OH MY GAWD! LOOK THE BACKSTREET BOYS! (All of them stop fighting to look around.)
Aries: Hey! Yuffie!
Yuffie: Cloud's over there you guys!
Vincent: SEPH! Wait!
Seph: (Turns around at the sound of his name.) Huh?
Tifa: (Walks over to Seph.) Hi Sephy. (Hugs him.)
Seph: T-T-Tifa you're.I love you too!
Tifa: (Thinking: Don'tpukedon'tpukedon'tpuke.) Nice dog Seph.
Aries: (Grab's Cloud's collar.) Here you go. (Takes it off and and Cloud changes back to his human self right in front of Seph. As Seph see's this he begins to scream.)
Cloud: YES! I'm not fuzzy anymore! (Does victory pose.)
Seph: (Looking somewhat traumatized and confused.) Cloud.Where's my dog?
Cloud: I was your dog.
Seph: My.Cloud?
Cloud: I'm not a dog anymore. (Big stupid smile.)
Seph: Where's my dog? (Looks to be on the verge of tears.)
Tifa: (She recounts the events of the past few days.) .So, Cloud was Sunny the whole time.
Seph: I.(His eyes darken and he begins to emit an aura of anger and evilness.)
Vincent: We're leaving.
Barret: I'm going to the movies. Wanna come Seph?
Seph: No. I must kill Hojo. Mabye Later.
Vincent: Whatever.
Cid: How come I didn't get to talk at all? THIS SUCKS!
Aeris: Yeah! This sucked!
Ed: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Everyone screams loudly at the appearance of the slightly frightening child.)
Ed: That's the end, end, end, end!
THE END!
Red: Hello loyal readers.Remember this story the next time you decide to fix your dog! Some day it may be you!
Ed: HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!
Red: AHHH! GETTA AWAY!
So.Did you like it? Leave me a review if you did! THANK YOU!!!
Disclaimer- I own nothing. Otherwise I wouldn't be writing this fic for you to mock and laugh at.
Actions are in (parentheses)
Dog Days
(Twas a beautiful day in Midgar. As beautiful as Midgar gets anyway. April 2nd to be exact. An ordinary day but wonderful all the same..)
Red XIII: (Wearing headphones and signing) Oh love shack is a little old place where (Howls) we can get together..!
Vincent and Barret: (sitting next to him and covering their ears)
Red: Love shack baaabyyy! (Howls again.)
Yuffie: (Beating on Cait Sith) As much as I enjoy Red's signing... (Losses patience) MAKE IT STOP!!!
Cait: That noise!
Cloud: (Walking in) Hi guys... (Pauses to stare at Red)
Red: LOVE SHACK!
Tifa: (Runs in from outside) What is that?
Cid: (Is sitting *trying* to watch T.V.) Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!
Vincent: (Eyes in a menacing rage) Aaaah..! (Whips out Death Penalty and blasts the walkman)
Red: (Stops signing) Hey! What's wrong with you?!?
Barret: Listen fleabag! We can't watch T.V. with you makin' them sounds!
Aeris: Barret.That wasn't nice.
Red: I don't have fleas.
Cloud: (Scratching his head) I do!
Everyone:...Fleas????
Vincent: Dude.Take a shower.
Cloud: But they are my friends!
Red: Stay away! (Runs out of the room)
Barret: Yo. You is more messed up than I thought.
Tifa: Cloud, sometimes I wonder about you.
Cid: I always wonder about you.
Cloud: Yeah, me too. (Staring into space)
Vincent: Whatever..(Returns to watching the t.v.)
Cait: Hey guys.Reeve just called, something bad's happenin' and he needs our help. (Hangs up the phone)
(Everyone leaves the bar and goes to the Shinra building)
Barret: (Looking around) It's empty. Was wrong with you cat? You took me away from Martha Stewart for this?
Everyone: ..(Staring at Barret)
Barret: What?!?
Cid: *Coughlosercoughcough*
Yuffie: Cid you're such a dork!
Cid: Brat! (They start to fight)
Cloud: What's Hojo doing up there?
(Everyone turns to see Hojo press a small red button. Knock out gas is released around where they are standing. All pass out and Hojo begins to laugh..)
Hojo: (Now in his lab looking at the sleeping group) Specimens.Not the best but they will do.Huh.?
Vincent: (Mumbling in his sleep) But I don't wanna go to school..
Hojo: Now where did I put.? (Laughs) Ah haha! (Is now holding nine collars. Laughing wildly he puts one around each person's neck. He the moves his sleeping..uh "specimens" into a large cage.) Commencing countdown! 10, 9, 8..3, 2, 1! (Stares at the cage) What?? (Goes back to figure out what's wrong. Walks to the computer and presses a button. The collars begin to glow and all that have them on.change. Soon all of Hojo's new.er.specimens awake.)
Cait Sith: (Explodes!!) Yuffie: (Exploring the surroundings of the cage)
Barret: (Looking at his tail and speaking in dog) The hell.?
Cloud: (Chasing his tail. Stops to check on his flea friends) Hey! I have a tail!
Tifa: (Unsuccessfully barking at Hojo) What did you do to us?
Red: I think it's an improvement. (Is still able to speak in human. Now scratching.) Oh.Aaaaaaaaaah! I'M INFESTED!
Cloud: Oh! Red you have flea friends too!
All: (Backing away from the blond fluffy dog that is now Cloud) Away.Go.Scat.!
Cloud: (Goes back to his tail)
Aeris: (Trying to understand what's happening)
Hojo: (Laughing wildly) Yes. I am a genius.
(Everyone is now huddled in a group talking amongst themselves except.)
Vincent: (Still sleeping. He is not a dog. His shaggy black hair covers the body of a lizard with black-feathered wings. Suddenly he lets out a yawn and opens a red eye) That was a good nap. (Still able to speak human)
Hojo: (Looking at Vincent) Ewww.What is that.?
Vincent: Hojo what are you tal-(Gets up and realizes he's standing on four legs rather than two.) Not again. Ewww..I'm so.(Can't think of anything to describe himself)
Hojo: (Laughing) Yes.Wonderful.
Red: Shut up Hojo.
Vincent: Imbecile. You are a psycho.
Hojo: Interesting.
Cloud: Vincent! I have a tail!
Vincent: That's wonderful Cloud.Cloud? Is that.you?!?
Cloud: (Chasing his tail)
Aeris: I think we are some type of dogs.
Red: I'm not feeling any different.
Barret: Uhh.? We're dogs?!?
Hojo: (Laughing at the barks of his new furry friends) Hehe.Interesting.
Vincent: (Draws breath to scream another insult but, when he screams fire blows from his nose) That was new.
Red: Change them back Hojo!
Hojo: No. Rufus got rid of all my animals. He's such a bunny hugger. I have no money for any so I made my own. Is that a crime?
Red: Yes!
Hojo: Well, I don't care. You are now property of me.
Vincent: But that's not fair.
(Everyone that now speaks K9 barks and growls with the exception of Cloud who still hasn't lost interest in his tail.)
Hojo: 11:30. I'd better go. See you my specimens. (He leaves while everyone talks amongst themselves)
Red: This sucks! Cid: It's cold. I wanna go home. Tifa: My hair is a mess. Yuffie: How can you tell? Aeris: I'm going to bed. Barret: Hey Vincent. It's not that bad. Vincent: (Crying) I'm ugly! Cloud: My flea friends don't think you are. Tifa: (Wagging tail) No Vince, you are a very handsome uh.thing. Vincent: I hate Hojo. Cloud: Hey Vincent? Vincent: (Looks at him) Cloud: I think you're pretty! Vincent: Thanks.(Stretches his wings and curls up next to Aeris.)
(Everyone else does the same with the exception of Cloud because of his fleas. Morning eventually comes and everyone is still asleep when Hojo arrives.)
Hojo: It's a wonderful day in Hojo's lab, a wonderful day in Hojo's lab.(It's the Mr. Rogers tune. Goes up to the cage and the nearest one to the door is Cloud, who is wagging his tail and making odd noises in his sleep. Grabs Cloud from the enclosure and puts a blanket over the top of the cage, leaving the others to sleep.) Hello Cloud.
Cloud: (Wakes up in Hojo's arms in alarm and realizes where he is. He is prepared to howl but, before he can, Hojo hands him something to eat.)
Hojo: (Placing Cloud on the table in the center of the room.) You are truly a catch. An amazing specimen.
Cloud: (In dog) I gotta gooooo!!!
Hojo: Quiet!
Cloud: (Whines, jumps off the table, and runs for the door) Wee-wee.
Hojo: Get back here! (Runs after him and grabs him. Carries Cloud back to the table) STAY!
Cloud: I gotta goooooooooo!!!! (Howls)
Hojo: STOP IT! (Grabs him) Shut up!
Cloud: (Can't hold it in any longer and relieves himself all over Hojo's lab coat. Sighs happily) Ahhh.
(Suddenly, there is a banging at the door.)
Hojo: (Puts Cloud on the center lab table and answers the door revealing a cheerful Sephiroth.)
Seph: It's my birthday. WHADDYA GET ME?!?
Hojo: (Remembering the last birthday of Sephiroth's he had forgotten) It's...a.surprise??
Seph: (Puts hand on Masamune) Of course! (Angrily) I know YOU wouldn't forget. So.Where's my surprise? (Looks around)
Hojo: It's a.um.(Sweatdrop)
Cloud: (Sniffs the air and howls)
Seph: (Eyes light up) You got me a doggy!
Hojo: (Nervous) Uh..Yeah! A doggy!
Seph: (Runs up to Cloud and squeezes him) Mine mine mine!! Thank you Hojo.
Hojo: Your wel-(Mind grabs him-"Hojo don't let him take off that collar!") Uh.Sephiroth?
Seph: (Snuggling Cloud) Yase?
Hojo: He uh.Came with a free collar. Yeah! That's it a collar in case he gets lost.
Seph: (Holding onto Cloud who is trying to contact his friends) K. Bye. (Walks out the door with a squealing Cloud)
Hojo: That was close. Oh well.
Seph: (Arrives at his house.)
Cloud: (Decides to make the best of being the precious pet of a megalomaniac and goes to find Seph's room so he can soil the carpet but, before he can, Seph scoops him up.)
Seph: You need a name.
Cloud: I have a name. It's Cloud.
Seph: Please be quiet. I am thinking. (Puts Cloud on his lap and pets him) Hmmm...Oh. Let's see if you are a boy or a girl. That will help. (Grabs the struggling Cloud)
Cloud: Noooooo! Stop! I feel so exposed!
Seph: You're a boy!
Cloud: Well duh!
Seph: I'm sorry. You didn't like that.
Cloud: Would you?!?
Seph: A name.Hmmm.You are kinda yellow. I'll call you Sunny!
Cloud: MY NAME IS CLOUD!!!
Seph: (Dorky voice) That's a good dog. (Puts Cloud down and goes to find his new pet something to eat.
Cloud: I feel so violated.
Seph: SUNNY! Come here!
Cloud: (Turns around and bellows) My name is CLOUD!
Seph: Here. (Places a plate of cut up meat on the floor) Eat.
Cloud: (Approaches it and sits down in front of it. Begins to eat while keeping an eye on Sephiroth who is leaning over him smiling.)..creepy..(shudders)
(While this is happening other things are going on at Hojo's lab. Everyone is waking up)
Tifa: (Stretching and yawning) Good morning. Cid: (Sniffing through the covering on the cage) I'm so hungry. Yuffie: I gotta pee! Barret: Shut up. Aeris: (Stretches and shakes sending brown hair into the air) I wish I knew what we are. Red: You are sheep dogs.fluffy and furry.
Cid: (Poking Vincent) Hey.Wake up. (Bites him)
Vincent: (Springs to his feet and opens his mouth to scream but when he screams fire blows out of his ears) Owwww!!!
Hojo: (Lifts off the tarp and opens a panel on the cage that leads out to a yard. Laughs a little then mutters something about coffee and walks away)
(They all walk out to find food and bushes in an enclosed yard with a thin screen over the top. There is no escape)
Cid: Is that food?
Yuffie: (Sigh of relief) Stop looking at me Red!
Red: But you have no form. (Shows Yuffie the proper "form")
Vincent: (Spreads his wings and flaps. Manages to get about three feet off the ground before he falls)
Barret: Hey! Did anybody see fleabag this morning?
( Everyone looks around)
Cid: Hey, where did Cloud go?
( Hojo is now staring at them through the bars of the cage, giggling with a creepy smile across his face.)
Red: Hojo where is Cloud!?!
Hojo: hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Vincent: ( Prepares to scream, and when he does fire shoots out of his butt. He turns and looks behind himself) I need to fix that..( Faces Hojo) Where's Cloud!
Red: What is wrong with you?
Tifa: Tell him we are upset! Cid: This tastes like dog food.. Barret: Foo! It is dog food. Vincent: ( smiling) I kinda like it.
Hojo: HAHAHER! My, so much to study. ( looks at names on a clip board) Vincent do that again( Vincent sits down and shakes his head) Why you little.
Aeries: Cloud where are you? (howls)
( At Seph's house Cloud has finished the chicken and is now drinking a bowl of orange soda.)
Seph: ( Picks up Cloud and walks to sit on his couch) Wanna watch T.V. Sunny?
Cloud: Put me down. No! I want soda. (stares at dish on the floor) So close yet so far!
Seph: Wow! you wanna watch T.V. to? We have so much in common, I just know we are gonna be best friends.
Cloud: (struggles) errrrr, I hate you, you.you..ASSHOLE!
(Seph starts to scratch Cloud's back and Cloud rolls over )
Cloud: Oh my God I think I'm gay
Seph: ( smiles) you like that don't you boy!
Cloud: Ummm... You're enjoying this too much
Seph: I JUST LOVE MY SUNNY (squeezes Cloud)
Cloud: ( is being chocked) can't...breath.. (After several hours of cartoons Sephiroth has fallen asleep on the couch and Cloud has managed to escape his death grip)
Cloud: wow I thought I was gonna need the jaws of life..hmmmm...(sniffs) (walks down the hallway) sniff.(sniffs each door) no.no. bingo...( Cloud defiles Sephiroth's bathroom carpet than soils his slippers.) (He than finds Sephiroth's room and makes himself comfy on Seph's bed.)
(Cloud wakes up to an angry Seph holding a magazine rolled up in his hand.)
Cloud: (Yawning) Hi Seph.Hope you like the gift. It was nothing really. Seph: BAD DOG! Bad Sunny! (Grabs Cloud by the tail.) BAD!
Cloud: Hey! Let go!
(Seph gives Cloud three hard smacks on the bottom than walks out of the room.)
Cloud: Owwww.! (Whines) Asshole! (Follows Seph. He finds him sitting on the couch.) That asshole! What the f- (Sephiroth grabs him and hugs him.)
Seph: Oh Sunny! You are so loyal.You came to say sorry.
Cloud: No, I came to say I have your guts.
Seph: Awww! (Making stupid faces and playing with Cloud's cheeks.) Who's the best doggy in the world? You are! Yes you are! Yes you are! Cloud: What is your problem?!?
Seph: (Notices something in Cloud's fur.) Huh??? OH NO! My doggy woggy has fleas! Cloud: Doggy woggy? (He carries Cloud to the bathroom.)
Cloud: Dude.Don't even think about it.
Seph: C'mon Sunny. Sit! (Puts Cloud in the tub and grabs the shampoo. He then proceeds to turn the water on.)
Cloud: Holy crap! He's serious! (Struggles to escape but Seph grabs him.)
Seph: It's not that bad. C'mon Sunny. (Grabs that shampoo and holds it over Cloud.)
Cloud: (Howls) NOOOOOOooooOOOOOOoooOOOOOooooooOO..!!!!!
Seph: (Squeezes shampoo on Cloud and rubs it in.) That's a good boy Sunny.
Cloud's Fleas: Noooooo!
Seph: (Rinsing Cloud) I'll get my hairbrush and a towel. (Walks away.)
Cloud: (Wet and crying) It's over.I'm gonna be clean for the rest of my life.No more mud.No more nothin'.
Seph: (Begins to dry Cloud with a towel. Begins to speak in a stupid voice) Now that wasn't so baaaad.
(At Hojo's lab)
Red: There has to be a way out of here.
Vincent: (Looking around) There!
Tifa: We can't reach it.(Staring forlornly at an air vent.)
Barret: ALERT! Hojo's a'comin!
Red: Quick! Dog stuff!
(All proceed to do dog thing [No child not that.You have a sick mind.] as Hojo walks in.)
Hojo: Hello mongrels. (All of them look up as if surprised.) I brought you something!
Yuffie: (Inquisitive sound) For me? Barret: I don't want it. Vincent: .! Cid: Please be a TV! Tifa: I'd like a brush. Aries: I don't care anymore.
Hojo: I brought you this!
Red: (Gasps) A rope toy! (Eyes light up.)
Barret: What the hell is that?!
Vincent: It's a.uh.a jiggiemathing?
Cid: You're a jiggiemathing! Vincent: (Walks away sadly.) You.You hurt my feelings. Yuffie: I don't care! IT'S MINE! Aries: I have no purpose. Who cares anymore? Tifa: (Watching Aries and Vincent mope.) Wow.This is getting to them. Barret: They's gonna need some serious therapy after this one. (Chuckles) Cid: DAMNIT! No TV.I hate you! Hojo: Oh! They must like it! Hahahahahaha. (Walks away with Cid barking vicious profanity at him.) Tifa: (Walks up to Vincent.) Oh Vinnie you lovely.uh..thing. (Vincent looks up at her.) Could you fly up there and open the vent?
Vincent: No. Tifa: Why not? Vincent: Because I suck.Now go away. Yuffie: Oh well.(Walks over to Vincent.) I guess we'll be here forever and ever and ever and- Vincent: I'LL GO! (Clumsily flies up and tries to open the vent. It is locked. He opens his mouth to scream profanity at it and fire blasts out melting the vent.) Well.I'm not complaining.
Red: Vincent go through and find a way to get us out! Vincent: Oh.I.(Walks into the vent.) (At Seph's House) Cloud: Where is he.I'm hungry damnit. (Looks at a window to see a fenced yard and a lovely garden.)
Seph: (Sees Cloud looking out the window.) Sunny, you wanna go out?
Cloud: (Turns around to see Seph in full gardening gear; pink straw hat, gloves, etc.) How queer are you? Oh yes, I'm hungry. Which means I need food.
Seph: OK. We'll go out. (Picks up Cloud who just rolls his eyes.)
Cloud: Hmm. Not bad. (Sees a stick laying on the grass.) Oooh.Something to chew! (Picks it up)
Seph: Sunny wants to play fetch. (Takes the stick.)
Cloud: Hey that's mine. (Forgets about the stick and happily chews a rock.)
Seph: (Throws the stick.) Go get it Sunny. Go boy.Go Sunny. (Looks and sees Cloud contentedly eating his rock. Takes it.)
Cloud: AHHHH! Whenever I find happiness you screw it up. (Gets to his feet.) Sephiroth you're an asshole! And I hate you! (Cloud takes a step and then yelps as a piece of glass drives into his paw.)
Seph: Nooo! Sunny! (Grabs the yelping Cloud and runs to his car to rush him to the vet.)
(Back at Shinra labs)
Vincent: (At the end of the vent system.) Where am I? (Pushes out the vent finding himself in another office.) Dude.Nice digs.
(The doorknob to the office turns and in walks Rufus with some save the whales posters. He sees Vincent and gasps.)
Vincent: Uh.Woof, bark, meow. Rufus: Oh you poor creature. Who did this to you? Vincent: Woof, Hojo, bark. Rufus I told him no more animals! Come poor creature. Vincent: Sure! I mean.Bark, woof, chirp. (At Midgar Veterenary Clinic) Seph: Can you save him doctor? MD: Yeah. Does he have all his vaccinations? Seph: Uhh.? MD: No? Has he had a basic check-up yet? Seph: No. Cloud: (Squeeling) Oh sweet squirrels! There are so many sharp, pointy objects.! MD: (Grabs Clouds foot and removes the glass. He then proceeds to wrap his paw.) All fixed Tiger.
Cloud: My. Name. Is. CLOUD! You stupid son of a- (Seph grabs him in tears.) Oh please.
Seph: YOUR SAFE!
MD: Mr. Sephiroth we are going to give Sunny his basic check-up and vaccinations.
Seph: (Places Cloud on the table.) Stay Sunny. (Holds Cloud in place as the veterinarian comes toward him.) Good dog.
MD: Alright Mr. Sephiroth, hold him tight. (Grabs a needle and continues to advance on Cloud.)
Cloud: No.Stop! (Howls) Ahhhh! (Thrashes wildly and escapes Seph's grasp) Hah! (Jumps off the examination table, landing hard on his injured paw.) Owww.(Falls to his side and his world becomes on of painless darkness.)
(Meanwhile Rufus is being led by Vincent through the labs.)
Rufus: (In front of the cage.) That crazy dipshit! What would the people of PETA say? (Tries to unlock the cage.)
Vincent: (Pointing at the controls by the cage.) Dude.(Rufus stares at him.) Woof.
Rufus: Oh.
Vincent: (Mumbling) Dumbass.
Rufus: (Presses some buttons opening the cage.) You're free little woodland creatures! Free! (Bends down and removes Vincent's collar.) Freedom little squirrel! (Rufus's eyes widen like tea cups as Vincent changes back into himself.) HOLY SHIT! (Passes out.)
Vincent: .! (Turns to open the cage.) Whatever.
(At Seph's house)
Seph: (Hugging a drugged out Cloud.) I love you! I'm so sorry that hurt you!
Cloud: (Can't see straight.) It's alright asshole.Dude it's not everyday that you can hear colors and see sound.
Seph: (Walks down his driveway to his house, first correcting his lawn flamingos and various other lawn ornaments that have been attacked by local hoodlums. He begins to mutter in a dark scary voice.) Hoodlums.You will pay!! (Light, gay voice.) In community service! (Previous dark scary voice.) AND BLOOD!
Cloud: (Sniffing Seph's hair) I smell nice.Oh wait...Huh?
Seph: (Takes Cloud inside and lays him down to sleep.) Damn hoodlums.(Walks outside with a box of plastic lawn gnomes.)
(Meanwhile all the others are out of dog form and heading home.)
Tifa: Eww! I smell like a dog.
Red: (Sniffs her.) It's an enchanting smell.
Tifa: Get away from me.
Barret: We missed two days of TV.
Cid: There goes the weekend.
Yuffie: We gotta find Cloud.
Vincent: We should check Seph's house.
Tifa: Didn't he move? Vincent do you have his new address?
Vincent: .!
Tifa: Vincent.Is that a no?
Vincent: (Nods) .!
Barret: Damnit stop doing that!
Vincent: (Stares at Barret) .!
Barret: AHHHH!!!
Tifa: We'll ask where he moved from his old address.
(They go to Seph's old house. There are some lawn flamingos laying on their sides in the front yard. There is also a tombstone that reads: "Here lie my lawn dwarfs and plastic squirrels killed in the Great Hoodlum Massacre.")
Vincent: (Staring at the bloody, burned house.) Let's ask the neighbors.(Walks next door. The sign on the house reads: "Home of Edward Hau Wong Pepelu Tivrusky the Fourth.") Whatever.
(They ring the door and wait a couple seconds before the door is thrown open by a crazy looking orange haired young girl..or is it a boy?)
Ed: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Vincent: ...!
Ed: Can Ed help you?!?
Vincent: Uh.Do you know where Seph is?
Ed: Moved, moved, moved away! To a new place! He killed the hoodlums. (Smiles insanely.) Lots of blood, blood, blood. THEN FIRE! Made Ed feel sick.
Vincent: (Takes a few steps back.) Uh.Do you have his new address?
Ed: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Yes, yes, yes!! Okey dokey! Edward will go get it! (Runs inside the house.)
Vincent: ..! I'm afraid..
Ed: (The door flies open again and the hyperactive thirteen year old pops back out) AHHHHH!
Vincent: .! What the hells wrong with you?!?
Ed: Edward does not know.(Blank stare)
Vincent: You are so damn weird!
Ed: (Eyes begin to tear up and get all wobbly.) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!
Vincent: Sorry! Sorry! Don't cry! (He wants the address.)
Ed: (Happy again.) Address, address, address! (Hands them a piece of paper with some writing on it) Say hi for Edward!
Vincent: Ok.Bye?!?
Ed: (Waving) BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
(At Seph's house)
Cloud: (Walking around the kitchen.) I haven't seen asshole for hours.Or anyone else.Mabye I'm dead! I do remember falling.(Looks around) HEY!! Since I'm dead I can walk through walls! (Runs toward a wall and slams into it head first).I.guess.that.means.I'm not.de- (Promptly passes out.)
Seph: (Comes home several hours later with a friend.) SUNNY!
Cloud: (Is startled awake.) THE HELL?!?!?!?!
Seph: (Grabs him in a strangling hug.) Doggis!
Ed: Ahhhhhhhhhh! Dog, dog, dog! (Reaches to pet Cloud.)
Seph: MINE! You can pet him later!
Ed: OKAY! (Looks at her non-existant watch.) Edwards must go! (Wanders out.)
(Meanwhile Tifa, Vincent, Barret, Red, Yuffie, and Cid are walking over to Seph's.)
Vincent: (Stops, staring at a hyperactive Edward skipping towards them.) .!
Ed: HIYA!
Vincent: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Shrinks down with his hands over his ears.) Recurring nightmare, recurring nightmare.I'M STRONGER THAN YOUUUU! (Starts to cry.)
Ed: Uh.Okay.(Continues to skip away from them.)
Tifa: (Looking at Vincent.) You okay?
Vincent: (Looks at her).!
Barret: Damnit stop doin' that!
Vincent: (Looks at Barret.).!
Barret: (Gets angry.) Damnit vampy, I'm gonna kick your ass! Stop doing that!
Vincent: I'm NOT a vampire!
Red: (Sniffing at him) You smell like one.
Vincent: The hell! No I don't!
Cid: C'mon Vincent! Who're you trying to fool! We found you in a box!
Tifa: He's got a point there.
(Everyone but Yuffie is now in an argument)
Seph: (Walking out of his house with Cloud on a leash.) Want to go to the park Sunny?
Cloud: No asshole! I want to- (Sees everyone.) The have come to save ME! YAAAAAAAAA! (Howls)
Yuffie: Guys.(Isn't heard.) GUYS! (Still isn't heard) OH MY GAWD! LOOK THE BACKSTREET BOYS! (All of them stop fighting to look around.)
Aries: Hey! Yuffie!
Yuffie: Cloud's over there you guys!
Vincent: SEPH! Wait!
Seph: (Turns around at the sound of his name.) Huh?
Tifa: (Walks over to Seph.) Hi Sephy. (Hugs him.)
Seph: T-T-Tifa you're.I love you too!
Tifa: (Thinking: Don'tpukedon'tpukedon'tpuke.) Nice dog Seph.
Aries: (Grab's Cloud's collar.) Here you go. (Takes it off and and Cloud changes back to his human self right in front of Seph. As Seph see's this he begins to scream.)
Cloud: YES! I'm not fuzzy anymore! (Does victory pose.)
Seph: (Looking somewhat traumatized and confused.) Cloud.Where's my dog?
Cloud: I was your dog.
Seph: My.Cloud?
Cloud: I'm not a dog anymore. (Big stupid smile.)
Seph: Where's my dog? (Looks to be on the verge of tears.)
Tifa: (She recounts the events of the past few days.) .So, Cloud was Sunny the whole time.
Seph: I.(His eyes darken and he begins to emit an aura of anger and evilness.)
Vincent: We're leaving.
Barret: I'm going to the movies. Wanna come Seph?
Seph: No. I must kill Hojo. Mabye Later.
Vincent: Whatever.
Cid: How come I didn't get to talk at all? THIS SUCKS!
Aeris: Yeah! This sucked!
Ed: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
(Everyone screams loudly at the appearance of the slightly frightening child.)
Ed: That's the end, end, end, end!
THE END!
Red: Hello loyal readers.Remember this story the next time you decide to fix your dog! Some day it may be you!
Ed: HELLO, HELLO, HELLO!
Red: AHHH! GETTA AWAY!
So.Did you like it? Leave me a review if you did! THANK YOU!!!