A/N:

Sooo...yeah. Putting up 13 one-shots of how a cat might die. Yes, suicide is highly unlikely, but so is a blind cat seeing starry cats in his dreams and being able to tell exactly what another cat is feeling, so sue me.

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This is my last resort…

"Jump higher next time." The same old snapping voice of my father, my mentor. I jumped as high as I could and tried to catch the bird, but it wasn't good enough. It was never good enough for my father.

"I tried!" I protested, but this only earned me a slash on the cheek from his unsheathed claws. I turned and gazed angrily at him, but kept my head and tail low as I scampered back to camp. He saw this as a sign of obedience.

I saw this as acting like a witless dog.

"You got hurt again?" The medicine cat, Rosefire, complained. She didn't know. No one did. No one knew what my father put me through, but since he was the leader and I his son, if I merely said 'I got hurt', they would take it as a suitable answer. No one question the claw marks, they thought I was just like my father, probably picking on loners and rogues and only receiving a scratch.

I hated my father, but perhaps hated my clan-mates for not seeing me for me.

I snarled in response, and Rosefire muttered under her breath, "Just like his father." I let her get away with thinking I didn't hear her. She was a mouse-brain, just like every other cat in this Clan, and couldn't see past her nose.

What a fool.

She put cobwebs on my cheek to stop the bleeding, and cleaned the wound. The only thing I could recognize in the den was cobwebs though; I was only trained as a warrior and a warrior alone. Father taught me nothing else.

"Well, off you go." She meowed with fake-cheeriness, shooing me out of her den. Did she actually think that I couldn't tell she hated me? Everyone hated me. I was "my father's son", and my father killed the previous leader to get the position he holds now. He has no deputy, but everyone suspects he'll end up choosing me, his spawn.

I could care less either way.

I walked away from the den and snatched up a rabbit from the fresh-kill pile. Father would be coming into the clearing soon, and he said he never wanted to see my face inside camp unless I was in the "miserable apprentice's den". I had told him that he slept in a miserable death bed of the past leader and I ended up in the medicine cat's den for a moon. But hey, the look on his face was completely worth it. It felt good to defy him… But I didn't so much anymore. I was ten moons old, I had endured a long ten-moons of torture from him, and I knew now that he would not stop at torturing me—one day he might really kill me.

As I brought the rabbit into the apprentice's den, I though quietly, Not that I care if I die. I just don't want to die at his claws.

As expected, when I entered with the rabbit, the other three apprentices of the Clan moved out of my way, and far away. One actually got up and stalked out of the den. I recognize him; Flamepaw. My father killed his mother, and one of his followers killed his sister. Not that I cared, really. I had pretty much lost all emotions but hate and anger by now.

I quickly ate the rabbit, then pushed the bones to the side. I heard the other apprentices talking once, saying this was a way of ticking them off. In all truth, I don't care what they think of me, or if they're ticked off or not. When they looked at me they saw the evil Cloudstar. I was not my own cat, I was seen as the follower… not Talonpaw, but a cat to be feared.

Or maybe I am to be feared. They say too much hate can be no good, and this certainly can't be a healthy amount of hate. Hahaha, so funny.

I closed my eyes and welcome sleep, the only time of day that I could be alone.

CUT MY LIFE INTO

xPiEcEsx

I woke up the next day very early in the morning. The other apprentices were still sleeping, and it was still slightly dark out. I slid out of the den and opened my jaws to taste the morning air. My mother, Silentfang, had told me that the air of the early morning was better than any other time of day. I agreed with her, as I did about everything.

But she's gone now. She got between my father and I—she tried to protect me. He killed her swiftly, and I've been left to face him alone. It… it scares me, to think that every day there will be more pain, and one day I will die at the paws of a tainted leader, not in a battle against another clan, where an honorable warrior defending their clan will kill me.

In the end, though, I really don't have any ideas for what I wish to do for my Clan in the future because… I don't see a future for me.

"You're up early."

I recognized the voice of him immediately. I ducked my head and flattened my ears, not having to look to know he was padding out of his den, walking slowly towards me, letting me savoring the fear of the pain he would surely give me. I was vaguely aware of a yawn come from inside the apprentice's den behind me, not caring to concentrate on the first possible witness to the wrath I had endured my whole life, the wrath that had killed my beloved mother.

A sharp pain interrupted my thoughts, slicing through my head. I wanted to wail but I held my tongue as I was sent across about a foxtail of ground, and I stumbled, trying to stand up. If I stayed down he would see it as too weak for his liking, would cause more hurt. I hate the hurt.

I felt blood drip somewhere on the side of my head, near my left eye, but I made no move of protest as he snarled at me,

"If you're awake early, you should bring back twice the amount of prey today, yes? Go on, get moving."

Ears still flat and head still down, I hurriedly rushed out of the Camp, my head still bleeding.

XsuffocationX

xNOBREATHINGx

I kept trying to catch prey, but the throbbing in my head kept throwing me off. Eventually I caught a mouse, but 'twice the amount' meant about eight pieces of prey. I didn't think of that much, though. I thought about the yawn.

At first I hadn't cared that someone in the apprentice's den must have witnessed a short spurt of his wrath. But then my head started to ease a little, and I realized, another apprentice witnessed it.

Yet made no move to help.

I almost let out a shrill cry of distress. Everyone had given up, there was no more fight against my father. I would forever be my father's son, and one day… one day I might actually turn into him, might lead the Clan like him, be feared like him, kill like him. It wasn't a slim chance. One day I would surely snap completely—one day I would be more than broken, I would be lifeless and with the need to torment and kill.

Such thoughts filled me with more fear and anger than when my father gave me hurt, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it….

Or was there?

I gazed out at the lake, saw how it shimmered in t he morning light. My head stopped throbbing, but I had lost a lot of blood. I would never be able to bring back enough prey in time, and I would be beaten again… except this time might be like one of his full-wraths, where he tore at my skin, and drove a single claw down my tail. I had many, many scars… I endured his wrath, but for what? For the chance to live? I already realized several times with less and less fear that I didn't care if I died, as long as it wasn't my father that killed me…

How beautiful the lake shined in this early morning. I decided I might go for a little swim in such a beautiful lake, where I could forget about my worries, my hurt, my anger, my hate… I could forget about my life, and drift away…

Cut my life into pieces

This is my last resort

Suffocation

No breathing

Don't give a fuck if I

Cut my arm bleeding